After three years of surviving the visa process and getting her here and after finally getting her green card after eight months of trying she has now deserted me. I would like to know if this is legal for her to do or if immigration would rescind her visa, green card? I will probably not turn her in if it is illegal but I need to know if this is something legal for her to do after getting the green card? I still love her very much and she says she loves me but must go elsewhere to work. I don't know if anyone here would know this or not but maybe you could refer me to a website or something? Thank You! I am new at using this site so I don't know how to find out if anyone knows? Help??

If she has her green card, she can do what she wants at this point. You are still bound to the affidavit of support however.

If you feel that she used you to fradulantly obtain immigration benifits, then report everything you know to the USCIS.

Wow, this post is not real active. I'm sorry to hear about this. Without knowing any real details it is hard to comment. It sounds like she may have got what she wanted, here's to hoping she gets what she deserves (be it good or bad). I don't think there is anything you can really do. Hang in there.

"after 8 month of trying she has now deserted me..."

Do you mean both you and your fiance/wife tried to marriage work? Or do you mean your wife/fiance tried to find work for 8 months?

It sounds to me by what you said that your wife did not marry you just to abandon you later and that she loves you. But for FINANCIAL REASONS she is forced to find work and MUST GO WHERE THE WORK IS.

It is very common for Chinese people to live away from their homes if that is the only way they can make money. Forced be seperate from their families with only New Years Holiday to see them.

If your income is insufficient to provide for her and allow her to send some money back to relatives in China (this is important responsibility in Chinise culture), then of course she will go where she can earn a dollar.

(I know, I was married once to someone from Tibet/China)

Sorry, but it sounds to me by your own words that she tried to "make things work."

If she has a conditional green card, she will need you to co-sign the application for removal of conditions (I-751), which can be submitted 90 days before her 2-yr GC expires. If you or she files a divorce before then, she can file the I-751 on her own and submit a copy of the divorce decree along with proof that our marriage was valid and entered into in good faith.

If she has a 10-yr green card, then she is pretty much set as an immigrant. If you suspect the marriage was entered into for green card purposes and make such a report to ICE, there is still no guarantee that they will go after her.

As Dan+Gemvita has already posted, you are still bound to the I-864 that you signed during the AOS process for 40 quarters. If she applies for means-tested benefits, the government can come to you with the bill and have you pay for it.

i dont know if i get this right, does it mean that the USC who signs the affidavit of support is liable/ or under obligation for 10 years? how about if the couple get divorce?

A divorce does not end the enforceability of the I-864. Only any the following can:

a. After the sponsored immigrant has earned 40 quarters of work credit. Note, 40 quarters of work credit is not always = 10 years.
b. If the sponsored immigrant departs the US for good;
c. If the sponsored immigrant becomes a USC;
d. If the sponsored immigrant dies.

There's nothing that says one must stay in the marriage just because one has a green card. So the mere fact that she's left doesn't tell us much of anything.

What we'd need to know is two things: whether her permanent residency is conditional (it's not clear when you married, or if she'll need to remove conditions), and whether you suspect that the marriage was entered into primarily for immigration benefit.

We married in China Oct. 17th 2005. She came to the US in FEb. 2007. We lived happily together for eight months, until she got the green card. At that time she went back to China for three months. Returned to US Feb. 14th this year and one week after returning said she was leaving to go to work in California. Left on the 28th. I paid airfare. She said before leaving that she loved me and did not want a divorce. She has never been affectionate to me. I just feel I was used to get here and get legal and then bye, bye! She has permanent residency for ten years. I don't know if she has to remove conditions as I never got to see the card or letter with it. I did see the notice they sent before mailing it and it said nothing about removing conditions. Thank you for your input!

I'm sorry I wasn't very clear. We worked on getting the green card for eight months and finally did. She said that she must raise $25,000.00 USD for a heart operation for her mother. I offered to pay for it but she refused saying that she must earn it. It will take a very long time for her to earn it waiting tables! Why not get a job around home instead of California? I make good money, money was not an issue.

I have replied to two interested parties. Thank you! I don't know if I have replied correctly, I hope so!

If she has the 10 year card, she no longer has to remove conditions. It also means, there is very little you can do right now.

If you think the whole marriage was a fraud to get a green card, you can report it to the USCIS/ICE. It will be up to them to take it from there though.

Well, if you offered to pay for her mothers heart surgery and she has not taken it...it does sound like a feeble excuse to get away.

I think you need to find out how to withdraw your Affidavit of Support.

Dennis,

This surely is an unhappy situation for you but you don't make it sound like a fraud case. If you know where your wife is and she's simply decided to independantly earn the money to pay for her mother's medical care, perhaps the situation is simply that you don't live together for the time being. Perhaps you can work out a way to continue your relationship while temporarily living apart.

It doesn't sound like she's done anything illegal. It is very common for a Chinese woman's marriage choice to be a practical one rather than an emotional one. They then choose to give their love to the husband they've chosen. They also tend to take a long term view of life and relationships that would make a year or more apart while she fulfils her filial obligations independant of her husband seem far more reasonable to her than it would to you or me.

Perhaps you'll want explore her thoughts and feeling in this vein.

yes i agree working far from home doesn't mean fraud!
sometimes you have to consider the culture! i am from a culture also who is very close to families! "close family ties", i was brought up that way too!
maybe after she earns the money she needs she'll come back and live with your happy home.
do you phone her everyday? as long as constant communication is there, then you both are fine!

Wow! Sorry to say this but this reeks of an opportunist.

I agree that at least it doesn't sound like a typical fraud case in that he knows where she is and where she's working, but it strikes me as strange that she isn't working nearby.

OP,

You mention a recent trip to China; did something happen on that trip? Someone suggesting a job for her, or her mother falling ill?

In any case, at this point, with a 10-year card, there's very little that can cause her to lose her permanent residency. You can't withdraw your affidavit of support for a residency application that is already approved. Divorce doesn't end her residency or your support obligation, either.

If you suspect she entered into the marriage primarily for immigration benefit, you can report that to USCIS.

Thank you for replying, I do appreciate it! She is working in a low paying job, eleven hours a day, six days a week. It will take some time for her to earn enough money. She also has her living expenses. She has called me once in the last month. She speaks no English and I very little Chinese. What if the mother doesn't last two or three more years? Why not accept my offer to pay for the operation and pay me back slowly if thats her choice. Why work three thousand miles from home instead of here? You said in your reply that a Chinese woman chooses to give their love to the husband they've chosen. I do not understand this? I am trying very hard to understand this situation but I feel lost, depressed and that I'll never see her again. I cannot contact her as she says there is no phone. She can not use an English computer, we can not communicate.

just a question... would it be possible for you to move with her for a little while and see what's going on ? and from there see what can be done.
It's a tricky situation as to know if she used you or not. At least she didn't took the money you were offering (wich probably mean she is proud and want to do it on her own without you paying for her even if it takes forever).
I wonder how do you guyz communicate ? (hardly little english and chinese) how did you fell in love ? (this is just my own curious question)

Immigration takes time to adjust and is not always easy (took me about 1.5 years to adjust from france to french canada).... i guess it might be way longer if the language is not the same, even longer if you don't speak it before you come.

I think i would give a chance to the relationship (she doesn't want a divorce, she said it.... if she doesnt care, and would be dishonnest, she would probably at least get your 25k and leave).

It's tricky and i don't know much about culture difference with people from china.
But i do have a couple i know who went to live back in china (he is chinese from france, she is chinese from china) and she did went to work away for a while too. They have a kid and the little girl was leaving at her grandparents place for a few years too. I guess this is just a big cultural thing.

Thank you for your reply! It is impossible for me to move 3000 miles away at this time. I have a house that I almost have paid for and a good job that I have been at for 13 years. Why did she not get a job here instead of so far away? She now has to pay for living expenses. I have recieved one phone call in the last month and could not understand the Chinese, she may have been telling me bye!

Thank you for your reply! Why work far away from home when you can work around home and live at home? We cannot communicate, she says there is no phone there and she cannot use an English computer. I have suggested she write to me via US post office in Chinese and i will get translated, I suggested buying a phone and minutes. I have not heard back. If she would contact me regularly then I would feel much better. Thank you again!

Thank you for your reply! I replied to this post yesterday but do not see it here now? I understand that she wants to work to pay for the medical care but why not work at the city where you live? There would be no living expenses that way. What if mommas medical care can not wait for two or three more years? You said that " they then choose to give their love to the husband they've chosen". Please, would you explain this to me as I don't understand? Thank you!

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I wish to thank everyone for their ideas! You have helped me very much! i have replied to many of you and have also asked more questions in the replies. I appreciate your help. Most of my replies have shown up on page two. I am not real familiar with how this site operates yet!

3/23/2008

What I'm saying is that it is common for a Chinese woman to choose whom she will love based at least as much on practical matters as on any romantic attraction. It's more of a decision to love than a process of falling in love in the beginning. The decision and the loving often precede the "in love" part of the relationship. The Catch 22, of course, is that we fall in love with them usually long before their "in love" stage begins.

Is there no way for you to mail her a letter, translated into Chinese if you feel that she would better understand you, detailing some options that would be avilable for her, while remaining with you. You seem to think that her choice to move so far away is at cross purposes to her stated objective, which is to earn enough money to pay for her mother's medical care. Why not put your thoughts on paper and have her contact you to discuss this. I am not struggling with the notion that you feel lost and abandoned, since her abrupt departure, but I do struggle with the notion that you have not developed a means to communicate better in the 7 months that you claimed you lived in "happy matrimony". How was it that you could communicate then, but don't appear to be able to do so now?

If I understand you correctly you are saying that she chose me for practicality not love and she may not be in love with me?

I will definitely mail to her as soon as she gives me an address where she is and can receive mail at. I will send it in Chinese. While she was here for the eight months she was slowly learning English from me and from an English course I bought for her [Pimslear]. I was also learning some Chinese. We mostly concentrated on Nouns. We also had an electronic translator. At this point in time I email her sister in China, she translates it there, reads it and relates it to my wife when she calls her. Then she emails to me. This has only happened once in the last month!

I'm saying that's a distinct possibility, though she may have chosen to give her love to you. "In love" is not generally a requirement in advance of commitment from a Chinese woman. So, her commitment may well be intact. Communication will be required to know the answer.

So if she doesn't love me then why stay in the relationship? She just wants me for security? So far I have found her to be truthful but will avoid questions she doesn't want to answer. She may never be in love with me.

You are confusing "loving you" with "being in love". I suppose it's a common error but they are not the same thing in any culture. Again, I'm only pointing out a possibility for you to consider. I don't know your wife or anything about your relationship you haven't written here.

I do suggest you learn more about how the Chinese view marriage. You'll get a lot more opinions and probably a better understanding if you'll read previous discussions or start your own in the culture forum at http://www.candleforlove.com It's a forum like this but just for China/USA fiance and marriage visa issues.

Living apart for extended period due to work issues is just not uncommon for Chinese couples. Some patience may be all you need to end up with a wonderful wife and happy life.

Thank you for your help! You have explained many things to me. I appreciate you taking the time to do so! I must admit that I do not understand the difference between loving someone and being in love, I'm sorry. If I love someone then I am in love with them. I have tried to register on Candle for over a week now. Cannot get a confirmation returned to me. I have logged in with a friends information and posted. I have contacted them about not being able to register and get the confirmation but have yet to hear back from them! I don't know what else to do?

I don't think u should move there. I think you should go and visit, that isn't unreasonable...where is she working?? sounds like it is a sweatshop and who got her the job?? sounds like a hook-up for work and maybe she's worried about getting a job near you because she can't speak English. I would take a trip and figure out what is going on?

I wanted to just add something. She went home for a visit according to what you said and then when she returned nary a month later moved to work in a restaurant. My ex is Chinese from mainland China. There are "entrepreneurs" in China who loan money for work in the US. Your mother in law may have already had the procedure completed and it being an emergency your wife agreed to the loan because it can be worked off in a year. IT usually means that you work where they assign you to work and they provide rather poor housing and the hours are very long. It's only a step above slave labor. It's very very common here. I mention it because the things you said, sound suspiciously like this could be one thing that might have happened. On her honor, she will work and pay it off. You may want to book a hotel room and try to have an honest face to face talk with your wife. It's a little odd that she doesn't speak english and you don't speak chinese. What language do you communicate in?

Excellent point. This is quite common and would be easy for your wife to find such an arrangement since she has a green card. If so, she would be concerned about losing face by telling her husband about it.

I suspect you probably do understand the difference. Do you have a mother, father, sister, son or daughter? Have you ever been in love and then found that love grew stronger. Do you realize "love" is also a verb, not just a noun/feeling?

This does sound reasonable to me, at $25,000 for the surgery, her mother would be dead or dying before she made that kind of money. If that is the case see if you can arrange payments to be made instead of work and your wife was probably a good candidate because she already had a visa.

I doubt it. The surgery probably only cost about $10,000 if this is what happened. They want cheap labor in the US. It increases their profits exponentially here. It would also set a precedent if they accepted a loan repayment program. These operations often don't have the nicest people working in China. Meaning mafiaesque, if you know what I mean.

When speaking of how things work in China, what you or I might consider reasonable is hardly relevant.

I meant reasonable in what Bassi and Zainab typed is what happened, what you responded excellent point too

Right. Expecting to switch from the arrangement described to a payment arrangement of even a buyout is what's not a reasonable expectation.

Whether $25,000 is reasonable for her medical expenses would depend on the needs and the hospital. Costs vary widely.

If I were the OP, I'd find a native speaking female Chinese translator near where his wife is staying, to accompany him for a visit. Not a confrontation, a visit.

I wouldn't be surprised if the circumstances of such an arrangement (if that's what it is) included her family consumating the agreement in her behalf without consulting her first. The Chinese take filial responsibility very seriously.

Too late to withdraw Affidavit of Support. That must be done before a green card is issued. And because they were married for two years prior to applying for the green card, she was entitled to the 10-year permanent green card. There are no conditions on this green card.

Just wondering how do you communicate ..... get divorce and better luck next time!

I do not know the name of the place, all I know is the city name. It's suposed to be a hotel with a restaurant. She lives in a dormitory with other Asians. When she left I was told that she would be working in a different city and living with her girlfriend. She found the original job through an chinese employment agency in S.F. and her girlfriend but that is not where she is now.

If I do go there and confront her, if I can find her, I fear she would lose face and I know that is a bad thing for Chinese. She would not forgive me I fear. The operation cost $25,000.00 US dollars not yuan. This does sound like a possibility of what has happened as I wasn't given details of where she would be working, she's living in a dormitory with other Asians, working 11 hour days, six days a week. Where in the US is there NO phone available? No mailing address? I also understand that her sister in China is now working long hours there and she has a small child. I don't know what to do?

I said NOT a confrontation, a visit. Of course she'd lose face if you confronted her. She's your wife. Surely you can arrange to visit her. Communication, not confrontation.

hahahha! this is funny. i wonder too how did you get married when in fact you don't understand each other's language?

Please remain on topic. People without a common language deal with communication difficulties all the time. After 18 months in the USA, my wife and I still use a hand-held translator or the computer to translate some things. When she arrived, it was a daily occurence. When we married in China it was many times a day.

There are plenty more in the same boat. Not your cup of tea? Fine. but lay off the off-topic jabs.

ok so sorry if i was out of the topic!
im an asian too from the philippines so i can relate those "communication gap" sometimes.

During World War II, a lot of American soldiers married Japanese women, and to bridge language barriers a lot of them would sort of invent their own language to communicate. I'm sure a lot of them stayed married, as well.

I myself don't understand when people can't figure out a way to communicate when they don't speak a common language, but for those that do, it's entirely a workable situation.

Thank you for saying this! Some people will never understand certain things until they are confronted with it. We originally met through Match.com. We emailed daily through an interpreter. We grew closer and closer. If she wasn't in love with me when I went to China and married her then she was an excellent actress! Sixteen months of visa waiting later she came to the US. We immediately started the AOS paperwork.
I have been thinking all day about the possibility of what some of you suggested, that she must work off the money for the operation. I think that is a very real possibility. But why not tell me about it, how could she loose face by telling me about her arraingement? The operation is for heart bypass. If this is what she has done then I pray that her mother survives the operation!