Dear VJ community:

I'm truly between a rock and a hard place. My husband and I are now separated and heading towards divorce. After almost 2 years of drama and mental anguish dealing with this man, I am ready to move on with my life. As soon as he arrived in the US i learned that he'd been lying to me about some serious issues. I tried to see if there was a way to work it out but I kept catching in lie after lie after lie.

Finally I had enough and forced him to leave. Mind you, he was telling me that he loved me and couldn't live without me but when he knew his time was coming to an end (just before he moved out) I discovered that he was on dating sites aggressively looking to meet other women.

THE CHALLENGE IS THIS. I know for a fact that he'd rather live in the US illegally than to return to his home country without a wife, a child or money. His family doesn't even know that we're separated. I worry about him living in the US as an illegal. But my delimna is that I don't want to sponsor him. To date, I haven't even applied for the AOS. Time is running out. I have to make up my mind.

This isn't about punishment or revenge. Its about not wanting to be a victim and not wanting having financial responsibility for this guy. Did we have a legit relationship? Maybe. But I'm not sure because he's lied so much and had he not lied in the first place we'd probably never have gotten marrried.

Part of me wants to help him out of compassion over how he will survive as an illegal. But there is another part of me that just wants to cut ties. I welcome respectful and non-judgemental advice - esp from those who've experienced something like this. here are my three questions:

Should I help him or cut ties and walk away?

Is is possible to help with the AOS process and to end my sponsorship some time down the road?

What is the level of financial obligation for a sponsor? Under what conditions would I have to pay money?

That is a tough decision. I believe if you pursue the AOS process, you have show financial support and that may come back to haunt you if he's unable to support himself for any reason. Also, if you then say you can't support him, that may jeopardize your sponsoring rights in the future.
I'm not sure what the answer is, perhaps consultation with a lawyer is the best thing to do.

good luck.

You're in a difficult situation. Only you can answer your first question but I will try to help with the other two.

Once you sign the I-864 as your husband's sponsor you are bound to it until any of the following conditions are met:

1) if the sponsored spouse earns 40 quarters of work credit; or
2) the sponsored spouse departs the US permanently and abandons his LPR status; or
3) the sponsored spouse becomes a US citizen (which he is eligible to apply for after 5 years of being an LPR if he is no longer married to a USC); or
4) the sponsored spouse dies

As a sponsor your obligation is to refund the government for any means-tested benefits that the sponsored spouse may avail of while the I-864 is in force.

Helping him would involve going to the interview with him to and lying about the validity of your marital relationship.

Exactly. You can't be this guy's keeper. And you really don't want to lie to the government. He's already exacted an emotional cost, in addition to time and real money. It could wind up costing you a lot more to go through with a lie.

You gave it your best shot. It didn't work out. To sponsor him now, if I read you correctly, would involve you pretending your marriage was fine and committing yourself for support.

Why would you do that?

If he becomes illegal, that's his choice and his concern. You don't owe him a green card.

I would walk, were it me.

I have no intentions of lieing to the the US government. On one hand it didn't work out. But on the other hand, I'm ending it bc I don't want to take a chance that this guy might be totally insincere.

At the beginning of the relationship I told him that he had to honest with me. I told him I'd doubt if he was in this for real or for papers. Bu he lied anyway. I don't nec think the relationship was fake but I'm not sure if he was real with me either. I don't know.

If it were me in this situation, I would not support him in any way from here on out. He lied to you over and over and over again, essentially using your kind nature for his own means.....what do you think will be different about that in the future?

I say save yourself some headaches and cut the ties. He made his bed and now he must lie in it!

Please take care of yourself.

Compassinate or not, you do not owe this guy anything. The requirements of the sponsorship were outlined by eau explain. Do you really want to be tied to down to this man for that long?

If it were me, I would cut my losses and move on. Like Caladan said, you do not owe him a greencard. He knows (or should know) when his visa expires. He is a grown man and if he chooses to stay here illegally then that is on HIM not YOU.

Take care of yourself.

But you would be lying to the US government if you went through AOS because in order to do so you would have to pretend that you were still happily married...

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but open your eyes. Cut the ties and walk away and do not be foolish enough to even consider sponsoring him unless of course you wish to be on the hook to legally pay and take care of him for quite some time for many many years to come, while he continues to move on with his new life and new women in the USA and you might just be the one getting to pay for his standard of living!

I wasn't aware of the details of the AOS process. I'd read that if the relationship was legit then he's sort of entitled to it. But I'm not going to lie and pretend that we're a happily married couple. That's not going to happen. Again, the relationships more or less FELT legit. But I know that he lied to create an image that he was compatible with me. And when someone is that dishonest you never know what's going on until its too late. i know that him lieing wasn't just about the visa. But i'll leave the discussion for another time.

Thanks for the advice everyone. Its clear to me that helping this guy is out of the question for many reasons. I worry about him a lot. But I'll get over it I guess. Its just another lesson learned. International relationships are very very serious.

southernchic, with the situations as you describe, he's not entitled to it. Many, if not most, file for AOS soon after their partner is eligible, and in that case, you need to show that the marriage was entered into in good faith and (here's the kicker) that it's still ongoing.

To *remove* conditions, the marriage need not still be viable. But in order to be eligible in the first place, there has to be a viable marriage. If you don't have that now, he's not eligible to adjust status.

Thanks everyone. Obviously I had some misconceptions about this part of the process. Glad I decided NOT to file for the AOS when he arrived. I feel better already. Now, I have to focus on getting the divorce and completely moving on with my life.

I know this is easier said than done, so good for you, and best of luck!

You're right. Honestly, its hard to bring someone to the US and see all the things that they have to learn and discover to survive here and not worry if they'll be okay once you cut them off -- esp if you know that that person makes really bad decisions. Moving on won't be a piece of cake bc my husband was always a very sweet guy, but it has to happen. I'm very optimistic about my future. I'm just glad that I protected myself by not applying for the AOS.

thanks for the support.

I do understand that feeling of wanting to make sure they are okay. I always want to save everyone in the world. But, in the end, you have to weigh that feeling against the feeling that he will just use you over and over again for his own means. There comes a time when you have to say ENOUGH and protect yourself.

He entered into the marriage based on lies. Lies that have now been discovered. You say that if he did not lie and you had known the truth, you would not have married him. So in reality, your marriage is based on lies and untruths created by your husband.

In my opinion, a person who enters into marriage on false pretenses is not worthy of being helped further.

It sounds to me that you got him here, he's willing to go underground to stay here....

You are only asking for trouble if you want to continue being obligated to him by assisting in AOS.

I think she's made her decision now

I am probably not going to be liked for saying this, but the alien whose USC spouse withholds information that is required for an adjustment of status application submission can be found to have "controlled" the aliens situation and that *could* play well into an abuse claim

Would you be kind enough to elaborate on what you mean and maybe give an example?

Sure. In the typical case of a marriage not well-suited, it is reasonable that a US citizen spouse might choose not to cooperate in submitting documents to adjust an alien's status, since the marriage is headed for divorce and the divorce is imminent. The issue becomes a little less clear when an USC chooses not to participate in an alien's adjustment of status, yet the marriage continues indefinitely. In some circumstances this *could* be viewed as a tool to exercise control over an alien's future. And, believe me, it has been used as a tool. (Not saying that southernchic has done this, mind you). It is a control that an alien cannot escape. The litmus test to determine whether the USC took advantage over the alien's situation and subjected the alien to psychologival abuse would relate to to length of time the alien was not able to begin to adjust his or her status, and whether or not the alien felt trapped, fell out of status, was not able to end the marriage for fear that he or she would never be able to get back in status without his or her US citizen spouse.

I can't let this go without a response. I've never withheld any information. I'm sure that your discussion of this issue is purely theorectical. But...I never intended to control my husband. I told him upfront when he arrived that I had issues about both continueing the relationship AND taking long term responsibility for him via the visa. I took care of him when he was unemployed, sick and just plain demanding. I'm not a victim and neither is he. Not trying to sound defensive. I just need to distance myself from any kind of discussion or allegation about control or abuse of any kind.

To counter that comment, I completed my adjustment paperwork, got it all ready, my spouse just signed the bits needed.

I strikes me that if he had done this, and you or anyone else had refused to sign it and used it as some sort of blackmail, there might be a case.

It is his adjustment, not yours.

southernchic,

I wasn't necessarily stating that you had taken deliberate steps to have control over your spouse, but I can understand you being a little defensive. Let me first clarify what I am trying to convey.

If a US citizen marries a foreign-born individual, the US government extends to the alien the privilege of living in the USA with his or her citizen spouse. This is done as a benefit to the US citizen. In turn, that US citizen vouches to hold the government harmless from any requirement to keep that alien above poverty level. Now, filing an Affidavit of Support in conjunction with an Adjustment of Status application is the action that triggers that obligation to the government. When a US citizen partakes in an alien's adjustment of status, he or she is also making it possible for the alien to secure permanent residency and ultimately satisfy the Affidavit of Support~ thus relieving the US citizen of the burden to agree to support the alien and prevent the alien from becoming a ward of the government.


If the US citizen has concern about the financial obligation that he or she will inherit by participating in adjusting the alien's status, and chooses not to pursue it, in essence, the citizen is preventing the alien from moving forward in his or her immigrant process. That can be construed as having control over the alien's life.

I think this reasoning is ridiculous. If you are controlling the situation for the sake of controlling the person, then, yes, I think it's wrong. And, there are hateful people out there who do this sort of thing.

But, to withhold information that by providing said information forces you to support this person for 10 years, who MADE THEIR OWN CHOICES to basically defraud you, is smart IMO. You are controlling your own destiny. This man made his choices and now he must live with the consequences of said choices.

What all includes means tested benefits ? Food stamps I know but what else would she have to pay back if he goes for that ?

Can the alien during the divorce ask for monthly support from his spouse like everyone can for alimony ? Lets say he does not work and he
wants several hundred per month to support him ? How does that work in the court of law with an alien ?

Any type of government assistance they seek and receive. My SIL has rental assistance, child care assistance, WIC, Food Stamps, and Medicaid.

And, yes, alimony can be requested. As well as child support if children are involved.

It is not ridiculous. I specifically said in the beginning of this discussion, that there is a clear distinction between a USC hesitating to participate in adjustment of status, for a brief period, as a direct consequence of a marriage breaking down so that he or she can proceed with divorce and spare him/herself from further financial obligations as a result of the alien, and a USC spouse that chooses not to participate in adjusting the alien's status for a protracted period of time, yet does not dismantle the marriage. Once again, for the purposes of discussion right now, let's just remove any suggestion of "fraud" from the picture, as circumstances change considerably for the USC if there is evidence of fraud on the part of the alien.

But if an alien cannot purse legal adjustment without the spouse, and yet the spouse has no impetus to get going on it, the alien falls out of status, yet is completely without options as to get back in lawful status. That is a misuse of the USC's power and *could* in certain circumstances be construed as a form of abuse.

Look let's look at it from another perspective. An alien must have the cooperation of his or her spouse to be able to submit an AOS package. An AOS package without an Affiavit of Support will be rejected. Case closed, alien is fat out of luck. Unless there has been abuse, in which case the USCIS says, "show me your abuse, and if we are satisfied, we will permit you to pursue legal immigration without your USC spouse's participation".

diaddie's right to the extent that e.g., refusing to file for someone's green card in order to keep 'control' over them can be construed as abuse which allows the alien to petition on his or her own for permanent residency. It gives a hypothetical abusive spouse way too much power to leave the immigrant spouse's ability to live here legally and work. I'll hit you, whore, and if you go to the cops they'll deport you.

This doesn't mean, however, that 'not filing because the marriage is falling apart' is 'abusing someone', and it's clear diaddie was just offering it as overall information.

__
Jomo's girl, not all means-tested benefits. There are some exclusions. Plus, the process is that the sponsor's income is counted as income when determining eligibility; if the person is still eligible after that (SCHIP, e.g.), it should be okay. That, and benefits that go to someone other than the sponsored immigrant (their citizen child, e.g.) don't count under the I-864.

I totally get what you're saying. And this is a very important discussion that needs to happen. If you fall in love with someone whether they are from China or Bora Bora, you need to REALLY SERIOUSLY know and trust that person. Because if they turn out to be a not-so-great person, youwill be tied to them financially for a long time. There is no room for mistrust at all.

The US visa process puts a huge burden on the USC AND the USC VERY VERY vulnerable to abuse. The rules are so loose on the abuse side that the alien can easily claim abuse (not clear of all the implications when this happens). And the requirements are so high in terms of moving someone from living here to being a perm resident. The rules are made to protect the vulnerable visa holder. But no one should feel that they have to sign their financial life away as soon as the visa holder arrives. No offense to anyone but....when you think about the financial implications, people should take a long hard look at whether or not the risk is worth the reward for them.

I thought about the aff of support before my husband arrived but was a little freaked out about it (OMG 10 years). I figured I'd just take care of it when he arrived but I literally learned of his little secret THE DAY he arrived in the US!!!! In the end, I did the right thing for me. (Amen Jomo's girl) Maybe I should have just ended it right then and there.

He arrived more than 18 months ago, if I am reading your timeline correctly, so I am just wondering why you would perpetuate a marriage, knowing that you were not going to participate in the adjustment of status?

The alien claiming abuse means that they can petition to adjust status on their own. I believe, in those cases, that the USC isn't responsible for the I-864, but I am not certain how the support works.

I don't see it as making the USC terribly vulnerable. There's a nice urban myth that all the immigrant has to do is claim abuse and they get a green card, but that's really not the case from the people here who sadly have had to avail themselves of that option. It's a long, hard process that requires documentation and takes years to resolve.

As for the rest of it, yes, you should get to know the person you marry. But the consequences of not doing that are, imo, much worse than potentially having the state come after you for misgiven welfare benefits.

I agree Caladan. If anyone does even a modicum of research here on VJ or elsewhere with a google search under any one of my several immigration 'identities' (diadromous being one), they'll quickly see that I am all in support of victims escaping unnecessary grief and the onus of obligation under the Affidavit of Support where applicable. My opposing position in this particular thread is not directed at 'southernchic' on a personal level, in any way, but it is voiced in objection to the principles involved.

I saw a link of a list to all means tested benefits before somewhere here , does anyone have it ?


I guess the first thing to do is file for divorce if you want out of the marriage so any hesitation and lingering in the marriage won't be looked at as intentionally blocking the alien from adjusting status and therefore it could not be used as the abuse card. The alien does not get to adjust status
without the support and the case is closed, the alien goes home. Am I understanding that correctly ?

[
He arrived more than 18 months ago, if I am reading your timeline correctly, so I am just wondering why you would perpetuate a marriage, knowing that you were not going to participate in the adjustment of status?
[/quote]

I didn't perpetuate a marriage knowing that I wasn't going to participate in his AOS. What I didn't do is allow myself to be used for the next 10 years once he arrived. If anything me not applying for the AOS was sign that our relationship had problems -- not that i was somehow victimizing this man. And let's be clear, he's not entitled to a GC. He wants to be here and to live illegally if he has to.

If you read the entire thread you'd know that as soon as he arrived, the you-know-what hit the fan because of his lies. But for some ungodly reason, I thought we could work it out. The only reason it has taken this long to separate from him was because he became ill and wasn't able to work for a period of time. (BTW - I took care of him with no reservations.) And even after that, I didn't push him to leave out of sympathy and compassion . The entire spirit of this thread is about my continued compassion for this man. As I said before, I'm not going to play the vicitim role but I believe I've given this man as much as I could bc he was here from another country. There is no doubt that he's enjoyed the fruits of my compassion for as long as he could. His time is up.

You all have answered my question and provided valuable visa/AOS information. At this this point, I don't see the need to pick a part my situation. Thanks.

[
He arrived more than 18 months ago, if I am reading your timeline correctly, so I am just wondering why you would perpetuate a marriage, knowing that you were not going to participate in the adjustment of status?
[/quote]

I didn't perpetuate a marriage knowing that I wasn't going to participate in his AOS. What I didn't do is allow myself to be used for the next 10 years once he arrived. If anything me not applying for the AOS was sign that our relationship had problems -- not that i was somehow victimizing this man. And let's be clear, he's not entitled to a GC. He wants to be here and to live illegally if he has to.

If you read the entire thread you'd know that as soon as he arrived, the you-know-what hit the fan because of his lies. But for some ungodly reason, I thought we could work it out. The only reason it has taken this long to separate from him was because he became ill and wasn't able to work for a period of time. (BTW - I took care of him with no reservations.) And even after that, I didn't push him to leave out of sympathy and compassion . The entire spirit of this thread is about my continued compassion for this man. As I said before, I'm not going to play the vicitim role but I believe I've given this man as much as I could bc he was here from another country. There is no doubt that he's enjoyed the fruits of my compassion for as long as he could. His time is up.

You all have answered my question and provided valuable visa/AOS information. At this this point, I don't see the need to pick a part my situation. Thanks.

southernchic,

I am not understanding you and so forgive me, but I must ask...

How do you believe he would be using you, if you submitted the adjustment of status application?
Wouldn't that give him a means to be self-sufficient, having PR and not being tied to this marriage any more? Or is it that your objection is to the terms of the Affidavit of Support, itself? That is the part that I don't understand. The USCIS offers a benefit to an alien, compliments of a USC's petition. USCIS' approach to letting foreign nationals live here, absent the request by a USC, is "NO". But if a USC says, "I want this person to come here to live with me as my husband" the USCIS provides the privilege, unless otherwise ineligible. The only requirement that USCIS has in complying with USC's request is that he or she agree to an obligation to prevent such alien from becoming an indigent in the future. Deal done!

OK fast forward a few months. Said relationship is rocky. Parties are not getting along any more. USC wants to reneg on her deal with USCIS and turn the alien out of the marriage, and such alien will not be able to remain in the USA. Why? Because the USC is not willing to follow through with the terms of the Affidavit of Support, which clearly say...this "obligation does not end with divorce".

I guess I missed if you explained what the "lies' were all about if you declared that earlier. Perhaps if I had some inkling as to whether those lies were, i.e. Did they place question as to the validity of the marriage?, then I might not be taking this stance with your particular thread. Is there a suspicion of fraud? If there is, then you have every right not to pursue AOS with the pepetrator.

If not, my sense is that a USC that has a marriage that is in a shambles thinks that they can simply not bother to adjust status, and then that's fine...but as is has been stated earlier, by doing that the alien's future is placed in a dire position, and in a case such as this one, he will have accrued so much unlawful status, that not only his residency in this country has been compromised, or a residency based upon a future partner, but also his ability to travel here as a tourist too.

I really feel for you and pray that you make the decision right for you ....it is a tough spot to be in

I applaud your generous spirit and your compassion to help this man like you have. Not everyone would do that. You will know in time what
steps to take.

[
southernchic,

I am not understanding you and so forgive me, but I must ask...

How do you believe he would be using you, if you submitted the adjustment of status application?
Wouldn't that give him a means to be self-sufficient, having PR and not being tied to this marriage any more? Or is it that your objection is to the terms of the Affidavit of Support, itself? That is the part that I don't understand. The USCIS offers a benefit to an alien, compliments of a USC's petition. USCIS' approach to letting foreign nationals live here, absent the request by a USC, is "NO". But if a USC says, "I want this person to come here to live with me as my husband" the USCIS provides the privilege, unless otherwise ineligible. The only requirement that USCIS has in complying with USC's request is that he or she agree to an obligation to prevent such alien from becoming an indigent in the future. Deal done!

OK fast forward a few months. Said relationship is rocky. Parties are not getting along any more. USC wants to reneg on her deal with USCIS and turn the alien out of the marriage, and such alien will not be able to remain in the USA. Why? Because the USC is not willing to follow through with the terms of the Affidavit of Support, which clearly say...this "obligation does not end with divorce".

I guess I missed if you explained what the "lies' were all about if you declared that earlier. Perhaps if I had some inkling as to whether those lies were, i.e. Did they place question as to the validity of the marriage?, then I might not be taking this stance with your particular thread. Is there a suspicion of fraud? If there is, then you have every right not to pursue AOS with the pepetrator.

If not, my sense is that a USC that has a marriage that is in a shambles thinks that they can simply not bother to adjust status, and then that's fine...but as is has been stated earlier, by doing that the alien's future is placed in a dire position, and in a case such as this one, he will have accrued so much unlawful status, that not only his residency in this country has been compromised, or a residency based upon a future partner, but also his ability to travel here as a tourist too.
[/quote]

The point of this post, which was resolved pages ago, was that I was considering applying for the AOS (out of some sense of obligation) and was wondering about it and the level of responsibility. Obviously I haven't been studying up on it over the past 18 mos. I was informed that our situation does not quality because we are separated and I am seeking a divorce. Also, in order to support his AOS I'd have to pretend that we are happy, which I am not going to do. Problem resolved. My original thinking was that if I helped him and moved on I wouldn't have to worry if he's okay. But I'm not to do it if I have to lie or if I can't cut him loose after the divorce.

Then you started using words like....abuse....withholding information......control.....reneg.....not willing to follow through....simply not bother to adjust status....

None of that applies here. Yes there were lies that would lead me to believe there was fraud. That's the problem! I said there a long time ago. It would have great if you'd actually read the thread properly before questioning and taking opposition.

southernchic,

I think you've made your decision. I understand what you are dealing with because I also dealt with similar emotions in my last relationship. The sense of duty or guilt at ending the marraige can be a strong pull to stay in a relationship that is not only hurtful but preventing you from moving forward and healing. Admittedly, your husband may have problems but he's survived all this time and he'll continue to survive. Your responsibility is first and foremost to yourself and your children. Trust God to protect him and move forward taking the appropriate steps to keep your life going. It's time to decide to finalize a divorce and be truly independent. You weren't the "cause" of his problems. You can't "fix" them or "save" him. You can pray for him. That's it. Get the divorce and wish him the best.

Z

First, I'll say this gently, because I know the conflict you are facing and I know that it's not helping to consider that your apprehension or inaction over the last 18 months may have complicated what is already a difficult decision, BUT I did read everything that you've written. I've read that neither of you are "victims" that the marriage "felt legit" that "I thought we could work it out" and at the same time and in the very same thread, that you "suspect fraud" so I am thoroughly confused.

Typically, if someone has been deceived into marriage, whilst a hard pill to swallow, the "victim" that has been used knows that there is nothing to salvage, that the marriage was never "real" to begin with, at least not on the alien's part. There would be every justification for you not to follow through with adjustment of status, if that were the case. I don't think you read where I expressed this in the first place.

However, that being said, I feel it necessary to share with you that there is only one action that USCIS' considers fraud. It has nothing to do with "chatting up other females, while married" although that type of activity can be the first sign that the commitment, necessary in marriage, is absent, I'll agree. There are thousands of ill-prepared husbands and wives that compromise a marital union with such activities, but that in and of itself doesn't prove fraud. No, the action that USCIS looks for in the case is whether the alien entered into the marriage primarily for residency. And if you have any reason to suspect that, then, as I said before the choices before you should be much simpler than they appear to be at this time.

SouthernChic,

I wish you all the best and I am sorry that your marriage is not working out. I am in a very bad situation with my marriage and I rue the day that I signed my husband's AOS papers. I caught my husband in several lies that he 'flipped' or dismissed and are now having a devastating effect on my life. I loved my husband, but his motives were less than honorable in coming here to marry me. So, not only do I suffer the emotional loss of my marriage and my heart is broken, but I now have to suffer the consequences of a nasty divorce and the worry of the sponsorship. My husband is doing every single thing he can do to make my life and that of my young daughter miserable. I understand that you have compassion for your husband being alone in this country, but I would suggest not signing the AOS papers if you have any doubts whatsoever. Again, I am very sorry that your marriage was not all you hoped for, that is hard enough, no sense in compounding your heartache.

2manypapers

Once again, and not wishing to sound repetitive, but "less than honourable motives", unless clearly for immigration benefit alone, would not satisfy USCIS' requirement to substantiate marriage fraud. I know it is sounding pedantic, and I empathise with all of the emotions, but it must be clear.

I read Dm's post to suggest that the abuse card could be wrongly played in the future by him and not that you have in any way, shape or form
contributed to any abuse or control whatsoever, only that it could be played that way by him later due to the time frame. I believe she fully understands that you have been compassionate and done all you could to help this man while he was ill.

I have never known Dm pointing a finger but very objectively and from all sides think of possible routes the alien may play a card against you for some reason or another. I think that is what she was pointing out.....looking ahead for possible snares.

I hope your nightmare will be over soon and may you find your true soul mate in a bright future.

I rarely post of any of the forums, but I decided to answer Southernchic's post. My marriage turned out to be a MOC for the benefit of money and a green card. I do not feel I need to give the particulars of my private life in order to extend my sympathies or advise her not to sign the AOS. Southernchic did not share the exact circumstances of her husband's dishonesty with her and her situation may differ from mine.

I understand clearly that her husband could raise the abuse card, he could say or do many things and I am glad that you informed her of this, DM, because she could face this from her husband if he desperately wants to stay in the USA.

However, my advice stands, if she has doubts, of any kind, she should not, for any reason feel obligated to sign his AOS papers.

If she needs to protect herself legally, she is in a stronger position by not signing his AOS, especially if she is contemplating divorce.

My post was meant to extend my heartfelt sympathies to Southernchic and to simply say that feeling compassion for her husband's plight is not reason enough to put her own head in a noose.

This forum can be of invaluable help to so many members here that are either afraid or too embarrassed to post about the problems that they are facing. After so many months or years of waiting, legal processes and the expenses, nail biting moments waiting for approvals, it is a whole different journey when faced with endings. I feel that all who can contribute their experiences should be heard....including the emotions.

2manypapers