Busy consummating the relationship, creating more supportive evidences in preparation for Tan's interview?

Hi Linda,

first time in the Asia forum and this thread caught my eye. What you wrote here is a pretty good summation of what one of my friends is going through. I feel for you and Tan that you have to endure the slings and arrows of envious small-minded people.

My friend is a 2-time loser in the marriage category. Outside of intimate relationships he has been extremely successful in business, in sports, and in personal looks and charm. About 6 months ago this man who could have just about any woman went on a bender in TJ and ended up getting to know one of the ladies of the night from the red-light district of TJ. After starting out with a prostitute-client relationship, they found that there was a chemistry between them and forged a relationship based on love and trust.

I thought my buddy was deep in a mid-life crisis. In my mind the "chemistry" was his dollars for her and for him being able to captain her "pleasure-boat" body. As he detailed to me the relationship developments almost in real time I tried counseling him so that he wouldn't throw his life away. My breath was wasted, my words fell on deaf ears. Events took a turn for the worse; he rented an apartment in TJ so that he could be with his love interest. The love birds were building a nest.

I told my buddy once again that it was just a fantasy and that she was, for God's sakes, just a prostitute and scamming him.

And then he introduced me to her. The English langauage doesn't have the words to say how badly I felt, how seriously I had erred. I begged forgiveness not only of him but of her as well. How wrongly and how easily we misjudge others.

There is absolutely no reason why they are a matched pair. The differences are overwhelming.
He's tall. She's small.
He's on the near side of 50. She will be 25 in a couple of years.
He's been educated at some of the best universities in the US. She almost graduated from junior high in Mexico.
He's a business exec. Some day she would like to be a kindergarten teacher.
He speaks English with some smattering of Spanish. She speaks Spanish along with some English words that you wouldn't use in polite company.
He's a fighter for what he believes in. She's a fighter for what she believes in.
He needed a reason to move ahead with his life. She needed a reason to improve herself.
He is extremely intelligent. She has a natural uncultivated intelligence and a strong interest in the world around her.
When they are together there is an unmistakable aura of happiness, peace and love around them. They bring out the best in each other.

She and I later had a conversation that tore my heart. (Readers' note: I am NOT a tree-hugging, bleeding heart liberal. I did believe and still believe that the US has the right to maintain its borders as the US sees fit.)

She is from the state of Veracruz on the East coast of Mexico. With no education and a worsening economy, job prospects which are pretty lean under the best of times in "Mexico Lindo" were pretty grim. She made a bad decision based on deceiving information from a "friend". Her decision was to cross the border illegally and get a job in the US.

She travelled to TJ on the West coast of Mexico with borrowed money and hooked up with a "coyote", someone who would lead a group of illegals into the US. Just after crossing the US-Mexico border the group was interdicted by the US Border Patrol and returned to Mexico.

Now back in Mexico she needed to get a job to payoff the money she owed the "coyote" for crossing the border. So she got a job working as prostitute in a bar.

That's the short story.

Then I started asking questions.

How much did crossing the border cost? $2900
Did the "coyote" hook her up with the job at the bar? Yes (I surprised her with this question and the subsequent questions)
Was the group crossing the border mostly women in their early 20's? Yes
Were her prostitution clothes given to her on "credit"? Yes
Was the "coyote going to get her a job in the US? Yes
Was she scared when she was caught by "la migra" Yes
Was she without hope when the "pinche coyote" offered her a job? Yes
Did she hate herself and feel bad when she started the job? Yes (her eyes watered at the recollection)

Basically, she and the other girls were going to be illegally brought into the US to be prostitutes. Plan B for the "pinche coyote" was to prostitute the girls in TJ. The money owed for crossing, the clothes, the housing and the food given on credit were all "hooks" in the girls to ensure that the coyote "got his pound of flesh" and recouped his investment and then some.

Her plan before she met her "principe azul" (imagine meeting the man of your dreams in a sleazy bar) was to save as much money as she could to pay off the debt ASAP, quit the "puta" business and get into a different line of work. I asked her show much she still owed the PC. She told me $5500. The surprise in my eyes caused her to add that the increase was due to interest compounding on the initial sum. Looks like the PC previously worked for a US credit card company. I told my buddy that she needed $5500 to get out of the trade. I told him nothing more. Americans that murder Mexicans in Mexico are not looked upon kindly by the Mexican judicial system.

She is now being housewifely in TJ and just started studying English and working towards completing her junior high diploma.

Linda,

Please keep us posted. I would also like to see pictures from your engagement. I hope the process is going well.

Kind of too bad. The internet has opened up the chance of compatibility immensely. In this small town my choices were between Lizzy Borden and 2 meth dealers. It was a great experience of chatting with women all over the world and dealing with so many different views and personalities. It seems like cultural diversity becomes evil to many when it is not used for a political objective and used for a more fulfilling relationship.