I have been a member on VJ for sometime. I am under a different name because I don't want my husband to find out. I met a man online (Nigerian) and petitioned for him to come to the United States. Once he got here things were great he was very attentive, eager to learn and to get a job (he’s working now) and God-fearing man. Now that he’s been here for awhile and getting acclimated, he’s become distant, argumentative, secretive and rude. So, I decided to do some investigation. Of course, I wanted to know what was going on, I love this man. I wanted to know if it was something I was doing or something he was hiding. Yes, it’s a trust issue. After considering my options, I found and purchased software to monitor his activity online; we all know that email can tell the story. I purchased Family Cyber Alert, which captures keystrokes, password, etcs. To my amazement, the man is already married. He’s promising his “wife”, that he is trying to get her and his children here soon as possible. I was floored, what the heck is this. You look for trouble you find it. The pain is unbearable. I can’t say anything to him because he would convince me that I am being paranoid and continue to lie. My first thought was to kick him out. I took my vows serious and he has deceived me. And I don’t want to say much because I want to see how he’s going to work this out. Does anyone have any suggestions? What would you do in a situation like this? How can he bring his family here and he’s not a citizen of the US? Please help. I am devastated.

This is terrible. I am so sorry. Seems like a nightmare. You need to cut your losses now, no matter how difficult and kick him out. No one needs to deal with this SH!T. Also he has defrauded uscis and is likely to be permanently banned from entering the U.S. if you wanted to bring this to the attention of the authorities.

Im so sorry for what you are going through right now,I know how difficult being on that situation,when u gave everything to the person you love and this is what they will do to you in return,hearing this kind of story makes me so sad.
If i were you you have to confront your husband.If its possible u can try to request for a marriage certificate from his home country from there u can check whats really going on.
I hope everything is going to be okay with you over there.
Just hang in there and keep on praying,E Things happen for a reason.
God bless you!

Oh i am so very sorry.........i do not have any advise because i do not know what anyone should do in a situation like this but i wanted to give u support in this time of ur life..........my prayers are with u may God give u the strength and wisdom to do what u have to in this awful time.........my heart goes out to u.................
sara

How can he try and convince you that you are being paranoid when you have caught him in the act? Do you not believe what you are reading in the e-mails? Or you don't want to believe it?



I don't mean to be harsh but...are you serious???? This is a guy you have caught lying to you about his life back home and you want to see what is going to happen? What do you think is going to happen when you confront him? He's going to deny it. And from what I quoted of you aboive, it doesn't look like you want to believe that he has scammed you. Yo may have taken your vows seriously but he has not. And if you think that this is going to work out, I don't think it is. You need to take care of you and forget about him. Do you want to be used?



My suggestion is to take care of yourself and do what is best for you. You need to leave the situation and report this as a fraudulent marriage to USCIS or ICE or whoever it is and let them do their thing. He is not a US citizen now, but if you do nothing to stop this, then when he becomes one he'll be able to petition for his family to come.

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I am so devastated to read your post as I am sure we followed your journey to this point. I can't imagine the pain you must feel, because of the pain I already feel for your situation. It is a similar story I have heard and been warned of on several occasions. I think it is extremely important for people to share the good and the bad. As I have posted before. I have heard more negative results then positive. So if we all have to go on some statistics we have to admit that at least 1 in 4 relationships from 3^rd world countries are a sham and disappointment.

You have your evidence that I am sure is difficult to stomach. You have been through so much for what you believed was real. We as petitioners give up a lot and bear an immense burden. You can learn a lot about yourself through this experience, if you take it as just that “a learning experience.” Please find ways to grow and learn as that is what life is about. Find areas where you can grow as a friend & loved one. Choose the high road, but protect yourself and your own interest. He has to go! Then you have to grow!



May god give you the strength and wisdom to make the choices that are best for you!

Even as an anonymous poster you will be in my prayers.



Best Regards,
Mrs. Jibowu

Thank you for responding. You hear of things like this happening but you never thought it would ever happen to you.

My heart and prayers go to you today.

You will get a wide range of opinons in this thread, only you know what is best for you and your family. There are legal ramifications of breaking up during a tour of duty with USCIS.

He cannot bring anyone over til he obtains citizenship. He said he has been here for awhile. Does he have a 2 year card or a 10 year card? He can get citizenship with or without you. Just takes a few more years. 3 years after greencard if still with you, 5 years if not without. If he has the 10, he is only deportable after being CONVICTED, not charged, with a felony. (dont ask me how i know )

Using spyware is something we discuss in the MENA forum. Looking back, if I had used it, I would have known sooner that I was being used for a greencard. It took me 5 longggggggggggg expensive years to learn the cold hard truth.

I will pray for you to find peace and answers.

Jackie

I am so sorry. Please make sure to be safe in whatever you end up doing next. Take care of you.

BTW.....if he LEGALLY has another wife, he committed visa fraud with you. If this is the case, you do have legal recourse!

i know all people think differently but,, he has done something horribly wrong, with the full intention of eventually bringing his ohter family to the states, at the expence of someone that has invested as much as you have.

He has done something dark and dirty and cruel. I would be "creative" and bring the same back to him 10X!!

he has hurt and betrayed you, and you have a total right to go back at him. There are so many things you can do. I would be willing to bet that he might be eligible for one of those horrible immigration prisons that are so secretive. I would normally never wish this on anyone BUT... is some cases...........

Make sure you print out all the emails and pictures. If he starts suspecting you know he will start to delete the emails and there goes your proof. Sorry you are going through this.

I am very sorry you are going through this.
I suggest counseling for yourself so you will have the tools and strength to proceed. I think you are still in shock and it may take a while
for you to be able to act.
Protect yourself financially now.
Confront him with the evidence, make copies and put them somewhere safe.
In my opinion it is unlikely that he will forget about his other wife and children and I would divorce him.
He has used you and lied terribly and will continue to do so.
Focus on yourself and don't allow any lies of him promising to change. Be strong and cut your ties.
I am really sorry

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

I would print out the proof that you have and report it to the USCIS.

Yes!!! and kick him out of the house while you at it!
I don't think I would have him living in my home after finding out something like this, he has another wife and home, let him go back there!

My thoughts and prayers are with you

It is terrible. You have given good advices here. Good luck.

Yeesh,
This is a hard one to swallow and it truly affects every cell in your body to find this out. The advice on making hard copies of all is very good advice. You don't want to lose that at all. I also believe that your marriage would be considered invalid if he is legally married to the other woman. In this case, he would have comitted a fraud and you'll have to report it to ICE asap. Please take care of yourself and do just one thing at a time. It will be overwhelming to tackle the legal and emotional issues all at once. If you need any additional steps or just to see it written out, pm me and I will send it to you. Lastly, don't let this make you feel any less or embarrassed into silence. Your sanity and health are much more important now than ever before. I wish for an army of support to embrace you at this time.

wow, i'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Breaks my heart.

The first thing you need to do is call on your inner strength and understand that this has nothing to do with who you are or anything that you've done. This is HIS issue! He is an awful excuse for a human being.

Next, be sure to document and print out EVERYTHING you find and contact the proper authorities.

And thirdly, do not give him the satisfaction of even trying to explain his sad self. Dump his clothes on the front lawn with a copy of one of the emails placed on top!

After that's done i'd get in touch with Jackie, or someone else who's 'been there', and get the best advice you can so that he is punished and never allowed to do this to anyone else again. Also sends a message to any other jack@ss thinking about it.

Be strong and be happy!

Don't hesitate to come here for support through this process. You have a hard road ahead of you to deal with this deceit. Remember to focus on taking care of yourself through all the hard decisions you have to make. Take actions and keep yourself safe.

I'll be thinking of you. Be Blessed.

Be strong. He is wrong.

There is no patch to repair this betrayl. I am sorry for your situation.

You have been given some sound advice, what I want u to know is that it's not your fault that you fell in love and trusted that man, that's what we do when were in love especially when love is being reciprocated. Also your not alone, the same thing happened to me, ofcourse with a little twist, please don't let this man drive you crazy, I can relate to you saying that he'll just lie once you confront him, it sounds like you do know this man, I believe you when you say that he's gonna deny the whole situation ( been there ) and be prepared for him to try to somehow blame you.

Maybe once you print out the e-mails and send the fraud unit a copy with a detailed written letter, you can give him one copy to read where he's telling his wife he'll send for her and the kids asap.

Once a alien arrives here legally, there are all kinds of ways for them to stay. If I were you I wouldn/'t confront your husband until you have sent the fraud information to USCIS. Because once he knows that your aware of his scam, he'll really begin fighting for his life. Lies, be prepared there is no limit to what he'll now do or say to stay in this country.

Please keep in mind that once a alien files a I-360 against you any information that you send into the immigration office can NOT be considered against the I-360, so right now it like a race to the immigration office for you.

I think the e-mails themselves will be enough to convince the fraud unit, but remember what type of person your dealing with. He will try to wiggle his way out , he didn't come here and marry you just to go back to his country.

P.S. I'd also hide my phone book and valuables ( diamonds ,expensive rings etc. )

Above all count it a blessing that you no longer will be living in a lie. I'm glad that you thought to put the spyware on your pc, had you not of done that you'd probable be thinking it's cultural differences (or something else ) and things will work itself out.

ALL THE BEST TOO YOU !!!!!

As others have said, you have been given some good advice on how to deal with this. My heart goes out to you and I can definately feel your pain. I felt so bad when I read this. I couldn't even respond right away...I had to let it marinate since I read it this morning. I also appreciate you coming to us on VJ to share your story and look for support. I know your world is completely upside down now and you probably can't even think straight. Like others, I will also advise you to not think that this is your fault. Don't let him somehow manipulate you into believing that you are the problem. He knew everything that he was doing and he had that agenda before he arrived into your home. I pray that you will do what is right for you. I know the love can be so strong that we sometimes want to make excuses and hold onto the hope of change, but sometimes that isn't best. Please take care of yourself and stay sane.

Also, I think spyware can be a very useful tool in these kinds of situations. I'm glad you went with your heart and utilized the program.

Where is your husband in his immigration process? Does he have a conditional green card?

Wow! I feel for you. Seems like there should be some legal implications. He had to lie at his interview, since he was not free to marry. Keep you head up, you deserve better.

i really hate to read stories like this! i hope you find peace in your decisions and move on with your life! and i hope he can't bring his "wife" here! that bastard!

Sorry to hear about your situation. It would depend on the where you are in the process. I would gather up every shred of information and place in a safe place, I would make atleast three copies. If he does not have a greencard, I would report him to USCIS or wherever, to attempt to null and void your sponsorship. If he had received his green card I would still report it and take every measure to protect yourself. When I was ready to send them to USCIS I would download all the email onto Outlook to have a permanent record of them. Whatever you do make haste and God Bless.

I cannot begin to tell you how hurt and disappointed I was after reading your post. I was hurt because once again people could be so heartless and would go at any extreme to achieve their dubious goal of coming to this country. Moreso, as a Nigerian. This is why it is hard for people to say anything positive about us.
My advise to you is to go after him with a venegance. Forget about your vows or how much you loved him. It is obvious that he only used you. Report him to ICE and follow up with your congressman. You have enough evidence as it is with those emails. But be very careful. Desperate people do desperate things. I know it may be hard to keep a straight face with him in the house, but try and pretend that everything is fine, until ICE comes knocking in front of the house. Don't give him any break, because he never gave you one from the beginning.
Don't ever feel like you did anything wrong or something is wrong with you. The truth is that there are just too many bad people on this earth and you happen to come across one of them.
I have you in my prayers

Amen!

All I can say is that I feel very bad for you. I agree with all the other posters who have said to be very cautious, but deliberate in your approach. I realize that you are SO emotional right now. And rightfully so. But, push the emotions to the side (for the moment) and do what you need to do take care of this situation. There are specific steps mentioned above which you should follow to disengage yourself from this man. After you have successfully, but safely, done this, then you can "break down."

I agree with the other posters that this could have happened with anyone from any country. So, don't blame the entire country. There are good people in all contries. The situation in Nigeria is unfortunate and obviously contributes to these situations, but don't blame the country.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. If you want some specific advice, I would be happy to speak to you via pm. Please contact me at anytime.

To answer your specific questions about whether he can bring the family here, it is dependant upon how far along he is in the process. You will need to provide some more specific details. I understand your hesitancy to list much because he reads this site. But you can pm many of us in this forum and the MENA forum and we can help you without him knowing.

Sorry to here of your bad experience, my prayers are with you. You do have options though: You can go on with life "abnormal", pretend that nothing happened and ignore the truth you know or you can stare it in the face and do something about it. This person has lied to you in the worst way and, whatever your emotional state at this point, you do know the truth. It is clear that visa fraud was the goal and you have the proof. Whatever you decide to do, make sure that you are safe.

God bless

I can just imagine his face once he realizes he has no where to hide.

Hello Everyone,

I am kind of calm today. Thanks for all your continued support. It is difficult facing him and yes I am getting my ducks in a row. I have all emails including her email address. Once this comes to a head, I will contact her but not now. You know someone told me that a friend of theirs married an American woman and the guy from Nigeria family members were all there and they knew he had a wife. I never thought that would be the case with me but it is similar.

I have to wait until the time is right to SLAP him with all this information I have obtained. Even jobs he told me that they never contacted him, have wrote email saying sorry that you decided not to work with us. It's hard ladies but I have to hold my tongue until I can have the last laugh. I have prayed and prayed, I need all the strength I can get. I try talking to him as if nothing is wrong but he can tell. I just have to walk away and smile like it's nothing. Now I must admit, the minute he BEG for sex, I may have to slap the S*** out of him. That will be a tough one.

Ladies it's amazing how someone can be so deceitful and act as if there is nothing wrong. Now don't misunderstand me, I have thrown hints. He didn't get it because he is so busy being deceitful.

In addition, now I have all phone records of all phone calls. Yet to connect my devise from Radio Shack to the phone line but it's coming. I walk around saying these words, HANG MAN. And all he say is with that "voice of authority" what is that? what are you talking about? I do that "soap opera" voice, nothing dear.

I will get around to answer all questions as this progress. I am so sorry that I am just getting back with you but it has been rough.

He has his conditional green card. I am doing my research and I have family members that are lawyer unfortunately they are not immigration lawyers.

I hate to say that I do feel bad about spying on my husband but now I am glad. The software is amazing, I know every website he goes to and each and every key stroke. And I check it with him sitting right there.

Be back later,

Thank you all, you all are HEAVEN SENT

It's hard not to cry when I type this.

He will have somewhere to hide, back in Nigeria. Once his name is in the database as "fraud", I pray that he won't be able to petition again. No one deserve this.

Thank you, I am safe. I don't want him to know yet because there are other things I may need. It's hard but I have to prepare. I don't want this to fail under no circumstances.

Thanking you again.

B01

I looked into this I-360 information. Wow! I have all the email of deceit, I don't think that one will stand up in the court of law. Like I stated earlier, I have family members that are lawyers, who are advising me at this point. They are not immigration lawyers but lawyers. Yes he has tried that cultural difference thing with me but not in this current situation. I told him then that dog don't hunt. I thought we had an understanding now I see why.

I won't allow him to drive me crazy, I am buying Hefty garbage bags for his trip home. I will definitely keep you all posted.

I AM MAD AS H*** NOW!!! Printed out the I-360 information.

I hope you get yourself out of this situation soon and safely.

Just remember, don't do anything to give him just cause to file that I-360.

You are in our prayer

I am glad to hear that you are in action mode now. I know how much in shock you were. Been there done that with my ex, though he was a
USC.

Please know we are here supporting you and this is your place you can go when no one else understand the hell you are going through.

Praying for you

Psalm 112.

I am so glad to see you going at this with a clear and focused mind. You seem to be very strong about this and I know you will do what it takes to clear up this situation. As everyone else mentioned, keep all of your evidence for further use. Seems like he's full of deceit if he was even lying to you about jobs. The great thing is that you know all of this and you have the upper hand on the situation. You are in control and you are no longer in the dark. You will be okay.

I'm glad you are working on this and trying to stay calm and focused. Keep yourself safe and take care of your business. I wanted to mention a discussion about spyware where case law was found to say that it's illegal to intercept emails even on your own computer, even from your own spouse with spyware software. So, don't volunteer the information that you used that and do a little research because all the information is still on the computer and there is a way for it to be retreived by computer people (programmers or something) without using spyware that would be still considered a legal means in most of the contiguous states. Just wanted you to look into that because if it hinders you from using all the evidence you have it could be a problem and I can't imagine how frustrating it would be. Definitely talk with immigration too to let them help you with guidance about what you should do with what you have found out. They will direct you to fraud specialists that will help you move forward. There is also a member on here named diadromous mermaid who is very knowledgeable and may be able to help you.

God Bless You Sister! We're with you in spirit. This too shall pass.

Sorry this happened to you!!!!! Agree with everyone else who said no one deserves for something like this to happen, if he is a GOD fearing man, he should be afraid because what goes around comes around three folds....I just do not understand how you plan something like that and think that you will have any luck in life. Stay strong....my prayers and thoughts are with you!!!!!!

This make me so mad, how could he get pass checks etc and interview i guess he was on top of his game. I am now greatful that they are screening more security checks,etc sometimes uscis knows things we dont know. My cousin and my husband grew up together and u still just never know someone intentions they will play the game.I am sorry there is light at the end of this dark tunnel trust me i'm living proof. someone better will come along in the future hold tight my dear.

Hugs to you at this moment Does his "wife" know that he married you to get to the United States? If she does know, then it may not do any good to get in contact with her. You may just hurt yourself by being lied to by more people.

Please be very careful, as others have suggested, if he is willing to go to this extent to get a green card he might not stop at anything to make sure his secret remains hidden. I would additionally suggest to remove your passports, birth-certificates and any legal documents you have from the house. Any and all personal information on you also needs to be protected as it can be quite easy to cause financial and personal damage. (I speak from experience on this) Please also make sure that you "safe" people to check on you and be around you more often during this time. At all cost be safe first and USCIS second.

Very good ideas.

You need to be careful. You came on here under a different name because you didnt want him to know it was you posting right? But you are giving toooo many specific details "hangman"? if he reads that here he will know everything. Also, try to keep a tight hold on it. If he suspects because of your odd behavior then he will try to stop you. After all you, you got suspicious of him because of his odd behavior, right? becareful girl. Keep it cool. hugs.

You are in my prayers. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this and it's hard to even think what I can say to ease your pain. Take care of you, your life, your documents, your valuables, your money. You really don't want him to take what's yours and send it home.

I think a lot of us tend to think that it won't happen to us...but it happens a lot. I have mentioned several times how many times I have seen this happen...even the fake weddings (the bride doesn't know). When I had surgery, even one of the doctors working in the area chuckled at the conversation and said it is how he got his residency also. It's much more common than we discuss, and I am glad that you risked os much to tell us your story. It is never your fault that someone lied to you. You risked a lot emotionally to come back and tell your story so that we can better protect ourselves. Thank you; it's a wake up call.

I am wondering, because I didn't read it, if besides the USCIS fraud case, that you can, at some point, also call the police/district attorney to find out the repercussions of bigamy. It is illegal to be married legally to two people in the U.S. When it's time, think about how else you can protect yourself. I would make sure that you get proof (certified or registered mail) of everything that you send to USCIS in case you have to fight the affidavit of support later. No judge would force you to make good on it if you notified the authorities.

So that said, take care of your soul and please be careful. As was said earlier, desperate people do desperate things. Leave the hints alone and get your business in order before you get the pleasure of busting him. Do it from the other side of a locked door. You just never know...this is a big investment that he thought he was making for his future. You don't know how he might react. Just take care of you and let him find out by finding his things outside. File for divorce first so that he does not have any rights to your property. Thank you for sharing your story and I am wishing you an extra prayer. When he's gone, then you can release and really allow the healing to begin.

blessings!

Good for you!!! I don't see how he has a leg to stand on. Surely, even if through pure inefficiency they don't deport him, he won't be able to bring his family over. He obviously engaged in fraud.

Best wishes. We are all rooting for you!