Hello all,


First I want to say for those that my message don't apply to just Dont reply.

I met my ex-husband thru the internet, he then was a medical doctor in Nigeria, he contacted me and we hit it off as most internet relationships do. with this new found love I found myself booking a ticket to go and meet him. While in Nigeria and meeting my ex for the first time he proposed marriage to me, however it was already being talked about over the phone before I arrived. Oh that man said he loved me so much.

During my 6-day stay there he protected and shielded me. I went to work with him and actually sat in as he seen his patients. I met a friend of his as well as everyone that was on staff at the hospital that he worked at and all was good.

I met his mother and some family members and they seemed really nice. About day 4 of my ex-husband driving thru the diasterous traffic I begin to feel at ease with his driving skills as well as all the vendors running in the streets to make a sale. Again, all was good.

Fast foward to time to leave, ......ofcourse I accepted his proposal and we were officially a couple engaged. I was older then my ex-husband, but that didn't matter to me. The fact that he showed me all that attention and love was what mattered. He showed and told me that he loved me, however I was in Nigeria at that time. I had never sponsored a man to come from overseas so I didn't really know much about it. I did do research on his country and found a site where it said that a Nigerian man will walk away from a marriage leaving his wife to find a way to feed their kids, agian that didn't matter to me, because while I was there in Nigeria this man treated me like a queen (not to mention that he was a doctor there. )

Here in the states I worked in the medical field and actually worked with other Nigerian doctors, I didn't know them very personally but they were respectful towards me so no alarms went off.
Again my ex-husband and his family were very kind and repectful as well.


FAST FOWARD:

My ex arrives in the states thru a K-1 visa I filed for in his behalf. He tells me that we need to marry quick so that he can become a doctor here in America and raise the family income. ( who wouldn't go for that after all that's your fiance talking, the man that you trust and love ) So ofcourse I complied with my soon to be husband.

FAST FOWARD:

After marriage gradually he begin to create strive and discord in our relationship ( his beginning plan for leaving the relationship ) and evenually he left our family home and begin writing letters talking about how abrusive I was towards him......... ( At that time I knew nothing about a I-360 )

Our son was only 3-weeks old when he left, Here in Seattle they have a rather large Nigerian community here, I didn't know that either.

Moral of my experience is that you won't know of an aliens intentions, you will know of what they tell you prior to coming into America or obtaining their papers. I understand many of you being supportive and thinking that your relationship is real and that your alien spouse really love s you and your both deeply in love, I've already been there and done that. What many of you don't and won't grasp is the masquerade until it becomes too late.

My ex-husband was from Nigeria, and from what I have read on this site from postngs from men that say they r from Nigeria is that others that want to come into the states look for a MUGU ( a fool ) to file paperwork for them and get them into the states. It don't matter your age, race, or financial income, as long as the paperwork goes thru, other countries also partake in this scam not just Africans.

If you love your mate, ofcourse you trust them, leaving u the LPR/American, very vulnerable because once your love arrives legally, there are ways to stay here, without u the sponsor being involved. There will be some from this site that is posting regularly that will experience what I and others have experienced, not because your a bad person it will be because of the scam.

I'm not bitter, I'm just committed to posting every-now-and -again to enlighten others. But again like I said you won't really know what an aliens intentions are , I do believe that there are good people all over the world, and now I believe that there r also scammers all over the world as well.

This Internet has made it easier for Aliens to come into America thru marriage and don't look for the aliens family to be nothing but good to you, afterall your bringing there love one into America.

Many have ran to Nigeria and married without giving there spouse a chance to prove their love towards them. ( Sex isn't a proof of internal love it only satifies both lusty sexual desires ) Many of us have spent thousands of dollars sending money to our alien loved ones and talking on the phone to them, ofcourse once they arrive here and eventually start acting a fool your left with thinking of all the money and time you have invested into this person, and in most cases you try to make it work with a person that don't want to be with you.

Take it from me, if the alien no longer wants to be with you they won't, unless they are in school and your supporting them or something similiar. However the true colors come out eventually.

I guess what needs to be demostrated is the love that they proclaim.

Finally, to all that are going thru this process, I wish you all well and hope that your visajourney becomes one full of longevity and joy.

my thoughts to you is to become familiar with the I-360.

I'm open to answer e-mails or for a chat

I commend you for your honesty. Take it easy, it was a lesson taught and a lesson learned.
Revenge is mine said the Lord.
UNO

"Revenge is mine said the Lord."

I appreciate your strenght and believe that we as human beings only know of our own intentions. This not only happens to American MUGUS, but some of my Nigerian female friends have gone through the scams too. One example was from a guy that was already here with a student visa and romanced her into a secret court wedding and after four years and planning for a public wedding. He woke up one morning 1month to the wedding day and walked away from the relationship with half the bank savings. Another example is my girl that brought her friend of 10years through a K3 process that took all of 6months from start to finsh , well in the end HE filled for divorce. I say all this cause I do agree that your story sheds insight for all; that we should be cautious.

To shed some good light to the story my girlfriend from the 1st story is now married to a Nigerian man that came into the country with the K1 process and they just had a son. So everything has a good and bad side.....,now having more background on your(Idocare) story makes me thankful for your bold stance.

In all seasons, To God be the glory.

I'm so sorry it happened to you.

Idocare,

I did not meet my husband on the internet. And I know that you said not to reply if this message does not apply, but oh well ..... I'm replying anyway.

For a period of time I would read your comments, and silently sit back and observe the actions of my husband. Often times I was guilty of over analyzing, or not keeping in mind that this is Idocare's story, not Boaz's. Then ... a few times I started to bottle up with frustration, wondering why in the world you won't let this matter go. At one point I replied to one of your posts by politely acknowledging your pain, and encouraged you to turn the matter over to God, and stop wasting energy on mess.

In the mist of all of this, I've had the privilege of getting to know a few people here on VJ. We regularly email and have lengthy/detailed conversations via telephone. Over the course of communicating with some of my VJ friends, I've learned some horror stories as it applies to this whole immigration matter (irregardless to the country of origin, age of the sponser, educational level, etc.,etc.). Many times I say - 'why don't you post this on VJ, people need to know this?'. Most of the time the response is simply 'no'. As a matter of fact, your story often comes into the conversation.

So in spite of the fact that you've asked that we not reply if this post does not apply to us, I am writing to say 'thank you'. Thank you for your boldness, and unwavering efforts. While your situation is not mine, it is very similar to several memebers of VJ who would rather not publically address the matter. Your situation is not mine, but it does illuminate what takes place behind closed doors of many members of the VJ family. Hopefully, in the long run it will open the eyes to others who may be in similar situations before any damge is done, or feelings are hurt.

Again - thank you for refusing to be silent.

Boaz

P.S. Remember that the battle is not yours, it's the Lord's.

A lot of people here celebrate valentines day. I heard on news that a lot of people break up during valentines, it is very stressful I guess. A lot are struggling right now and miss their loved ones because of this immigration stuff and may even come to this forum to express that or get cheered up and what a downer to read this. I understand you want to "enlighten people" but no matter what you say a person will not change their course if they are in full steam, so let them have their day. I would have encouraged more the aspect of being strong and happy with yourself or with what you have now than to again post a negative experience and also I would love to hear more about how you have survived and what things you have done to help you get over the pain and anger (has that happened?). There is a powerful illustration......if you want a man to move out his dirty run down shack you will get nowhere by telling him how bad it is and how ugly it is because he will only defend passionately what is his and refuse to budge. However if you build a beautiful home near him and draw his attention to the beauty and cleaness of the new home.....he will on his own see the difference and value and will eventually move out of the shack on his own. Idocare Im sorry about your experience....but maybe you should see someone to help you get over this. A counselor, whether spiritual or professional, if you have not already. I know I would have to if this happened to me (plus I would hire a hit man . But I think honestly, i would have to stay away from this forum because it would remind me too much of the bad aspect. I would try my hardest to find things not related to occupy my mind and heart. Although I know you are a voice that may keep some grounded I wonder if this is detrimental to your letting go and being happy again. Although love is the ultimate high and you crave that high again after its lost...no matter how many people you think you are helping ....you will not find it here.

Im sorry if this will anger you but when I read your post I dont feel enlightened I feel sorry for you and it makes me feel ugly to think of such things. Someone can begin to absorb it and make it a reality when it fact it may not apply to their case. I hope the best for you. But go out and don something for yourself today, meditate or do something positive for others to help you realize beauty in you.

If I am off base here, sorry. But this is what I see and feel when I read yoru posts.

Thank you for sharing your story. I wish you and your baby luck in the future. The experience you described was no doubt very painful for you. I hope coming out on the other side helps you find some benefit to developing the person you are today.

Valentine's day is another day. I prefer to get a check than a box of candy and senseless card. Considering my SO is in Nigeria I don't expect anything but a flash to call him back. Now you figure if that's a true statement or not.

Now that I am over that, this is an open forum we can post anything that we choose. Now if Ms Idocare want to come on here and vent let her. My goodness she said if it didn't apply then don't reply. Who are you to use a phrase from the Bible but judge this young lady by coming to an open forum to voice her opinion. Why she has to be depressed or that you will anger her by her post? Is it because you have issue of your own? My SO and have discussed her situation and he agree. That others need to know, not to change their mind but to be aware. She's not saying abandon your journey but giving a situation that could happen or may not happen. My God we listen to Oprah. She tell us how to raise our children and don't have any, go figure. Now if it's God's will for her to move on let it be HIS WILL. By suggesting that she seek professional help is a bit too far girlfriend. Maybe you need help suggesting that someone need help. What's type of medical degree you have? You should have just came out and said she was mental. But we do appreciate you being tactful, if that is such a thing regarding your post.

You are a bold woman, to tell her to go out and do something for herself. What are you doing for yourself? Wow! Talking about being arrogant.

Whats up with the man in the shack, girl where you get that from. If want you a man to move out of his dirty run down shack, give him a job or a down payment for a new house or he need to contact Habitat for Humanity.

Part 1 - I just got a flash.

quote name='Awa_Mugu' date='Feb 14 2008, 01:46 PM' post='1582666']



First your screen name is too funny.... and the flash comment is golden....... I wish I had the popcorn icon as I read your response.

idocare, your inbox is full, can you pls delete some things. I have a mail i wan to send to you.

Here is your popcorn.

"Whats up with the man in the shack, girl where you get that from. If want you a man to move out of his dirty run down shack, give him a job or a down payment for a new house or he need to contact Habitat for Humanity."

Good one! You know Ive never really been told im bold. I usually try to "waterdown" or speak in passive voice so as not to offend anyone here but because it was a public forum and because I feel the way I do today...I decided to speak how I felt. haha u know I sometime read really bold, aggressive or contreversal posts and think dang! thats going to start something, but I have never been the one to really say anything to get a reply such as yours. Liberating, actually. thanks. but what I told Idocare was not done in a spirit of malice, we are here to support each other. I try to put myself in the other persons place and see it from all different angles. I saw she is trying to enlighten other and I wanted to add my 4cents to how it might be done to be more palatable to some. But I also want to be express how I felt too. Maybe you missed the meaning of the illustration::shrugs::: but I appreciate your opinion as well. Have a nice day

"I decided to speak how I felt" Apply that comment to Ms. Idocare. "We are here to support each other", you call that support. Glad that I have AA instead of you.

I am going to have a fantastic day.

Hot Pocket Calzone's on sale: Flashing down to pick up some. Anyone care for some?

Wonder do my SO need me to Western Union him some money to fix a flat?

I agree with Awa_Mugu. If it doesn't apply to you and you dont have anything useful to say,dont say anything. That is not a way to support each or help, Efia.

Oh thank you, you're great.

Ms Idocare, I know you going thru some thing, but get the terminology right. Mugu = big fool.

Off to see the wizard, anyone want some mojo done? To get these men to stay with us. Fill a jelly jar (welch's perferably) with rubbing alcohol, place his picture face down on the jar, place underneath the head of the bed. Let it stay there now, even when he get here. He'll never leave. In order to find out why, ask the question. I'll tell you.

The question has to be, Ms. Awa_Mugu why he won't leave? And I'll tell you.

The question I want to ask is Are you sure it's Rubbing Alcohol? Sounds like you're hitting a bit of the real stuff right now. Crazy talk!





I say this all the time. So tired of watered down VJ. I've always chosen to tell the truth even if I take a lot of flak from others. We can all learn from each other.

But why keep on saying the same things over and over when you know that it falls on deaf ears? Everyone here thinks their love is a two-way street.

I actually don't find VJ to be watered down. But I think this post was different for me, because what I find offensive is the attacking posts....that essentially sound like you're so happy you're blind to your own misery. I immediately shut down, cause you don't know me or mine. But to truly testify, is to tell your story, as a way for others to learn from it. I have seen that done on VJ regularly both in Off Topic and in the Effects of Family Changes (or whatever it's called). This is the first time that I've seen this particular OP do it. And I appreciate it for what it is. If it turns back into, Girl you're man's gonna leave you and you're gonna end up like me, I'll go back on defensive and message LOST!

Salutations,
I would like to "interject" my $.07
there is absolutely nothing arrogant about suggesting that someone seeks help to over come their pain. that is gentle encouragement. you don't need a degree to do that, you need compassion and common sense. and why is there so much hostility in your posts towards someone who is obviously attempting to encourage Idocare to embrace and overcome her pains? I would certainly hope in my time of despair and betrayal some one would bring me to the light instead of pushing me further into darkness. but then again, misery does love company...

Wow! Who's lacking common sense? I can't wait to read this response.

Uno,

E je ki n ra epo ki a to bere irin ajo wa.

considering the fact, that ignorance is bliss, have fun.
anytime one has to resort to name calling and instigation and flamming, it reminds me of the loud mouthed bully in a crowd, once he is knocked out, all of his friends skit, skit, scatter. so just know that cyber-bullying is juvenile and UNO is far from miserable. These are my unfailing truths and promises from the God I serve,
I am a Child of The King
No weapon formed against me shall prosper
My stumbling blocks shall become my stepping stones
My father in Heaven did not give me a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
My father in heaven told me to "Sit at my right hand until I make your enemies a footstool for your feet."
so while you trying to cause an uprising, I read in my bible that "The words of his mouth are wicked and deceitful; he has ceased to be wise and to do good." Psalm 36:3 (fo' ya !)

Possible troll alert ! Awa Mugu only started posting today under this ID. It could be anyone trying to start a flame war.
Some posters have more than one ID to egg on their agenda. Whether it is or isn't a troll is for the Admin to figure out through IP's.

Some undercover stuff going on here.

Remember, don't feed the trolls !

Warning: Please stop any personal attacks. Thanks.

"The question I want to ask is Are you sure it's Rubbing Alcohol? Sounds like you're hitting a bit of the real stuff right now. Crazy talk!"

You stole the words right out of my mouth.

I don't get why "mugu" got so upset with Efia's much needed advice. I agreed 100% with her. I can understand and commend someone for trying to elighten people with their story because we all have a story to share...but sometimes it gets to be too much, especially when people are at their happiest. Idocare, I appreciate you sharing your story with us because we all need to see the other side of this journey, but you seem to share it at the wrong times i.e. Valentine's Day or in a thread where someone is celebrating their visa approval. i think this is why people find you to be bitter and hurt. It kind of seems like you want to steal people's joy, at times. In regards to your posts, I've always said and thought that there is a time and a place to show people the ugly side to this story.

Mugu (why are you hiding behind a new name, anyway?) , I know you are trying to joke and be funny, but it just ain't cool to jump on the put-all-Nigerian-men-down bandwagon. Making fun of "your fiance's" flashing or other cultural habits is tasteless, as well. Efia had a valid right to post how she felt in response to how the OP feels.

Another thing, (this is coming from another thread I read, but since I'm on the subject...) I saw someone mention that there have been several failed marriages since 2004. That may be true, but has anyone taken a tally of the marriages that are still successful and going strong since then? I'm sure you will find just the same amount, if not more, who are still hanging in there.


I smell Troll, too. Also, it could be a regular who just didn't want to speak their mind on their usual ID.

Thanks again IDO for your current and past posts. PLEASE READ WITH A CALM SET OF EYES I am one of those who has not posted my story because I truly don't want to feel verbal salt thrown into my still fresh wounds. IDO has been brave in sharing and I will say that most of what she has mentioned, has befallen me in a similar way. Although MY story is ,probably, the mother of all stories I still feel that it is ok to share both the good and the bad with others.

I truly rejoice when a couple has been united and I silently cry when another experiences trauma. I only know one side of the journey, and that is the side that many of us share. My husband knows only his side of the journey, but there is no shortage of people who are more than willing to help him "adjust" or "get ahead" in the US. That being said, I welcome everyone's story because I know we are harder on each other when our relationships hit the skids, than the SO's friends are on them.

This is our VJ village and those who have walked the long and hard road have much to share with those who are just beginning their journey. EVEN MORE CALMY SAID, I believe we are all here because we fell in love with and married or intend to marry someone from Sub-Sahara Africa. (Jomo hangs with us too) So with love, if we can help make that path a little smoother for you by alerting you to some pitfalls, please don't be too upset. One little piece of information shared here probably has helped more people than we realize.
Gracias por leer.

AMEN

"I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot : I would thou wert cold or hot.
So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spew thee out of my mouth."

Revelation 3:15 and 16.

Another fine example of why I seek out other forums who know how to act like adults and respect each persons opinion. It seems that most here are so full of anger and just like to attack. The rattler from no where is totally off base. More than an opinion, that is fact.

It's true that there are some here that are angry and attack. However, welcome to the forum typee0. We're glad to have you around.

I don't always get in on the arguments. There are just some children here who don't know how to play nice and share the playground.

But most of us ARE adults and can play nicely with each other

Sorry to have gotten the term of MUGU wrong......lol So for the record Mugu means BIG FOOL.........lol. Ms Mugu that was too funny ???

I believe it was a Nigerian fellow ( Mercury1 I think that was name he was under ) that first brought that word to this forum. I appreciate him taking the time to further enlighten us. His post didn't fall on deaf ears, as I know my posts don't.


This is a forum where almost everyone is at different stage in their visa journey as you can read my signature I've been posting off and on since 2004. Back then my postings where in line with those that were waiting for their Alien to arrive, I had feelings of joy, inpatience, and a longing to be with my man. Some of you are currently experiencing some of those feelings now and I totally understand as I know your conversations with you fiance/husbands that are abrode are stimulating and positive and leaves you with a desire to get them here with you at all cost. I already been there and I can remember the feeling of finally meeting my soulmate and the longing to have him here with me.


Even back in 2004 there were some people that would post from time to time about being used by their alien spouse for the greencard benefit, I like many of you now went on the defense of my man even tho in the back of my mind I knew that I didn't really know what my Alien fiance was capable of doing. I decided to take a chance on him because I felt love for him, and yes, the sex was good, moreso I was thinking that this man would appreciate me providing him with a way of coming into the states and wouldn't do me any harm, but would be my lifelong partner as he said he would so many times over the phone and while I was in Nigeria with him.

Some of you are currently at this spot, so what do you do after hearing stories of Aliens coming here and making the sponsors life miserable before leaving them, you probably do what I did, you trust your Alien, cause he's telling you all the right things, after all what is a relationship without trust !!!


I believe it was a African man that posted something to this effect " You'll never know the masquerade, some get off the plane knowing the exact time they plan to leave the relationship " " Oh I never thought I'd fall in love with her/him." ( That last sentence could be interputed 2 differnt ways )

On another form here in VJ a fellow named Tito posted a situation similar to mines, his Alien spouse was a Russian women, at first people jumped all over him for trying to warn others of the possibilites or their current relationship they called him bitter, susgested he get couseling and told him to get over it etc. etc.

I can relate to Tito, because I too was a victim of a fraudulent marriage and I, just like Tito wanted to share my story because i feel the possiblity of the sponsor being used in a similiar manner is high.
I don't hold any anger, I don't need any form of counseling, however I do feel a desire to share my story, I can't and will never say all aliens are only after a greencard because I don't know that and neither do any of the sponsors, it's only that Alien ( and God ) that know the Aliens real intent, but what I can do is tell my story and some of the things that I feel are warning signs that your relationship might heading down the same path as mines.

I have cleared my mail box again and I welcome anyone to send me some mail or if you just need to vent, you can contact me. I'm here to help others thru my experience and I will continue to post everynow and again as we all know new people arrive on this site almost everyday, heck, I plan to continue posting as long as I'm physically able to as the reality is that not all aliens are coming here because they love their sponsors instead they are coming for their own selfish agendas which will cause the sponsor MANY problems, the stress of going thru this process has nothing on the stress you will go thru if you alien decides to act a fool.

So in short for those that are advising me to go and get counseling I in return advise you to go and seek counseling and learn to love yourself first before looking for love in all the wrong places.
As for me I find joy in assisting someone that may be going thru what I have experienced and I also believe that all things work together for the good. So please let me be, I appreciate your concern for my mental state but clean out your own closets before judging mines.

"Its not what goes into a man that makes him unclean but what comes out of his mouth" "its better to be quiet and appear to be a fool than to speak and remove all doubt" I can only judge by what I have read. And personally my story and how I met my husband is completely different from yours. I find the way you try to "assist" people very negative and leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I remember once my husband was panicked cause he lost his passport (eventually found it) and I posted on forum for advice and the only comment you made was to compare him to something your ex did, one simple sentence but it dripped with negativity, suspicion and assumtion. Is that what you call assisting? And as if you could compare your ex to my husband! And maybe you didnt love yourself enough to make wise decisions about where YOU looked for love but that doesnt mean I have. You will be in my prayers. I pray you heal and move on with your life in leave all bitterness behind. Peace.

We are all aware that when you marry a foreigner; you take alot of risks and responsibilities. I am very sorry that you were a victim. I think that it is inhumane for ANY human to play with another's emotions. It seems like you are going thru alot of anger of maybe even some pain (still) and it has been afew years since you have been separated from your husband. Please let it go...get rid of all the negativity..you deserve to be happy. It is improper to try to bring VJ member's in your world...when they want to be happy. There are alot of success storys on this website and in this forum...which is beautiful.

One day, I hope to open one of your postings or read one of your reponses to another VJ member and just hear something positive..without ANY negativity. My heart goes out to eveyone who had any bad experiences with men, trust me, I can relate. You do not have to marry a foreigner to go thru pain and become traumatized. I truly wish you the best in life and just want you to be happy because I hardly hear anything positive from you. Have a very BLESSED day, you deserve it.

Efia06


Thanks for praying for me can you please pray for my whole family? Aint nothing wrong with someone saying a prayer.

I will only address you this one time. After that anything you want to say is fine with me but I'm not going to address it. Efia regardless of the way you met your husband, how well you all hit it off and how many times he tells you that he loves you, You efia06 won't know his real intentions until he arrives here and you all live as husband and wife. Although your prepared to go to battle for your man, you won't know if he's also prepared to do the same for you.

You parable can apply to all situations, especially a person who's husband is still abroad and they for what ever reason want to exalt themselves, what is your reason? As this is a forum, if you post something and I feel moved to address it, that's what I'm gonna do, period. Now weither you approve of my message or not is totally your issue. You Efia06 currently aren't in a position to control what I decide to type, you don't have to agree with me but I will excercise my freedom to express myself, and continue to be myself. You efia06 are in a position to not read anything else I decide to type as I don't post of here to get approval and high fives from anyone that might read what I type. Bottom line you don't control me, and I don't type my messages looking for approval from you.

So in short if you post anything and I choose to answer that's what I'm gonna do, if you choose to get offended, then deal with your feelings, because I'm not a replica of you so I may not share the feelings that may dwell within you.

I can't speak of what will happen in your relationship Efia06 but then again neither can you ! You don't know what your husband will be like once he comes here. Although I do wish you and your relationship well, the fact remains that even your relationship may be built on deceit. You can call me foolish because I trusted and loved a man abrode that I met on the internet but I'm just wondering how u think your relationship is so different when you are doing what I already did ? Hummmmm. (minus meeting him online ) Again I wish your relationship well and I like to extend you an invitation to keep posting as the month and years go by, will you do that ?

Finally I'm not bitter and I have moved on with my life that's why I can freely post of my experience. you see I like to help others, I don't wish for anybody to go about blindly and fall deep in a scam the reality is that some couples won't make it and it may or may not be a scam, but when your in the midst of a scam wondering wtf is going on, at least you can at that time begin to understand what I'm doing. You might even find some comfort and know what you need to do to protect yourself, or at least know that there is someone out there that has been there who just might have some advice or just a ear they can vent into. I don't expect you to understand. Again thanks for praying for me, in this world I can use all the prayers I can get.

I have sent you an email Idocare; I am not sure if you have checked it or not. For those of you who are curious of who I am, I have not gone about posting any new messages in a very long time.

ido, you are right about not knowing how people can change once taken out of the environment they have become accustomed to. I spoke with my husband about that. But honestly any marriage changes people. You find things about yourself and your mate. yes, there are those who marry for a green card, money, or any number of reasons that may be the wrong reason. However, in my case. I am a married woman. That is for life under the Bible's command. So, unless my husband dies or cheats on me I cannot divorce. So, telling me to be suspicious of his intentions will be detremental to the peace and love we have in our marriage.

I was insulted when you compared mine to yours because, yours has proven to be a wicked person, whereas my husband has proven to be nothing but loving honest and a God-fearing man. Whether he or I change during the course of our marriage or life no one can predict. But comparing an innocent man to a guilty one merely because their immigration issues are similiar is prejudicial and unfair. My circumstances allowed me to be as sure, that I am marrying a man with good intentions, as any woman who lived in the same country with her fiancee knows.

Now, if my husband does what yours did, I certainly will be shocked beyond comprehension and if he leaves me, thats his loss, but God will never leave me. I will never be abandoned by the person I love most in life, so im good

I do apologize for assuming things about you. I just couldnt empathisize with the way you were going about the aftermath so it threw me off. Anyways...gotta get back to work. Peace.

Efia06

I totally agree with you when you typed the one thing you can be sure of is 'God, for he will never leave you nor forsake you. Regardless of where you are from, where he is from, regardless of your tribes tradition, no 2 people that join themselves together are guaranteed to stay together. Heck even in America there are some African couples that find themselves in line to seek divorce papers.


Boo Boo

Why label me depressed ? I assure you that all is well here. My story might make you depressed, however I'm the one that lived it and I can assure you there is life after a fraudulent international marriage, once again, I tell my story NOT due to being deeply depressed, but to let the newbies on here no of the possibility of their relationship. There are people on here that are currently going thru what I have went thru and I predict there will be more that will gradually tread down that road. I hope that your not one of them, since you already know about what I'm going to type and it offends YOU to read it, please reframe from reading it or open it and reoffend yourself. It's your choice.
As for me I will continue to do what I feel is best.

i'm sorry this happen to you, is he still in states are u doing a infopass to get him off ur responabilty.. My / is i see you went to interview.. Did they allow you to sit in on interview did they ask u ? or was u not allowed in interview?? I have know my husband 2 years now.. And I pray taht we do have ahappy life but marriage is something we all have to work on.. thanks im sure u did ur part... he has to answe not u what is that I360

I have been away from VJ for awhile due to illness, but have spent most of today catching up on all the posts. I felt the need to respond to this topic.

Idocare: I'm glad that you are giving some details as to your situation...but you still have not explained what actually happened. You say he started to "create strive and discord". How bout elaborating on that. If you are truly here to "help" others, then you have to give us some examples. Tell us exactly how he acted, what he said, how you know it was a scam from the beginning, and not just that he found out that he didn't really love you the way he thought. How bout telling us what happened. How it all played out. Details of behaviors etc. that led you to finally find out he was only using you. You cant just keep ranting and raving about the failure of your relationship and keep preaching your intent to "enlighten" everyone...when you dont even explain the reasons behind your opinions .Some of us will find out the ugly truth eventually, bcuz all of us intelligent women know that scamming is a real and possible scenario. But until we find out for ourselves, none of your bad mouthing gonna "help" us unless you come at us with some realness instead of rhetoric; and some compassion instead of hatorade!!!

But of course...you are free to post and say anything you want...just as all of us are. But IMO, if you are really here to help...then offer some in a constructive and useful way. Hindsight is 20/20!!!!! (none of us are there yet!!) What were the red flags that you may not have wanted to believe? Do you take any responsibility for the way things turned out? Do you believe he planned the entire thing from the beginning? Not saying this is true in your case....but I have many many friends who have been "romance scammed", and in every case there were "warning signs, and red flags" from the very start. They just choose not to see them, ignore them, or explain them away. Not one of them blames the entire thing on just their man. They bare some responsibility for not reading the signs and using their intuition to see the truth when it was staring them right in the face. Thats why its important that if you really want to use your situation to "enlighten" others, you need to be up front and honest about it. We are all vulnerable when it comes to love, especially women. No woman is gonna believe her man is deceiving her...so all u can do is lay out your scenerio and let us look into our own relationship and make a judgement for ourselves.

Idocare

the forum " effects of major family changes on immigration benefits " would be a place to take your posts to help someone with what to do AFTER
their marriage has fallen apart.

Here, in the sub-saharan we are happy, content couples, waiting to be with our SO's. Sometimes we hurt due to the separation and long AP is devastating.
I find you are trying to break up happy couples by sowing doubt into every relationship here and in a very subtle manner try to erode all that is good and hopeful.
You seem to lack insight and awareness that you have absolutely no control over our choices and relationships.

We all are aware of scammers as intelligent woman and know what goes on with deception. We are not teenagers in puppy love making irrational
choices and you are not the self appointed guru on a mountain top that you may think you are, here to enlighten us.
You are insulting our intelligence if you think you will make anyone drop a petition because YOUR own marriage failed.

The atmosphere of this sub-saharan forum does not need negativity but encouragement and support in a warm environment. That is the purpose
of this visa journey site.
There is as I said the " effects....." section where situations are addressed such as what you experienced and to contain those issues to a separate forum.
By coming here and saying the sky is falling , the sky is falling you will accomplish nothing.

You posted a Happy New Years thread and in the same sentence started your " they only want green cards rant........."
Again on Valentines Day you posted negativity.
Holidays still rough for you ? Momma ain't happy ain't nobody happy ?
Why post this mess on every holiday ? Why post it in a thread of someone who just made a topic about a happy breakthrough in her journey ?
What is really YOUR motive here other than trying to sow discord between couples with doubt and accusations ?
It is like a toothache that won't stop and we are tired of it here. Please take it to the appropriate forum of divorce. There you can do some good maybe.
It just seems so out of place here among joyful and happy posters.
Three years ago you divorced, yet you are still here trying to sow doubt.
When will you realize that your attempts of co transfering and projecting and force feeding your personal experience onto us will not stop a single petition ?
When will you realize that we have a brain and have thought about pros and cons for ourselves ?
Noobies may be new to VJ but I find them to be intelligent, strong woman , very capable of making their own decisions.

If anyone has a problem I believe they would post in the correct forum for actual help on how or if to proceed.
This is an immigration site and not an ANTI AFRICAN immigration site.
I am not negating your pain and have told you before I am sorry you had to go through that..........just saying time to find a different approach.
I also believe it takes two to tango and you must take responsibility for your own choices, be accountable and stop the victim mentality.
You still sound like a victim, time to get strong and forget and forgive to open the door for new love in your live.
The horse has been dead long ago !

I think that is the best post I have ever read. You have such great expression, Sis.