Congrats Claire!!! That is so wonderful...keeping my fingers crossed for a quick interview date

Positive approval vibes going out to Marlita and Shrewdie

She means something to him. If a man cheats on his wife, that other woman had some sort of pull, even if it was just to stroke his ego to know someone else still wants him. She meant enough for him to completely disrespect his wife and the vows of marriage he made.

That being said, I think a man can have casual affairs without it meaning any matter of the heart. He can have sex without being in love with the woman, sometimes without even really liking her. Women are usually much tougher on their hearts in these matters.

The very first time he cheated it would mean something to me. Something I could never forgive nor forget.






I completely agree with this statement.

I, too, believe that if you let him get away with cheating at any time, he will KNOW he can do it again and again without consequences. He'll just get better at hiding it from you the next time.

Yes, I believe a man can sleep with a woman and she mean noting to him.....If he keeps going back there has to be feelings some where, and they making kids too . NOT!!

Me too.

Which is why it is important to set ground rules and stick by them.

I agree 100%. I wasn't until recently I found out my ex is/was engaged to another woman in Jamaica. Doesn't even make sense for me to confront him about it now. It just explains (A LOT), him never wanted to take me to Jamaica with him the 10 years we've been together. That was the LAST thing on my mind, besides, I would have NEVER forgiven him. When men have cheated on my in the past, all I ask for is a little honesty. I won't take you back, but I'll have a LITTLE respect for you down the road. Just be honest. Like grandmother would say...bettah u HURT me now, than HURT me later.

Not even liking her, that is scary and English i totally agree with your second statement. Forgiving it the wrong way, just leads to more cheating, meaning there has to be some type of consequences. A long time ago one of my friend's uncles told her the same thing, if you make it to easy on a man to come back to you after he's cheated on you then he'll do it again.

I think women get stuck there. U might want him to suffer something but then their scared that they might drive him away to the other woman. but i think they should thing postive if he really wanted to be with her...wouldn't he have left you and went to her?? So sometimes the woman sho has been cheated on has more clout then she realizes...makes sense??

but sometimes isn't that hard?? One always knows what should be done....but what actually gets done is sometimes something different.
i.e. English's friend who went back to her boyfriend or whatever he is to her and now he's making kid number 2 with the baby mother. Deep in her heart she knew she should have left him the first time she found out and look at what has happened now??



but isn't he with someone else up here??

The thing I am trying to say is there is no going back. If a man cheats on me, he better be willing to move forward. I have never, nor will I ever take a cheater back. It is my one rule I have never, nor will I ever go back on.

So, no, the answer is that it is not hard to stick to a rule you make if you really believe in that rule.

In a marriage, or any relationship for that matter, there are always grey areas to compromise on. However, I believe cheating breaks ALL the rules. I never compromise on this issue.

Hey yardi .

mr jengles has agreed to take the car to the junkyard, so it looks like he might be back next week!!

I do think some women are scared of being alone, scared of losing the time `invested`...instead of wasting more time on the man who has proven himself worthless on the premise that they decided to fight for their relationship, they need to leave and start afresh with someone who has respect for them.

I don't have to debate forgiving anything the RIGHT or WRONG way cause in my life, there is NO way to forgive on this issue.

I would not be scared to drive him to this other woman......She can have him. He'll do the same thing to her that he did to me.

Clout? As in what? You hold it over his head each time you get mad at him? Make yourself sound like a Saint cause you forgave him and stuck by him? Pul----eeze......license to act up and know he'll be forgiven is all you've taught him!

Girl that isn't a lie Unless you plan to drive like a mad woman it will take that long fi true. Fern Gully and Mt. Rosser are no joke. That ride can be scary when you don't know the road like the back of your hand. I have seen enough accidents in my time on that route that I wouldn't drive that route without a really good sturdy car and during the daylight. The scenary is beautiful though...I love the scenary. When you drive through Moneague think of me! That is where I would love to have a house. In fact there is this house off the road on a hill kind of castle looking with a long driveway up the hillside...if it is still there that is my house to be Make sure you stop at Faiths Pen and have some ackee and saltfish for me and some fried fish and festival Gosh I am getting myself all jealous

Amen.

There are so many great women out there wasting their time trying to rehab a loser cheating man.

I totally agree.

Now to throw something else into this discussion...

Do you think there is such a thing as emotional cheating? Everyone assumes cheating to be on a sexual level but do you think such a thing exists as cheating on your wife emotionally?

thanks for that breath of fresh air and I say yes, I don't mind woman friends, but when it comes to to telling them things you wouldn't tell or share with me then i would have a problem with that.

I know so am I.

Honestly, IMO, no......not with men. With men, it may start out that way; but it always seems to lead to something sexual, whether that be just talk or actions.

I know that for men it would eventually lead to something sexual but say there is just the emotional/intimate/getting to be more than just a friend side of things first. If you found that out before anything sexual happened would you still feel like he cheated? Would you consider that to be just as bad as doing something of a sexual nature?

Yes. Yes. It goes back to respecting me and the vows he made. No one is holding a gun to his head and making him stay with me or married to me. He is free to go at any time he wishes and then he is free to persue anyone else he wants to.

Ditto...and can go both ways. When needs are not being met...You can betta believe you open yourself to crossing some boundaries.

but technically at that point they would be just friends, if at that point you expressed to your s/o that you were uncomfortable with the relationship and the friendship changed. I wouldn't look at it as anyone should end their marriage over that.



true dat!!!

Weighs the same in my book, If you're thinking about it you may as well be doin it, our thoughts become our words, our words, become our actions, our actions become our habits...

Cheating is cheating....and that is anything he wouldn`t do in front of me

I agree with both of the last 2 posts on this subject.

We are all adults here. We know what friendship entails and when know when it crosses over the boundry into something else. If he's hiding stuff from you, that boundry has been crossed. If me or my husband can't say something in the presence of the other to one of our "friends" then we have a problem.

Some women are worse than men. I just can't see the man having a woman friend thing or vise versa. Unless we are all hangin out, and we all know each other and even still it wouldn't sit right with me.

What do you mean here? You can't see a man having a lady friend? Or what are you saying?

agree with what i've bolded

but i'm thinking i'm not understanding what emotional cheating is! i'm thinking that it is stuff u should be telling your wife and your not, maybe because the two of you have grown apart, i'm picking up from the other posts..that in really almost come in like flirting?? is this right?? like fishing to see if u can go there (sexually)

No I can't see a man having a lady friend or man woman having a man friend... Personally for example...I just feel that there comes a time when usually the man wants more. I've ended several friendships with men because the conversations or situations turned uncomfortable.....Not saying that all situtations are like that jus the ones I've encountered.

A quick google search...

I thinkin it can be both ways. I think flirting can be strictly physical. Heck I flirt. But when you to get to confiding in another man or woman that's different, you look foward to your interactions with the other person, they start to make you feel good( need being met) They are forfilling a neet not being met by the husband or wife or not realizing their need can only be met by the MAN ABOVE. They are headed for trouble.

I think it boils down to how you feel when you are saying whatever it is you are saying. If it's something you feel you can't tell your spouse, then it probably is wrong to be discussing it with another person.

If you are fishing, isn't the fat lady singing anyhow? Why would someone even "fish" if they didnt' think they needed to move on?

Ok no not down with any secret relationship,

Everyone flirts at some point. The key is are you doing or saying something you could not do in front of your husband/wife? If so, then you've crossed the line.

Ok so what happens when the other party realizes what is happening and steps in? and says i am uncomfortable with this relationship, let's say then the person talks to his/her SO and says the reason why i was sharing things with the other person is because we were growing aprart and they work on it. I think at that point the relationship can be saved, no??



Plenty of men fish without thinking they need to move on, lol

I agree. My husand can have all the female friends he wants. But, to hide a single one is a clear indication that something is wrong with our trust issues.

My husband is not privvy to every single conversation I have with my male friends, nor does he accompany me every time I may see some of them. Same holds true for him. My conversations and actions would always be the same whether I was in front of him or not. If I can't say or do something in front of him, it is a problem.

That's an awesome price...

I agree. I would tell my ex he can have my cellphone at any time, keep it all day for all I care. Because NONE of my male friends can tell you that we have anything more than a friendship. Now, can my EX do the same...HELL NO!

YES Jengs, im have a next woman up here too.

I agree that a man can cheat and it not have any love sort of attachment to it. I believe that men are more tempted to cheat just for the fact that they are born male and in this society they are given this sexual prowess which can cause some serious damage to a long term and committed realtionship. I think that men have been having sex with woman they dont truly care about since the first time they lost their virginity so its not a shocker that it can still go on into adulthood and even after they are married. however, it doenst mean its right. And yes some men can have sex with you without even liking you...thats an odder man than most but it does happen.

After all this, i also believe that a man that has been truly convicted of his heart cannot continue to have sex with you if he is not emotionally in that relationship anymore. Sort of a situation where you notice the man doesnt want sex as much as he did before. Not having anything to do with being sick, or stressed but just some "odd" reason not wanting it from you anymore...thats also a red flag..to me...that he is getting it from somewhere else. Now even though a guy may cheat I don't think it bad that a woman stays with him. You cannot turn off love in the drop of a hat just because someone cheats....sad but very true. I do believe it hard to forgive, and you will NEVER forget so quit trying to. You will just have to honsetly forgive him and make a conscious effort to every day until it gets easier for you. I don;t think that by forgiving someone you are weak and telling them to cheat again. I think the man must take some responsibility for his actions and know that he hurt someone who truly cared for him. If he wants to be forgiven it must stop (cheating) from then on, and he must make an effort to help heal his partners heart. Otherwise he can also make the decision to leave the relationship and spare the partner added hurt and turmoil. I believe that it is good for the mind body and spirit to have a forgiving heart that is not burdened down. But it is also good not to endure continuing pain inflicted from a consistently cheating spouse. So in that regard it take two to rectify a relationship after the cheating has occured.

I think if it starts to happen to either of you and it's openly discussed, then sure, things can be worked out IF BOTH OF YOU WANT TO WORK IT OUT. Say your husband is doing these suspect things and you find out. You bring them up and you want to work them out. But, he likes having you at home and his "friends" on the side. Then, NO, no matter what you want, it can't be worked out.

And, I'm sorry, but if they are fishing, they are looking for something that they will eventually find.

Just to play devils advocate here....what if you found out your partner cheated say, a year ago? You just find out, would you leave him now, or forgive what he did a year ago? Also, what if this same situation had children involved, meaning you have a young child between the 2 of you?

ABSOLUTELY!

Well I'm just saying as its not as cut an dry as this. i've been cheated on and I couldnt let go, not cause I couldn't get a better guy, but cause my love for the guy was still there....thats why the cheating hurt so much. if I didn't love him, honestly I could walk away, just like that. But I couldn't. I eventually left cause I couldnt forgive him and held it over his head almost weekly. Eventually his cheating, and my unforgiving heart broke the relationship completely apart. Now he of course was wrong to cheat in the first place, and I had the option to leave, as you say you would, but...hey I just wanted to work through it.