Your so busy worrying and talking about your ex wife that I suspect you still have feelings for her. I have never seen someone talk about their ex as much as you do.

perhaps it's the muzzle?

I do have feelings for my ex, it is hate. She is evil. I am only asking an honest question here, I am curious why the difference. I give my wife everything she wants. I would give my life for my my wife, the difference I see is that she does not take advantage of me.

If you're happily married, why all this hate for your ex? Just move on and forget about it. You're not married to her anymore so be happy. Let it go.

Gary,

Hate for an ex is love that has disappointed you. You need some counseling. I don't hate my ex, I don't love him, I have no feelings because I don't care any more. I have moved on to greener pastures.

If my husband spent this much time dwelling on his ex I would get so freaking sick of it that it would eventually lead to problems. Can't you move on????

I would like to point out that I have custody of my 14 year old son from my previous marriage and he has type I diabetes. I do not receive child support and she refuses to even help with the medical bills. My son loves my wife now and thinks of her as his mother. We have a six month old baby and and my son loves him like he was 100% brother. He doesn't even like to call his real mom. The only time his real mom sees him is if I make him go, she never makes the effort to come see him.

And your point of telling is this is??

Care to pass me some of that popcorn, Charles?

I have moved on and I never talk about her, I only brought her up because I am curious why the difference in women from other cultures.

just a little background so that women don't think I don't understand thier side of things. It isn't just mothers that have to deal with being a single parent and having to work and put up with a deadbeat parent.

My ex was a deadbeat parent too. I prefer to dwell on what I have now, a kind loving sweet husband rather than waste my time, energy and emotion on hate. Love feels so much better than hate.

My point exactly. People look to other cultures for a spouse because they don't like what they have experienced here in the US. We all have horror stories about relationships with people from our same culture and this is what compelled us to look elsewhere.

Again, I dont see this thread as 'bashing' our husbands nor as 'whining'. No matter what culture or country our VJ significant other comes from we all know that adjustment is hard. and there ARE some adjustment issues that are more region and culture specific. I guess I just dont think that sharing our experiences so that other people can learn a little is bashing. My husband is here for 3 and a half years now so yes, I think I can offer some insight into 'stumbling blocks' we encountered and maybe give a heads up to the people still waiting to get to that point. How is that whining and bitching?

ETA: I didnt 'look' for an overseas spouse. I met someone and fell in love.

Like I said before, I don't dwell on it. I only brought it up to see why the differences. I don't feel anything for my ex, not even hate. I do feel dissapointment because of the damage she has done to my son.

It's a difference in women not the culture in which the woman was brought up in.

Have you only had the one romantic experience with American women? Do you have an American mother? Was she awful too? Are all American women you've dealt with a nightmare?

Be thankful that you really don't have to deal with your ex. She has basically signed your son over to you. That's a blessing. You could be in court fighting over custody. IMO your son is more valuable than any money she can give you.

Gary you don't understand. I, and many other women here did not purposely go out to different cultures because we had a bad experience with one of our own. It just happened. You stated earlier on this thread that you hate your ex and now you say you don't feel anything, not even hate. I also have children that have been badly damaged by my ex.

I think you are a good guy that has been hurt. I am so sorry about that. It happens to many people. It's not fair and it's not right, but in the end they will have to be the one facing God to explain why they did what they did.

I hope you don't rehash your marriage with your wife and son, that would cause damage as well.

My American mother is wonderful! My wife now is alot like her in that family comes first, love your husband and take care of him. I have had many relationships with American women before my ex but after her I was alone for 10 years and didn't date. My ex threatens me all the time she is going to take him away. She tells my son that i will ignore him now that I am married again, she said that we would put him second to our new baby. She constantly trys to poison him against us. I do have a daughter with her also who she would not give me custody. She did send her to live with me just before I got married hoping that two kids would scare my wife away but my wife loves them the same as if they were her own. My ex took my daughter back when she saw that my wife was so good with the children. I get my daughter every other weekend and all holidays and vacations. I PAY MY CHILD SUPPORT for my daughter. My daughter would do anything to be with me but my ex told her it would be over her dead body before she would give up her to me. The big mistake I made was that when I got my daughter just before I got married I didn't sue for custody then. My wife wishes I did and wants me to hire a lawyer to get custody. She agrees my ex is el diablo

1. Sharing possible cultural hang-ups is not b*tching or whining or degrading the other person. It is far more likely for epople within a similar language and culture group to share similar experiences as well. This is probably why Bridget didn't go post this in the Euro forum. As to why it's women and their husbands, most people on here are women. So unless any of us women managed to get a wife and bring her over, I seriously doubt you'll hear a lot about what foreign wives do in here.

2. Some of us actually weren't looking for a foreign (or any) spouse. Some of us did kind of a normal thing like meet at work or through mutual friends. Imagine that! Meeting in real life, falling in love the normal way, then getting married. Crazy.

3. When you said American women had cut the b*lls off of American men, does that include yourself as lacking these items? And your mother (as a remover of these items) if she's American? You shouldn't make generalizations like that (with all or an understood all) unless you really think it applies to every single person in and from the USA. Not only is it not nice or considered mannered behavior, it is also untrue if you can find even one person in the population who does not conform to your statement.

4. As general decorum, it is considered best to not speak repeatedly about your past relationships, personal legal business, and children in public to strangers, especially in a negative light. People can and sometimes will use this kind of information against you later. Moody is right, and you should be glad you have your son. And yep-- it's because Xwife is a biatch End of story.

You seem like a good person. I only used the word hate in an earlier post for the effect. My ex does try to cause problems but my wife is a Saint and understands that my ex is EVIL lol. We dont discuss my ex except when dealing with matters that have to do with the children. My son who is 14 loves his baby brother and said if anything ever happened to us that he would take care of his baby brother but we NEVER want his exposed to my ex so we have to consider this if something were to ever happen to us.

I guess I can understand hard feelings but it's not because she's American. It's because she's a biatch. God makes those in every country.

Thank you for not attacking me. I was only trying to see if I could get some honest answers here from women. I know there are plenty of good and bad women in all cultures. I was hoping for some honest answers so I mike understand women better. It is difficult when you give 100 % and you are given nothing. Maybe I can learn and be better.

How would you women feel if your husbands started a thread "What sucks when I get here" and this is what pisses me off with my American wife?

Perhaps we should have a "Trash the ex" thread. lol I do have to admit that we all need a place to vent rather than take it to the people we are closest too.

And just for the record (like Sara) I didn't go "looking" for a foreign spouse either. Nor did I fall in love with a foreign man because I "didn't like what I'd experienced here in the US."

Perceptions are always fascinating.

Umm...so which is it then? Make up your mind already and stop derailing this thread.


-P

I would love insite from the men who have been here for a while.




no kiddin' this aint the "counsel talbert" thread.

The thread is not called "what pisses me off about my "Arab" husband". It's about adjustment issues not issues with Arab men specifically. It just so happens that the OP has an Arab husband. Most of the complaints haven't been culture specific.

I'm sure the men have plenty of complaints about what sucks when they get here. They're just not as vocal on VJ as we are.

I know for a fact that the women that come here have a hard time of adjusting. My brother married a Filipino woman and she was terribly homesick and sad for a long time. She is a very sweet lady, but my brother and I had a falling out over my fathers sickness and eventual death, so we don't speak any more. I hope she has adjusted now.

For the record, I have seen plenty of threads on VJ made by men about their foreign wives. This is not an usual subject to discuss on VJ.

Well, no one has started a thread about what pisses them off about their Arab spouse, nor is anyone even venting about that. I suggest you re-read.

I'd actually love to know what sucks the most for the Arab husbands who come over here. Then we could either be better prepared or try to minimize their transitions. Marriage and love are about compromise and working together, and that includes figuring out what sucks for the other person and trying to help. I doubt I am alone in wishing we knew that ahead of time.

Nope, you are not alone.

sure. i've been on another computer so i'm just now catching up.

I think a lot of us ask around and try to figure out where the hitches were (like this thread), and then from that added to our personal knowledge of the individual involved... we try to guess and prepare for what we think MAY happen. Sometimes we're right, sometimes we're wrong. Lotsof us try to focus on re-creating a "home" for the individual on the get-go, although some of that just cannot be done-- especially when they are moving into an established household with almost nothing of their own. I would think that is one thing that kind of sucks for some people, but it may not matter to others. Some individuals may prefer to try to "build something together" and others probably would love to be in charge of building their own Also I think lots of time moving to a new country you'll tend to catch a couple of colds or get kind of sick from a change in environment/viruses/bacteria/etc. That probably sucks I got that advice from a friend, and so I had stocked up on some cold medicines and OTC stuff of all kinds, just in case.

First let me clue you into something. Many women from other cultures do dastardly things to American Men. Take a hop skip and a stroll over to some of the other threads and you will see South American , Russian, Chinese you name it taking American men for greencard rides up and down the street. I personally have watched several south American women in the area that I live in in Florida make a laughing stock of their American husbands. Its not about culture. Its about UPBRINGING and to catagorize all American women as bad because you got taken for a ride is horrible. You are painting all women from MEXICO as saintlike and great moms and that just is not the case. You could have just as easily ended up with a former prostitute who stole all your money and waited out her AOS period and latered you.

I watch these threads started by these men that somehow think all RUSSIANS are saints. I got to the point that I just pointed out that most of the prostitutes working in UAE . Abu Dhabi and Dubai are from the FSU. The problem with prostitution of the FSU countries has become so severe that you really do not know WHAT or WHO you are marrying when you marry a woman from a foreign country. At least with an American you can run a background check. Can you do that with a foreign wife? Do you really know where she has been all the years before you knew her...The same thing stands with South America and Mexico. Do you really know the woman you marry as well as you could know an American? Just wondering.

The arrogance of some of the American men marrying foreign women astounds me. You do not have to BASH american women to point out the positives in your wife. American women also have to put up with being expected to work full time and raise kids and do everything else while alot of American men would put us out to work like farm hands and abuse the crap out of us and then when you finally get your wife toy from overseas, you baby them. If I could sit on my ### and raise kids and not pull in a paycheck, I would be miss perfect too. The biggest problem with american women is our MEN. They want everything, give very little back, offer no romance or love story and then whine that we don't do what foreign women do. We don't get the chance to. We have to build your life on our backs,break our lives in half, raise your children for you to turn around and say we are not feminine or submissive enough. Who the hell is paying the bills while we are submissive. Not a damn person.... I do not blame you for looking overseas but most women do not start out their relationships bitter. We start out with dreams and needs.... and unlike most of my friends who just put up with the beer bellies and no personality red neck antics, we went else where too. Just like you

Sorry mena girls if my post offends anyone...

I like honest answers. That is all I asked.

Julianna, you seem very nice and you are not complaining but pointing out difficulties.

I did read the thread all the way through and several women did say this is what makes me angry or bothers me. I thought the thread would point out what the difficulties were on the guys when they got here and had to adjust, not what bothered the wives.

Well Galby,

I think if I would have met an American in the last 4 years that moved my heart, I would have married him. My husband is NOT WITHOUT FAULTS and I get mad at him and we have issues like anyone else. Culture plays a big role. I remember he told me a long drawn story about how his brother was taking advantage of him and did this that and this and that and I told him to tell his brother to shut up. He said WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT? THIS IS MY BROTHER. DO NOT TELL MY BROTHER TO SHUT UP. I said I didnt tell your brother to shut up. Then it launched into a whole story about how I would eventually tell his grandmother to shut up and on and on. And I know if I was dealing with an American this would have never become an issue because we would not have had the culture or language barrier to begin with. I have to sometimes watch what I say carefully because to even use the words SHUT UP is a hugggggggggggge story.

But there are other things. Everytime we ate breakfast and he got there before me, he got all my little rolls ready and poured juice for me and got things ready for me. I could not for the life of me ever remember any american man going somewhere before me and getting things ready for me. He also has bought me shoes ( without me asking) and had clothes tailored for me ( linen by a tailor) I never had an American man ever go buy me shoes or clothes or look out for me or worry if I wasnt at home on time . For all his faults , and yes my husband has tons of them, there are some things that have helped me overlook everything that drives me crazy. How upset he gets about his mom..How emotional his whole family is... just who he is...


Everyone has their story Talbert ... sometimes we just have to go down alot of roads to find the ending.. and thank god your american was a mess... you would have never found true love.. You should hope that she finds someone who loves her.. I am sure that would straighten her up...love changes things...

See now, you pissed of Wahrania, and she is raging preggy hormonal.

Wahrania, it is true about the Russian prostitutes in Dubai. MY SIL lived there and said they are everywhere. Imagine one of them hooking up with an American for a visa. Then we would see some hate all Russian women.

I too would like to hear from the guys and what they think about it here.

I am sure there are horible women everywhere.

The OTC idea is fantastic - I always seem to get run-down and sick when I travel long distances like that!! Now if I could just find somthing that cures jet-lag, we'd be all set! (I HATE`that wakeup at 2AM ready to start the day period!!)

Well...I have heard some foreign menor American men talk about their ex american wives as "she was a drunk" or she was "fat and wouldnt lose weight" but I always get a chuckle when they say " she was crazy and she stopped my papers and threw me out of the house and her family were crazy and they came and got her and then they turned me against her and then she started going to all these "american" things and left me at home". OR "I spent all my weekends fishing and I just couldnt understand why she ever wanted to do anything with ME on the weekends and then she left me." DUH> Is it normal -when we bitchy American women are happy when "some of us" DONT get taken for a ride and wreak bitter havoc on people that are HURTING US? I don't know but I kind of like crazy ex wives.. in fact for every crazy ex wife there is a WHOLE STORY about what their passive agressive or whiney male ex did to push them to ride the crazy train.. Oh well. Heres to all the crazy ex wives

Does it suck when they get here? a little...what really sucks is when they leave.

eom

unless of course you are like some people and end up with a much cuter version LOL

I'm sorry he left.