JENGS,

To tell you the truth, I use to think something was wrong with me. I just couldn't get it right. I took me a VERY LONG time to realize it wasn't me. I'm shock mi no MAD by now. Of all my relationship, the last one was the WORSE and my SON's father was the only man I've every loved in the past. Girl, I've been there and been through it. I did have a break down in the mid 90s when I walked in on my boyfriend (THROWING DOWN) with his other woman in my apartment. You see, when you tell people things like that, they find it VERY hard to believe, but once you've been through something like that, it kind of messes with your head. But you have to realize at some point that all MEN are not the same and I love and respect my daddy and brothers very much. So my HEART has been through it.

I get less, and less of this. Actually people didn't expect us to last this long. When I get comments I usually just ignore them.

Jengs I can't follow your story, so dose he want you or your hubby

[OKAY,

NEXT QUESTION

how do u handle people who don't respect your relationship - or think your s/o is with you only to get their papers.


mr jengles met this older guy from j.a. at school, the guy lives with his daughter, the guy is in his 50's mr jengles says. ok so they talk every once in a while. the school had something for xmas and mr jengles made two dishes. They guy calls and invites mr jengles over to his house for xmas dinner. so mr jengles asks me if we can go, so i said sure in the evening. the guy then calls mr jengles and says to him, too bad mr jengles couldn't come over and cook xmas dinner for him and his daughter. I'm like huh???? mr jengles just took it as a complement to his cooking. I didn't cause u know the man has his family so what the hell are u talking about. anyway xmas day I was sick so we didn't go anywhere.

then the man calls and mr jengles says to him he is going to j.a. and the man could call me and get mr jengles cellphone number in j.a. o.k cool. the man calls a week later when he thinks mr jengles is in j.a. (remember now he lost his passport) so he was supposed to be in j.a. when the man called. the man says oh my duaghter went down yesterday. she's wasn't even staying anywhere around ochi, but still that is what u're calling him to tell him. not how u are doing or how is j.a. Is it just me reading too much into something. I asked one of my friends and she said I wasn't, just want to make sure. I haven't said anything to mr. jengles. the man has been calling since mr jengles has been gone but never when i'm home. so how do deal with something like that??


JENGS what is the name of your boss...joke mi a mek...mi ago read di...lawd u type nuff

Lawny, I can so relate to this. I have been through it and back with men, including my ex fiance. I swear, I could rival any episode of Jerry Springer with some of the situations. Last year, I went to a medium / psychic with my cousin (just for fun). What she said totally blew my mind - never mind the medium stuff, which she was right on the money, down to describing my grandmother's wedding ring. She told me that I attract drama in my relationships, and that it dates back to something that happened to me around age 5 that was a significant change - That whatever it was taught me to act out / cause drama to get attention. When I was 5, my younger brother was born - Not only did a new baby take attention, he had a learning disability - so as he grew, he demanded more of my mother's attention.

It might sound wierd - it struck me so much what she said, and thinking back on my life, in many ways, she was so right. I think hearing that helped me to put things in perspective - for the first time, I truly feel that I have an honest man who loves me for me - and isn't out to start the drama.

JENGS,

U nevah know seh yard ooman FACTEY and luv fi fight

u give me one piece ah joke, no i think he wants to hook up his daughter with mr jengles

THANKS EVERYTHING HAPPEN FOR A REASON BETTER NOW THEN LATER

That's so true Nel, it really is better now than later. I know it was a very hard decision to make. Know that I'm here for you.

Lawny, I can so relate to this. I have been through it and back with men, including my ex fiance. I swear, I could rival any episode of Jerry Springer with some of the situations. Last year, I went to a medium / psychic with my cousin (just for fun). What she said totally blew my mind - never mind the medium stuff, which she was right on the money, down to describing my grandmother's wedding ring. She told me that I attract drama in my relationships, and that it dates back to something that happened to me around age 5 that was a significant change - That whatever it was taught me to act out / cause drama to get attention. When I was 5, my younger brother was born - Not only did a new baby take attention, he had a learning disability - so as he grew, he demanded more of my mother's attention.

It might sound wierd - it struck me so much what she said, and thinking back on my life, in many ways, she was so right. I think hearing that helped me to put things in perspective - for the first time, I truly feel that I have an honest man who loves me for me - and isn't out to start the drama.

All I can say is "know your SELF-WORTH"----know your SELF-WORTH

This is so true - and every woman has her point in life when she recognizes her own self worth - Whether it is a simple thing that someone says (whether it's realistic or not), or whatever happens to make her take a hard look at herself - From that moment forward, there is no turning her back.

I have been through the abusive relationship, the cheater - you name it. I have a friend right now who is in and out of an abusive relationship - it breaks my heart to see, but she knows that I am there for her when she needs me. However, I truly believe that everyone has their own individual wall - eventually you hit it and realize that it's enough for you, but until that time, nothing anyone says to you makes a difference.

Co-sign Sus,

I've been there too and no matter how man times people try to talk you out of your relationship, you have to be ready.

I've not typed it enough 10 bbclaat YEARS! I'm glad I survived and was able to walk away.

I know that for men it would eventually lead to something sexual but say there is just the emotional/intimate/getting to be more than just a friend side of things first. If you found that out before anything sexual happened would you still feel like he cheated? Would you consider that to be just as bad as doing something of a sexual nature?

i know this was talked about earlier in the day but i wanted to add my coment to this....and i would ahve to say yes to the questions....mike did all the above....he did it at the bus stop, on the computer, on the phone...and even though he said "never slept with them" i still felt/feel betryad by him....like why did need to talk to these other girls or say the things he said to them...what's wrong with telling me all of those things last time i checked i was his wife....just my thoughts...

Sus,

It become a cycle and it takes alot of strength and courage to break that cycle. I went to a thing called "GIRLFRIEND week-end" in the Bahamas last year and it changed me. They had women from all over the US and a few from European. Women from all backgrounds (some VERY wealthy). We all shared one thing though, we've all had horrible abusive relationships. I met women who were so well educated, wealthy and full of life, but were living a lie. There men were beating them almost everyday or their men were womanizer. I was just amazed. Some of the women told their families about the ABUSE and their family didn't believe them. I told my ex's family what was going on and their reply was "he's just adjusting to the relationship" (10 FRIGGIN YEARS). I just sat there and soaked up as much information as I could in 3 days in the Bahamas. Want to mess with someone's head (just spoon feed them) whatever you think will make them happy and to keep them around. All I can say is "know your SELF-WORTH"----know your SELF-WORTH

a friend of mine used to say, that she knew a lot of women who had it together in the all aspects of their life but one aspect, their relationships. I don't know why. is it because we let them??? aren't firm enough with the men in our lives...but i agree if have to know your self-worth. i'm not going to be in a relationship and be bitter...muh nuh see the sense in that.

AH LIE...WI REACH PART 6!!!!

Happy Birthday Yardie...I hope today is/was a good day and that you celebrate the whole week through!

Ok fam, have a case for you all to mull over - so I know of a family who adopted their granddaughter as their son was killed in some gang war in Florida. Anyway, the girl was brought here under another name, but she was legally adopted in the US about 7 or 8 years ago. Three years ago, the couple divorced and the paternal grandfather was awarded custody (the grandmother was not her biological grandmother and because of safety issues she chose not to contest the custody so that she would have no need for further contact with the ex. They have recently been back in contact and are more civil, that's how we now have this info). Anyway, the granddad decided to use the lawyer who helped with the adoption to file the paperwork for her GC. Well, she got her interview date and the lawyer advised her that she would have to go to Jamaica to do the interview. When she went with her granddad, they were told that she could not be given the GC because the adoption was not done in Jamaica, so it would not be recognized. That makes no sense to us, since the adoption was legally done here in the States and we would think the US has jurisdiction. I didn't think she should have gone to JA in the first place, it made no sense to me. Now she is stuck in JA until they can sort out the adoption mess and we know how timely JA can be.
So fam, what are your thoughts on this?

i know this was talked about earlier in the day but i wanted to add my coment to this....and i would ahve to say yes to the questions....mike did all the above....he did it at the bus stop, on the computer, on the phone...and even though he said "never slept with them" i still felt/feel betryad by him....like why did need to talk to these other girls or say the things he said to them...what's wrong with telling me all of those things last time i checked i was his wife....just my thoughts...

one of the first things i've learned from these boards is , never leave the country...i'm assuming the adoption was under her right name. I don't belive the lawyer told them right. but now that's she's left it is going to be a mess. If the father is dead, where is the mother can't she sign over guardianship papers over to the grandparents and go from their. can they try and file for a vistor's vise for the little girl to get her back here in the states??

and what are they saying really if u go into another country you are no longer adopted...that nuh mek no sense...please keep up updated

Lawd JENGS u a mek mi bawl. JENGS, look pon mi picha...see how much HAIR did deh pon mi head... gwaan...go look pon mi PICAH!....now it look like JOHN'CROW DRAW BRAKE IN DEH! and UNU no baddi laugh aftah mi.

Evnin nanny how the baby?

Dat mi no understand eedah. I'll have to ask some of my co-workers who have gone through international adoptions.

right and it made u uncomfortable, so he should have stopped.

one of the first things i've learned from these boards is , never leave the country...i'm assuming the adoption was under her right name. I don't belive the lawyer told them right. but now that's she's left it is going to be a mess. If the father is dead, where is the mother can't she sign over guardianship papers over to the grandparents and go from their. can they try and file for a vistor's vise for the little girl to get her back here in the states??

and what are they saying really if u go into another country you are no longer adopted...that nuh mek no sense...please keep up updated

JA Tam -

How old is the girl now? If she is under 21, they might be able to do a special immigrant juvenile petition:

(Off topic - I did a quick google search and my Fecking former boss stole my memo that I wrote and put it on a website without giving me credit! )

www.kidscounsel.org/Special%20Immigrant%20Juvenile%20Memo%20-%20R%20%20C.DOC

Not sure if it is possible since she is out of the US, but worth looking into

Ja Tam, yuh sure u got ALL the information. i think it would be more about her coming her under someone else's name. that is reason's for denial, but since this is a child not sure on what they would do.

Hey Jengs,

The mother signed over guardianship as soon as the dad died. When she heard what happened she begged the grandfather not to leave her in JA because she knows she doesn't have the means to take care of her daughter. She is trying to get out of the ghetto and thought that M was alright in the States. When I initially heard about it, I asked my mom why it was that he was even thinking about her going to Ja to do the interview. It made no sense to me since she has lived here for most of her life. She no longer knows JA. The adoption is in her right name. My mom has advised him to go to another immigration lawyer here in the US (who would have advised him better I'm sure), plus he has gotten an attorney in JA to get this sorted out.
Does anyone have the information for the Adoption Department in JA? I figure they can help him a little more so in getting this resolved. The CO did not care that this little girl no longer knows this county and her life is going to be disrupted by all of this I figured I'd come to my wealth of info on VJ and get your take on this. he is going to have to get this sorted out before her 16th birthday next year because then the embassy is going to say that she can no longer be "adopted" in Jamaica.

JA Tam -

How old is the girl now? If she is under 21, they might be able to do a special immigrant juvenile petition:

(Off topic - I did a quick google search and my Fecking former boss stole my memo that I wrote and put it on a website without giving me credit! )

www.kidscounsel.org/Special%20Immigrant%20Juvenile%20Memo%20-%20R%20%20C.DOC

Not sure if it is possible since she is out of the US, but worth looking into

JA Tam -

How old is the girl now? If she is under 21, they might be able to do a special immigrant juvenile petition:

(Off topic - I did a quick google search and my Fecking former boss stole my memo that I wrote and put it on a website without giving me credit! )

www.kidscounsel.org/Special%20Immigrant%20Juvenile%20Memo%20-%20R%20%20C.DOC

Not sure if it is possible since she is out of the US, but worth looking into

Good to hear. Remember no worrying or stressing, just tek it easi

JA Tam -

How old is the girl now? If she is under 21, they might be able to do a special immigrant juvenile petition:

(Off topic - I did a quick google search and my Fecking former boss stole my memo that I wrote and put it on a website without giving me credit! )

www.kidscounsel.org/Special%20Immigrant%20Juvenile%20Memo%20-%20R%20%20C.DOC

Not sure if it is possible since she is out of the US, but worth looking into

Oh yeah, I have all the info. Another attorney that the granddad spoke to said that her entering under another name would be forgiven since she was a child at the time it happened. The issue is the adoption and the CO saying the adoption should have taken place in JA and Dept of Homeland Security then needs to go to his house to inspect where she lives to make sure it is in fact a safe environment before they would consider the adoption legal. The Dept of Homeland Security issue I can't understand at all

No this is turning into a huge mess and this girl is caught in the middle and probably shell shocked in j.a. try posting this in one of the other forums also so u can get maybe get advice from others. i'm sure someone on VJ has went thru this or something similiar

that is absolute foolishness, the department of homeland security should do what. a lie and they have time to do that??? mi can't believe my tax dollars is being spent on that foolishness. it would have been better if he did say a social worker. all dem people that adopt every day from china the homeland security is going to fi dem house. u about to get me UPSET. I think someone should try calling the american embassy and speaking to someone else. because was pure foolishness and phuckry was dropping from that CO's mouth.

Thanks Jengs, I will post it for fellow VJ'ers to give me their take. She is staying in Westmoreland with her paternal grandmother; the wife of the granddad was not her biological grandmother. She is extremely depressed in JA

that is absolute foolishness, the department of homeland security should do what. a lie and they have time to do that??? mi can't believe my tax dollars is being spent on that foolishness. it would have