WOW. Can I just vent here for a second? For those of you who don't know me and my big mouth - I am the politically incorrect, tell it like it is Linda - the tall white woman from America. I am in love with TAN - the short asian from Vietnam. :-)

DO I HAVE TO HEAR ONE MORE PERSON TELL ME THAT A GOOD LOOKING WHITE WOMAN WOULD NEVER CHOOSE A SHORT SKINNY ASIAN MAN?!?!?!?!?!? What is the problem here???? Are asian men just off limits to white girls or are they just so physically repulsive that I would have to be cracked in the head to want one?!? NOT EVERYONE ON THIS PLANET is turned on by TALL MEN. Sheesh. God had to make ONE WOMAN that likes SHORT. It just happens to be ME. And since I am good-looking, I get hassled all the time about how much better I could do than Tan. Not to mention all this prejudice and stereotyping crapola is not only on the white side.... the viets are no better... they tell him, right in front of me (I SPEAK VIETNAMESE BUT THEY DONT ALWAYS KNOW THAT), don't take a white wife, americans only use vietnamese as slaves, are you a traitor? You are too different, you can't love each other. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

So basically, I am using him to have a slave in america (for what, exactly?!) and he is using me for a green card. OHMYGOD. He never even thought he had a chance with me, we were just friends when we met, I had a husband then. He was just intrigued because I speak vietnamese. Using me to go to a country where he knows no-one, has no friends or family???????? What will he do there, exactly?! His English is just so-so. He and I are so fed up with everyone giving us a hard time that we made up a song and sing it to each other....its a joke song about how we can't love each other, we are so different, he has yellow skin, I have white skin, he lives in the jungle, I live in L.A. !!! hahahaha I mean, really, what is so different here?!?!?!?!?!!??! He eats rice, I eat hamburgers?! GIVE ME A BREAK. Why is this so hard for everyone to accept? He even (jokingly) told me to gain weight and not wear makeup so the consulate would believe us easier since me looking too hot doesn't fit with him. ARGH!!!!! I had a hot husband previously, I was a cold fish with him. I LOVE TAN. I was crying today because I feel SO LUCKY - this true love stuff is a gift you get with one person, one time. I really believe that. You can have special relationships but your true soulmate is only 1. Well anyway, enough venting... if anyone wants to come to our Dinh Hon, we are having it in Nha Trang Vietnam in 3 more weeks....
*hugs to all*
KEEP ON LOVING
Linda

hi linda,

good luck on ur relationship and trust me ur not the only one. it happens alot. i hear all the time how im married to "sadam", a terriost and im being used for a greencard. just ignore them and be happy.

Thanks for your post. People are so narrow minded. I guess what irks me most is how if a white man marries an asian girl everyone pats him on the back and says, "asian girl, hot in bed, look young forever, thin....GOOD JOB MAN!" but when a white woman takes an asian man everyone says (or thinks), "she could do so much better, why is she settling for bottom of the totem pole?!"

The funniest thing about Tan is that he understands this dynamic exists and thinks its pretty funny. He calls asian guys, "the forgotten men". And one time in the park, I was massaging his feet and every vietnamese person was staring with their mouth agape. Tan was like, "UH Linda, first time in HISTORY that a white girl massaged the feet of a Vietnamese man, NO, REALLY." and then he started yelling in Vietnamese at me (joking but strangers didn't know), "Hurry up white girl, massage better or I am not paying you!" AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH It's worth the controversy just for his bizarre sense of humor.

So shoot me! I LOVE THE YELLOW MAN! hahaha
Linda

its ok to vent........my finance is not Asian.....but i get a lot of he is so much older than u hes looking for a visa....u do not know what ur doing make the choice of a nice boy here in the usa........after all ur latina a guy would love to be married to a hot latina........crap......is about the nicest thing i can say about that..........but people are stupid u know?

u just have to make the choice to ignore the idiots and take their words for what they are ignorance!!!!!!!

my mom taught me something very important in life......love is not about size, color, age, beauty or body type or anything other than two hearts coming together....it does not matter how it happened all that matters is the love you hold between you.........

Oh add that to our list of why we can't love together - I am older than him. I guess it's just everyone is trying to figure out why we are together and it is just not enough to say the truth: WE LOVE EACH OTHER. Damn. People want the truth but don't accept it when they get it. Ok, he only wants to live in America and I want a personal 5'4" asian man sex slave in America... everybody happy now??!!! SHEESH.
Linda

WHY GET SO AFFECTED WITH OTHERS SAYING TO BOTH OF U? PROBABLY THEY ARE JUST ENVY OF YOUR LOVE STORY... COZ ITS LIKE A NOVEL, VERY UNIQUE.. AND IN THE END, A HAPPY ENDING..

Awwwwwwww This is the sweetest thing I have ever heard! Thank you for saying.... and you are right. I shouldn't let it get to me... it just was starting to pile up on all sides: Vietnamese telling him whites are cruel, violent and abuse vietnamese, vietnamese telling me he is using me for a green card, whites telling me asians have a small weenie and look stupid next to a hot white chick, everyone saying our cultures are too different...AHHHHHHH, just blew a fuse I think. I have been sick with a fun chest bacterial infection for about 5 days, still coughing up green stuff, now Tan is sick with it.... woohoo - so I think my patience is not at it's all time best here. This has been the best and worst trip to Vietnam. Best: TAN TAN TAN - Worst: Sick, fell and bashed my face on a metal bar, pulled the big toenail off my toe (still don't know how), bacterial infection in my chest, got $1000 stolen from my purse...... if not for Tan, I would be OUTTA HERE.

But yes, I think a lot of people are jealous.... I mean, I even had some white guys here in Vietnam come up to me on VALENTINES DAY when I was dancing at a club with Tan, all over him, kissing him, told the white guys he was my HUSBAND and they pulled me aside and asked for my phone #. I was like, "Uh, he is my HUSBAND, are you getting that?" They were like, "so what, he's asian, what's he gonna do about it?" Like I can't possibly be serious about Tan. TROI OI LA TROI OI. (OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD!) And a lot of viets do want to get out of here and are jealous of him. But Tan never planned on meeting a foreigner, never tried to, never even thought about it before... it was just fate. Jealousy and envy are UGLY emotions and really you should wish everyone the best they can get, even if you can't get it that good yourself. It's the right way to be in this life (although hard to practice).

Yes, we are like a story...how we met (I had been studying the language before I ever met Tan and was in Vietnam 3 times before ever meeting him) and I went to vietnam for the 4th time because a "just for fun" psychic reading told me I had destiny in Nha Trang Vietnam. I thought that was SO WEIRD that an american psychic tells me to go to Nha Trang Vietnam (she said the name just came into her head) when the psychic did not know anything about me, that I could speak vietnamese or that I had ever been to vietnam before....!!!!!! I only went to the psychic because I was so bored and depressed with my life I was thinking about the stuff a sock in my exhaust pipe scenario. Seriously. I knew I was about to make a ton of money with the project I had worked on for 3 years but be rich in order to do WHAT? I have been rich before... big deal? So I can buy more diamonds than my neighboor? YAWN. Money really means nothing without love.... and I thought I had love with my husband at the time but it was friendship/family love and that is NOT THE SAME. So 6 months ago, I went off to Vietnam for the 4th time and my second day in Nha Trang, there was Tan, on the beach. That was the end of the old life and the beginning of this new one that holds so much hope and promise I want to laugh and cry all at once.....

Well as always, I have talked waaaay too much. Ah, the joy of being a writer - so in the words of Tan (I just taught him this lovely and oh so handy saying): CAN YOU PLEASE SHUT THE F*** UP?!?!?!? :-) Bye for now, and thanks for your ear all...
Linda

WELL.....
NO MATTER WHAT OTHER PEOPLE SAY.....
REMEMBER THAT...
YOU ARE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER, THATS THE END OF IT.. HERE MAYBE U MIGHT WANT TO TAKE A LOOK ON HOW I MET MY HUSBAND, I AM THE ASIAN AND HE IS THE AMERICAN ...
http://annn1883s.blogs.friendster.com/my_b..._met_my_hu.html

AND BY THE WAY, I AGREE THAT ITS FATE THAT BROUGHT YOU TOGETHER..

Go ahead a vent Linda. A lot of us women get idiotic comments about our men. I take it like a grain of salt and consider the sources the comments are coming from. Best of luck to you!

Linda, That is SOOOOO funny.... He sounds like a character. A reall crack-up. He must think fast on his feet to do that, and the timing was perfect... LOL

I wouldn't let what others say bother you. what matters most is how you feel. More power to ya!!!!

He is so smart, it is scary - and he sounds like such a dope when he tries to speak english... it cracks me up. Everything about him is hysterical - I swear he could be a comedian (I am a comedy writer, which is why I appreciate him so much). He says the most outlandish things with perfect timing.... I am blown away. Like I was telling him how many american guys liked different sex stuff like feet or wee-wee or something and then weeks later I was complaining that my socks smelled bad and he goes, "Don't wash them, you can sell them in america to one of the foot guys for $40, right?" I almost fell off the bed. Then later he goes, "when I get to america, can I go into a film store and ask for a film on the golden shower?" MY GOD. This guy is funny in his bones. He is SO DIFFERENT than anyone, including all other vietnamese. He is so open minded. Nothing shocks him or scares him. But he is still gentle and innocent somehow - all these things out of the mouth of virgin (OK, before he met me he was!) :-D But what a special dichotomy.... so sweet, innocent and gentle but yet capable of handling and understanding concepts that even shock and offend americans! WOW. I just never thought I could meet anyone as crazy or sick minded as me and yet retained good values.... THANK YOU GOD for TAN. I am going to bed now... he just yelled from the bedroom at me: Stop writing about me, you love your yellow jungle boy too much Linda!" HAHAHAHAHAHA I don't know what I did right to deserve this man.....

Unworthy Linda

Linda,
Like you said: KEEP ON LOVING. What other people say about you or your man is not of your biz (it's none of their biz either, but you know how people are ) Enjoy each other and if people keep poking their noses, flip'em. Best luck to you sister.

Hang in there, Linda! I get the jokes and wisecracks too. Being in an international relationship is a difficult thing in itself given the great distance from out loved one that most of us live without having busybodies making comments that would not be made if you were in love with someone here in the States. Not to devalue the seriousness of those who have faced negativity in their relationships but it does seem to me that the criticisms seem to be sharper/nastier if your loved one is from an Asian country. I don't get it.

So I just woke up from a nightmare about the consulate denying him....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Really, I am stressing too hard. Now I know why....

I apologize if I was too dirty in my above post... nothing shocks me or bothers me when it comes to (SHHHH!) sex... I don't mean to ever sound lewd, so if I upset anyone with what I wrote, I am sorry in advance. But the POINT is that I was missing LAUGHTER in my life. I had a husband best friend brother and money has never really been an issue and I was ready to throw myself under a train. Maybe others aren't like that but I can't live without HUMOR and LAUGHTER. Tan makes me laugh, that is all I meant by my post.

On a G-rated note, he also said in english, as we passed by a KFC (they have that fast food in vietnam), "Would you like Finger Lickin' Good today?" AHAHAHAHA. Can you picture it? He doesn't speak english worth a damn but knows the weirdest things in english that are just hysterical when said in a Vietnamese accent. I was like, "where did you learn that?!?!?!" I wish I had a tape recording of the things that pop out of his mouth. Not to mention how gentle and sensitive he also is. This is a special man and he really deserves the kind of life and freedom he can have in America. I feel like I found a piece of me that was stifled and hidden in Vietnam and he loves me because I give him the chance to be himself for the first time and I love him because he is my missing piece that I longed for......

OK Linda, SHUT UP, go back to bed......
Linda

Wow.

Linda, that is SOOOO funny.

I am in tears right now from laughing so hard....

Hmmmmmmmm. Asian girl. Woman, actually. She's 38. Hot in bed. Check. Look young forever. No one looks young forever except Dick Clark, even after the stroke. Thin. Uh, noooooooo. I think I have found the one fat family in Vietnam. And they want me to be fat too, judging from the amount of food they've shoved down my throat. Incredible food, I might add. Stereotypes only go so far. My sister is married to an Asian man, by the way, though he is an American of Chinese descent.

Linda, are you still in Nha Trang? If so, have you found the giant shrimp lady? I guess we call them King Prawns in the States. I can't tell you exactly, but Tan will know since he lives there. There's a lady who sells giant shrimp on the main drag, just south of that little amusement park. The park is on the east side of the street, and the giant shrimp are on the west side. Eating on that corner is one of my best memories from Vietnam. Best enjoyed with a few warm Bia Sài Gòn.

Linda and Tan,

Great story! We want updates and are here to share every moment of your long journey to come. I'm glad you find true love that meaningful to you and more. I actually am not much interested in the fact of a white woman marries an asian man. Some of my friends work in Healthcare, they have such "low expectation" in life and it's constaintious... with them: "still breathing? it's a good day already".... So here is my take on your story: a Female is crazy in love with a male, great!!!! And they are on VJ? That's even better! Cheers!!!!!!!!!!!!!

About the sex stuff, we are all adults here, if it wasn't for part of the sex stuff, we wouldn't get married and have children. It's our desire to enjoy sex, make love to our wife/husband, it's burning inside everyone of us here. Prove me wrong!!! Admittedly, I LOVE SEX!!!!!!!!!!! So don't feel like you are offending anyone.

Ok then.... First off, thanks for your great post, I appreciate the support! :-) Now this post may take an R RATED turn so for those of you who DON'T want to hear about SEX or about my personal feelings/experiences about SEX - STOP READING NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LAST CHANCE TO TURN AWAY - R to X rating to follow!!! GRAPHIC ALERT GRAPHIC ALERT TOO MUCH INFORMATION COMING UP. Dont read if you are at all vanilla or uptight about sex!!!!! CUSS WORDS, DIRTY WORDS, and VERY NON-PC TALK. DONT READ if you can't handle it.... I am warning because I don't want anyone hating me for the post. Please don't read if you know that stuff bothers you!!!!!

So "chuckandkim" you love sex... ok, I NEVER DID. I knew I wasn't frigid or anything because I always hot in my mind fantasy wise and "alone" with myself, you know what I mean? but men just never lit my torch but I knew I wasn't into chicks either.... FRUSTRATION.

So now I am with a 5'4", skinny, brown skin jungle boy and I literally can't get out of the bedroom. We did it 5 times today. I don't know where anyone got this Asian men can't f*ck myth.... WOW, what a lie. This guy (a virgin before me who says he "read alot and watched sex films") is so skilled with his tongue and fingers I am like... HUH?????? He literally hits the "right spot" every time. He should give lessons to all the guys I tried before who fumbled around like, "DUH, do chicks have a g-spot?"

Not to mention that the weirdest #### about him turns me on... like he is so NATURAL CAVEMAN BOY - you know, no deoderant and dirty feet and I am like YES YES YES. What a sicko woman I am! I mean he lives in the jungle, out in nowhereville deep out of the city. There is no toilet at his house, just a hole in the floor outside. He has lived like such a tarzan boy and everything about it just gets me hot. :-) Plus, when he cusses and yells in Vietnamese I literally turn into a ball of horniness rolling around on the bed. He makes fun of me because the last time he was on the phone arguing with a friend in Vietnamese and talking loud I literally got off. DONT ASK BECAUSE I DONT KNOW..... but I was so cold and icy with american men, even my ex-husband. Ugh. I am 100% all the time ready when I am around him... I have never been attracted to asian men before because in america they are so clean and neat and prissy... I just never thought about it. But jungle boy here with his dirty feet and natural body and skin so tan he is almost black...uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh I DONT KNOW. Cavewoman here. We have all this role playing that I am an american spy and he is a viet cong - I mean the PC police would DIE if they heard us together... IT GETS ME SO HOT. He cusses at me in Vietnamese and says in viet, "No white american can ever get me hard or horny, I will put you in the vc prison and torture you worthless american spy...." and we take turns tying each other up - sometimes I "anti-brain-wash" him from his communist thinking by torturing him sexually until he submits and then other times I am the white spy in the VC prison, he even brings me white rice and won't feed me until I "service" him. CAN I BE HOTTER FOR THIS MAN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

So will I accept if the consulate says no he can't go to america???? HELL NO. This man belongs in an open minded country... he is SO DIFFERENT than other vietnamese (and I am not saying anything bad, I love vietnamese people, think they are funny, loving, terrific....) but he is SO DIFFERENT, open minded, special, adventurous.... god I LOVE THIS ###### MAN. I would walk through fire to get to him. And what is so special and neat and lovely about it all is that the sex is just a BONUS... he fit on every level, humor, intelligence, likes, beliefs.... all of it. I dont know how he lived out in the rice fields with farm creatures his whole life, never exposed to anything and yet is SO open minded, curious, fearless... he says my love makes him braver than he ever knew he could be.....

On another FUNNY TAN MOMENT... I pretended to be the consulate (to help him practice answering questions on the fly) and I say to him, "Why do you think Linda loves you Tan?" and he looks at me, blinks his brown eyes and says seriously, "She loves my slanty eyes and yellow dick, of course. So, anything else??" HE IS NUTS. He is so cool. He is so ready to change the way the world sees things, just like me. Isn't it time? But his values are also so good and pure.... if I just tell him I love him or talk sweet to him, he tears up. HE IS SO REAL AND HONEST AND OPEN, he hides nothing, he tries everything.... If I could've had a long talk with God and described for 10 hours my dream soulmate, He would've made Tan for me.... THANK YOU GOD FOR TAN.

Crazy Linda in love with Crazy Tan..... p.s. we rented the room for our engagement party in Nha Trang...woo hoo. He is dying his hair electric blue and I am wearing a neon pink catsuit and spike heels and we are playing Michael Jackson and Madonna music at the party. heheheheh and to add more disbelief to this whole bizarre love story... his parents actually LOVE me. WOW...... did I die and go to heaven already?!?!?!?!?!

OMG!!! That's the weirdest thing!! I LOVE that King Prawns!! And I bet the women I bought from is the same as you mention!! she cooked it right there in front of us, Bram and I were both sad that we didnt buy 2 of them!! and it was in Nha Trang, our hotel was just in front of the amusment park and we ate the king prawn on the beach in front of it!! it was the best food we had in vietnam... too bad we dont know where to go find good food.. but Pho that we had was alright.. ahhh.. want good sea food


Linda - your stoy crack me up every time, you should let us know the name of your book so we can check it out when it comes out Good luck to everything!!

your original post made me sad linda because seemingly little has changed, but you have a great sense of humour about it. my mom is caucasian and my dad is chinese and 30 years ago when the met and fell in love they suffered the same nonsense that you and tan do. it was bad when we lived in hong kong as a kid and bad when i first came to the states but the one thing my mom always said to me is "you love who you love" so you go right on ahead and love your "jungle boy" and tell those that judge to bugger off!

good luck to you guys!

Phew!!!!!!!!! I need to take a coldshower now after finished reading LindaandTan post!!!!!! Phew!!1 Just called my 7 months pregnant lady, tell her ready for tonigh

Anyway, I have no idea where the stereotypical thought that asian men can't hang come from? My first thought: porns!!!!!!! The fact is, Asian people don't like to talk about sex because they are too busy doing it! You think chinese have over a billion people because they don't know what they are doing in bed? About the interview, all jokes aside Linda, get Tan get serious However, another question or maybe an option... if the interview failed, would you willing to give it all up for your Tarzan? Moving to VN, have your own business there and have your jungle boy with you. What is waiting for him here in the States when you two are back here? Make sure you have him clear on this.... There aren't too many places in the States where you can get the giant prawns for a buck or two! You get the idea! BTW, we want pictures after the engagement... Electric Blue hairdo? that's crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TAN!!!!!!!!

heheheheeh thanks.... I was worrying a little about this post (like TOO MUCH INFORMATION Linda what were you THINKING?????) but you either love my writing or hate it... I am brutally honest and I tell every detail, so I'll either have a total flop or a bestseller when my book comes out. Fine by me, I have never been an "in the middle" kind of person anyhow... can you tell? ;-)

Sweet dreams from crazy Linda - sleepy at 2 am in vietnam after getting home from dancing with Tan and meeting his friends.... egads, if one more person says he is "too small" for me, I am going go on a mad killing spree. Ya, he's short and skinny but do they want a picture of his dick to know he's hung like the black stallion???????? TROI OI LA TROI OI Don't they know good things come in small packages??? SHEESH.

I know I said I was going to bed but I got up from the computer and Tan is eating (all Mr. 98 pounds does is EAT) and it is some kind of egg dish and I go, "You love eggs, you are obsessed with eggs, why are you always eating eggs??" and he says dead seriously, "We have so much sex, I need eat eggs to help me make more sperm, what if I run out?" PLEASE SOMEONE TELL ME WHERE HE GETS THIS SH*T?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

OMG, now he is sitting on the floor eating eggs with his hands. And I am not sure what's worse: A grown man sitting on the floor with yolk all over his face and dripping off his fingers or a grown woman seeing this image and feeling the overwhelming impulse to jump his bones..... ???????


Linda

First off, that chinese line is hysterical and I hope you dont mind if I steal it for comedy writing purposes! :-)

Second, Tan's problem with "getting serious" when answering interview questions is that for as funny, wild and crazy as he is - when he even attempts to be serious and talk about his feelings, he gets teary and cries. I told him, that is fine, its real... but he is still a MAN and still doesnt want anyone seeing him get all emotional. :-P

Finally, that is a hard question... would I live in Vietnam forever? Would I give everything up for Tan... YES. Live in Vietnam forever though? Here is the problem... I don't care about being rich in america or having tons of money... but 2 reasons I don't want to stay in vietnam. 1.) It's a selfish life. Yes I have Tan and he has me - but we are both Buddhist and (while I am having alot of fun with him right now) we must live for others ultimately. I have alot of potential to be rich rich in america and if I dont do that and use the money to help others, I am a truly selfish person who will go nowhere on a spiritual level. Those are my beliefs. 2.) I am sick ALL THE TIME in vietnam. My health is just not right here... every time I visit is like that, this time the worst. Now I have no voice, gone completely...why? Who knows. Just weird sick stuff here for me - long term sick like this would take its toll on my spirit and our love.

So without saying anything really scary - I will be with Tan one way or the other, lets just leave it at that. I dont care what I have to do. If we both have to die to meet together in another place, we are at that level for each other. If we have to find ways around things, so be it. We won't live without each other.... how is that answer? :-D
Linda

Late-comer to this thread ...

When I first started reading the thread, I was very sad because I could totally understand what the original poster was going through.

I'm sure almost everyone who has gone through this process has had nay-sayers who have discouraged a foreign relationship. I can't speak to the stereotypes, which are, frankly, ludicrous. (To me, stereotyping is just a lazy person's way of convincing themselves that they know someone without putting the actual effort of getting to know them.)

But for those who say "He/She is just trying to use you for a greencard", I try to take with a grain of salt. I've heard it before from friends and family, and I take it in the spirit that they are just looking out for my best interests. For the most part, many of the people who bring it up DO genuinely care about you. It does take a lot of guts to say that to someone. I just explain to them how me and my fiancee's relationship has evolved, and give them my thoughts about how I approached. Of course, when I was first introduced to Linh, I didn't know what to expect. When others hear that you didn't just "jump into" this, they usually have more peace of mind.

Now there are others that you just have to dismiss out of hand. I had an online buddy who was fairly harsh about the entire idea of falling in love with a foreigner. I conceeded that there are potentially rougher roads ahead: different culture while growing up, not being able to spend a lot of time together, etc, but while they can provide road bumps, they are not insurmountable! Call me a dopey romantic, but if we remember the love that we share for each other, we'll get past any problems. Oh! And when I pointed out that he met his current girlfriend online from another part of the country, he said there was no correlation. Hm. For some reason my phone conversations / online chat is different than his phone conversations / online chat.

But, I'm very glad in the later part of this thread that the tone has changed to the positive! That's really all you need to focus on and remember. You've found that very special bond and as long as it feels right for both of you, I wouldn't worry too much about what others say.

... and another thing ...

(haha, I always think of something after I hit the "submit" button)

For those that say, "You could do better" are probably not looking at this in the right light. (I can't say for sure since I don't know them, but I've heard this before, too.) In my instance, when I heard, "You could do better", they were comparing what THEY would feel like if they were dating this person.

It's all about how the other person makes you feel. Those that truly understand this have said to me, "You always look so happy in pictures with her" or "Your eyes light up when you talk about her". People who had worried about our relationship in the past actually stopped when they saw some of the pictures of us together. Many commented that she looked really happy, too. So that makes them back off on the "she's using you for a green card" argument. And I usually look TERRIBLE in pictures ... but with her in there, I actually look fairly tolerable. (Or maybe it's just 'cuz I never look at myself, but only at her. hehe)

Same here, only Jamaican men are ganga smoking playas.........

There are idiots everywhere. THEY are not living YOUR life. Tell them to go to hell and walk away.

That is so far from the truth.In the neighbohood I grew up in,there was a large Southeast Asian community from Laos and Cambodia.Many white women married these men.I dated a Laotian kid when I was in high school.OMG,I wonder what people would say about me,a Black Latina with an Asian man.People can be so dumb sometimes,just ignore them or jokingly tell them off like I do.

To be quite honest, I am not even sure that its the race stereotyping that is the problem ... people dont just judge that, they judge if one party is "better looking" than another party. Please tell me how you judge physical beauty?!?!?! I know a lot of you are going to be like, "boo-hoo, poor you" when I say this but its really a pain in the ### from my side of the fence....

Everywhere I go people want to know if I am a model or actress... here in vietnam, people go, "Oh MOVIE STAR, WOW, SO BEAUTIFUL". I know, its nice, lucky me.... but no one says, "Oh Tan, you are so handsome, movie star." That is part of the problem here. I know everyone wants to be rich and beautiful but coming from someone who (used to be very rich) has been both - IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU HAPPY. People assume I must be a brainless ditz, a bimbo, a slut - they think I have slept with 1000 men and can't tie my own shoes without help. They want to know if my nose/hair/tits are fake... AAAARRRGHHHH So, sorry if I sound stuck up or conceited but I am your "basic hot L.A. chick" and that is part of why I am catching so much flack over being with Tan. He isn't gorgeous (in the eyes of "empirical beauty bs standards") but to me, I want to look at his face all day. Like if he was an old, super rich billionaire - everyone would accept a hot girl with him but because he is a poor, broke short asian jungle boy .... they don't get it. Last night at a club, a white foreigner asked me if I was his high class call girl. That was nice. He goes, "You are all over that dorky little asian dude, I hope you are getting paid really well." I balled my hands into fists (to keep from smacking him) and just go, "I am giving him a freebee because he has a really big dick" and then walked away. DAMN, I hate people sometimes. Good thing Tan blows it off when everyone says, "She is way too beautiful for you" right to his face. He is so mature... much more so than me. He is really an example for others in the way he handles things, and he still so young.

FUNNY TAN MOMENT #412: He likes to run around singing English songs and he always sings about West Virginia. Jokingly I said, "You don't really want to go to west virginia - its only a place people live if they want to have incest with family members" (no anger please - just joking - I write comedy for a living ). Last night, the power went out and we are standing in the dark and he had to get on his knees to do something and I go, "this is great... I actually wish you were short like this (I LIKE SHORT MEN!), you just aren't short enough... I want 'child' short." He goes, "So have a son and just live with him in West Virginia and do as you please with him, no problem...." hehehehehehe I love his sick sense of humor... who could not love this guy?!?!?!?!?! Like the other day we are laying in bed all serious and he goes, "You know how there are all these news programs about foreigners trafficking Vietnamese to other countries for sex purposes?" And I get real serious and am like, "yes, I know - its so terrible" and he chews at his lower lip and goes, "can you do that with me? I really want to be able to tell my friends I am a sex slave in america" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH SO, does Tan look like the next coming of Jude Law or Johnny Depp... uh no. But is he the cleverest, most funny man in the world? Sense of humor makes me horny, what can I say??? Ok, well I am off to jump his bones again... he just woke up and he is "in the mood" again and I hugged him and go, "You have a problem again, huh?" and he starts singing at the top of his lungs, "Everytime you touch me, I become a hero..." hihihihihihihi Can you believe his parents thought he was gay before he met me?!? He aint gay but if you only get off on Dominatrix type women in vietnam, you aren't going to be getting off very often. We chose pretty woman style black vinyl thigh high boots for me to wear with my neon catsuit at our engagement party. They are getting shipped to me from the u.s. - he saw a picture of some of my shoes from home and was like, "the black shiny boots, uh...can you wear THOSE?" What a couple of freaks we are.... I really wish you could all come to our engagement party - what a blast!

*hugs to all*
Crazy "Dominatrix" Linda.... where is my whip? :-D

Nah. I stand by what I said earlier, it's not about looks, it's about how the other person makes you feel and how you make the other feel. Being happy is so much more important than worrying about who is better looking. I wouldn't pay much attention to those folks. He makes you happy and you him, and that's all that matters! Just be grateful that you've found each other!

If there was any way I could be in Vietnam during that time, I would ask my honey if she would like to go to your engagement party. However, I just got back and all the trips are making my boss think I'm going to pack up and move there permanently. Heh.

People tent to be uncomfortable with what they do not understand, certainly with unfamiliarity. You will attract points and stares, be prepared for you are the source that cause the attention, wanted or not, you'll get it! Don't feel angry, don't feel mad, for in the end, you are one who have to live with these engagement pictures for the rest of your marriage
My advise, the custome sounds awesome in one's head, but in reality and in the long run, not everyone will share the same interest as you. Think of Tan's family and the future Linda. It would be a great honor and Tan's family (relatives and what not) will appreciate you forever when you have a "normal" traditional engagement ceremony, in normal traditional "Ao Dai". For the sake of Tradition, let's think about this! I'd save all the wild and crazy dress-up ideas for the States side wedding

Either way, my senses always got my wildness...

Good luck and if you decide to go through with dressing up as supergirl, we want pictures!!!!!!!!

I for one have always found Asian men sexy. I dated a Cambodian guy back in high school, he was the first guy who ever kissed me, when I was 16 on Waikiki Beach... I still remember his full lips, features like a Khmer Buddha, the particular tone and smoothness of his skin(mmmm...), his tight wiry body(he was on the track team at one point). I am 5'3" and he was 5'4"just like my husband. I have always preferred short men, as long as they are not shorter than me. I never understood why height is such a deal breaker with some(most?) women, the way fat is with some (most?) men. I can understand wanting to feel protected, but don't underestimate the short guys - nobody f%%%s with the Gurkhas and they are shorties... There is something that feels so good dancing with Govi being able to look in his eyes or kiss him without getting a crick in my neck... I have never been a fan of heels so I don't mind not wearing them at all. Also in private moments it is nice being with a man my own height - it allows you to be more, ah, ....creative... I am sure OP knows what I mean, LOL...

ChuckandKim always gives us the good advice. IloveTan, I think that you should be carefully to persuade the CO by your paperwork and the evidences. The other people and their comments about your love is nothing, you should not mind about it.

You wrote a lot about these comments and your love, it seems that you pay attention about them more than the paperwork and the evidences for Tan's visa.

There are two ways: 1. No engagement ceremony, or 2. Engagement ceremony with Vietnamese tradition, it shows that you respect Tan's family and Vietnamese Tradition. That's your love.

Hien

Maybe, uh, she should get 'officially' divorced to her husband in Guam before she gets engaged, eh? I thought I would bring that up since she won't.

Why bring it up now when it is a done deal already. We are legally divorced now with divorce decree. What is the problem?

As far as Hien said (love that name, btw) about having a Vietnamese traditional engagement or not have one at all - WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE TO BE THE SAME in this world? Tan wants an american wife, he wants and american life and he thinks openly and differently already. His parents KNOW he is special and accept him and me. They are fine with us being crazy there and playing Michael Jackson as opposed to slow sad viet music. I dont think it is right for people to fake or hide their personality only to "respect" an ancient tradition. I am not getting engaged/married for vietnam or for his relatives... I am getting married for ME and for TAN (I also love and respect his parents, but as I said, they are FINE with non-traditional). So why should I have an uncomfortable day that means nothing to me when I can BE ME, Tan can BE HIM and we have a chance to show Vietnam that it is OK to be different, to be crazy, to be TRUE TO YOURSELF? That is my feeling... maybe that is an American perspective on things but I am an American and Tan WANTS to be one... so??????? I love love love Vietnamese people but as far as the country goes, there are some things that are LONG OVERDUE for a change here!!! This day is for ME and TAN - and he is a blue haired, tattooed maniac and I am a spike boot wearing, pink catsuit women.....

p.s. I am getting receipts for everything with both our names on them, hotel bills, etc and have 1000 photos so far not including the engagement party yet....

p.p.s it might be too late to be normal at the engagement ceremony because we printed invitations and they say in vietnamese (as if his parents wrote it): Please attend the engagement party where we offer our only Son to the most beautiful American woman who ever lived, a princess from California

I thought Tan had "green hair"

Dear ILoveTan,

Although I am an Indian, I have been reading your posts and at first I thought you were really angry and frustrated with the people's attitude towards both of you... I just feel now that its more b'coz you both like the attention..
I belong to a country where some things are LONG OVERDUE for a change too.. fortunately my fiance is not too Americanized to think that all of it is just a chance to show everybody - how different you are.
Sometimes, people do things for the ones they love and out of respect for their culture and tradition. Do you really respect his people, culture and traditions?? (in which case, it makes sense to have the engagement ceremony) If you don't, then whats the point of having a ceremony which is going to seem more like a mockery...

No offence intended... Just a short, Asian girl's $.02

Yes, his hair is currently green but we are going blue for the ceremony :-)

I appreciate your comments and I do understand where people are coming from. YES, I like attention and so does he and he never had a chance to "stand out" before. Vietnamese have such a wonderful, funny spirit but are really repressed in their country. I give Tan the chance to really be himself and that makes me happy, and I am not shy in the least. I also hope we help other vietnamese see that is ok and harmless to be wild, crazy and different. I am not trying to hurt or disrespect them. I want to meet his relatives and friends, that is why we are having the party and we are proud to be such an unusual couple and want everyone to see that, too. But remember, I respect Tan over any tradition... his vietnamese roots have hurt him and stifled him for a long time, so much so that he thought about suicide alot because he couldn't be like he can be with me. Please try to understand our thinking. So do I want to put him in another "traditional vietnamese" sitatution? NO. NO. NO. Someone has to be first to show that things, even if changed and made different, can still be WONDERFUL, MAGICAL and SPECIAL. That is what I want from my engagement party....

Linda

One more thing.... I hope I didnt give you (or anyone else) the wrong opinion of me by asking about my divorce on here... this is the first time I have gone through something like this, the first time I have felt love so strong that it ever occured to me I might need to divorce "quick". I never thought about falling in love with a foreigner before and I never cared to look for another man because my marriage was safe and friendly, I mean my ex husband was so easy he even told me to stay married to him and I could date others if I felt the need to - so why did I need to divorce a man like that? (that was my thinking before). What I am really happy about is that my ex-husband is going to live in Guam for awhile to think about what he wants from his life now and that means we didn't do anything "scammish" by getting a Guam divorce. He is a citizen of Guam (under their laws), so a divorce there makes sense and all their divorces are quicker than in the U.S. mainland. He will have an address there so I think it is explainable why we got a Guam divorce.... he MOVED to Guam.

Anyway, I just didnt want you (or anyone) to think badly about me... my intentions in all this are good and not to hurt anyone. I am a controversial person (I didn't get kicked out of 5 schools for nothin') , my writing is controversial, I like to shake things up and change things but only because I see so many people not satisfied with life, not happy but not knowing how to change things and I feel that is my destiny and purpose in this life. That is why I am a gifted writer, so I can communicate and hopefully HELP people find happiness, even through non traditional, not conventional means.... thanks for hearing me out.
Linda

I apologise... I did not want you to think that any one is thinking badly of you.. Sometimes words don't convey the exact meaning... I also did not mean to pass any judgement on you both.. You are entitled to your happiness and should not have to explain it to anyone, right??
All the best to you both for your future and do post some pics of your engagement can't wait to see them...

Keep on keeping on Linda. I just gave the posting a scan but it reminds me of this:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...102999&st=0

I love the response that tells me to stop feeling sorry for myself. Someone must have been having a bad day.

Oh, what you said is about the racists?? That's why there was the war between VN and American.

I only wish that VN will become rich so that the wives would not need to apply visa to USA but the husbands, they would have to apply visa to VN and move there to live.

That day will come soon if the American continue the war with other countries forever.

Hien, WHOA - slow down girlfriend. Vietnamese have a wrong idea about America and Americans and it isn't their fault. But now that I am with Tan (vietnamese man) I can tell you - he got drunk and told me what Vietnamese tv and SCHOOLS teach to Vietnamese kids... that America wanted to overtake and own Vietnam and that is the reason they participated in the war. I have never been the type of woman that walks around singing PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN but this is NOT TRUE. This is communist brainwashing crapola put inside Vietnamese people's head since they were young. America does not believe in communism. They fought a war against communism - NOT AGAINST VIETNAMESE. They did the same in Korea. Communism is what is keeping Vietnam a virtual sh*thole, poor, hard life, etc ... Not AMERICA. I go to Vietnam for the VIETNAMESE PEOPLE and I learned the language because I love the people but I do not agree with how the Vietnamese government holds these wonderful, talented people down. Please know, alot of what you have learned in your country is WRONG - brainwashing - do you know what that is? Not sure the vietnamese word - TAY? NAO~ ? Hieu kg?

As far as the racism post, I can't believe how narrow-minded people can be. But I also find some of the worst critics are the vietnamese women here - not the whites. They like me because I speak their language and am funny and friendly with them but once they learn I am taking a vietnamese husband, oh, how mean they get. They say we don't fit, they call me fat, big, too big for him, ugly (people, I am a size 6 with a 24" waist..how fat can I be?) they say I am worthless because I don't want to have this children and he is ruining his life. They say Americans are "AC" (nightmarishly violent).

Fun moment: Last night, Tan and I got rip roaring drunk - I mean DRUNK, as in DRUNK can't see the street DRUNK. Rum in Vietnam NGON LAM (delicious!). We went out to an all night PHO place on the street, it is dead quiet but with tons of vietnamese people (no foreigners), all tired, quiet, eating their PHO. They glared at us at first and then (dont ask me why my vietnamese gets better when I am drunk, maybe the no inhibitions thing) I start saying in Vietnamese to Tan (LOUDLY and ULTRA-SARCASTICALLY while laughing like a lunatic), "Why do you go out with a white american girl? Dont you know Americans are nightmarishly violent? Dont you know all americans hate Vietnamese? Dont you know Americans only want you as a slave? Dont you know Americans can never speak your language? Look at you, you are so different than me!!! We dont fit! You are short, I am tall. Your skin is brown and mine is white. We cant love each other!!! Its not possible!! Why does everyone else know but you dont know?!?!" Tan is laughing all this time hysterically and then starts spouting off, "Dont you know all vietnamese are communists? Dont you know all vietnamese are viet cong? Dont you know that I am viet cong? Dont you know that I want to turn you into a communist? Dont you know that I would commit suicide before I would eat a hamburger? Dont you know I want to hide in a tree and shoot you in your back?? Love you??? I could never love you - Vietnamese and Americans hate each other" Well, you get the point... we are laughing so hard tears are streaming out of our eyes and then we start kissing and making out in front of everyone (try to remember, we dont blend in - he has green hair and a big multi-colored tattoo and really dark skin for a viet and I look like a supermodel dressed in hot pink spandez and thigh-high boots). Upon us kissing all the viets start laughing and applauding, cheering and coming up to pat us on the back.

You got love "black comedy" but that was the best I have felt about dealing with the way people think... sometimes if you just say what they are thinking before they do, it releases all the tension. But I better get him out of here quick because he is getting way too brave, ballsy and open for this country where there are still very real problems with speaking your mind. Someone hide the Malibu Rum from TAN! ;-) hehehehehehehe

Linda (I LOVE MY SOULMATE, MY OTHER HALF, THE MOST PASSIONATE LOVE AFFAIR I HAVE EVER EVEN READ ABOUT - my TAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

IloveTan,

I would like to say that I have nothing to hate the American. My husband is the American, we faced the same as your problem when we were in Vietnam. My husband is very tall and I'm the little Vietnamese. People stared at us when we hang around. I felt very frustrating, but then we came to USA, our life is much better. No one bother us for the different size, skin color, language, race...

The only one thing I still feel frustrating is the feelings of waiting for the visa process and the attitude of the staff there in the Consulate. They may be nice with the Americans, but with Vietnameses, they are cruel. That's why I said I wish if some days the Vietnamese wives don't need to come to the Consulate to apply visa, to pray and to be nice with the cruel staff. If that day comes, they would have no job to scare us anymore.

Hien

Yawn.

Really, really weird hearing the Asian stereo typing in reverse. I dont know how many times I've been called a "wee-a-boo" or "pinkerton", (mostly by my ex-girlfriend of 8 years who also is Vietnamese).

I've always ignored it. I love my wife. Even if she was American, Russian or African. I love her as a person.

Keep on loving your man.

Anyone know where Linda went? I haven't see her around in quite a while.....

Where's Linda?

She's in Nha Trang, duoc khong?

Maybe, she went on one of those famous, "Mama Hanh's" Boat Tours to the nearby Islands...

A 3 hour tour, A 3 hour tour, and the weather started getting rough and the tiny ship was tossed....etc, etc...

hmmm