I second Mermaid's advice- exuding positive attitude and energy will lift your spirits. Smile, even if you aren't right now, and examine how that makes you feel. Doesn't that feel good?
We understand your loneliness, as we all have experienced it to one degree or another, and my advice is do things for yourself first. Do things that make you happy and don't do things for the sake of attracting someone. When you are happy and energetic and positive, things will just fall into place.

We (aka the VJ community) are here for you and I wish you the best of luck.

Loneliness is a voluntary condition best mitigated by doing something nice for somebody, even if it is for yourself.

[/quote]

I am sorry that you are feeling so sad and lonely and unhappy right now. Yes, it feels good to have someone special in your life, but don't forget that happiness is not coming from other people, it has to be in yourself. Don't rely on others to be happy or feel good about life.
Keep in mind, if you are happy and in peace with yourself and your life, you will attract others to share it with you.
I really hope you will find that special someone for you, may it be your current wife or someone else, but don't try to find happness through another person, you WILL get hurt.
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I agree with that. Dennis, have you ever tried to do something that has never crossed your mind? For example, I know a guy who thought that Yoga was only for frustrated housewives or esoteric freaks. Then he accompanied a female friend of his to a class for a laugh, got curious, had some classes himself and was surprised how his health started to improve and how his inner balance miraculously became stronger, ever since he has been practicing Yoga. Now he even talks about learning all about meditation. Maybe this sounds funny to you. But I'm just saying that you might find joy in things that never crossed your mind. Sometimes it helps to break out of daily routines and old habits....

Thank you, I am trying but the pain is unbearable.

Thank you , thank you all~ you are good people!

I was talking to some people on CANDLE FOR LOVE tonight and I heard two possibilities. One was to find someone[chinese speaking] who lives near San Jose CA. to pay a visit to her and find out what is happening if they can determine where she lives or works. There are not many chinese dormitories in San Jose I would not think. The other was a suggestion that she does love me but commited herself to prostitution as payment for mommas operation and/or becoming a LPR This would explain the secrecy, the must go, and how to make that kind of money so quickly. I am SICK about this!!!!

Whyworry about something before there is a need to be concerned? Worry is a useless thought process that has no effect other than to cause a peson to dwell on negativity Contacting someone in the town you think she went to, on the other hand, might provide some answers.

Can't sleep. How can I find someone who lives where she may be that could do this?

A private investigator could help you

Thank you, Have you been to Sanibel before? Very nice but a little expensive also! I am checking into a P.I.

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I want to thank everyone who helped me! I got an email from the sister last night. I am devestated! She does not love me and wants out of the marriage. Reasons were; Not enough money, lovemaking, did not go to Disney and lack of communication. I replied and tried to reason but I know it was a futile effort. Dennis

Dennis, I am so sorry to hear that. Do you think this is for real or just her try to keep you from searching for her?
However you are taking these news, I wish you all the best for the future. You seem to be a very nice person and I am sorry, you have to go through this.
Please stay in touch and keep us posted of any new developments!

Wow, sorry to hear that. Sounds like it boils down to expectations not being met. Did you give her reasons to expect such things as a trip to Disney or more money? I wonder how many of those are made up reasons to cover unknown primary reasons.

I was hoping for better news. I'm so sorry.

Pretty tragic the whole thing. I mean, since my husband and I have been dating we have talked about going to Disney (amongst other places). Have we been there yet? NOPE! lol
Maybe I should leave him now....
In all seriousness that the topic deserves though, this is really really sad.

Hmmm. When was she being disingenuous? Before when she said she loved you, or now, when she says she doesn't? I think based upon the timing of all of this and the fact that in 2 years apart she was purportedly able to maintain the "love" for you, but once here that "love" dissipated within a month or so, and only AFTER the GC was received...things don't just add up to me.

Thank you for caring! I don't know if it is the truth or to keep me from finding her. At this point it doesn't matter. I could never trust her again. When trust is lost so is everything else. dennis

Yes, I told her that we would be going to Disney and other places in the fall when the weather cooled and I would take a vacation and we would do these things. She left before. I live about 30 miles from disney but the summer heat is not a fun thing! I told her all about my income, retirement, home, life insurance etc. before we ever married. I guess I'll never know how many were made up or why. thank you, dennis

Thank you! I too was hoping! dennis

Congratulations!!!!!!!! Tell your husband to take you to disney before the baby comes or you won't make it there for a while!

Thanks to everyone and I wish you the best of everything!! Dennis

Dennis,

I hope that I am not beating a dead horse. First, I want to say how terribly sorry I am that events have transpired as you related.

Second, I have carefully read through this thread trying to understand the motivations behind the actions of your wife. The explanations by "pshbrk" about Chinese culture were informative to me.

As I read your narrative and subsequent comments my gut reaction was that your wife through some bad judgement on her part had fallen under the control of a human trafficking organization. The actions by her indicate someone else is directing her. Her mom/family member needed an "expensive operation" or debt to pay. The debt is paid via the "corner loanshark". The collateral is your wife. She is leaned on to have you pay. She has too much respect/love for you to do it. She goes back to the home country to try to renegotiate the debt. Once she is there familial/filial responsibilities are impressed upon her. She has no way out. They give her the option of prostitution/industrial espionage for a year to "clear the debt". She agrees.So she comes back to America, leaves you and basically is incommunicado with you ever since. She speaks one time with you via the phone under surveillance by her handlers.

The scenario as I have described it, I have seen happen in various permutations with women from Mexico and Latin America. I have experience with involuntary prostitution, white slavery as it were, but my experiences lie within the sphere of Latin America.

My question to you: the person with whom you communicate via email to reach your wife you know for a fact is the sister of your wife? or perhaps this person is simply a person (not necessarily a woman) under the control or part of an organization that traffics in prostitution/industrial espionage.

The fact that you two have such limited communication skills is troubling to me. Not that the two of you can't have a stable and loving relationship in spite of the language barrier. One of my work companions has a mom of Japanese ancestry and a dad as white bread American as the day is long. Their relationship has endured for more than 30 years. My concern is that it would be more easy for unscrupulous people to manipulate your wife in her native language and bend her to their control.

If I were in your shoes, I would do 1 of 2 actions. Either I would write off the realtionship and say that it wasn't worth the trouble or I would go to the area where you believe her to be living, hire a PI to locate her, hire a bi-lingual Chinese-English translator and do your best to meet with her.

You were willing to spend $25Gs on her "mother's operation", maybe spending some of that cash to locate your wife might be a good investment for your own peace of mind.

I wish the best for you in these difficult times.

Peace.

Frank

Thank you for your input! The person that we were communicating through is her sister. I know this is fact. She may be also under someone else's control. The first two emails I got from her were positive. The last one ripped my heart out. The one phone call I got was with someone else dialing the phone and telling me that she was ok and that I could talk to her and I did but the woman was standing there all the time. After I emailed her sister and told her that I wanted to go to California and see my wife is when everything changed to me being a low life MF that she did not ever want to see again. I don't know what the truth is anymore and I believe that is what they want. Yes, I was ready to spend 25K to pay for the operation but that was under the scenerio of my wife being with me and loving me. I don't have that anymore. In her last email I was told that I should not look for her as she doesn't want to be found and cannot be found. This whole situation reeks of my wife being forced to do what she is doing but I cannot fight the mob. I could look for years and never find her, and if I did it would not do me any good. If anyone gets close to their dealings they would just kill everyone anyway so their problem is gone and go on doing what they do with other people. I doubt that our government and/or police can stop them or they would have done it before now! It looks like a losing situation out of my control. I did not want this or ask for this and can't stop this. dennis

I believe that one of the people controling her is the woman that has been calling here and talking to her since her arrival. No one else in the family knows who she is and I was told that she is a long time friend. The week that she left for CA. this woman was calling her many times every day. I also believe that she is the one that called and let me speak to my wife, even though we could not understand each other. This call only happened after I left a message on this womans cell phone that I would be calling the police to locate my wife if I did not get a return phone call, and they will be starting their search on her door step.

Well, if I was in your shoes, I would definitley want to know what REALLY is going on and have closure. I think hiring a private investigator would be a good thing to do and once you have the location, have a translator with you.
Maybe that womans cellphone number would be a good starting point for that search.

I don't know, I don't think I could just let it go and move on without knowing, what has happened with her.

Dennis,

I sent you a PM (private message).

Frank

Frankie,
I just answered your PM but I was knocked offline just as it was sent, so if you do not get it please let me know. dennis

read and replied

I tried to answer your PM but they said it was not sent because of an uneven nuber of quote tags. I have no idea what they are talking about. Tried to correct to no avail. time 8:37 pm.

that's to do with all the prior messages that are automatically kept in the PM compose box, and the tags [stuff in square brackets] around them... delete all the extra stuff, and leave JUST the new message you've typed, and you should have no problem

Thank you STP!

I just don't understand, Dennis. If you have even slight concern that your wife involved with human traffickiing organization, why not to go right away to FBI/police. You cannot fight the mob. They should-they can track your phone records, they have info on sweatshops/brothels. You wife is young and prob cute-big chance that she has been held in brothel. And it is not about 25K. They will make way more on her using her as a prostitute. They would not want her to repay 25K for the mother's surgery. They need her to work. Maybe that is why she has not taken your money. And her family back home in China are hostages to the situation. Your wife cannot do anything-her family members in China could be killed/beaten...Of course, there is a possibility that she has been just waiting for her GC and planly used you. But would not you want to do your best to know? Why not to report to FBI? What are you going to lose? If this case is too small for them, why not to hire PI then? You want to spend the rest of your life thinking that your wife just used you and feek sorry for yourself OR option 2-that she was held by the mob and you did nothing?

Go find your wife and help her. explain to her you are her husband and you love her she doesn't need to do all what shes doing

do you think it's an inappropriate hotel or restaurant that she is working at? No offense at all I am just honestly thinking of all possibilities that she couldn't show face or tell you about anything,

Bloody interesting topic. I agree this sounds a lot like human slavery.
Had she been dishonest with you - she'd take 25K as well, had she just decided to part ways with you - there would be no need for her to not be found.
Dennis, are you all right? I surely hope you did not fall into the mob hands yourself! You must do something - inform police, FBI, someone - if you don't get to see your wife soon, she may be lost forever.

Rika

Dennis, I feel for you-- and reading about the worst case scenarios some others have described makes me feel sick to my stomach. You may want to hire an experienced private investigator to try to find out what is going on and take it from there. Contacting the police or FBI, as Rika suggests, might also be a good option. Please be very, very careful, also in what you tell her sister.

quick question please,
so for the ir1 application for immigrant visa i believe after 3 years they can apply for USC? thanks

no phone in her dormitory is not an excuse... she can use payphone to contact you. shes doesnt even give u her address what is the puspose of this? maybe u are right shes using u for her own security.... besides u said money is not an issue for you to help out for her sick mother... and u are right her mother wont last for 3 more years to survive withouth medical operation as soon as possible... we dont even know if she will last... i can see here is her pride. if shes really cares for her sick mother i will grab the opportunity u offer.so her mother have her operation as soon as possible. i dont understand why she dont want to give u her info. alteast call u try to speak in english as much as she can and i know she can bec i know she talks to u in english but not good at all. but alteast try to understand her word in chinese as well try to use chinese english dictionary .. im curious how did u guyz communicate if she doesnt know how to speak english? : "Why did you even get married, if you never really understood each other in the first place." im mean just for curiousity goodluck

If you consider that she is slaving/prostitutioning at some human trafficing organization-everything would fall in place.

this thread really touched me, I can see it's an old one, but I can also see that the guy never came back to answer, so I wonder what happened?
Dennis sounded like a big hearted guy that definitely didn't deserve what happened, whatever ending this story had, I'd really like to get an update on everything or at least know he is doing ok, he appeared to be very depressed so I'm afraid something might have happened, if someone know about him or Dennis himself could come here and let us know whatever happened, I'd be very relieved to find out...
Hoping someone will be able to update it.