I know that couples that marry within their own culture can clash on how to raise children and I know that step-families can be another challenge too. My situation is I have a 9 year old daughter from a previous marriage and my husband does not have any children. My husband has been here over a year and it has sometimes been difficult because we have differing views on how to raise children.

My husband is from Morocco and I've spent a total of 3 months there with his family and 10 brothers and sisters and his 20 nieces and nephews. My husband definitely has been around children that is for sure. And all the nieces and nephews adore him.

Some things I observed from watching his family with children that is somewhat different here in the US:

1) There are usally a lot of other children around so they can play together
2) The older kids tend to take care of the younger ones
3) The moms don't work outside the home but usually busy with cleaning/cooking/socializing with other women

From what I've seen in the short time I've been there, it doesn't seem that there is a lot of one on one with the kids or that the kids have a lot of interaction with the parents. Or maybe it's just my husband's family.

My husband feels that I am too involved with my daughter and that she needs to do more things by herself. That just feels foreign to me and it's caused a lot of tension.

Anyone else have these same thoughts/feelings/observations? Or please just share your experiences, PLEASE?!!

Yes they are a lot stricter than the states, but they do interact more. The children in Egypt are way more mature than American children or even Kuwait. I have one daughter and my husband has 4, and our children are nothing like the children in Egypt. My husband when he was young was told to do something and he did it, but our kids grew up with TV, computers and video games, everything is easy. Visiting your fathers homeland is not even close to living in the country and struggling to make it.

This is just my opinion, of course, but I believe that if you have a child from a previous marriage, then *you* have the final say on how to raise her. If you have children together, then you two can talk about how to balance the differing views on child rearing.

Sounds like a conversation my husband and I had earlier this week....
And he feels like if I/we tell my 9 yr old son to do something, he should do it automatoically, which would be nice I admit, but just not likely. Lord knows it took my parents a couple of times before I did anything...so in this case...like mother like son!

Mary K.

ETA: My son also doesn't have any children either

Good thing since he's only 9!

My husband agrees that he is not to involve himself in terms of parental advice with my two daughters unless there is something really really bugging him. Then he can talk to me about it and we can discuss with my ex what to do.

As far as future children, we have discussed a few rules. Rule number uno = no hitting EVER. That was a biggie since they don't seem to have the same "time out" philosophy that we have here. Rule number dos = no dating. period. That one will be interesting. lol

Ha!
My fiance always says that if one day, we have a daughter, he doesn't want her to date.

i figure that's a bridge we'll cross if we come to it.

My ex is from MENA so they've been exposed to the culture both here and in their father's home country. I always appreciate it for about a month after they've returned from Yemen because they are so well behaved, lol. For the most part they are "all American" kids with some MENA/Muslim values. My ex would prefer if the boys not date (when they come of age) but honestly I wouldn't mind them dating if they stuck to certain rules.

My current husband mostly stays out of the disciplining of the boys unless he feels a man should step in. From an early age my sons have responded to men better than women when it comes to discipline. He'll sit them down and discuss with them why they shouldn't be acting a certain way and that they must respect their mother. A couple times he has sent the boys to their rooms. He's very calm though. I have found that over time the boys have grown to respect him and have gotten closer to him because of this. I feel it shows them that he cares and wants what is best for them. My husband is very serious about parental respect esp. respect of the mother. We haven't really gone into too much about raising future children though since we both have similar values. Any future children will most likely be raised just like their older brothers.

We have had a similar discussion. Lets just say I made it clear that I have raised 4 kids, he has raised none. I don't care if he has been around kids alot, I don't care if they adore him, he hasn't been a parent and doesn't understand. Another point is that if he interferes it can cause problems with him and his relationship with her. He isn't her parent, and she will be quick to point that out if she hasn't already. Tell him it is better if she gets mad at you rather than him if he argues it.

moody has dating come up yet? About half the kids in the 6th grade are already dating and I found out the MAJORITY of the 8th graders are having sex!!!

I actually brought my girls about a month ago and bought them each a "purity ring". I sat them down and told them that it is a symbol of a promise to both God and to me that they will keep themselves pure until they are married. I don't know if it will work but kind of funny my youngest left hers here last weekend so when they came home my oldest was all up in her face about "WHY did you take it off????" (not that i'm worried...she's 10 and she never bothers to match her socks, or her pants to her shirt for that matter and still thinks boys are 'digusting' creatures.)

Yes - thank goodness we both agree on the no hitting too!

In the muslim culture, what are some generalizations/facts on the role of the father (or even step-father)? One thing I found odd was that my husband doesn't bother saying goodnight to my daughter and he says that fathers don't do that in Morocco. That was strange to me...

One thing about children raised either in MENA or by a MENA parent is that they are so used to numerous ppl disciplining them....mom, dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. My children wouldn't never think of telling my husband that he isn't their father so he has no right to discipline them. They may think it but they know better than to say it.

What!? The MAJORITY of eight graders are having sex!?

Such a shame.

My older son "liked" a girl last year but no, actual dating hasn't come up yet. We have discussed sex though. That was fun, lol. My sons know about sex and dating and all that fun stuff but they don't seem ready for it all yet. Thank God!

Holy Moly! 8th grade??????????? One good thing is that my religion is similar to the muslim religion so we both agree on when she can date/how she can dress, etc.

Yes they start to have sex young, my daughter who is now 22 is still a virgin, don't know how it happened, but thank goodness. She graduates UF this May and is on her way for her masters. Talking, talking and more talking, it is hard to raise daughters these days. Now Hesham is like, thinking of husbands, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I can't take that yet, but yes they can turn out pure. Just keep the lines open, I found it hard to talk about sex with my daughter, I thought I was soooooooooooooooooooooooo liberal, until the moment came, and I really was embarrassed.

I relate to this!

Wow...Moe is just the opposite....he says I am WAYYY to hard on my 3 year old...lol...when she whines or cries and he hears her--he immediately takes her side and tells me to give her what she wants...or give her candy....why do u make her cry like this???? LOL...but the dating...for our children together and even my 3 year old...is waaayyyy out of the question...my daughters real dad is pretty adament that she can't date either...God bless her if she ever wants to try with both of them...they will probably team up together.

Also, I am pretty close to my ex and his new wife so we all kinda make a team effort--so it makes it a little easier for all of us...but I think I am the toughest one of them all....LOL...maybe i need to lighten up a little...haha

I think it's different when they're little. I even joke with Usama sometimes about how once we have a child together inshallah I'll be like, "just wait till your father gets home!!", and he replied, "i would just hug him and kiss him". Once they hit the age of reason though I think their theories change up.

In a way you are comparing apples to oranges...Large, extended families to your small one.

In a large extended family, parenting is done by aunts, uncles and older siblings...So no matter where the attention is coming from, it is coming from someone (to the child).

But since you don't have that kind of support structure...of course you are the primary person to guide your child.

So, no, I don't think your parenting skills should be questioned.

Of course, don't smother your kid and schedule extensive extra-curicular activities (every day a different after-school project or program).

Ahhhhhhhh yes! This is how it was with my husband before he came here too! He always thought I was being too hard on her and always took her side and wanted me to always give in to everything she wanted. Now that he's here, it's a different story! LOL

My husband had it all worked out in his head that when he got here he would win my daughter's heart and they would instantly hit it off. He wanted and still wants to give her the world. My daughter isn't quite as keen on him moving into 'her' world and doesn't like having to 'share' me. So between my husband's plans being squashed and my daughter struggling with giving up some of her space, it's been an interesting year or so.

I, my siblings and cousins were raised communally, as if we had several parents. Not only that, but the neighbors acted as parents, too. It was great because, as long as my mother's brother and my father's sister and grandmother are alive, I still have parents! It's a child's dream! I love it!

I don't like the freedom children and teenagers have here. Little kids arguing with parents and bring bratty over candy at the store or just being manner-less. My spouse and I agree our child should be brought up culturally and religiously as we were raised. Absolutely NO dating or sexual intercourse before marriage. Kid's free to marry whoever as long as they are within our Cultural, language, ethnics community.

Oh stop sanctifying Algerian kids...I saw 10 year old boys chain smoking cigarettes......American kids arent all brats....and I saw some prettyhorrible algerian kids running around....they beg for candy over there too

I do hear you. My husband told me that in Morocco it is everyone's responsibility to raise each others children. Even to the point of beatings....can't say I am much for that, but it is nice in other respects to have everyones help. I would just prefer that they inform me and let me deal with it since it is my responsibility. My husband even told me that the neighbor was taking her son to get circumcised, and decided to take him along with and get him done as well. Now in their culture that is normal and acceptable, but I just couldn't deal with that personally.

How old is your daughter Moody? It sounds like you have done a great job teaching her respect. Unfortunately not all girls respond the same. I have 4 daughters, no sons. None of them would talk to my husband in that fashion either (if they know what is good for them), but again, the discipline is my job not his. I would much rather he was the fun one and I am the heavy.