Hey,

In terms of lecturing him, i don't think it's our place. I don't agree with what he said, as he could have phrased it better, however if she is one of those idiots that is just using him for his american citizenship, then he's right, she doesn't deserve to be here. I am sure we can all sympathize that if youir loved one was not interested in being with you at all, but only wanted to get to America, that you'd feel the same was as him. Yes he could have used different words such as "send her back" to express what he was saying, but he is human, he has emotions, and he is probably feeling like s***.
Now, pokernut, you either filed for a K-1 after only knowing her for a little bit, or you are just naive and cannot see when someone is deceiving you. I find it hard to believe that she put on such a great facade to the point where you truly believed she loved you and was able to disguise her true reasons for being in the US.
I am sorry that it turned out this way, but this is a prime example of someone abusing the K-1 visa, and this is a prime example of WHY we all have to wait so long for our visas, because some people just only want to scam/manipulate someone just so they can become a PR in he United states.

it took me 8 months before i filed the k-1 .. yes my gut feeling said get out of this.. no I didnt listen.. She finally convinced me that she loved me, but she didnt have it in her to carry it out when she got here. She thought i was so dopey, I would just do anything for her no matter what, and im sure i added to that by sending her the money that i sent her all this time.

just out of curiosity.. when she goes back to her home country, would this affect how long she would have to wait to file a work visa?

Depends on what type of work visa and if she has any skills she'd get a work visa for. Work visas are a bit harder to get than a lot of other visas.

pokernut,

I want to apologize for the comment I directed towards you at the end of my post. It was based on the tone of your original posts that gave me the impression that maybe you were taking the K1 visa process lightly. I can imagine how terrible you must feel now without everyone adding to your pain.

Anyone who says that they have never had their judgment clouded by love is not being honest with themselves or has never been in love. I am sure that you can look back now and see the signs that should have alerted you to the real situation, but hindsight is 20/20. You seem like a sincere person who just wants what we all want.

Try not to be discouraged. Things happen for a reason and there is always a lesson to be learned. Don't let this one go to waste. It sounds like you know what you need to work on and that may be just learning how to be alone and comfortable with yourself. That way when your heart is trying to tell you something is not right, you can have the strength to walk away.

The best thing you can do is put this behind you and move on without hanging onto any negative feelings. Keep your head up. You will find true love when the time is right, or maybe I should say true love will find you.

Perfectly said!

Yeah right. Let's just be really gentle with her and kindly ask her to leave. We're an ultra liberal nation. Why not? ........Nonsense.

Yes, ship her out as if she was damaged goods. She lied and cheated the government to be here. That's breaking the law. She used this guy to gain entry. But, I do have to say shame on him for not really seeing this coming. Surely there were warning signs.

This has already happened to him before! This is his fault for being stupid! You should know when your ireally in love!

She had another boyfriend? Would not kiss him good night? i bet when they were together 16 months ago they never even made love? is this guy retarded?

Well, in his defense, he is human and looking for love. He obviosly had some idea this may happen, but he took the chance anyway. I don't have much sympathy but I can relate to the human need. And if he really loved her, he's going through many different emotions right now. He's hurt, he's stressed, and he's mad. That's natural. I would want her out immediately as well. Why should she get to spend 3 glorious months on vacation, while his heart has been broken? But why should we grieve for him when he kinda set himself up? Well, good luck to you Pokernut. Heal your wounds, throw her out, and do something that makes you happy.

I think all he is looking for is a sympathy party and i dont feel bad for him at all! And i Dont think he could of really been in love with her! Did he really love her? Or did he love how young she was and how she looked?

No, he's a fool for love. Foolishness is not retardedness. His risk was not smart, but it was honest. His weakness may very well have asked for this result, but come on....we can't start bashing him and calling him names. He's an adult and looking for adult advice.

He's already made it perfectly clear that sex and youth had nothing to do with his affection for her. Try to imagine being in his health and condition. He is looking for a loving companion to share everything with. Again, he made a big mistake assuming that this was the right person. I have no real sympathy for the hurt he's feeling now either. I just have an understanding for why he did what he did. I don't believe he wanted her for her rockin' hot body or her promiscuity. So, yes, I believe he really did love her. For selfish reasons perhaps, but no I don't think he confused lust for love.

Ahh, words of wisdom spoken from years of experience...oh, wait, you're 19 years old.

I was waiting for that.

Craig, do I have to set up an account to view your photo album?

Maaaaaaaaaaan pokernut this sucks! I am sorry for the turmoil you are having and I wish you all the best.

olivia

how dare you?! who gives a damn what you 'think'? this isn't a thread for us all to give our disinterested opinions on, like who's going to win the Superbowl... this is a real person with a real problem who has asked for help

you've NEVER made an error of judgement, Corey-Mariya? you've NEVER formed an impression of someone, good or bad, which later turned out to be incorrect? you've NEVER wanted something to turn out right, so persisted with it even when a little voice was whispering you might be wrong about that? lay your perfect life and perfect choices bare for us all to read, and then we'll all tell you what we 'think' of you

as for the 'retarded' comment - words fail me

get some compassion, or shut up

in fact, just shut up; I haven't seen a word of sense posted by you in any thread

haha I turn 20 tomorrow! Tomorrow is my birthday! Yeah! I am young! There is a saying fool me once shame on you! Fool me twice shame on you! And being older doesnt make you more wise! hey I know I am in love and enjoying every second of it!



hahaahahha

You're right STP. But don't let him get you worked up. (you cracked me up ) He's just young. Though, its no excuse for inflicting deeply hurtful comments. Ah, hell, maybe you're right...

Alright Corey. Time to cool it a bit. We all try to conduct mature debates here. Sometimes it doesn't quite go that way, and even sometimes I'm an @ss....but ...well, try to have a little tact here, ok? Happy Birthday. And cheers........oh wait! You can't drink yet

I joke, I joke.

Tomorrows my Birthday!!!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh, brother..

Thank You Ok i will stop jsut trying to have a little fun lol

This isnt the thread for having a little fun. Try the OFF TOPIC threads.

oh, I'm not worked up per se; he was just the culmination of a whole lot of crap in this thread

plus, his little spots of illegal advice in other threads sort of made me question his judgement

I don't for a second think HE's going to pay attention to anything I say; I just didn't want his nonsense to remain unchallenged... of course, the 'hahaahahha' reply, in its wisdom and wittiness, has wounded me deeply, and I don't know how I'm possibly going to come back to that...

whats the topic? i think people already answered everything with there opinions!

yep, still looking for a word of sense... a correctly spelled word of sense would be an added bonus

Corey, you don't get to decide when the discussion is over. Kindly move along if you have nothing constructive to add. I've tried to be calm with you and civil. But you're pushing me to recommending .....the "baby's corner thread".

Anyhow, this Pokernut guy has experienced this once before. But we don't know exactly what happened in that case. I know it really has no bearing here (well maybe a little), but I'd like to hear more.

Russian women are quite particular when choosing their mates. They have a high sense of maturity, for they are seeking a serious man to be a strong husband and loving father. Well, the same can be said for any country of origin really. But I say Russian because I feel I know them quite well. So, i'm wondering if Mariya has witnessed this side of Corey...

Mariya knows everything about me! this is why she loves me! Since The first day I met her I have talked to her on the phone at least 1 hour and a half each day! And the whiole summer we lived together and this is the second time I have been in Russia already been here almost 2 months and we live together here too! you want for me to sat You have no right to say this! but you will not get me worked up! nice try

maybe people are just telling you what they 'think'

hey, count yourself lucky that no one has called you 'retarded'





yet

I want to discuss Pokernut, not Corey-nut.

I told you what i thought abou the situation and everyone had to open their mouth with a opinio of me!

oh, believe me; I have NOT given my opinion of you

I only just got around to reading this thread and I have to say i'm not surprised by the strength of feeling it has evoked in so many people. Everyone here is at some stage of this lengthy, complicated and sometimes painful process and it's not easy. I would imagine that most of the USC's here have had someone say to them 'Are you sure he/she isn't just after a GC' and had someone sew the seeds of doubt. For most of us we are sure that our love is true and that all the effort and waiting is worthwhile, but to be the man/woman who has discovered they were used must be terrible.
Regardless of whether this is the first, second or even tenth time this has happened to the same person, I believe he should still warrent some sympathy from us. Was he naive? Possibly. Does that mean that he doesn't deserve to be angry at being used? I don't think so.

Just my two cents on the matter.

Oh, and I think the name calling that got started was a bit much. Just my opinion though...

Fiancee visa law has since been changed to close this loophole and now requires that the foreign fiancee either marry the U.S. citizen who sponsored her within 90 days of her arrival in the U.S. or depart the U.S. prior to the termination of her 90 day fiancee visa. These are the fiancee's only two options. The K1 visa cannot be extended beyond 90 days and it cannot be changed to some other visa, such as a tourist, student or work visa. Any violation of these rules will result in deportation and, in many cases, a bar from re-entering the U.S. for a period of 3, 5 or 10 years even if the foreign fiancee marries another American.

http://www.fiancee-visa.info/

She will evenntually be deported and barred from reentering for awhile!

THIS is a perfect example of why I have taken all my pics out of the gallery. Too many judgmental people who look at them and make comments like this. Some brazen enough to address certain people directly about their photos. UNFREAKINBELIEVABLE.

To the OP...IMHO you could have phrased your opening post with a bit more discretion. I do believe it would have avoided this onslaught of judgment towards you. I am sorry this has happened to you. If you have not married this person and she leaves to go with this friend you mentioned, then count yourself lucky. She cannot adjust status without marriage to you, she will be out of status after 90 days, and you have nothing further to worry about. Let her find her own way home.

Exactly Karen.
Had the wording on the original post been different, plus more information provided about the situation, I never would have reacted the way that I did.
I understand that Pokernut is hurt, I've read his updated information he's given us and I am very sorry for what has happened.
I also find it sad. The red flags are all throughout that post, no intimacy, distance, lack of interest, not even kissing you goodnight, sending money to her and her entire family many times....unreal.
This is not a real relationship. I hope that after 2 times of this you'll finally be able to understand the difference.
I wish you strength to heal and move on.
I was also happy to see you say you are going to take time for you....I wish you all the best in everything Pokernut

Yeah, the saying is actually...'fool me twice...shame on ME'.

It's not so much age as it is life experience that make you wiser...and you don't usually have one without the other.

To the OP, I completely understand your frustration with this and my heart goes out to you. It seems your good sense was trying to tell you something yet, it was clouded by what it is you want most and wanted to believe. I can understand that. It happens to all of us. You had warning signs, it's happened before...DONT let it happen again! The only thing you can do now is really learn from your mistakes. To love and be loved is the best gift this life has to offer. There is someone out there for you to share your life with. Someone who wont lie or cheat. Perhaps she's in this country, though.

IF all the OP states is true then this 'person' is one of the reasons we are all waiting so long to be with our loved ones. She is all that's wrong with this process and I would be disapointed if she was allowed to stay. Yes, I agree that she is a human being...but not a very nice one.

In regards to those who feel they are somehow empowered to judge the relationships of others.... I don't think it's any of our business to judge who is in love with who and why. Whether someone is too fat, too pretty, too young, too old, too rich..too poor...etc. How is that even our business and what gives any one of us the right to even suggest it's for visa fraud? We don't live their lives...we don't sleep in their bed. We can't even know the most intimate details of the people closest to us so what gives you the right to judge someone else's relationship based on a few lines or pictures in a forum? Of course there are cases of deception...but that can happen in even the most seemingly 'normal' relationships. Who made you judge and jury? We're not here for bigotry...we're here because we need and can offer support to each other based on similar circumstances. Those kinds of unjustified opinions should be kept to yourself because it really only shows your own arrogance and ignorance when you make statements like that.

Im very sorry for what had happened.. That it didnt worked out for the Both of you!
Did you got married??
Having an misunderstanding is just a part of Love Life and that makes you strong for the both of you..
But anyway as you said it really didnt worked out..
The only thing is that you should have to find a way to send her back, Buy tickets in the internet...
But hope that will gonna change your mind!!

^__^
Remember this all things will just gonna past, Hope you will gonna reminiscin all the Love Story that you had together..
Patience is a virtue and accepting each others strenth and weakneses shows Big Love..
Takecare and Goodluck!!

Ammike

Pokernut,
Not that it matters but what is her home country?

Nice Post, KimandRuss,

I too am sorry that this has happened to you, Pokernut. I know what it is to love and to believe that the warning signs aren't going to lead to something different than you hope, that maybe if you are willing to love enough, to trust and give the other person the benefit of the doubt, it will all work out the way you want it to. Sometimes it does - but usually it doesn't.

Please don't let this second loss disillusion you. Sometimes love finds you when you stop looking and just start 'living' your own life - it finds you rather than you find it. I hope that this happens to you. Good luck, and I am sorry you are hurting.

That is REALLY harsh and so unfair!!

That statement was made assuming that the alien overstays the visa and proceeds to find work, etc... Since ICE will know what's going on, deportation is a definite possibility, I'd think. (Not a certainty)

You have a valid point about the taxpayers taking the blow for things like this. Not only that, but cases like these are obviously why others pursuing family-base immigration routes have a difficult time.

Hi Pokernut. Do whatsoever to get the funds necessary to purchase that flight ticket and send her back immediately. I don't blame you at all. The longer she stay, the more you gotta pay to support her..Send her back!!

Def. not a certainty. M has a friend who reported his (ex?) spouse, and she's still running around the US 4 years later. ICE is grossly understaffed. Anything is possible, though.

I think if she really used him, yea, he has every right to send her home, he brought her here, with the thought that she loved him and really wanted to be with him, and the whole time she was lieing. Yea, he has every right to wanna send her back home. I dont think hes horrible for wanting that, nor do i think hes "disposing of her". She used him to get here, and its him who can send her home. Using ppl is wrong, and id be just as pissed as he is.

and OMG, ive never seen so much breaking of TOS in any thread on VJ

Evidently the mods are taking a long winter's nap. We have the right to "wanna" anything but not the "right" force a fiance or spouse to get on a plane. Only the authorities can do that.

Legally speaking, you are probably right. But most people don't think that way. And if I was just played for a visa, I have every right to send her packing on the first available flight back.