AFTER ONE OF THIS WEBSITE MEMBERS HAD A SINGLE BAD EXPERINCE IN MARRYING ONLINE.. SOME OF IROGANT USERS STARTED TALKING BADLY ABOUT US.. AND STARTED TO TALK BADLY ABOUT ONLINE MARRAIGES.. AND THINKING THAT WE ARE DOING THIS FOR A PURPOSE!!
I WANT TO ASK ANYONE WHO IS LIVING REAL LOVE ON THIS WEBSITE JUST TO ADD SIGNTURE.. AND I AM THE FIRSET ONE WHO SAYS: I LOVE MY WIFE LISA MORE THAN MYSELF...
THANK YOU
YZD

i musta missed something

I would say that a great number of the people that you encounter will be suspicious of your relationship solely based on stereotypes...you will save yourself much trouble by getting used to that now.

Hopefully those who are important to you will understand your true intentions. Those are the people you should be concerned about.

I DONT UNDERSTAND!! EXPLAIN MORE!~

get used to people being suspicious of your intentions! it is going to happen. don't get so upset so quickly like you have here. and you should care more about your wife's family thinking you are for real than anyone else!

did that exlpain it, jenn? lol

It is a fact that a significant number of MENA relationships will not last. There could be many reasons for this, but often the MENA man's intentions are not honorable. Because of this, there are many people who will assume that *your* relationship is a scam as well. There is nothing you can do to change that. Only you know what is in your heart, and if it is real, then who really cares what others say?

Yes, that about sums it up!

THANKS,,, WELL MY WIFE'S FAMILY HAD A GOOD IDEA ABOUT ME.. AND I KEEP IN TOUCH WITH THEM.. AND MY BIG FAMLIY DO TOO,, I HAVE 6 AUNTS AND MY MOM TOO.. THET EXCHANGE TXTS ... .. MY WIFE HAS A VERY GREAT BROTHER.. AND I LIKE HIM AS A BROTHER OF MINE .

I think the OP is saying "not all MENA men are bad" and "if you're happy with your MENA man, please say so here."

Really not such a bad idea for a topic, even if it spun off the ongoing trainwreck in the other thread.

So I will answer the OP -- yes, I'm very happy ! My husband is the best thing that ever happened to me.



-MK

I have to say that since my husband has been here I certainly don't see any red flags, and I have never been happier.

I wish there was something someone could do to stop this insane tactic of using women (or men) for a green card. It is pure evil and heartless.

yes i agree with JP...the wording that hayati used was just a little confusing...

Hayati...u have to know too this is what women do...kinda like ''man bashing'' when we are upset...truth is...we love and when we get hurt it's like "all men suck"...not just mena men...ALL OF THEM...hehe...they don't actually and lots of us do have wonderful relationships....everyone is just trying to offer tammy (on the other post) support b/c she is really hurting ...

just like all women are NOT good...there are some men that are bad also...not all...by no means...

So I am adding with JP...i have no complaints (well...a few...but tedious)...hehe...nothing that can't be worked out...but I also have been hurt and used and cheated on...so I can feel the pain that tammy feels from the other post...

Trust me, it wasn't meant that ALL of you guys are bad...I am sure your Lisa picked a sweetheart--she seems like a sweetheart too....no worries....

YOU ARE RIGHT BROTHER, ALHAMDULLILLAH! ALHAMDULILLAH! ALHAMDULILLAH!

I am so happy you posted this! Good for you brother, may you have many blessing in your marriage and may you be the inspiration of all good men to stand up and say, "I love my wife!"

Tammy

Cheating doesn't only happen with MENA men, just take a look at the Americans, they are pretty good at it too. It is just the person, not where they are from. My first husband was an American, and he was cheating all over the place. Most of the women I know who been through this have been married to Americans. That said, not all American men cheat either, we have some great men. Knowing someone for a long time and in person is no guarantee that you will have a wonderful marriage either. So meeting someone online isn't the deal maker in my opinion. I used to think that you had to meet someone in person and do the normal "western thing" dating and getting to know one another, but as we can see by our divorce rates in this country, that isn't working either. It is between the two people, period, nothing in this life is guaranteed, just love and give it your best. It is people, period, some are just crap.

The bad stuff does happen. In fact, I've seen way too much of it happening lately.
And as others have said, you will be judged unfairly by some people because of what some men have done. There's no way to avoid that. But if the people who are closest to you and your wife believe in you, their opinions, and God's opinion, are the only ones that matter.
My husband doesn't post here, but I will say that marrying him was, without question, one of the best decisions of my life, and I'll leave it at that.

Ironically I did not meet my husband online. (I say ironically because I live on the computer, well, that is til my laptop breaks lol:)
And I'm a mena wife and yes I am happy with him. He's the best thing that has ever happened to me and I make dua everyday that we get togetehr soon.
People will stereotype and for some reason...maybe it's because I deal mainly with Arabs I dunno...but arab men get a bad reputation about everything under the sun. Well, I do believe that there is a reason stereotypes exist but not all arab men are bad. Certainly not because I married one:)
Bdut it reminds me of what my husband told me before he left to go back to Palestine. Peole will talk always but it is the most important that the husband and wife stick together and trust each other and that is what is important. And if both of us did not believe that, there is no way we'd still be married today. Because both people...arab and american....love to use the biggest muscle in the human body. Nope, not the heart but their stupid mouths:(

Get a desktop. I have a laptop, it's in a bag collecting dust. I've been using desktops since 1994 (* Not counting the pseudo-computers I used prior to then) - and very happy with em.

----

*cough*

Now, those of us who grew up in the United States? Bad? Eh?

Come on, not everyone's horrible - bleh - so many people taking exceptions & the lowest common denominator - and using it as the "standard" - eh - there's nasty people all over the place, true - but a generalization is the lowest form of analysis or description that you can possibly use. It's a pathetic attempt at describing something. The world's a dynamic place - not static. You can not generalize.

And - no - definitely - no - you can't say every Arab man is bad, nor can you say every American man is bad, or Dutch, Brazilian, Mexican, etc etc etc - you get my point. People are different.

I'd like to think the majority are good and/or try to be good.

And - I just wanted to point out - that some people use the -real- largest muscle in the human body to do their talking. That's right - the glutes. They talk out of their butt. ( like my dirtbag uncle - and a few people I know. Ugh. Or Hillary ... lol! )



Now see, that's where things are wrong. You can't generalize and blame potentially innocent people for something they haven't done.

Like - look at Iraq. Some lunatics are killing people, and everyone gets a bad name? What the hell is that? Guilty until proven innocent?

Don't be surprised when you point at someone, say "OMG! YOU'RE TERRIBLE!" - and they get sick of hearing it, pick up and leave. Or worse yet, get accused so much that they take up what you're accusing them of.

When you do that - you're asking for trouble. Give the guy a break....

Or another lecture habibi gives me when I generalize...
Not every finger on your hand is the same. Therefore, using that logic, not every person is the same.
Oh my habibi...the only voice of reason sometimes in this madness......

I love this expression.Did he also tell you to put your finger in his coffee to sweeten it cause youre just so darn sweet?

W. why do u find it so hard to belive some people are happy, do you have the only perfect relationship

this is a sweet thing that my husband says...it wasnt sarcastic lol

sorry then i just took u were makeing fun of them

*scribbles on pad*

*nods*

*frowns*

Somehow, my monotone puts-you-to-sleep voice would not ... do something like that right.

( Luckily, I think she understands that. Oh well, I could always make my obsessive perfect-cup-of tea or a nice *real* cappuccino. )

LOL
No he is too picky about his coffee:) But he did teach me how to make it just so right for him....cuz I was not used to drinking instant coffee so I'd put too much of the coffee in it....but now I cand make it ok. But I still love the coffee made by him more:)

I agree with you.

I put two kind of unrelated thoughts together and I'm not sure it came out the way I intended. I've seen some bad ends to relationships happen with a few people I know lately. It's very disheartening. That was really the end of that thought.

As for the rest, I just meant that yeah, people are going to generalize, and not just in the case of MENA men. When my husband remarks to his boss that he's just bought a FTA satellite system and his boss responds, "Great! Now you can watch all the terrorist channels for free," or when he has two-day stubble and his boss tells him to "shave your face -- you look like a terrorist," my husband can either fight it or try to laugh it off. If he were going to be there long-term, we would take some steps because something can be done about that when it happens at work. For now, he's chosen to give his boss the "you're an idiot" look and then laugh. Anyway, the important thing for us is that my husband knows he has the love and support of my family and those closest to him, and to heck with everyone else.

That's what I was trying to say to the OP. He might as well know that some people will judge him unfairly (most will not). I didn't mean to come off as flippant about it or to suggest that I think that sort of judgment or joke is okay. It's not okay at all. The first time someone here said something blatantly bigoted to my husband's face, I felt like I'd been slapped, and he'd only just arrived, so goodness knows how it felt to him. Thankfully, those incidents have been few and far between.

Women are easily moved like leaves in the wind by other peoples words. Men are not. Woman tend to get weak in love when men can usually maintain themselves. With that being said I think the negative experiences on the board have reflected on how women take their men now and very cautiously. I think most womens spouses here don't read what's written on here or anywhere on the net or in person to actually worry about their women as women worry about men. Men usually automatically trust their women not to do something horrible to them.

Whoever believes "Generalizations about arab men" CANNOT be true I think you're living in some kind of dream or something? There's just about 3 categories ARAB men fall into.

Religious & Serious and/OR controlling (won't accept a women with kids from previous marriage, wife has to be virgin before marriage, no gfs, will never accept modern style of living, shy,)
Laid back yet knows his respect and religion (shy,previous gfs but virgin bc of his religious beliefs, open to any culture and will learn it such as American culture, talks about other womens beauty with gf/wife),
Modernized/westernized (will drink,party,previous gfs, loves and lives in american culture, accepts wife to have male friends).


Some people might think I'm wrong and I don't know anything but I've grown up with all kinds of arab men. You can argue until you turn blue but it's still a real fact. Any other arab women on this board will off hand agree with me Arab men will speak more freely to us than someone from a different background .(American women who think they are arab don't count) Whatever bad intentions he has for an american/british or whatever woman he won't openly discuss that with her as he would with a woman from his own country or his culture. They are more open to speak bad motives with someone in the same culture vs telling another american hey im just going to use this american woman for a GC. That's just not realistic for a woman to ask are you using me or would you use me if i was another woman? and the man replying yes if you were another woman I'd use you but you are you so I loovveee you. I'm pretty sure that's joked (let me go marry a woman for a GC ) around alot with arabs among themselves even if they'd never consider using an american/french/austrailian citizen for citizenship. Not all fingers on the hand are same that is such a typical answer from all arabs. Just because a man says a typical line doesn't mean you don't have to worry about him. NOBODY considers them same to anybody else in this world. I don't consider myself same to any woman in this life but men can look at me and categorize me in whatever I fit in. There is a difference in personality when Arab men marry their own vs American. It's the same as American men marrying arab women. There's a difference in personality dealing with another culture.

Brother maybe you might not be bad but you are Aware there are many many men who use women from your country that's a fact you can never push off.

GREAT FREAKING POST

I'm sorry, but my husband doesn't fit any of the 3 pigeonholes. He's such a square peg.

What to dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ?????????

Sara, I am not arab nor do I think I am arab but over the years I have been friends with alot of arabs both men and women. You are wrong that arabs do not tell their true intentions. I knew a moroccan guy was leaving his american wife before she did.. about 4 months before he had his citizenship interview, he stopped having sex with her and started sleeping in the other room. He just abandoned and neglected her until she filed for divorce and she was none the wiser. She even told me she thought he was gay.. Well I was out at a sheesha place and there he was getting into a car with a moroccan girl He and his wife were similar in age.. he was like 32 and she was 29. She was very messed up in the head over him.. but she moved on and got over it.. I think sometimes the guys are really happy with their american wives but there is sometimes alot of pressure from other arabs to leave their wives and get someone from back home and what is really ironic is that sometimes they leave their american wife to kind of appease everyone else and then end up with someone from back home who doesnt understand them and they are miserable. People change and get used to the USA and sometimes arabs no longer fit in with the culture back home... I have heard the whole " I am looking for someone to marry do you know any Americans?" and I just really got cold inside when I would see these guys bring their sweet clueless wife around ( of course these are guys on tourist visas mostly .. not people who people brought over)

This whole bringing guys over thing is relatively new to the internet age. Before it was just come over with a tourist visa or work at disney and hurry up and find someone to help you stay here.. Now the internet is like a big fishing hole of men looking for their ticket out of where they are..

This whole topic as true as it all might be is sad as hell. I am sure most of you agree.. It s like looking at a dog hit by a car or something and you cannot save the poor dog.. Like you just wanna cry... and you know its reality but you dont want to deal with it.. I sure as hell am saddened by all of this...

I understand, Im very disgusted with this kind of thing happening and you know what it's happening MORE now than ever. It's like a conspiracy or something all the arabs are trying to come to USA but the wrong way. I think it's the communication with parents and their offspring not explaining what is marriage and never to use a woman but then again there could be nasty families who approve using women/men from USA. Woman want innocent clean religious men, Arabs are more smoother than anyone ever could think. They know the right things to say and wrong things. If you talk innocently to a man he will talk back in that manner. IF you open up and allow him to he will speak some nasty things you never hear from american men. That wolf in sheeps clothing comes up. Some arab men (God bless them) won't BS with you he'll be real with you and explain he's aware of the shitty things that are going on now days but if you consider him one of those men just leave or explain why did you marry him in the first place. He won't let tht subject go for days he will stay pissed at u until you understand he loves you. Not all fingers on a hand are same that's just about the most played out quote that has me pissed at any man here that said that. Arab men here in USA KNOW im married and they still try to get me to date them and leave my husband for them. 1 Arab man has a GC and he's currently in the U.S army training he's so modernized it's disgusting he admits he messed with american women but would never agree to marry one and that's why he wants to have an arab girl to take back to his family. Another man last year was on fiance visa to marry his spanish/american wife and he asked if i was single and said he was looking for a relationship to evolve into marriage. That bastard thought no other woman would come tell me he was married. American women - they are still daughters/sisters of some Man living or dead. I'm a huge feminist in this subject my spouse supports me 100% he has 4 sisters and lives with couple of aunts, grandma, mother he understands what a womans respect and place is. He did police work and never tolerated women with men they werent related to in discos together or men harassing women. he stopped talking completely to any man who joked around about visas by marriage to canadians,americans, french, he won't even tolerate a man talking about his gf. Only a wife has respect to be talked about from a man. If a womans man holds that much respect its a pretty high chance he will hold his wife respect in his hands with God's name.

Im happy and love love love my MENA man!!
He's sweet, true, ya hob hayati, and doesnt fit into one of the three categories sara laid out hee hee.

Lisa

Good post habibi!

LMAO

i suppose a hammer would help fit a square peg into a round hole.

I want to cast my vote here as well: I am married to a wonderful Arab muslim man from Jordan. He has been here since May, 2007. We both have had to make some adjustments since he has been here, mostly because of cultural differences. But he is proving to be very committed to our marriage. God has blessed him with a good job and he takes pride in financially supporting me. Before he arrived, I was working two jobs; part-time as a teacher and fulltime as an addiction counselor. Immediately after he started working, he demanded that I quit my part-time job. We are close in age; he's 54 and I'm 60 and we continually give thanks to Allah for bringing us together. So my prayer is that all of my MENA friends will find as much happiness in marriage as I have.

awww.. thanks for the positive feedback!

Yeah I super duper moi MENA man.

Wow, the OP starts a thread intending to defend Arab men against stereotypes, and spread the love, but you and wahrania can't resist not only stereotyping them further, but then announcing that anyone who disagrees with you not only has no odea what they are talking about, but you slam Arab women who don't fit your idea of what an authentic Arab woman is like (of course, they would have to fit your stereotypes and agree with you to be authentic).

You two have some real insecurities that not only make me wonder why you chose Arab men, but why you constantly need to advertise your narrow biases on pretty much any thread you post on. It's clear to me who the ignorant ones are.

Not sure what is the normal MENA man? My husband is kinda of just normal man, loves to go camping, and hunt poor small animals, with his friends. Totally normal, I on the other hand hate camping, thank goodness he goes with his friends. If I see a spider or some kind of nasty bug, it will be a very bad day camping. My mother loves to camp also, my husband and mother seem to think getting back to nature is a good thing. I say take me to the Hilton where there is a bed, and room service.

So clue me in what is the MENA man suppose to be cause I am interested to hear this one.

thanx for every1 who posted and discussed this.. and thanx tammy for her post.. u will be better inshallah and evrything will be fine... and thanx for my sweetheart lisa so much,,, and bahbek ya omri
yzd

It was nice to read a post started by an MENA man expressing his love for his American wife and encouraging others to follow suit. I am not MENA nor a man but read this forum every now and again as I do find it fascinating to try and appreciate the cultural differences individuals from MENA countries face coming to the US, and seeing how they and their spouses deal with these challenges. So, thank you HAYATI for giving a voice to the other half of the equation. It was nice to read.

I think you should have read that first maybe. It meant there's too much negativity on this board and their husbands don't usually read the boards so they don't have to worry about their women. But women are really paying attention to the negativity on the boards and that's not healthy for them to read something online and view their husbands in that way if another member had a bad experience. I didn't post that to hurt anybody or offend them. And I also say all men are not bad but when wahrania said there ARE guys like that out there yeah it's true. I don't agree 100% with her but I do believe some men have bad intentions but those can also be altered. If you really think about it pretty much any man can fall into those categories. I'm sure everyone here considers their spouse to be an *angel* or something but I think men are men and how the wife leads him in life he will follow that example. Some women here DO worry if their spouses are using them and I dont think if you just ask the man & he will tell you "Yes I'm using you". I don't think men can come out like that and speak their motives. I was pointing out the old saying "all fingers on the hand aren't same". and I believe not ALL but majority of the time an Arab who's looking for GC benefits he won't explain to another American woman yeah I'm looking to use another woman like you. He will explain to a woman from his same culture I've been looking for an american to marry so I can stay in america or come to america. It's not the title of all arab men or personality of them but there's a handful of them. If you disagree with me that's fine but to point out I have personal insecurities it's extremely rude as I don't know you and I've never personally aimed at you or anyone else besides wahrania because "i wont reply to algerian tests to prove im algerian". If you really consider my motives to my posts against the men who ARE bad, why would I come online to bash arab men and american women marrying them? I have a life rather than to come online and break marriages or categorize men as you are thinking about me. I'm here solely to update my timelines and ask Visa questions, help other people out. If I see someone in trouble I'll definitely help them with advice I've only experienced or seen face to face.

My husband who is Algerian is my best friend...we cry together...we took my little girl to the hospital together...I am having his baby....He is the best thing that ever happened to me..He knows how badly I was hurt..he's not perfect...we argue..I cry...I laugh...we fight...but I love him..I love him like the air...I am hungry for his touch..I am grieving..I almost died 2 months ago.....All I have in life to give him is my little family,my heart and a greencard...If my life can alter his....if this baby gives him back the pain of his dad dying as a child and his mom being sick all the time...if my body can carry joy to his heart...and I can be with him on his first trip to WDW...or the first time he sees a dolphin...then let my birth as a us citizen carry love to this man who has given me back the will to live after another arab took my life away from me and shattered all my dreams

I love him...I need him....I cannot live without him

thank you so much for this wharaina... and i hope the best for u and ur husband togather inshallah.. loving and chershing eachother


yw

[/quote]
My husband who is Algerian is my best friend...we cry together...we took my little girl to the hospital together...I am having his baby....He is the best thing that ever happened to me..He knows how badly I was hurt..he's not perfect...we argue..I cry...I laugh...we fight...but I love him..I love him like the air...I am hungry for his touch..I am grieving..I almost died 2 months ago.....All I have in life to give him is my little family,my heart and a greencard...If my life can alter his....if this baby gives him back the pain of his dad dying as a child and his mom being sick all the time...if my body can carry joy to his heart...and I can be with him on his first trip to WDW...or the first time he sees a dolphin...then let my birth as a us citizen carry love to this man who has given me back the will to live after another arab took my life away from me and shattered all my dreams

I love him...I need him....I cannot live without him
[/quote]


lol don't think like this Algerian brothers look for real love alot of girls back home use them. Alot of men are just looking for real love.

www.myspace.com/mejwez that our myspace page,, all mejwez and crazy dabkeh

I love my MENA man! I have known him for 9 years total, and yesterday was our 1-year anniversary

He has treated me better than any other American man I have known, and I know I can trust him with anything. Stereotypes are for people with closed minds and even worse closed hearts

But from what I keep reading on the positive posts around here, it is clear that many of our MENA men rock!!!

for the link! I'll have to check it out. Love dabkeh

Hummm My man dont fit in the 3 categories.