QUOTE(eekee @ Apr 2 2008, 10:38 PM)

Are there really that many cases where this happened and there weren't bright red flashing warning signs beforehand that the USC decided to ignore?
Not usually, but most USCs tend to ignore them because they're so "blissfully unaware" and want to believe that their fiancee/wife really does love them for them. I mean we're talking about cases, some of which the folks have met exactly ONCE before commiting to marriage, that are based entirely on "nice profile, wanna get married?" To believe that you can truly understand someone's motivations to the point of 100% trust in the relatively short period of contact is simply being whimsical. Sure there are fairy tale love stories that started with a mouse click, but the vast majority of these "point and click" marriages are a "learn as you go" process.
I agree with you that there are warning signs that should be adhered to and if ignored will lead to disaster. But I also believe along with Satellite that being 100% sure is being overconfident. There are lots of ways to reduce the risk, but it's always there no matter what. If you deny it's existence, then you're denying the truth.
That said, I also agree with mox that it should all be done in the relationship/courtship/whatever phase prior to the actual engagement and WAAAAAY prior to the "I dos." But, regardless of how much you know and trust, there's always that chance. You can take steps to minimize it, but you can't minimize it to zero no matter how hard you try. It's impossible.
QUOTE(mox @ Apr 2 2008, 10:51 PM)

Anyone who marries a woman they are suspicious of is a fool.
Then I'm a fool because I trust my wife about as far as I can throw her. Now I believe most of what she says, but I will never, ever, ever ever ever trust a woman, any woman, 100% in my life. Just can't do it. It's the nature of the beast.
QUOTE(mox @ Apr 2 2008, 10:51 PM)

I was married to a woman for many years who I trusted implicitly. Turned out she was cheating on me the entire marriage.
Can you look back on it now and say there was a correlation between your trust and her cheating? That perhaps your implicit trust created an environment where she was able to cheat? Not saying it was your trust that pushed her to cheat, but that you made it easier for her to do it once she reached that point.
QUOTE(mox @ Apr 2 2008, 10:51 PM)

If I'd have been suspicious, I'd have caught it early. But if she had been an honest woman and I was suspicious, then the marriage would have been a failure too.
It was a failure regardless. Honesty and suspicion were probably not the underlying factors, only the means to the end.
QUOTE(mox @ Apr 2 2008, 10:51 PM)

The best you can do is trust your partner. If you don't trust them, then you shouldn't propose to them until you trust them. During the relationship phase is when you need to work that out, not the commitment phase.
I disagree somewhat and will say the best thing you can do is be honest with your partner and then hold them accountable to your expectations and be willing to compromise to their expectations and respect their honesty as well. Being suspicious should never be necessary because the two of you should already be well aware of the other's actions and intentions, and if you're not, you damn well should be or else one of you is going to have to be dishonest somewhere down the road.
During the relationship is of course, the best time to figure all of this out. But, since we live in different countries, it's got to be figured out along the way as well. A good vibe and meeting a few times can give you a good sense of knowing if the person you're corresponding with is "the one" but these international marriages have to be worked on during the marriage. There's simply no time to do it before hand.
So, trust your spouse. But, hold that shadow of a doubt in your mind as well. More often than not, there are signs. It's how you "trust" to ignore them or not that will prove your success.