Hello Everyone,

I hoped i could be like the perfect couple who give immigration advice to others.Well this is my case,the last time i posted with a topic IS MARRIAGE TO A USC ALL ABOUT GC? unfortunately i am still wondering.

I do undersatnd that marriage is not bed of roses,but honestly what i have experienced in the past 7 months was never what i bargained for! I am the alien and my wife is the USC we really have a routine for major fights every two weeks.Each time very hurtful facts come out in our relationship up to the point of daring each other to leave,we both have expressed more than once our regrets to getting together.

The thought of divorce scares the daylight out of me first of all i have no clue what i would tell my parents! if this marriage ends up in a divorce i would be the very first family member in four generations,my wife seems to understand this and plays on it.Another factor is that i gave up my career to start from the scratch here in the US.My conditional green card was just approved in november 2007 and i just got an a great offer of appointment with one of the leading banks here.

My concerns are that my wife is very controlling she wants me to do every single thing she says but never listens to what me or any other person has to say, our recent fight was sparked off because i was given a car by a family memember and the title was not signed in her name.Basically all hell is let loose once when i differ from her opinion,i hardly ever imagined i would be in this kind of marriage,i guess no one ever does.How does a sane woman get up in a mans face and dare him to hit her when he never has?She and her family accuse me of using her for immigration purposes, this is wearing me out.

I am in graduate school now and my conditional GC expires in November 2009.I just like to prepare for the worst if either of us pull the divorce cord,i would like to complete my progarm and at least have reasonable profesional experience i can transfer outside the US.

I am so confused right now i do not want to be accused of using any one for immigration purposes at the same time i am only 24 and have no intention of having an unhappy life.We have one counsellor but the situation seems to deteriorate!

I am sorry for my whining but my question is what options are open to me(a conditional GC holder) if this marrige fails?

Thanks for the !!

I have no idea what options are open to you but i'm sure an other informed VJ member will give you the info. I just want to say that I feel sorry that this had to happen to you and whatever your spouse might say when she is angry does not necessarily mean that she really believes what she's saying. I hope that you manage to sort things out and as long as you're honest everything will turn out fine. Great job on your new career opportunity and I wish you all the best.

You have your conditional greencard. Should you divorce from now on....you can self petition to remove the conditions on your residency. You will need prove that your marriage was entered into in good faith, and that while married you had a marriage like any other.
Also, if you are in a graduate program, you may be able to have a student visa to continue your studies.
It sounds like your marriage problems could be worked out...if you both committed to do so. Have you tried suggesting you talk to a neutral person, to get another perspective? Good luck w/ whatever you do.

-P

He needs no visa, he has PR. All he has to do is successfully remove conditions. He needs to assemble all evidence of a bonafide marriage, in the event that their marriage ends.

Right, visas are for entering countries. The green card does away with any need for a visa to enter the US. He's here already.

Is your wife a member here? She sounds familiar...

Seriously, I would run as far and as fast as possible. Life is too short to spend it married to a shrew. I understand your feelings about divorce - I do not believe in divorce - but even I would make an exception in this case.

I meant to suggest the student visa option in case the OP did not want or could not pursue removal of conditions...so that he could finish his study program.

-P

i am getting married in 14 days....reading this situation is getting me worried.

HA ! HA ! you married an american women......and as what I heard from several american men...they all are control freak


No offense


well I'll pray for you..and may the best for both of you comes out of it

Well! Just Hope for the best.

I was happily divorced 2 time and in between and after I have been with women that are controlling and or just freak out and argue for no apparent reason. In researching these different women I came to the conclusion that every single one of them has mental health issues of some kind or other. They are good at controlling it until a serious commitment is carried through such as marriage or living with me. I am a mental case magnet here in the US and searched elsewhere to find what I would consider a "normal" woman.

Rocinante, you're a hoot.

Sorry to hear about your situation. Being in love and getting married to a person is not the same. Marriage is not always bed of roses. I might not be the right person to say this as I am only married for about 2 months. But I know there are lots of tension in a marriage life especially we do not have the chance to live with our spouse before we are married.

My married woman friends told me that the 1st year of marriage is the hardest time as we only start to get to know each other. I argue too with my husband but we know that comes with the package.

Whatever your decision is, wishing you all the best and I hope you will see the lights at the end of the tunnel.

Best of luck!

That's right!! Unfortunately, AW are very skilled at making you think they are decent people, up until the wedding is over and you take them home. Then it's as if a screw pops loose and they turn into monsters. I'm sure there are exceptions, but I have never heard of any...

Cute.




What constitutes "normal" for you?

These are both stereotypical statements that I, an American woman, find VERY offensive! You don't know me. You can not just classify one group, one sex, one minority all with certain traits. Both are extremely arrogant, biggoted and uneducated statements. You just sound foolish and I would ask you to keep your idiotic comments to yourselves. Thanks.

To the OP... Only you know what is best for you. Search your soul. I hope you can find peace and love.

Hmmm...most interesting. How is it that either of you can justify placing all American women in the same category? You have proof? Statistics? Care to share exactly how you plan to prove this statement as fact, rather than opinion? I assume you can do that...?

What about American men who are control freaks and abuse their wives...I was one of them. But I don't lump all American men into that category. Getting burned by one doesn't make the whole lot of them bad. Men or women. Rather than offering this kind of diatribe why not offer the OP some sound advice? Would that be too hard?

controlling women, just like controlling men, always remain controlling. it is a personality disorder.
however, it sounds like she's the one earning so far. She feels like she has the upper hand. the relationship may be more balanced once you start working. this may sound conventional but intrinsically, it is an unsaid expectation even in today's day and age. I'm no marriage counselor but apparently the first 3 years are the toughest especially when the circumstances don't fit the norm.

I do hope things work out for you.

I have to agree. I am not an American woman, but I also find the sweeping generalized statements against American women offensive.

Sorry. Duplicate post.

I find your duplicate post offensive!!!

i recently posted at wife is a control freak things are getting worse I CGC Holder is being falsely accused by USC wife of being violent,i have never hit a woman or child or pet,i have no record of domestic abuse.i realize she does this to have a ground to mess up my life.i have only been here less than a year but i know the implication of having a recod of violence,During an arguement she threatened to put me out and call the police,i have never hit her and since she is very skilled in the art of manipualtion,i believe she can go as far as getting bruises and putting it on me.

She threatened to call the police on me and accuse me of putting her life in danger because i raised my voice at her,i would learn later that she lied to her relatives that i break stuff,kick stuff around when i am annoyed.I came home late from an online study group and she locked the doors from inside so i could not get in.Its funny because she claims she is scared of her life but i when i try to get away from her when she is yelling so she would not make any false allegations but she stands in the door and tells me i can get out! when she did this i sat in a corner and waited until she finished ranting.I have no relatives in this state and frankly i have no trust as to what next she would do.Its all coming to light for me now though we are married and live at the same place my name is not on the lease.

She has threatened that if i left her family would deal with me.i have talked with a police officer telling to ask i i could file a compalint that she is falsly accusing me but was told that until a crime is commited no records can be made.Does any one know how i can protect myself from future allegations?

I need advice as fast as possible,my instinct is telling me to leave the house to avoid any future accqusations.



Thanks

Leave.

Get a restraining order, if they'll let you.

Have witnesses when you take your stuff, or she might accuse you of theft as well. Also, you'll want someone there when you leave so that she can't fake an abuse charge against you.

It's just amazing how bad all these USC's are. It's amazing that anyone would want to marry one.

What a terrible shame. Definitely call the police.

According to the OP's post he has a conditional green card, yet his profile says AOS pending. If he has the card, he needs to gather as much evidence for removing conditions that he can place his hands on quickly, and then leave.

leave as soon as possible, get a restraining order/no contact order. under NO circumstances take witnesses with you to get your items. TAKE a police officer. other wise she will file charges against you for intimidation also.

Continuation of the topic has been merged into one thread.

Only beat her from now on in places where it wont show.

Please tell me that I'm not the only freak on VJ who keeps inadvertently reading this person's username as "Lady Holes"......

Requesting to keep this on topic. Generalizations and snide comments are unwelcome. Thanks.

Hi ,

Really sorry to know that ur in such a situation. why dont you convince her and seek some marriage councelling together it might help in ur case, she can also be prescribed some medication for her control problem.
best of luck

Run away, people will not change

All you can do is continue to see a marriage counselor together....Seeing a counselor is considered "proof" the marriage was trying to be "saved" by you and your spouse. Thus, showing that you entered into the marriage with honest intentions.

Best of luck to you.

Nutty

My suggestion to you is to seek counseling help for abused people. You don't necessarily need to be physically abuse...Mental abuse is also a valid reason to seek help.

Secondly, if I were you I would seek another place to live temporarily. It gets you out of a situation where you can avoid her laying false charges on you (saying you hit here or threatened her). You can move with no problems what-so-ever if your name is not on the lease. There are no legal contracts between YOU and the LANDLORD. Only her.

Seeing a marriage counselor, seeing an abuse counselor, moving out temporarily are all good for establishing your case.

Although I am an American woman, control freaks are in every country, every race, gender - that doesn't matter. The tough part is when you realize that you married one. Sometimes we can accept it, tolerate it and because we love each other we can move on - in your case, not so much. When abuse happens, you begin to run the risk of he said/she said and threats of domestic violence - you don't want that or deserve it. Get out of this marriage now. Don't worry that your family will be upset if you divorce, they'll get over it once they know the situation you're living in. Furthermore, remember to take everything with you that you'll need for immigration.

On a positive note, if you have been offered a decent job take it, work hard, live simply and you'll be ok. Remember, this is still America - many people have come here with very high hopes only to be let down. But the cool thing is people (immigrants) use that experience to strengthen themselves and really can pull themselves up out of a bad situation and be a success. You can do this. You have a while before you have to remove the conditions and immigration has seen situations like yours before - you most definitely are not alone.

God bless you...put it all in the Lord's hands and you'll get through this.

offence taken, dont catagorize all american women when you obviously have no clue what your talking about.

One's perception of the situation might explain much: for example, if one person is trying to acclimate the OP to a new way of life, the OP might feel it's "control" when it's not intended and should not be construed that way. But everyone is so quick to judge...

Be strong for yourself ....Donot lose any temper by any means ...calmly listens to her ranting ....Count from 10 .to 1...., take a deep breaths .......etc
I think she need to control her anger .......by yoga/ meditations.......then resolve issues peacefully.

People think better , wisely ...when they are calm and understanding nature than FREAKY CONTROLLING , SHORT TEMPERED NATURE...ETC

hope for best .......whatever you decide..thats why "MARRIAGES ARE MADE IN HEAVEN "" not any more i think some times ...since they" MAY HAPPEN HELL TOO"

Just curious where are you and she from originally?

hmm less nutcase.