I haven't been on this site for very long and I have find most of the information very useful and have met some really nice, helpful people HOWEVER, in reading posts and some individuals replies, I feel the need to vent a little frustration.
Everyone here is basically in the same boat; confused, worried and scared. As a result, questions are sometimes posted to the board in a vague manner without full details of events that may have transpired. In searching for answers or guidance I have come across some really sarcastic, nasty, assuming and accusatory responses to people's queries (yes, I have had it done to me also which is why - until this post - I have refrained from posing anymore questions to the board). This site is intended to help, support and encourage each other during these times.
No one person here; that I know of, is an expert in Immigration Law and even a lawyer themselves will tell you that they don't pretend to know everything. So, before you put your hot little fingers on the keyboard, please remember that when a person is hurting and scared, the last thing they want or need is a slap in the face! Keep your answers directed to the question at hand and if you need further information from the member in order to understand clearly what question they are posing, ask for it specifically without the harshness. Spelling things out with "hypens" between the letters is just cruel and uncalled for. Jumping to conclusions on someone's motives for being here is not your place unless you have walked a mile in their shoes and know, step by step, what happened along that path.
Remember, it is not your place to assume.... how would you feel if it were the IO that was making negative assumptions about your case without fact or without giving you the opportunity to clarify and provide further evidence?
Think about it......
Full Version: Why can't we all just get along?
OMG I totally need to take some time to think about that profound conclusion that you've reached. 
Now seriously, it's a public forum. People are entitled to express their opinion. If you expect to post in a public forum for strangers to give you their input on the subject, you should be prepared to read their opinion, which won't necessarily coincide with what you want to hear.
Now seriously, it's a public forum. People are entitled to express their opinion. If you expect to post in a public forum for strangers to give you their input on the subject, you should be prepared to read their opinion, which won't necessarily coincide with what you want to hear.
QUOTE(Nessa @ Feb 29 2008, 09:00 AM) 
OMG I totally need to take some time to think about that profound conclusion that you've reached.
Now seriously, it's a public forum. People are entitled to express their opinion. If you expect to post in a public forum for strangers to give you their input on the subject, you should be prepared to read their opinion, which won't necessarily coincide with what you want to hear.
Now seriously, it's a public forum. People are entitled to express their opinion. If you expect to post in a public forum for strangers to give you their input on the subject, you should be prepared to read their opinion, which won't necessarily coincide with what you want to hear.
Well put
Frustrated,
What kind of replies are you referencing? I agree that a lot of times you have to suck up what other people write in a public forum because people are entitled to give their opinions. However, even public forums have limits, same thing on the streets. You can't go along cursing others out just because it's a public space so why should here be the same?
Guess it all comes down to what was said or not...
What kind of replies are you referencing? I agree that a lot of times you have to suck up what other people write in a public forum because people are entitled to give their opinions. However, even public forums have limits, same thing on the streets. You can't go along cursing others out just because it's a public space so why should here be the same?
Guess it all comes down to what was said or not...
Frustrated,
What kind of replies are you referencing? I agree that a lot of times you have to suck up what other people write in a public forum because people are entitled to give their opinions. However, even public forums have limits, same thing on the streets. You can't go along cursing others out just because it's a public space so why should here be the same?
Guess it all comes down to what was said or not...
What kind of replies are you referencing? I agree that a lot of times you have to suck up what other people write in a public forum because people are entitled to give their opinions. However, even public forums have limits, same thing on the streets. You can't go along cursing others out just because it's a public space so why should here be the same?
Guess it all comes down to what was said or not...
I'm with Nessa on this one. Public forums are filled with, ahhh, public opinion. You are going to find debate and rib poking just the same as in any place where people of differing backgrounds come together for discussion. We can only support others opinions or make and defend our own. VJ would be nothing if all it were was a place lacking emotion (positive and negative). The way it is is the reason we all come back the next day.
QUOTE(Nessa @ Feb 29 2008, 12:00 PM)
OMG I totally need to take some time to think about that profound conclusion that you've reached.
Now seriously, it's a public forum. People are entitled to express their opinion. If you expect to post in a public forum for strangers to give you their input on the subject, you should be prepared to read their opinion, which won't necessarily coincide with what you want to hear.
Now seriously, it's a public forum. People are entitled to express their opinion. If you expect to post in a public forum for strangers to give you their input on the subject, you should be prepared to read their opinion, which won't necessarily coincide with what you want to hear.
QUOTE(Kazan @ Feb 29 2008, 11:14 AM)
I'm with Nessa on this one. Public forums are filled with, ahhh, public opinion. You are going to find debate and rib poking just the same as in any place where people of differing backgrounds come together for discussion. We can only support others opinions or make and defend our own. VJ would be nothing if all it were was a place lacking emotion (positive and negative). The way it is is the reason we all come back the next day.
QUOTE(Nessa @ Feb 29 2008, 12:00 PM)
OMG I totally need to take some time to think about that profound conclusion that you've reached.
Now seriously, it's a public forum. People are entitled to express their opinion. If you expect to post in a public forum for strangers to give you their input on the subject, you should be prepared to read their opinion, which won't necessarily coincide with what you want to hear.
Now seriously, it's a public forum. People are entitled to express their opinion. If you expect to post in a public forum for strangers to give you their input on the subject, you should be prepared to read their opinion, which won't necessarily coincide with what you want to hear.
I have read through all of the responses above and I agree... it is a public forum. However... people post on here looking for opinion on their specific issue(s) relating to the immigration process... not to have an opinion or accusation posted about their "intentions". These are the assumptions that I am speaking to.
Oft, you will see people immediately starting their post asking others not to offer their opinion on their personal situation but just to respond to their question at hand. This tells me that others are also seeing what I am seeing.
Moreover, "s-p-e-l-l-i-n-g" (yes, I have seen a reply like this) things out to someone is demeaning and unnecessary.
I personally don't believe that I, or anyone else for that matter, should be placed in a situation (especially in a public forum that is supposed to offer insight and encouragement) where one feels that one has to "defend" themselves or their actions.
The reason for this post was to merely point out what is happening and courage others to "think" about what they are saying before saying it. Obviously, looking at the responses, I have accomplished just that by you all responding and I thank you for your opinons on this subject.
QUOTE(Jack and Barbara @ Feb 29 2008, 11:09 AM)
Frustrated,
What kind of replies are you referencing? I agree that a lot of times you have to suck up what other people write in a public forum because people are entitled to give their opinions. However, even public forums have limits, same thing on the streets. You can't go along cursing others out just because it's a public space so why should here be the same?
Guess it all comes down to what was said or not...
What kind of replies are you referencing? I agree that a lot of times you have to suck up what other people write in a public forum because people are entitled to give their opinions. However, even public forums have limits, same thing on the streets. You can't go along cursing others out just because it's a public space so why should here be the same?
Guess it all comes down to what was said or not...
Thank you so much for your input. I read everyone's comments before posting and I completely agree... "even public forums have limits".
QUOTE(jasman0717 @ Feb 29 2008, 11:06 AM)
QUOTE(Nessa @ Feb 29 2008, 09:00 AM)
OMG I totally need to take some time to think about that profound conclusion that you've reached.
Now seriously, it's a public forum. People are entitled to express their opinion. If you expect to post in a public forum for strangers to give you their input on the subject, you should be prepared to read their opinion, which won't necessarily coincide with what you want to hear.
Now seriously, it's a public forum. People are entitled to express their opinion. If you expect to post in a public forum for strangers to give you their input on the subject, you should be prepared to read their opinion, which won't necessarily coincide with what you want to hear.
Well put
I'm sorry you feel that way. Perhaps if a person posted an accusation towards your situation you would feel different? I do wish you all the best in your endeavor.
QUOTE(Frustrated2NoEnd @ Feb 29 2008, 11:41 AM)
QUOTE(jasman0717 @ Feb 29 2008, 11:06 AM)
QUOTE(Nessa @ Feb 29 2008, 09:00 AM)
OMG I totally need to take some time to think about that profound conclusion that you've reached.
Now seriously, it's a public forum. People are entitled to express their opinion. If you expect to post in a public forum for strangers to give you their input on the subject, you should be prepared to read their opinion, which won't necessarily coincide with what you want to hear.
Now seriously, it's a public forum. People are entitled to express their opinion. If you expect to post in a public forum for strangers to give you their input on the subject, you should be prepared to read their opinion, which won't necessarily coincide with what you want to hear.
Well put
I'm sorry you feel that way. Perhaps if a person posted an accusation towards your situation you would feel different? I do wish you all the best in your endeavor.
They have many times on here and on other web sites I have visited. There are stupid mean people everywhere. I do know how you feel.
That being said, as others have pointed out, this is a public forum and open to everyone to express their opinion. I would hope it would be expressed in an adult and constructive way; but, even words spewed without thinking of the consequences are sometimes helpful. I take everything posted with a grain of salt....if it's helpful it is and if it isn't, maybe it is helping someone else. I don't like personal attacks for the sake of just attacking someone. There are some on here, though, that take everything too personally. It's such a fine line sometimes.
Know that this site is helpful and you have to just pick and choose what is useful to your situation. Ignore what isn't.
QUOTE(Nessa @ Feb 29 2008, 11:00 AM)
OMG I totally need to take some time to think about that profound conclusion that you've reached.
Now seriously, it's a public forum. People are entitled to express their opinion. If you expect to post in a public forum for strangers to give you their input on the subject, you should be prepared to read their opinion, which won't necessarily coincide with what you want to hear.
Now seriously, it's a public forum. People are entitled to express their opinion. If you expect to post in a public forum for strangers to give you their input on the subject, you should be prepared to read their opinion, which won't necessarily coincide with what you want to hear.
True. But then, there are a couple of old adages "If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all." For many people, this may have been their first time on something like this which is intimidating in itself. Attacking someone or demeaning them on the board is only going to make them reluctant to post again.
Thank you for your comment. Good luck to you and yours.
QUOTE(Jomo @ Feb 29 2008, 11:48 AM)
QUOTE(Frustrated2NoEnd @ Feb 29 2008, 11:41 AM)
QUOTE(jasman0717 @ Feb 29 2008, 11:06 AM)
QUOTE(Nessa @ Feb 29 2008, 09:00 AM)
OMG I totally need to take some time to think about that profound conclusion that you've reached.
Now seriously, it's a public forum. People are entitled to express their opinion. If you expect to post in a public forum for strangers to give you their input on the subject, you should be prepared to read their opinion, which won't necessarily coincide with what you want to hear.
Now seriously, it's a public forum. People are entitled to express their opinion. If you expect to post in a public forum for strangers to give you their input on the subject, you should be prepared to read their opinion, which won't necessarily coincide with what you want to hear.
Well put
I'm sorry you feel that way. Perhaps if a person posted an accusation towards your situation you would feel different? I do wish you all the best in your endeavor.
They have many times on here and on other web sites I have visited. There are stupid mean people everywhere. I do know how you feel.
That being said, as others have pointed out, this is a public forum and open to everyone to express their opinion. I would hope it would be expressed in an adult and constructive way; but, even words spewed without thinking of the consequences are sometimes helpful. I take everything posted with a grain of salt....if it's helpful it is and if it isn't, maybe it is helping someone else. I don't like personal attacks for the sake of just attacking someone. There are some on here, though, that take everything too personally. It's such a fine line sometimes.
Know that this site is helpful and you have to just pick and choose what is useful to your situation. Ignore what isn't.
That's wonderful advise. Many times I have stopped reading the thread because of someone's attitude (I just couldn't be bothered with the way that the subject was turning).
I love your wedding picture btw... I came across it over the weekend and showed it to my husband.
Thank you so much for your reply. Good luck to you!!!
Getting along is boring.
I agree with what you said a couple posts above ''starting their post asking others not to offer their opinion on their personal situation but just to respond to their question at hand'' that you are not the only one who has noticed that.
Maybe you're still too new to this forum, but it's a constant thing: you ask for advice, people express their opinion, and some people will do that in a judgemental way.
Maybe you're still too new to this forum, but it's a constant thing: you ask for advice, people express their opinion, and some people will do that in a judgemental way.
QUOTE(VJ Troll @ Feb 29 2008, 12:45 PM)
Getting along is boring.
Bring on the drama huh? lol
QUOTE(VJ Troll @ Feb 29 2008, 01:45 PM)
Getting along is boring.
QUOTE(Nessa @ Feb 29 2008, 01:46 PM)
I agree with what you said a couple posts above ''starting their post asking others not to offer their opinion on their personal situation but just to respond to their question at hand'' that you are not the only one who has noticed that.
Maybe you're still too new to this forum, but it's a constant thing: you ask for advice, people express their opinion, and some people will do that in a judgemental way.
Maybe you're still too new to this forum, but it's a constant thing: you ask for advice, people express their opinion, and some people will do that in a judgemental way.
This is true, gotta take the good with the bad.
QUOTE(Nessa @ Feb 29 2008, 12:46 PM)
I agree with what you said a couple posts above ''starting their post asking others not to offer their opinion on their personal situation but just to respond to their question at hand'' that you are not the only one who has noticed that.
Maybe you're still too new to this forum, but it's a constant thing: you ask for advice, people express their opinion, and some people will do that in a judgemental way.
Maybe you're still too new to this forum, but it's a constant thing: you ask for advice, people express their opinion, and some people will do that in a judgemental way.
You might be right... maybe I am too new to this forum. I just thought that what I was seeing was a shame. When an employer reaches out to the forum to try to help his employees' family and is berrated for hiring someone with a fake SNN... I had to say something. How many people now-days would extend themselves that way? I wish more people would be so willing to "help thy neighbour".
I think indeed it is a shame that folks can be extremely judgmental, or outright offensive and slandering. However, I don't think there is much one can do --- besides, trying to do so is also judgmental, in a way. Remember you have the option of placing folks that irate you on ignore.
Good luck to you and peace, L.
Good luck to you and peace, L.
QUOTE(LoriLawless @ Feb 29 2008, 01:09 PM)
QUOTE(VJ Troll @ Feb 29 2008, 01:45 PM)
Getting along is boring.
QUOTE(Nessa @ Feb 29 2008, 01:46 PM)
I agree with what you said a couple posts above ''starting their post asking others not to offer their opinion on their personal situation but just to respond to their question at hand'' that you are not the only one who has noticed that.
Maybe you're still too new to this forum, but it's a constant thing: you ask for advice, people express their opinion, and some people will do that in a judgemental way.
Maybe you're still too new to this forum, but it's a constant thing: you ask for advice, people express their opinion, and some people will do that in a judgemental way.
This is true, gotta take the good with the bad.
I don't mind taking the bad IF the person giving it to me knows the WHOLE story. How can you judge a book if you haven't read it all the way through? As I said before, people that post on here are frightened and don't necessarily write "the whole book" but give a brief narrative.
QUOTE(Len_and_Bren @ Feb 29 2008, 01:14 PM)
I think indeed it is a shame that folks can be extremely judgmental, or outright offensive and slandering. However, I don't think there is much one can do --- besides, trying to do so is also judgmental, in a way. Remember you have the option of placing folks that irate you on ignore.
Good luck to you and peace, L.
Good luck to you and peace, L.
Thank you for your feedback Len_and_Bren. It was truly appreciated.
Good luck to you also.
I have no problem with bad or good people. I can be good too.
I agree that there are some members on the board who are rude and judgmental. There are members with hidden agendas..... and some very not-so-hidden. There are also the bottom dwellers, who want nothing more than to stir the pot and watch the frenzy. Some members will read something and see an insult or a judgmental response, while others will wonder what the fuss is all about. Some would even have seen some of your comments as rude or judgmental. My point is that the world, and the internet, is full of people who are unique. All are from different cultures with different upbringings with different outlooks and different attitudes. VJ is not a corporate office where members approach each other in a respectable and business-like manner. You are never going to be able to demand conformity on this site. Or rather, you can demand it, but you will never attain it. Just as in life, you have to take the good with the bad. There are a lot more good members on this site than there are bad. There is a lot of good information and there is a lot of not-so-good information. Members must use their logic and analytical skills to separate the wheat from the chaff. The same goes for the judgmental and rude responses vs the polite and informed responses. You hold onto the good stuff and you discard the rest.
Welcome to VJ!
Welcome to VJ!
Sometimes people do it to themselves. Imagine this post...
"Okay, I beat my wife ever day because she's a b!tch. I want to end our marriage before she gets her green card. What do I have to do so she can't get her green card? Oh and I don't want to hear from anyone about anything other than how I can prevent her from getting her green card."
How many people are going to remain numb and only offer this person the exact answer he seeks? Some subjects get under peoples' skin and bring out emotion that cannot be restrained. We are all human and have our buttons. The only way you are going to get 100% unbiased responses is to allow some emotionless super computer to scan all inquiries for questions and answer them with pre-programmed responses.
"Okay, I beat my wife ever day because she's a b!tch. I want to end our marriage before she gets her green card. What do I have to do so she can't get her green card? Oh and I don't want to hear from anyone about anything other than how I can prevent her from getting her green card."
How many people are going to remain numb and only offer this person the exact answer he seeks? Some subjects get under peoples' skin and bring out emotion that cannot be restrained. We are all human and have our buttons. The only way you are going to get 100% unbiased responses is to allow some emotionless super computer to scan all inquiries for questions and answer them with pre-programmed responses.
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