Beata dumped me because her friends fed her a line of bull about me leaving her stranded or alone. She called our life together a dream which would not be a reality. She hurt me so much when she broke up with me. She had decided weeks ago but decided to wait until after she got her Woman's Day gift. I would have given her all I had. The worst thing she took from me was my heart.

im sorry to hear that.....is there anyway u can try to talk to her about all of this?........

Oh no,
I wish you are not feeling so bad. Please talk to her and try to work things out.

I wish you the best

Tammy

I'm sorry,

For an hour, I talked with her. Some damn idiot which claims to be her friend has convinced her that I would abandon her and leave her stranded. She is convinced that her coming her would be a burden on her and me. She thinks she will be a burden on me financially on her. If I could get my hands on this friend,... How can I talk and convince her of how her thoughts of me and the burden issue is wrong when I can only talk with her on the phone and her friends can talk face to face. She thinks she will be better off living there. She makes $200 a month, has to buy her daughter medicine for leukemia, and food. Several days ago, she almost passed out due to not eating. I believe it is due to not having money. I have asked her to tell me when she needed money for her daughter's medicine but she rarely requested it. I believe it is a death sentence for her daughter. I make good money. I drive a Mercedes, 2006, Harley 2006, own my own home. I live 92 miles from work and am in the process of selling it. I was going to buy a home closer to work. I grew up in a family which doesn't get divorces. The average marriage lasts over 50 years. It is the rule, not the exception. I waited until I found someone which loved me very much. Unfortunately, I lose her due to bad advice from her friends. It is my loss!!

These so called "friends" of her's are just envious of her.Try talking to her again but do not beg.If she's going to fall for her friend's bs instead of trusting you,forgetaboutit.You deserve better.I'm sorry that this happened to you.

how did you meet?
how long do you know each other?
may be it will help if you'll fly to talk to her in person?

Did you get a translator for that one hour conversation?
I'm sorry but something isn't right about this whole story.
Leukemia medicine? come on.
Where did you meet this girl?

I'm with you on this one. Something smells here Laura.

This does sound like a scam of some sort. I wonder if a request for money is forthcoming?

From your post, I take it money is not an issue for you, so my advice is: take the next avail flight to Russia, and go talk to her face to face. Show her you care, I think she needs that. If it fails, at least you tried your best.
It is HER you need to talk to, not the people here.

Saludos,
Caro

I wish I could fly to Novosibirsk, but I would lose my job. My job is my lifeline. I am a diabetic and no one will hire me now. It is a good job and I cannot afford to lose it because if I lose it, I lose my life. I have known her for a long time. She did not ask for money for the daughter, it is not a money issue. It is an issue of she does not believe that I will stay married to her. She has had two pathetic husbands, I did check this out. One was not faithful, getting several women in the building where she lived pregnant, the other turned out to be gay and used her for a promotional stepping stone. I do not need an interpreter to speak with her. She can write well enough to understand the forms, that was my red flag. She has something in her past which she does not want me to know. She cut both of our throats to keep the secret. The biggest problem is my personal beliefs, I made a promise to her and to God. I cannot break that promise. I promised to be faithful to her, and I shall. Because she doesn't honor her promise which she made also does not give me the OK to do the same. It took me 44 years to find the one which stole my heart. I can live alone, for I won't live another 44 years. Thanks for the support. Maybe someday soon she will realize the mistake and rethink her thoughts.

I'll ask again, where did you meet her?

I met her on a website. I don't even remember the name of it. We have been talking on the phone for the last 1 1/2 years. I went to St. Petersburg and paid for her flight to join me there. She will not come.

Alright...call me jaded, but one of two things is going on here:

1) kd4uvc is a troller

-or-

2) There is more to this story than we're being told, and it's being done in such a way as to pull on this community's heartstrings to make the OP feel better about a situation he knows is a complete scam.

I find it very strange that this story has played out so quickly. In just over a week we've gone from totally in love, needing help translating documents for the K-1, to "she's keeping secrets." Sorry, that's just not working for me.

kd4uvc, if you're for real, then you're being taken for a ride, and what's more is that you know it. I'm sorry I can't provide more sympathy than that, but nothing is adding up for me. If you're for real, then you know that you need to run, not walk, away from this relationship.

well said.

I got hit by a bulldozer of a problem today. I do not expect sympathy from you. Just remember to pass the word to others that some of the friends they have will do harm. Since I am considered a threat to this forum, I will send my thanks and leave.

My thoughts exactly!!! Couldn't have said it better myself!

How can you not remember where you found her? You are talking about the love of your life right? I'm sure a lot of us would like to believe you, but your responses raise more questions than answers.

Threat?
No.
It's just that your story seems...off.
A year and a half and suddenly you come on VJ and within a week it's over?
If this really is real, then I'm sorry. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on.
This girl seems like she's got enough on her plate, she doesn't need to be shoveling it on yours while you pay the bill.
Best of luck.



Exactly.
That isn't going to fly on the K1 application. "We met online but I don't remember where."
No go.

Okay here is what I have summarized so far:
She is an attorney making only $200 a month, in the capital of Siberia, Novosibirsk, kind of low considering Russia's inflation. Store clerks make that much these days. You are well off, 44 years old, yet unhireable. You sound religious and she has been through a hard life. She must be closer to your age because she has a daughter age 19. She is suffering from Lukemia, which is very expensive to treat without insurance here in the US, and she will age out of your insurance in a few years time. You met on a website, spoke on the phone for 1.5 years, yet never met in person?

Maybe the best thing to say to all this: all goods things must come to end. Considering all the communication issues, lack of trust and confidence, and all the possible baggage this lady would bring to your situation, perhaps it was all for the best.

So you haven't met her face to face yet?

He said he went to St. Petersburg.

Well said Satellite.

I don't think you're a threat kd4uvc. But here's why "that dog don't hunt:"

You flew her to St. Pete. because there was some reason she couldn't meet you in her home town. You probably wired her the money to buy her plane ticket. You haven't met her child because the child was too sick to travel. (What really happened: She lives in St. Pete and pocketed your money for the plane ticket. There is no child.)

She "fell in love" with you, you asked her to marry, but the timing just wasn't right for her yet. (What really happened: She never had any intention of marrying you, but she did enjoy all the money you spent on her.)

In the meantime, her child's medical expenses continue to climb. There have probably even been a few urgent calls in the night saying she needs money RIGHT NOW for some emergency operation. (What really happened: She has been milking you for money. You're probably in to this for thousands right now.)

You pushed her to make a decision. She has stalled you for as long as she can. Now she knows the gravy train is over, so she's breaking it off. OR it could be just another chapter. She'll make up with you, you'll send her more money, and she'll milk it a little longer.

How did I do?

You would find this community much more sympathetic with your plight if you were honest with us. I hate to see anyone scammed, but you need to drop the fairy tail world you've built around her and man up to the truth.

There is also a daughter, who needs care. Perhaps the decision was not simply your fiancée thinking solely of herself.




Wow! You are starting to sound like your nemesis, tito!

You nailed it Mox.

LOL!!!!! Sorry, but I'm just so sick of all the sugar-coating I see in this thread!

NEVER!!!! !

Based on these two posts I think she is from Novosibirks and diadromous mermaid, you are right, he came to St. Petersburg, but she as I understand she did not. Therefore, I jump to the conclusion there was no meeting at all.

Well, only the OP knows all of the facts. What we know at this time is that he is emotionally distraught. Perhaps we should give him some slack, eh ?

Sat, I think "She will not come" was directed at Laura. As in "she will not come to the States." I'm pretty sure they have met. See his other thread on needing help with translation.


Fair enough. What makes this different from a typical "tito world" situation though, is that nothing is adding up, and it has all the hallmarks of a "Russian Bride Scam." Unlike tito, I'm willing to acknowledge the "other side" of the coin. I know there is fraud, and I know that it happens. You're right that only the OP knows his situation, but there comes a point in the story that you really do need to render an opinion.

He said he went to St. Petersburg and paid for her flight and she won't come......

Sounded to me like they were to meet there.

I believe it was just poor wording on the OP's part. She *did* go to St. Pete, as I read it. He was directing his comment "She will not come" to Laura. He meant "She will not come to the United States." At least that's how I'm reading it.

Maybe. But he also speaks about not being able to fly to her town for fear of losing his job. So I was just wondering if they had even met yet.

Charlie Brown doing what it does best loool.

As I understand it too, he flew to Saint Pete, she flew there to join him on his nickel, they did have one meeting, but now she will not come to the States as he was dumped. The OP had very bad wording in this post.

As for the job situation, I'm not sure why he can't fly there, if he has plenty of money. Unless he is trying to say he has no allowed time off.

Very strange situation. if its true he's just being dumped as he claimed originally. Sounds like this "friend" might be more than a friend. my money says she's involved in another relationship. I'd also bet her daughter is healthy. Even if she begged him to forgive her and take her back, I'd suggest he leave this one alone. but I agree with everyone else here. Sounds just too fishy to me.

I am so very sorry!

*thread crashing*

Funny though sad to see how infamous tito is becoming...

Update, she used the excuse of me not buying her a ring immediately for the excuse. And you are right, it is over. The money for the medicine over a year did not amount to one week's pay there. She got drunk with her biddies on woman's day and they concocted a scam to get me to do things. Didn't work. It hurts. But being slammed here didn't help either. I was looking for answers. I got them.

Posted for the one's who were sympathetic.

I really am sorry that she did this to you...Best of luck for the future.

Sorry to hear this turn of events. But it's better to know now than later. Best of luck to you, and I hope you find true love again.

Whatever, get away from this and put it behind you as soon as you can.

If a ring means that much to anyone (American, Russian, whatever) it is clearly more important to them than you are. Be glad you found out now.

My wife would love to have had a bigger engagement ring, but so would everyone. I am sorry this happened to you. It sucks for someone to waste a year of their life.

My usual advice stands - do not meet foreigners on websites. You are asking for trouble. If for some reason you want to marry someone from Russia, move there. You will find someone before too long. You won't have to worry about any of this scam BS. And you will probably get paid more in Russia than you make now in the US. (Depending on what you do, the market for Western Expats in Russia is very strong, since no one wants to go there, and no one speaks the language.) It also costs next to nothing to study Russian in a university there, which is also a good idea.

I as well. Finding out now is far, far, better than finding out here later. I don't buy into her ring excuse for one moment. Engagement rings are not even custom (although it is slowly gaining favour) and wedding rings tend to be simple gold bands. Most of us here will tell you, rings are far less a value, to these ladies, than the man they wish to spend their life with.

It took me a lot of work for me to convince my guy to get me an engagement ring someday. it's definitely not russian custom at all, and a lot of the girls who insist on a big ring there are pretty much marrying for monetary reasons, which he sees about being glorified prostitution so he couldn't understand why i needed a diamond ring. It took a lot of back-and-forth to convince him that it wasn't about materialism but instead about american tradition and growing up a little girl in America who always dreamed of receiving an engagement ring. I am sure that all of your ladies appreciated receiving a nice ring, but it's definitely not par for the course in a normal russian marriage.

Well said. I agree 100%.

I never thought about it the other way around. Russian man/American woman. I can see where it would take a little convincing. They dont have this same tradition. And I can understand why you wanted one.

The $200 per month is not that far off. My fiancee is a lawyer as well and works as a government lawyer who deals in the leagalization of real estate deals. Her bottom line salary is $100/month, and the most she can make is $400/month. Basically she is guaranteed the $100 but if she does all the work they ask her to do (which means she works 14 hour days seven days a week) she gets the $400. Most of the time she averages $275-$325 per month. So, I dont think he is that far off with how much she makes.

Nobody, including myself, takes any glee in your situation. The directness in my post was the result of not only seeing yet another man taken in by a scam, but seeing yet another victim trying to justify her behavor in his own and other minds. I felt like you needed the verbal equivelant of a 2x2 to the head to pull you out of htat spiral. But you do have my sympathies, especially now that you're ready to accept the truth of your situation.

I don't agree with russ's advice not to meet on websites (I know several successful relationships here that started on websites), but I do agree that you simply have to be careful. You have to lead with your head, not your heart, because for every honest woman that's out there there are 2 dishonest ones and about 5 men pretending to be women. It's a minefield. And because he's not allowed to mention it for some stupid forum rules, I'll just say that if you're interested in a good Russian dating website, pm Kazan' Tiger. I'm sorry, I don't have the direct link to his website handy. Maybe someone else will post it. (Having said that, I'm not callous enough to think that you should just get over her right now and jump back into the international dating sea. I know it's gonna take some time to move on.)

Anyway, best of luck to you. I hope you'll stick around and let the water under the bridge float on by. There's a lot of experience and know-how in this group who could help you along when you decide to jump back up in the saddle again.