All I hear lately is be prepared, this is the hard part, etc.

So...since a lot of us are having our reunions this month, why don't you seasoned gals/guys tell us the REAL DEAL Kind of like when I'm afraid of flying and want to hear about worst case scenarios. Might as well since everyone is giving me this down in the dumps attitude about the whole thing. (not all here but other places as well)

So....I'm all ears. What parts really suck about having them here?

It can be bittersweet. Its great to finally have them here but it doesn't exactly play out the way you see it in the movies. Think of him like a fish out of water. He is getting adjusted to many new things all the while dealing with being homesick. He is going to ask a ton of questions and hopefully you will have the patience to deal with that.

He will want to spend alot of time on the phone talking to family and friends and if he can't find work or isn't allowed to work he is going to get all mopey. Dig deep down and find every single ounce of patience you have because you will need it. Good luck Bridget! Let me know if you need anything!

ADJUSTMENT IS HARD. MINE HAS BEEN HERE A LITTLE OVER 5 MONTHS AND THINGS STILL ARE TAKING TIME. BRIDGET THERE IS ALOT OF HELP AND PPL TO TALK TO IN MENA IN YOU NEED THEM. GOOD LUCK!!

I'm not the best one to comment on this...but I can remember a few ....issues.

Watching them drive off for the first time on their own, might feel like sending a kindergartner to the first day of school. He will probably get lost and call you for directions. Don't panic. Hopefully he will call BEFORE getting to a state line. lol.

Get used to sharing the remote control, the computer and everything in your drawers and cupboards. Be prepared to translate and explain ALOT. They know English...but not slang. Ibrahim is learning the difference between crap, poop and shiite. (Lexy is helping him on this )

Culture shock is not only for him..but you also. Amal has extensive research on this and she is willing to share

having the kitchen rearranged to her liking. now i can't find anything.
things moving from where i put them around the house. i still can't find anything.
being told the cats won't sleep on the bed. yeah right

Let me just say please research culture shock and how to handle people who are IN culture shock. I don't think I handled it the best way and neither did my husband. If you (and your husband) can recognize what it is, and talk it out, it might save you some fights and craziness.

I agree with JP on all things. Be patient with his questions, make sure he understands the answers, and explain things to him he doesn't know to ask about. Try to keep him as busy as possible too!


I wish you the best! Believe it or not, the easiest part is behind you now.

The adjustment is not all rose petals and sunlight. Some of our worst times were in the first 3 months he was here. i grew tired of explaining things and talking at a snails pace.n I got tired of being misunderstood and him getting mad and me having to explain it 18 times until he finally got it. I remember many-a-days where I called upon some of my girls, Jackie, a friend in seattle, jenprincess (used to be on here a lot), and a couple of others coz I was so frustrated that I couldn't see straight anymore.

I have an extremely picky eater so cooking was (and still is) a very touchy issue. We had multiple arguments over how something was cooked OR just what was served in general.

He couldn't understand that my son didn't keep every room in the house spottless at all times and that was very difficult to overcome. I've slowly taught my son to pick up after himself THE SECOND he is done or someones gettin' in trouble.

We had troubles over him not having a car, cell phone, his name on my house, visiting my family... basically every daily living activity was challenging for us for a long time.

Patience is the most important thing to have! I can't stress that enough. 1 thing I learned was not to get hot headed until I spoke to someone that had been thru adjusting before deciding if I was gonna be mad over it or not. It isn't just them adjusting, its the kids and you as well.

Having said that, there are some couples on here who have had a fantastic time from the get-go. Some have had hardly a problem at all. Each relationship is different in how we adjust to each other. Yours may be a walk in the park too, you just never know.

Jackie was right, I have done a lot of research on culture shock on both his side and the american side. If you have ANY problems or ANY questions, please do not be afraid to contact me. It can be a rough ride so don't let that overwhelm you. We're all here for ya girl.

amal

Simply put yes it does suck. I think that after the first week or so wears off it goes downhill for a loooooong time. This is not to say that there are no happy moments but be ready for the bad ones because they are coming. Get ready to:
- Repeat, repeat, repeat everything you say, the girls say, people say, like Jackie said even if they know the language they don't know the slang.

- Get ready not to have a perfect life and for the child/step-parent adjustment. Ours went well at first but I see the issues coming out now.

- Sharing everything. I know you've been independent and done for yourself for a long time and while it is nice to have another responsible adult it's hard to give up a lot of that control. You will want to do a lot for him, to show him the "right" way to do it, I say let him have at it. Help him pick up the pieces if he fails.

-Laziness, I hate to say it really I do but I've seen it. A lot of these guys are not use to the pace of life here and can't imagine squeezing in what we do in one day, in a weeks time. They aren't used to regimented schedules and they don't get it.

- The honey do list isn't going to get done for a good long time - this goes back to the time management issue. I have to laugh at this thought becuase it's been 2 years and now my husband is finally understanding honey-do's.

- The female/male dynamic. Even if your man is the most liberalized Arab/Middle Eastern man on the planet - I swear there are expectations and ideals they hold. Maybe you didn't see them when you were together before but within a month they will rear their ugly head. He will ask you to make and bring him lunch, and other things of this nature. I've found if I just do it it's less struggle. Plus he usually makes up for it some other way later.

- Will post more soon.

yep, yep, and yep... are u sure ur husband and mine aren't related lol!!

LOL maybe - but I think that some people are just more willing to accept and help others realize it's not such a fairy tale *hugs*

I wanna putta reminder out there though, that even though there are days I would love to be over and done, there are more days that I'm happier than I've ever been. I definitely have more good days now than bad BUT in the beginning, it was reversed. I wouldn't trade him for a warm fuzzy dog. He really is worth everything we've been thru together.

amal

i can say just like JP its bittersweet..its definitly not what alot of people think....

expect him to talk to his family at least 3 times a week when he gets here, it will fade down after time, but...those hour long calling card conversations will go on and on....the family will ask about money, work, money, and work...back home mentality is we pick money from trees...so..when their surprised he hasnt saved ten grand in 6 months of getting here, dont be alarmed..something to get use to....

i did also find like amanda....doing something u dont want to, sometimes just makes life easier...and yes, he too makes up for it in the end...but, it was an adjustment for me....

having issues with how much time i spent with my family...this, i nipped in the butt right away....and he eventually got use to it....and now, he adores my family, and they adore him....

language issues when going out....sometimes i still have to stop myself from ordering his dinner at a restaurant or calling ipass or bill people, pretending to be him....i learned to just accept it if he is asked to repeat himself, rather than trying to do everything for him....

yes, watching him drive away for the first time...his first job interview, his first night out with friends...it was like sending a kid to his first day at school....still to this day, i panic if he's late, or doesnt call...i feel like he just doesnt know any better, even though i know he does....worrying waaayyy too much is to be expected....

i, all in all, have been blessed with an amazing man...i know not everyone on here has had the best situation, and i thank god everyday that my husband has shaped into the person he has here, his english is phenomenal, his perspective on "american" life has changed, and he will even eat a box of hamburger helper without complaints....he now accepts things as they are, and has stopped trying to have control or change the things he may not like or approve of...all in all....be patient, things do get better....

I do think its a majority of cases in which adjustment cases some issues in the relationship, but not all. I have not experienced parts of it "sucking" that he is here.

I agree 100% with what Kelly said too. I love my husband to death and it was absolutely worth it but the hair pulling arguments and stress involved are huge!

I too found my husband got upset with the amount of time I spent with my family, but sometimes I think it was really just because he missed his so much - but he wouldn't vocalize that.

That's another thing to get used to - he's not going to tell you exactly what's wrong for a good long time. I learned to ignore him and not keep asking what's wrong - just let him be!

I still occassionally order for him when we go out and do other tasks like that but we've recently had a discussion about things he can take on (long story but i'll tell if you want!). Even though you have another adult around, you will have to help him and face it do things for him for a long time.

The phone calls home are hard, like Kelly said it was constant questions about money and work, money and work. They don't understand how expensive life is here and I would venture to guess hubby doesn't either. He still complains about the cost of living but is starting to get it now. It does take time for them to grasp that while 1,000$ sounds like a lot to them, in the grand scheme of things it's a drop in the hat. Our first time grocery shopping the bill was over $100 my husband had a fit right there and then demanding to know how it could cost that much!!

Jealousy, it will and does happen. It will cause problems. I've found that this is one area (along with familiy) that I had to put my foot down or watch the situation spiral out of control..

Kelly if you have tips for how to get him to eat hamburger helper that would be great LOL food is still an issue here!



Maybe sucks is the wrong word. I think your husband was in the west before you were married though right? I think that makes a big difference. I think a lot of the issues don't simply stem from the relationship but the adjustment of moving to a new place.

Yes, he immigrated to Canada a year before I met him. I do think that helped, but certainly isn't the whole picture. He does have some issues with not having a home (ie - Egypt no longer feels like home, Canada either, and is still aclimating to the US). He misses speaking arabic, but I think moreover than anything he is not traditional. That is probably what made it easier for him. Still, it dosent "suck" having him here and helping him with his adjustment.

While there are often commonalities to the adjustment experience, I do feel that much of it really depends on personality and beliefs. A little bit of "Westernization", as LaL pointed out, goes a long way in helping things go smoothly.


That said, I'd say our single biggest issue has been the pace of life here. I like what Amanda said about squeezing a week's work of tasks into one day. Punctuality is respected (and expected) here. If a bill is due on the last day of the month, it means *that day* and not "when I get around to it". Employers expect you to be there, yes, every single day you're scheduled to work!

I've been much better equipped to handle the demanding lifestyle here, though I have to say that I can't wait until we can move back to Europe and actually *enjoy* life.

it is NOT a fairy tale.
I think adjusting to a new marriage is difficult in and of itself, when you add to that 'culture shock' and everything that entails it can really be crazy. It IS an adjustment for everyone, for you and your kids to make room in your already settled life and for him to step in to an already settled life and try to find his place in it while leaving behind everyone and everything familiar and comfortable to him.
Do not underestimate the difficulty and do expect it.
I know for me it was all made worse by the fact that I didnt really anticipate it at all, I though oh yeah it'll be tough for him for a while blah blah blah and I was stunned 3 or 4 months into it at just how much we were fighting. We hadnt had a stormy relationship prior to his arrival, so I was just shocked by it all.

Having said all that, chin up and keep a sense of humor... yes it was rocky but we certainly had some good times and some good laughs along the way - enough to keep us together through it all!
If I could offer up ONE solid piece of advice I wish someone had told me, I would say to be very aware of the words and phrases you use and to check often to make sure your husband is understanding you clearly. I was and am still amazed at how arguments can begin or escalate depending on a misinterpretation or misunderstanding of a word or a phrase. American english is full of not just slang, but colloquilisms (sp?) and phrases that are so common to us but can mean something completely different to an outsider trying to make a literal translation. ( I wish I could think of an example but oddly enough my mind is blank right now). Anyway, once I figured out how often that was happening I found myself stopping often to make sure there wasnt anything that needed to be clarified or explained. Even now there are occasions when we'll start to have an arguement about something stupid and I will ask him, "what do you think I meant when I said_____?" and sometimes we can just nip it in the bud right there.
Anyway, be prepared for some hard work but remember you have a lot of friends around here that are in various stages of the same thing

Wael's adjustment here has been fantastic. I am really so very lucky that he has adjusted to our way of life, the food, the people. the traffic, etc. One thing I know that helped is his english is excellent so that wasn't a problem for him. He speaks with his family every other evening on yahoo and has a webcam for them to see him. Saturday and Sunday's are his days off so he talks with his friends in Egypt on yahoo. We don't pay for calling cards or any long distance as the rates are just too high.

And finally I would say that the hardest part when they arrive here is the adjustment which will vary from person to person. There is no basic rule of how long it takes or how they will do their personal adjustments, but, we should always remember that we have to be supportative and understanding of their needs.

So just have a good time and be thankful they arrive safely!!

Bridget, I have read your question and all of the answers here. They are all very good. But you know what? You know your husband better than any one. The specific problems you anticipate are specific to him. From what I know about you, you are a very educated and mature woman and your choice of Usama was not a shot in the dark. The qualities that he displayed to win you heart will be there, despite the whining abt family, work etc and reading bad experiences and getting discouraged is as bad as reading good experiences and getting excited. I feel that his adjustment will be a good one. You will be there to show him the way till he can pick it up and do it on his own. I can tell you though, you will feel so good to have him by your side. Every relationship has problems and you are educated in Islamic traditions, you know all about the culture. For that reason i especially do not foresee misunderstandings between you too. I emphasize on the ESL classes, not for anything specific, but the broad and overwhelming affect it can have. It may be his first and most necessary outlet to being a part of US. First "inside" look, it is something that can set the motion for further understanding of english, culture, making friends, etc and getting better jobs. Something to set him into motion. If he is idle he will be bothorsome to you, but if he is busy he will be all the better. I talked to my husband who will take classes here Insha-Allah when he comes. I think it is one of the best things. Sometimes outside influence by muslims/arabs of this country is bothorsome as the ones who have been here are a but like "been there done it all" and give bad advice like they are the hot shots and usama needs to "learn" from them. This is not good when a 3rd party influences a marriage so I suggest gettng him togehter with people YOU love and trust and in an environment such as ESL class or classes or a job sector you trust.

Finally I will say again, you know him the best. I know in your heart of hearts this is a wonderful thing and the ups and downs are expected always and in all ways in any relationship with anyone.

Do not worry and let God give you the love and peace you desire from this relationship, and you will get it.

Tammy

Sara's advice:
Ya this is very true. I have had this problem on several instances with mixing up words, me getting pissed cause he didnt get it right away, etc. Bridget you just have to slow pace everything and when you feel yourslef getting frustrated, just know that you have the capability of making things right and repeat it better. This is very valuable lesson to learn early.

I see that they almost all go through the same things. I find that my husband is still to this day finding it hard to fit in. We live in a neighborhood with a lot of older retired people. Tons of mormons. He just wants to find friends to do guy things with, but that has proven to be more difficult than we anticipated. Either they are old or they are young and mormon, or they are young, but are busy with their families. And then there are the guys that want to hang out at clubs, drinking smoking, and picking up women. He just doesn't fit into any of these categories. He has recently found a few friends at work, but they still haven't gone out and done any guy things.

He, like others, is amazed at how fast paced life is here. He gets frustrated how fast the days go by and how much responsiblity we have. He admits that he thought life here would be different.

What's weird is the only communication fights we have had were either on the phone or on the webcam but never when we were together. Half the time it's because we can't hear each other. Now, when we talk, if he thinks I"m saying something that might anger him he halts the conversation by saying, "I think we should change the subject because I don't want to fight over a phrase I don't understand". Then he'll call his friend in Canada and talk it over and then get back to me the next day and say "I know what you were saying now". I am blessed that so far he has been very patient and knows enough not to jump the gun. I think a lot of it has to do with his friend and what he has told him to expect. He knows his friend has wanted to move back several times due to the economy, etc. so he is not coming into it thinking the streets are paved with gold.

I have to admit I was p!ssed off when I started this thread because ever since we've had the hope that he'll get the visa shortly I have had someone pose as my husband's fiance, someone embellish things that I said in a confidential forum and basically someone trying to rain on my parade from day 1, so when a few people started on "just wait......" I just had it BUT I think this will be a good thread to reference when the day comes that he snaps into some alter ego that i have heard so much but never seen before.

I'm going to put out a phrase to avoid at all cost "you are in the doghouse," or "I should put you in the doghouse". Don't say this. Just don't. My brother in law (who has lived in the US for 10 years) flipped out at me when I made this reference. There are others like this so just watch out for those!

While it's true you do know your husband, understand that the way you knew your husband in their home country probably will change when he gets here. I think others can attest that there are changes that occur as they deal with adjusting to a new culture. It's normal - I think having a smooth transition is more of an exception than a norm in this isntance.

ok so things NOT to say and do:

you are in the doghouse
you are a donkey
throwing a shoe at the guy


others?

being shot at or chased with a chainsaw ranks pretty high on my list of relationship no-no's

OMG I have a ton of others but I can't say them here! lol

I think everyone has given good advice and from the difference in people's advice it's probably not hard to see everyone's experience is different. We had a nearly smooth transition. But! We did have about 2 weeks or so when we were both fairly testy. He was mad he couldn't hear my voice in the car and I was mad I had to explain even the most "basic" things half the time, a million times-- and I am NOT known for any kind of emotion resembling patience. But then... things just kind of magically blew over. We only out and out fought once, and that was over my student loan. I called friends and complained when i felt really stressed, and he-- well he probably had it a ton of a percentage worse. He didn't have someone to really call like i did and he didn't knwo where things were to escape. He didn't call more than once a month to his family. He called a few friends and spent some time on email. He also had immediate work permit being on Cr-1 and he got a job at my work in 2 weeks-- just a few days after we came back from visiting my parents. So basically, lots of stress was alleviated in the beginning. So it is possible to really not have a problem-- I think it depends on both of your expectations and your temperments combined with the situation of what you are both going through when he comes and after he's here for a while.

Well hopefully we won't have to wait long for the EAD. Vermont seems to have a reasonable timeline going on lately so unless that changes it should be about 45 to 60 days which is fine. That will give him a chance to maneuver the bus/subway, though truly it's a very organized transit system now compared to when I used to use it way back when. I"m taking him Sunday to the mosque in Cambridge that's run by an Egyptian so he can meet a few people there. Oh and a Pakistani guy from work came up to me and said he heard my husband was coming Friday and offered to take him to Friday prayers and then have us both over for dinner....of course he said "my wife can cook dinner with you while I take him to Friday prayers" lol. Oh well the gesture was nice and that could be a nice start to a network since he is a manager in materials management where I work.

Mine didn't, (and still doesn't) like it when he hears us refer to it as "bringing them here" or "shipping them back home". He says that he is an adult and he was just as much in charge of bringing himself here as I was and therefore can also send himself back home if he feels he needs to. lol I had to stop talking to my friends out loud about that lol!

Well if you lived with your spouse for a good 3 months or more remember how you felt towards him and his family and what you were expecting him to do for you. It's pretty much how it's gonna be here I think.

I don't know about me going thru "culture shock" there when I lived with his family and him but it was some sort of "shock". I've never spent the night at another girls house here or there I've always been a door away from my parents so living with his family 100% and my parents leaving me there to complete my "honeymoon" or whatever after 2 months I started going crazy from living with parents nonstop to living with a husband and another family not my blood. I would start arguments and go crazy on him and expect him to pay more attention to me rather than going with his friends to the cafe across the street "trying to make me miss him". But like everyone says the good times are there and they make you stay for the long run I guess! Life will never be perfect. Just switch shoes to understand him better that's all i can say.

I've thrown shoes at him

You already read what I wrote on the other forum so I won't repeat it here. You'll have your good days and bad days. He may go through a depression of sorts, not necessarily a crying, can't get out of bed depression, but maybe he'll be testy or moody. Maybe he won't want to talk to his family because they'll ask about work or money and he doesn't have either. He may get a little jealous that you have friends and family here and he does not. Yes, you've missed him all these months and can't wait to have him home but after staring at him sitting on the couch for a couple months, you'll want a girl's night or just a day alone. He may not like that idea. He may call you obsessively when you're out or even at work. You may have an argument that escalates into him wanting to go back to Egypt. You'll most likely have a LOT of misunderstandings which may lead to arguments. The list goes on and on. But yanno, this is basically normal married life. Stuff most ppl go through only magnified due to cultural and language differences. If you stick together as a team, you'll get through this stuff. Things do get better over time. You just have to have LOTS of patience. Be realistic. Set realistic goals. I know right now you want to be in dreamland but just make sure you have reality in the back of your mind somewhere.

There are the adjustments and struggles that any newlywed couple goes through -- in our case, the finances have been the biggie. Then there is the homesickness, which can manifest itself in different ways. It's really tough being cooped up at home without work or transportation or friends. There are so many suggestions floating around VJ on ways to alleviate some of that, but it's almost inevitable. We've had growing pains as every couple does, and we do work at the marriage. We can't just coast...don't really want to, though. My husband has been here a year this month, and truthfully, everything has been worth it. My husband says he feels at home here, and I never expected to hear that so soon after he arrived. We'll probably hit bumps in the future that we don't expect, but we would do this all again without a second thought.

Im sorry all of that happened to you But, Im glad you have a sense of humor about it!
I think we all worry about this. I know I have and we have had talks and talks and talks about it lol.
Someone said that you know your husband, and what issues may arise. The fact that you go into eyes open, not thinking that it will be some fairy tale will be so helpful. Thats my plan anyway

Lisa

Great advice everyone

how funny bridget, last week was the guilt thread now it's the suck thread...lol

To be honest I am dreading it in a way - I wish we could just live in Nepal. I think I would have an easier time there than he will here, but jobs are so scarce there for both of us. My situation is way different from most of yours, in good and bad ways. Good - no kids, my family is on the other side of the country and I see them once a year at Xmas, and driving isn't an issue(I don't and he won't either, unless it's for work). The bad and ugly: I live on a librarian's salary in the most expensive rental market in the country, and he is only going to be able to get minimum wage work. If we want to be able to save money to go back to Nepal and send money to his family, we will have to stay in my current living situation - sharing a small 1BR apartment with a roommate(who has the lease) - fortunately he is like a brother to me and is very understanding of our situation, but still we will have to prearrange for any 'private time' and that is going to suck big time....I DREAD IT and hope it will not have an effect on our marriage... I also think the time issue will be big, being on time and not being able to just take off and go away when you feel like it - he just goes off to his home village without a moment's notice and doesn't tell anyone(including me, which is currently P!$$ING ME OFF - I have not heard from him in a week) - can't get away with that here. We are both vegetatrians and like pretty much the same food so that won;t be an issue. But yes the privacy and space issue will be big - NYC is just too expensive... we have living situations here that all of you would not believe - our upstairs neighbors(from Sri Lanka) have 3 kids in a 1BR and our downstairs neighbors(from Mexico) have 5 kids... However moving is not an option so we will just need to deal with it...what to do???

From my experience I have learned that everything is not black and white. My husbands English was good, but not proficient, so we have had a hard time with that. At times I feel like I am talking to a five year old hidden inside an adult body. My hubby never does anything, unless I ask. That's hard to get used to. Imagine having to ask someone to take out the trash, put away their clothes, pick up after themselves! LOL Money was another big issue. I finally got down to having the "talk" about finances with mine. He told me I spend way to much money, and there are times when we are broke, so he wanted to save the money he had for an emergency. I realized that it was very true and have rethought my spending habits. But, he is my best friend, and the good far outweighs the bad, and yes, I am serious about that statement. There are so many adjustments to make for both sides, it's not the fairytale we think it will be, but what does it matter if we still end up with our "prince"?

things to be added to the list of things not to say....

"oh Jesus", Is constantly falling out of my mouth, hubby doesnt like that, lol, are u surprised?
i once jokingly referred to him as "an immigrant" nope bad move....
and also, "your in the doghouse" yep i learned that one the hard way too!

I guess we're not normal because we really haven't had any problems till recently, but I relate that to my whacked out hormones. Yeah, we had little disagreements, but never really arguements. I had pretty much laid things out to him before he got here. Yeah, maybe I was the biotchy woman, but I was not going through what I'd been through before. He also came from a bad marriage so he understood what I meant. He told me what he expected to and what i didn't like I told him about it. Yes, I did have to come to agreements with some things too. Everything has been good though!

This was one of the most perfectly stated posts I have read in a long, long time. Everyone should have to read something like this when their SO's are approved, yet before arrival.

Even though he isn't here yet....I have a few to add....

yelling and cussing from me = ''is this anyway to talk to someone you love''

"please just leave me alone" from me = I am kicking him out of the house

''i want to punch you in the face'' = ''omg, you americans are so violent''

''i tried to poison my ex'' (i really didn't) = ''omg, are you going to try to kill me when ur mad''

and the worse threat from me that i would not recommend is, "i will ship your a&& back to Jordan"

Thanks for the post guys...this was one of the most interesting topics I have read and definitely I have learned to be easy with my words...as you probably can tell...i am the hot-headed one and often say anything when i am mad....now i just go "urrrrgggghhhh'' and he usually knows that means back off....haha...

EAD processing has nothing to do with VSC timelines - they are processed through MSC. 90 days is still average (although VJ stats do state 72 at the moment).

This has been more my experience as well. We've gotten along beautifully w/ very little difficulty in adjusting. AOS taking so long was a little stressful and being homesick is totally understandable. All in all, we've had a pretty easy time of it.

The one phrase that comes to mind aside from all of this is to remember..."No good deed ever goes unpunished." Sometimes no matter how hard you try, you will still be yelled at.

Good luck and breathe it out.

.....and sometimes no matter how hard you try...........the fairy tale ends badly. (told you I wasn't gonna be good for this thread)

j

Oh! I'd reccomend staying away from describing any behavior, statement, or himself as "rude." Dh shuts down if he gets upset and stops talking to me (or anyone). I told him that by not answering my quesitons when we're trying to have an argument and just ignoring me is a rude thing to do. OMG. I got this 10 minute lecture about how he is NOt rude, he was raised by good parents, and on and on. It was just so much more infuriating But apparantly it can be taken to be an insult on their family

i threw a tomato..does that count

......and NEVER say anything about being used for a greencard.