VisaJourney.com > Internet Love

Boaz

Feb 18 2008, 10:24 AM

QUOTE(Boaz @ Feb 18 2008, 10:15 AM)

QUOTE(Nagishkaw @ Feb 18 2008, 07:52 AM)

QUOTE(Boaz @ Feb 18 2008, 01:39 AM)

QUOTE(Nagishkaw @ Feb 17 2008, 07:11 AM)

QUOTE(idocare @ Feb 17 2008, 05:13 AM)

Omoba,

Last I checked Captain Wok was the person overseeing this site. Why do you feel that you can control Sub Saharan did you buy it from Captain Wok ? At this moment I'm not understanding your post directed to me. From what I can see you have only been a member here since August 2006, and this is an open forum, Omoba your just a member here you have no right to tell me or anyone else where to post messages. How dare you, do you think if you told me to jump up and down that I would? Who do you think you are, I'll tell you who you are, you are a member of this forum and NOTHING more. I have been posting here since 2003 and never once have I seen your name as owner of this site, where do you get off susgesting that I post somewhere else.

Listen to me, your not the moderator for this site and if you were appointed a moderator you need to read about what's to be posted here and fall back into line as a member just like me, I don't know why you feel like you have the power to tell people where they should post, or talk about what you and others are so tired of reading. As long as I adhere to Captian Woks instructions I don't care what you and others are tired of, do I live for you ??? Are you sending me money and paying my bills ? No your not. So you have no right to open your mouth asking me to post somewhere else, I have been posting here before you knew this site existed and you think you can tell me something ?you may get away with that with some but not me, I'll never let YOU control me, nor will you ever have control of where I choose to post. What you do have control over is choosing not to read my post, especially if you already know what it's gonna be about, why do you continue to burden yourself with reading it? Hummm.

Noel kept telling people the ran is coming the rain is coming and there were some that listened to him and saved themselves, so If I choose to repost a message or how many times I decide to discuss my message on this open forum is my business.

I have yet to meet an intelligent person that will join somebody else's establishment then speak out as if they are the owner and try to run the show. A intelligent person will join the club already knowing that they are just a member, they will adhere by the rules of the club and not try to control something that they have no control over. they will go to a restaurant they enjoy eating at. A person that lacks intelligence will join a establishment then attempt to take over, they will think more of themselves then what they are, they will repeatedly go to a restaurant they feel has bad food and continously complain about the food.

If my post don't apply to you, why worry about it, there has been many that have experienced what I've experienced and there are some post ( not by me ) that thank me for posting, why do you continue to read my post, are you fishing for something ? I don't know why you feel the Sub-Saharan full of happy folks when I and others which fall within the sub saharan are at different stages in our VJ . Everybody from Sub Saharan isn't where you are therefore have different experiences to share. I'm not where your at on this journey, but I will tell my story even if it's not approving in some eyes, (my story is my reality ) As I was posting before your journey started what makes you think you have authority to tell me what to post. you and your click ( of friends ) really need to check yourselves and check the rules of the Sub- Saharan board. Your all members here, you don't run nothing, and you surely don't run me, nor do you have control over any thing I decide to post.

Actually I do know of one person that has decided to withdraw her petittion, but that was her decision , not mines, you Omoba don't know the many people that I talk to, nor do you know the many people that read my post, why do you think I continue to post, it's not for you but for the one's that decide to e-mail me because they can relate to what I'm saying. Heck your husband isn't even here yet, so I don't expect you to relate to me yet.

I never look to destroy a relationship, but like I have said, when one person in a relationship doesen't want the marriage to work, it won't, because the agendas weren't the same. You Omoba, are in AP, you don't know what will come off that plane once he arrives. You may say well we have a baby, well a baby didn't stop a medical doctor from leaving , I dought if it stops your husband if that's what he wants to do so. Actually you have no clue who is keeping your husband warm at nite. You call yourself Omoba, but the reality is that you don't know if your the second or third wife. I have posted in the Effects area, and I will continue to post wherever I desire, YOU won't dictact where I decide to share or provide information,nor will you dictate what information I share !!! While you and the others are sitting waiting for your men to arrive I can only guess that some of you will go down the same journey that I experienced, and Omoba, my feeling is that you will be within the group that will end up being deceived. I only hope that your women enough to post your story. Omoba will you post your story?

Omoba your on this site acting like you grew up with your husband and know him very well, you only know of what he (and others ) tell you. A scam wouldn't be a scam if it were detectable before it's too late. Although I'm wishing the best for everyone that petitions for an Alien to into the states, I'm at a place in this visa journey where I know that's not realistic.

Your post just put me in emotional shock! To behold that much intense impromtu freakout broke open my heart... for real. Sloppy finger pointing isn't giving you the kick it used to? Then might I suggest a few things that may help ( I would have asked for your permission to post, but my telepathic transmiter is currently out of range ) ...Fling imaginary lightening bolts from your finger tips at anyone who annoys you and toss a few love bombs at anyone who thrills you. In a loud, sarcastic voice mouth off at people who became members after 2004 . Blame EWOK for not making you a shareholder in VJ stock, then stage a puppet show starring yourself as a noble hero. Make ugly faces in the mirror with lots of tongue sticking out, and write a nice long post on how perfection sucks.

Nagishkaw,

Your comments were funny. IMO ... history has proven itself once again ..... if you are not sharing a fairy tale story, others tend to jump all over you. Sometimes you are even told "where" to post your comments. While I can understand why you've mentioned that reading Idocare's post may have put you in an emotional shock, let me be the first to say that after continously being told to keep your mouth shut unless it's a positive story ....... I guess she (Idocare) got fed up. As mentioned by someone else before ........ tired of watered down VJ.

In a nut shell - all is glorious here as long as your agree with the majority. But if you dare step out and express anything different ..... it won't be nice. As long as we all agree - things are fine. When an opinion is expressed .... be careful ....... you better hope that it's sensitive in topic, whether it's the truth or not.

Reminds me (sorry to get off topic) - a while back someone expressed why they were chosing not read a book, and guess what ..... the same thing happened again.

Idocare ...... TELL YOUR STORY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was suggested. Big difference between that and a direct order.

I never read where she was ''continously being told to keep her mouth shut". She kept posting. She put on her big girl pants and fired back. Not good enough?

Let's see...the OP did call Omoba a LIAR. Does she have a link or sources to back up that accusation? If not, then it's just pure speculation and unnecessary finger pointing.

The OP was asked repetitively to TELL her story. My bet is that it probably won't happen. IDOCARE? The thing is, she DOESN'T.

Excuse me ....... but this is an actual quote from a previous post. This quote verifies my statements with regards to individuals being told where they can/should post. Perhaps I am misinterpreting the comments of the writer, but to me I understood it to be 'keep your mouth shut, and post your comments elsewhere' ........ this was posted here on VJ on 1/3/08 ......."There are other message boards out there and yahoo groups with focus on fraud where you can constantly rally your deportation opinion ".

Thank you.

In case you are intrested in reading this for yourself, this statement was made in reference to a post started by Idocare. The title of her post was "What would u do ?, u discovered husband/wife only wanted greencard".

Omoba

Feb 18 2008, 10:28 AM

The one or two people who support Idocares prejudice rantings and African bashing unfortunately are misguided.
Neither do they have a clue about her behavior during her marriage. My pm was full this morning. Old VJer's have stepped forward also to enlighten
some here about her particular issues.

So you see it is not all as it seems. There is so much you don't know Boaz. Research a bit before you jump on a bandwagon, it will curl your toes !

I would really like Idocare to stop focusing on slandering a Nationality and for us to come together as a supportive group. That was my goal here.
But I will be the bigger person and step down from this back and forth circus. Just know that anytime you insult me or my SO, I will be right here
to let you know what I think of you. My high school days have been long over and I have more important things to do than respond to
venomous rantings.
How can one reason with mental illness ? One can't.

Omoba

Feb 18 2008, 10:36 AM

QUOTE(idocare @ Feb 18 2008, 11:22 AM)

One person reads my post wrong and here goes some feeding off it. Omoba you don't know anything about me or Victor except what I share within my posts. Just got off a three way call with other VJ members and we shared a good laugh.

Those that I have shared the full story too would never e-mail you and that I'm confident about. (That's why I said she was lieing and for no other reason ) You can invent any story you want about my past marriage,, or my personality, or my character etc. like I said earlier, I don't care about what you have to say.

Idon'tcare,

you are wrong and the proof is in the pudding.

Boaz

Feb 18 2008, 10:37 AM

QUOTE(Perseverance @ Feb 18 2008, 10:05 AM)

Reminds me (sorry to get off topic) - a while back someone expressed why they were chosing not read a book, and guess what ..... the same thing happened again.

I have to disagree, the trouble that started in the book topic had to do with repeated negativity that was off topic, the thread was about the book, not the author and how he chooses to dress and the car that he drives.... that is a dead issue lets leave it that way.

There is nothing wrong with sharing a story or opinion, but why does this story ALWAYS need to include that "Nigerians are scammers" does Idocare have proof beyond a shadow of a doubt that all "Nigerians are scammers"? Can she prove it in a court of law? Stop condeming a nation of people, that is what I have the disagreement to. For those of us who have ties to Nigeria it is a sensitive subject. Since she is not attacking Africa as a continent perhaps others do not feel that it applies.

If you choose to be abrasive to others when expressing your opinion, then you had better be prepared for the outcome.

I appreciate your opinion. However, please respect that I have the right to refer to other post when expressing myself. For future reference, please refer to the Terms of Service.

idocare

Feb 18 2008, 10:41 AM

LOL , Omoba

Don't worry, I'm not gonna report you ! Even tho I feel that your last statement was directed towards me concerning mental illness. I understand, you just can't help it.

I'm gonna report you........... I'm gonna report you..............I'm gonna report you.

One more thing, I made a typo and directed a post towards Zee ( I got the name wrong Zee didn't make any comment towards me ) I meant Bassi, sorry.

Perseverance

Feb 18 2008, 10:45 AM

I appreciate your opinion. However, please respect that I have the right to refer to other post when expressing myself. For future reference, please refer to the Terms of Service.

I have not violated TOS... you do have the right, I never said that you did not, I see no point in resurrecting dead issues, that is my opinion as you say I have a right to it. Or am I not allowed to voice my opinion?

Boaz

Feb 18 2008, 10:52 AM

QUOTE(Perseverance @ Feb 18 2008, 10:45 AM)

I appreciate your opinion. However, please respect that I have the right to refer to other post when expressing myself. For future reference, please refer to the Terms of Service.

I have not violated TOS... you do have the right, I never said that you did not, I see no point in resurrecting dead issues, that is my opinion as you say I have a right to it. Or am I not allowed to voice my opinion?

Your specific comment was "that is a dead issue lets leave it that way". I have the right to address what ever matter I choose to. If you think it's a dead issue, then fine. But to tell me that it's dead and to leave it that way is not acceptable.

Omoba

Feb 18 2008, 10:54 AM

Unbelievable !

Omoba

Feb 18 2008, 10:58 AM

If nothing else, this thread has revealed some heavy duty realities and exposed people for what they really are behind their smug masks.
It will be remembered by all I am sure.

Peace out and love to all ...... wishing you a good live and all the best Idocare !

God bless !

Perseverance

Feb 18 2008, 11:00 AM

Your specific comment was "that is a dead issue lets leave it that way". I have the right to address what ever matter I choose to. If you think it's a dead issue, then fine. But to tell me that it's dead and to leave it that way is not acceptable

Again that was not meant as an order, I see somehow you have interpreted it that way. Interesting how an underlying meaning was read into my post when there was none.

I am going to get off this crazy train, the whole thread has become a redicuous bash fest.

Boaz

Feb 18 2008, 11:02 AM

QUOTE(Omoba @ Feb 18 2008, 10:28 AM)

The one or two people who support Idocares prejudice rantings and African bashing unfortunately are misguided.
Neither do they have a clue about her behavior during her marriage. My pm was full this morning. Old VJer's have stepped forward also to enlighten
some here about her particular issues.

So you see it is not all as it seems. There is so much you don't know Boaz. Research a bit before you jump on a bandwagon, it will curl your toes !
I would really like Idocare to stop focusing on slandering a Nationality and for us to come together as a supportive group. That was my goal here.
But I will be the bigger person and step down from this back and forth circus. Just know that anytime you insult me or my SO, I will be right here
to let you know what I think of you. My high school days have been long over and I have more important things to do than respond to
venomous rantings.
How can one reason with mental illness ? One can't.

Follow your own advice and research before YOU jump on a bandwagon.

Omoba you may not believe this, but MANY, MANY, MANY people are in need of knowing what Idocare is sharing. I've said before, and I'll say it again - I agree that often times her comments may be off topic. This is wrong. But for her to start a topic, and others try to silence her is wrong.

Now ..... I don't like that you've told me to 'research a bit before you jump on a bandwagon. Well according to the TOS statement of "Make comments in a Post either direct or implied toward another member that are purposely designed to upset, antagonize, make fun of, belittle, or otherwise instigate an argument that takes away from the personal enjoyment of the Service by other users. Therefore, I have reported you. Sorry, I will not allow you to bully me as well.

Omoba

Feb 18 2008, 11:05 AM

Touche !

Boaz

Feb 18 2008, 11:09 AM

QUOTE(Perseverance @ Feb 18 2008, 11:00 AM)

Your specific comment was "that is a dead issue lets leave it that way". I have the right to address what ever matter I choose to. If you think it's a dead issue, then fine. But to tell me that it's dead and to leave it that way is not acceptable

Again that was not meant as an order, I see somehow you have interpreted it that way. Interesting how an underlying meaning was read into my post when there was none.

I am going to get off this crazy train, the whole thread has become a redicuous bash fest.

Interesting how an underlying meaning was read into my post when there was none. - I know how you feel.

I am going to get off this crazy train, the whole thread has become a redicuous bash fest. - Thank you.

Seriously (IMO) it all boils down to respecting individuals right to an opinion. Nothing is wrong with disagreeing. But when we disagree to the point of implying that others need to stop expressing their opinion (especially when it's not off topic), and insulting others by saying to not get on a band wagon because they feel like it's only 1 or 2 people that have a different opinion is ridiculous!!

Boaz

Feb 18 2008, 11:16 AM

QUOTE(Omoba @ Feb 18 2008, 11:05 AM)

Touche !

Hmmm ..... now you know how so many others feel. They are too afraid to speak up and express themselves. Instead they result to PM's, which eventually leads to hour long phone conversation, which often leaves my heart feeling so full because people won't speak up and share what's really going on. For me it's not about bashing anyone from a particular country. Honestly - my heart is aching as I type this response. You would not believe how so many have been scammed on so many levels. And almost repeatedly I say "you need to share this with others on VJ". Although it's not my situation, I know that it does help so many others. As a matter of fact, I have a relative in a very similiar situation (I believe I posted her story a while back). It was by reading a post from Idocare (over a year ago) that I was able to help her. I am not talking deportation. Instead it helped her to know that she was not alone. Anyway - no one is trying to scare anyone out of marrying someone from another country (at least that's not my intentions). But to constantly bully, and belittle others for expressing themselves is so rude.

idocare

Feb 18 2008, 11:35 AM

Actually I don't even know where anyone got this I'm bashing Nigerians. I had to go back and recheck my posts as far as I was able to go back. I didn't see any post where I was bashing Nigerians only , I don't know where others are finding their information to label me as such. I try to make it a point to speak in general because I know there are people that can get very sensitive to what words you use.

What I do know is that Marriage Fraud happens in many many countries, not just Nigeria. I don't know who first susgested that I'm a Nigerian basher, my ex-husband is from Nigeria and I did speak about him, I don't know all NIgerians to bash them all........wow
So somebody decided to type that I'm always bashing Nigerians I hope they post where they got their information from cause I'm not finding it.

But hey if it make anyone comfortable to give me that label then post misguided information what can I say.

Omoba

Feb 18 2008, 11:37 AM

QUOTE(Boaz @ Feb 18 2008, 12:16 PM)

QUOTE(Omoba @ Feb 18 2008, 11:05 AM)

Touche !

Hmmm ..... now you know how so many others feel. They are too afraid to speak up and express themselves. Instead they result to PM's, which eventually leads to hour long phone conversation, which often leaves my heart feeling so full because people won't speak up and share what's really going on. For me it's not about bashing anyone from a particular country. Honestly - my heart is aching as I type this response. You would not believe how so many have been scammed on so many levels. And almost repeatedly I say "you need to share this with others on VJ". Although it's not my situation, I know that it does help so many others. As a matter of fact, I have a relative in a very similiar situation (I believe I posted her story a while back). It was by reading a post from Idocare (over a year ago) that I was able to help her. I am not talking deportation. Instead it helped her to know that she was not alone. Anyway - no one is trying to scare anyone out of marrying someone from another country (at least that's not my intentions). But to constantly bully, and belittle others for expressing themselves is so rude.

Boaz now that everyone seems to have calmed down I would like to add that I have said before that Idocare could be helpful
to some people. Why does it fall on deaf ears that no one here has a problem with her story..........that the sole problem
lies in her approach, style of posting and African male prejudices. Have you read this entire thread and all the responses ?
Please hear me one last time that THAT is the issue and nothing else.
Because of THOSE issues, we have adviced her to post in the effects forum, because HER APPROACH is off in the general
forum.
Now if she would soften her approach and refrain from bashing and telling us all that our own SO's will deceive us , if she just would
tell her story like anyone else here on VJ it would not have come to this.
I am for freedom of speech with responsibility and sensitivity on this site.
Tell me honestly who here needs to hear that their SO WILL deceive them ? That is what she told me.
For some reason the core intent of her posts is to not warn but to be destructive.

I want peace with everyone and am not interested in fighting here. I do not understand why the main issue keeps getting
misunderstood.
Bitterness is never helpful but erodes like a cancer. True help and concern is what we stand for, can't we at least agree on that ?
I apologize for some over the top things I have said like mentioning mental illness, that was too personal I agree.
I hope we can rest this issue and I hope Idocare will find it in her heart to soften her approach and be fair and not
bash anymore and not tell a newbie or anyone that their SO will deceive them and for sure has 2 or 3 wives. That kind of mess
is not helping.
If she would keep it to her experience it could be helpful, but she doesn't. The reason I believe is because there are things in her story she would rather they be left untold. So be it !

Jomo's girl

Feb 18 2008, 11:39 AM

QUOTE(Boaz @ Feb 18 2008, 10:16 AM)

QUOTE(Omoba @ Feb 18 2008, 11:05 AM)

Touche !

Hmmm ..... now you know how so many others feel. They are too afraid to speak up and express themselves. Instead they result to PM's, which eventually leads to hour long phone conversation, which often leaves my heart feeling so full because people won't speak up and share what's really going on. For me it's not about bashing anyone from a particular country. Honestly - my heart is aching as I type this response. You would not believe how so many have been scammed on so many levels. And almost repeatedly I say "you need to share this with others on VJ". Although it's not my situation, I know that it does help so many others. As a matter of fact, I have a relative in a very similiar situation (I believe I posted her story a while back). It was by reading a post from Idocare (over a year ago) that I was able to help her. I am not talking deportation. Instead it helped her to know that she was not alone. Anyway - no one is trying to scare anyone out of marrying someone from another country (at least that's not my intentions). But to constantly bully, and belittle others for expressing themselves is so rude.

Thank you for posting this, Boaz. Not to point fingers in this thread at all----but I do feel as you said above on many topics in many different regional forums. I've just never stated my objections as eloquently as you have above.

I agree with every word you said above.

Omoba

Feb 18 2008, 11:40 AM

I do have a live and have to go to work. Examples of your debatable posting style were mentioned here in this thread already.

I'm Mrs. Akindel

Feb 18 2008, 11:52 AM

SATAN, THE LORD REBUKE YOU AND THE BLOOD OF JESUS IS AGAINST YOU!!!!

Wow, Wow, Wow........ This is so ridiculous. I really can't believe how this forum has turned out. Yes Idocare has a right to post, respond, or whatever else she wants to do on this forum; i really don't think that is what people are disputing. I think they are saying the manner in which she is doing it is not cordial. I had a run in with her before and no it was not nice, but she had some valid points. If she want to be helpful, then she is allowed to tell her story, but when she starts generalizing people feel attacked. I think her story will speak for itself. If she is honest and tell people what happened and the mistakes she made then people will be more aware and try to avoid those mistakes at all cost. Idocare if you want to post your story, by all means go on honey. I think it will cut down on all the tension if you leave out all the other stuff that seems to attack, but of coarse its your choice. I'm not asking or demanding that you do anything other than what you deem is necessary. We should all be sticking together, but this is crazy. I shouldn't be surprised these things are happening in these last and evil days. I am going to keep this entire forum before the Lord in prayer in hopes that this will not happen again. Come on now we are better than this. The best thing for the people who can not agree to disagree is to not respond. i tried not to but this really tugged at my heart. Please be encouraged everybody and pray about everything worry about nothing. I have learned a lesson about responding to nonsense it just fuels the fire.

charles!

Feb 18 2008, 11:59 AM

this is better than mena

LovinLiberia

Feb 18 2008, 12:01 PM

Trust me, MENA is on a whole 'nother level. We still have a long way to go compared to them.

charles!

Feb 18 2008, 12:02 PM

QUOTE(LovinLiberia @ Feb 18 2008, 11:01 AM)

Trust me, MENA is on a whole 'nother level. We still have a long way to go compared to them.

yeah but they've been awfully quiet lately

LovinLiberia

Feb 18 2008, 12:03 PM

QUOTE(charlesandnessa @ Feb 18 2008, 11:02 AM)

QUOTE(LovinLiberia @ Feb 18 2008, 11:01 AM)

Trust me, MENA is on a whole 'nother level. We still have a long way to go compared to them.

yeah but they've been awfully quiet lately

*gasp* The world must be truly coming to an end in that case.

charles!

Feb 18 2008, 12:05 PM

QUOTE(LovinLiberia @ Feb 18 2008, 11:03 AM)

QUOTE(charlesandnessa @ Feb 18 2008, 11:02 AM)

QUOTE(LovinLiberia @ Feb 18 2008, 11:01 AM)

Trust me, MENA is on a whole 'nother level. We still have a long way to go compared to them.

yeah but they've been awfully quiet lately

*gasp* The world must be truly coming to an end in that case.

tell me about it. not seen a locked thread over there in over a month now.

Zee Bee

Feb 18 2008, 12:26 PM

QUOTE(charlesandnessa @ Feb 18 2008, 11:59 AM)

this is better than mena

Charles

charles!

Feb 18 2008, 12:30 PM

QUOTE(ZeeNusah @ Feb 18 2008, 11:26 AM)

QUOTE(charlesandnessa @ Feb 18 2008, 11:59 AM)

this is better than mena

Charles

currently.......there's not much going on in mena right now

Divine Mercy

Feb 18 2008, 01:29 PM

QUOTE(charlesandnessa @ Feb 18 2008, 12:30 PM)

QUOTE(ZeeNusah @ Feb 18 2008, 11:26 AM)

QUOTE(charlesandnessa @ Feb 18 2008, 11:59 AM)

this is better than mena

Charles

currently.......there's not much going on in mena right now

1) what is mena?

2) I took the liberty of reading all of Idocare's posts back to 2006 (which is all i could easily access). I have the day off and I wasted much of it

bad me.
The reason I wanted to read them all was because she has been asked repeatedly to give details regarding the scam her husband inflicted upon her yet the same bland generalizations were repeated time and time again. I thought maybe she was tired of naming the "red flags" that popped up in her relationship. That is not the case. The earlier posts were at times supportive and not about scammers at all. Her posts used to be nice and friendly. As time passes however one can see the increasing hostility and tunnel vision. I am not going to speculate why that is, it really isn't my place to diagnose someone. The scam topic is woven into threads that were intended to relay happy news of other VJers. It turned my stomach to see the black cloud hovering over such joy.
In one earlier post, she mentioned that there were red flags that she closed her eyes to (i'm paraphrasing) yet she did not name them, which would be of use to newbies and even not so newbies. I have come to agree that her purpose here is no longer to be of help (if that were true, why hasn't she filled in her timeline??)

I did learn a wee bit about this abusive spouse thing she talks about and it is something good to keep in mind, if not for ourselves but for others that may have similar issues, so we can pass the word along. I guess what I'm trying to say is, Idocare.. for once, please tell your actual story. Tell us the red flags. Tell us what we could be looking out for rather than just saying .. you wont know till its too late. How is that helpful? Tell us the story, stop dropping seeds of doubt all over the forum and give us something to really use to get the bigger picture. And please stop ignoring our requests for you to do just that.

Thanks.

charles!

Feb 18 2008, 01:45 PM

QUOTE(Divine Mercy @ Feb 18 2008, 12:29 PM)

QUOTE(charlesandnessa @ Feb 18 2008, 12:30 PM)

QUOTE(ZeeNusah @ Feb 18 2008, 11:26 AM)

QUOTE(charlesandnessa @ Feb 18 2008, 11:59 AM)

this is better than mena

Charles

currently.......there's not much going on in mena right now

1) what is mena?

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showforum=97

Divine Mercy

Feb 18 2008, 01:47 PM

QUOTE(charlesandnessa @ Feb 18 2008, 01:45 PM)

QUOTE(Divine Mercy @ Feb 18 2008, 12:29 PM)

QUOTE(charlesandnessa @ Feb 18 2008, 12:30 PM)

QUOTE(ZeeNusah @ Feb 18 2008, 11:26 AM)

QUOTE(charlesandnessa @ Feb 18 2008, 11:59 AM)

this is better than mena

Charles

currently.......there's not much going on in mena right now

1) what is mena?

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showforum=97

OOOOOOOOOH thanks!

charles!

Feb 18 2008, 01:51 PM

QUOTE(Divine Mercy @ Feb 18 2008, 12:47 PM)

QUOTE(charlesandnessa @ Feb 18 2008, 01:45 PM)

QUOTE(Divine Mercy @ Feb 18 2008, 12:29 PM)

QUOTE(charlesandnessa @ Feb 18 2008, 12:30 PM)

QUOTE(ZeeNusah @ Feb 18 2008, 11:26 AM)

QUOTE(charlesandnessa @ Feb 18 2008, 11:59 AM)

this is better than mena

Charles

currently.......there's not much going on in mena right now

1) what is mena?

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showforum=97

OOOOOOOOOH thanks!

and nobody can fight like the mena girls

Bassi and Zainab

Feb 18 2008, 02:51 PM

QUOTE(idocare @ Feb 17 2008, 10:35 PM)

Everyone has a right to their oppinon. You all can say this and you can say that concerning my demeanor, how my divorce has affected me so much or that you feel that I still hold alot of anger. As I said many times I don't care about that. Your oppinon of me, does nothing for me.

Some did strike a cord with me today I'll admit that. I like the susgestion of you all ignoring my posts and just letting me be. I'm hoping that the few that don't like my threads adhere to your advice.

I,m going to be me, and if I feel a need to share some information I'll do that. As for me telling all that I have been thru with Victor isn't necessary as I don't have to justify my post to anyone in here. I'll share what I want to share period. Some understand my post some don't.

Thanks for bringing to the attention of this board that they don't have to read or reply any of my posting if they find the content offensive.

As I said earlier, this was the first post that I've read that you've started that I didn't find offensive. You stated your story and didn't accuse or attack others. I read it in the vein for what it was. But for some reason you got ANGRY and VICIOUS. Boaz, says she understands your frustration, but I guess I don't. When I went through the fires with my ex-husband people in my church and family stood against me because no matter how he hit me or stole from me or hurt me or my daughter, it was not "godly" to divorce your husband. I stood against those people who I cared about and loved because I knew I was right and I knew that I had met with my Lord and had His support. The only one that mattered. You freaked out over the opinions of strangers. Why? I just don't get it. Why would you start a post in a relatively peaceful manner and then totally flip out over what strangers post? You gave it energy and power. That's a personal choice. I still don't understand why you chose to do that. It seems like a waste of time from what you claim you want to do.

Regarding knowing what you and your ex went through, if you intention is to show signs then identify the signs. There was another poster, southernchic or gal or something like that, who posted concrete things that her ex did that she didn't identify but believes were red flags. I think that's useful if your goal is to help someone prevent themselves from being scammed. It's obviously your choice to share or not share. I'm mostly thinking about what you state your goals are, versus what you are actually achieving.

Bassi and Zainab

Feb 18 2008, 02:57 PM

QUOTE(Divine Mercy @ Feb 18 2008, 01:29 PM)

2) I took the liberty of reading all of Idocare's posts back to 2006 (which is all i could easily access). I have the day off and I wasted much of it

bad me.
The reason I wanted to read them all was because she has been asked repeatedly to give details regarding the scam her husband inflicted upon her yet the same bland generalizations were repeated time and time again. I thought maybe she was tired of naming the "red flags" that popped up in her relationship. That is not the case. The earlier posts were at times supportive and not about scammers at all. Her posts used to be nice and friendly. As time passes however one can see the increasing hostility and tunnel vision. I am not going to speculate why that is, it really isn't my place to diagnose someone. The scam topic is woven into threads that were intended to relay happy news of other VJers. It turned my stomach to see the black cloud hovering over such joy.
In one earlier post, she mentioned that there were red flags that she closed her eyes to (i'm paraphrasing) yet she did not name them, which would be of use to newbies and even not so newbies. I have come to agree that her purpose here is no longer to be of help (if that were true, why hasn't she filled in her timeline??)

I did learn a wee bit about this abusive spouse thing she talks about and it is something good to keep in mind, if not for ourselves but for others that may have similar issues, so we can pass the word along. I guess what I'm trying to say is, Idocare.. for once, please tell your actual story. Tell us the red flags. Tell us what we could be looking out for rather than just saying .. you wont know till its too late. How is that helpful? Tell us the story, stop dropping seeds of doubt all over the forum and give us something to really use to get the bigger picture. And please stop ignoring our requests for you to do just that.

Thanks.

Looks like we were posting similar thoughts at the same time. Well, I agree with you since I posted just about the same thing.

Boaz

Feb 18 2008, 03:09 PM

QUOTE(Bassi and Zainab @ Feb 18 2008, 02:51 PM)

QUOTE(idocare @ Feb 17 2008, 10:35 PM)

Everyone has a right to their oppinon. You all can say this and you can say that concerning my demeanor, how my divorce has affected me so much or that you feel that I still hold alot of anger. As I said many times I don't care about that. Your oppinon of me, does nothing for me.

Some did strike a cord with me today I'll admit that. I like the susgestion of you all ignoring my posts and just letting me be. I'm hoping that the few that don't like my threads adhere to your advice.

I,m going to be me, and if I feel a need to share some information I'll do that. As for me telling all that I have been thru with Victor isn't necessary as I don't have to justify my post to anyone in here. I'll share what I want to share period. Some understand my post some don't.

Thanks for bringing to the attention of this board that they don't have to read or reply any of my posting if they find the content offensive.

As I said earlier, this was the first post that I've read that you've started that I didn't find offensive. You stated your story and didn't accuse or attack others. I read it in the vein for what it was. But for some reason you got ANGRY and VICIOUS. Boaz, says she understands your frustration, but I guess I don't. When I went through the fires with my ex-husband people in my church and family stood against me because no matter how he hit me or stole from me or hurt me or my daughter, it was not "godly" to divorce your husband. I stood against those people who I cared about and loved because I knew I was right and I knew that I had met with my Lord and had His support. The only one that mattered. You freaked out over the opinions of strangers. Why? I just don't get it. Why would you start a post in a relatively peaceful manner and then totally flip out over what strangers post? You gave it energy and power. That's a personal choice. I still don't understand why you chose to do that. It seems like a waste of time from what you claim you want to do.

Regarding knowing what you and your ex went through, if you intention is to show signs then identify the signs. There was another poster, southernchic or gal or something like that, who posted concrete things that her ex did that she didn't identify but believes were red flags. I think that's useful if your goal is to help someone prevent themselves from being scammed. It's obviously your choice to share or not share. I'm mostly thinking about what you state your goals are, versus what you are actually achieving.

I can appreciate your feedback. In addition to pointing out that I said I understood why she was starting to get upset, I also want to make a point of restating another comment I made (similiar to what you mentioned) ...Idocare "But remember .... don't let others throw you off track. You started this topic in a positive manner, and allowed others with different opinions to throw you off track. Ignore them."
Thanks.

Omoba

Feb 18 2008, 03:58 PM

Generally speaking, it is my observation that details will not be forthcoming because it would shed a bad light on the teller of the story. The poster then would be forced to take full responsibility of his/her choices and face the music.
As I said in another thread, some people can not look within and need to project outward as a coping mechanism.
It takes courage to say I messed up myself versus it's all his fault.
In many people this courage and honesty is lacking or they are simply not ready to work through the pain and use destructive methods as
a soother, which is a type of emotional purging and projecting their pain on others.

Peace !

charles!

Feb 18 2008, 04:36 PM

everyone play nice now or i'll post my hairy back pics

Omoba

Feb 18 2008, 04:40 PM

Go for it Charles, that will do it !

Nagishkaw

Feb 18 2008, 04:42 PM

QUOTE(Omoba @ Feb 18 2008, 03:58 PM)

Generally speaking, it is my observation that details will not be forthcoming because it would shed a bad light on the teller of the story. The poster then would be forced to take full responsibility of his/her choices and face the music.
As I said in another thread, some people can not look within and need to project outward as a coping mechanism.
It takes courage to say I messed up myself versus it's all his fault.
In many people this courage and honesty is lacking or they are simply not ready to work through the pain and use destructive methods as
a soother, which is a type of emotional purging and projecting their pain on others.

Peace !

That is a good observation, and one I can agree with.

Boaz

Feb 18 2008, 05:47 PM

QUOTE(charlesandnessa @ Feb 18 2008, 04:36 PM)

everyone play nice now or i'll post my hairy back pics

idocare

Feb 18 2008, 06:53 PM

What are you all fishing for ? In the very first post I told my story, what, you didn't like it. Did it leave you feeling empty ? What ? In another post I posted warning sign to watch for that I and others on this forum have personally experienced before our husbands left us, Bensangin also posted here experience I believe within that same topic. I believe the topic was titled Warning Signs.

Boaz, I can remember you posting the story of your relative. I can also remember personally speaking to others on the phone that were going thru similar situations as mine. 3 of the VJ ladies that I regularly talked to on the phone were granted visa around the same time as my ex-husband was. Our men all arrived here in the states within months of each other, 2 of the women had filed a K-3, the other was a K-1 like myself. All together there are 4 women including me. One is still married, the rest of us divorced within the first 2-years. What us ladies realized from talking to one another on the phone is that although we were in different states, ( all of our husbands were from Nigeria ) our husbands seemed to be persenting similar behaviors as the days turned into months and so on. After I was divorced, I decided to post my story here in VJ Then one day Bensangin posted her story, her husband arrived around the same time as mines, however I only knew her thru reading her post as she was waiting for her husband, I never talked to her over the phone. The other ladies didn't want to post there story as they are still trying to recover from the financial/ mental mess they were left with.

I have posted my story, it's the first thread on here. I have also posted what I thought were warning signs, I can only post what I have experienced or have been told to me by others. Boaz speaks of knowing people that have been used by GC seeking people and her marriage is fine. She has no hidden agenda neither do I. If I didn't provide you enough information in my post maybe you could look up Boaz's old post, or Bensangin, then if you really have some time I would susgest you read tito's post (male ), mercury1 post, and finally ogle's post. We have all posted what we feel needs to heard. None of the named people including me, have flat out said DON"T MARRY YOUR MATE we have given testimony or advice. Just as everyone don't look the same: everyone don't express themselves the same.

Finally, how you choose to interpret the messages is up to you. If you find that the message isn't beneficial to you just leave the message somebody else may be able to find something they can use from it's content.

I'm still waiting for some that accused me of Constant " Nigerian Bashing" to show me that thread. It's so easy to accuse people of things, where is your proof ?

Divine Mercy

Feb 18 2008, 07:07 PM

QUOTE(idocare @ Feb 18 2008, 06:53 PM)

What are you all fishing for ? In the very first post I told my story, what, you didn't like it. Did it leave you feeling empty ? What ? In another post I posted warning sign to watch for that I and others on this forum have personally experienced before our husbands left us, Bensangin also posted here experience I believe within that same topic. I believe the topic was titled Warning Signs.

Boaz, I can remember you posting the story of your relative. I can also remember personally speaking to others on the phone that were going thru similar situations as mine. 3 of the VJ ladies that I regularly talked to on the phone were granted visa around the same time as my ex-husband was. Our men all arrived here in the states within months of each other, 2 of the women had filed a K-3, the other was a K-1 like myself. All together there are 4 women including me. One is still married, the rest of us divorced within the first 2-years. What us ladies realized from talking to one another on the phone is that although we were in different states, ( all of our husbands were from Nigeria ) our husbands seemed to be persenting similar behaviors as the days turned into months and so on. After I was divorced, I decided to post my story here in VJ Then one day Bensangin posted her story, her husband arrived around the same time as mines, however I only know her thru reading her post as she was waiting for her husband, I never talked to her over the phone. The other ladies didn't want to post there story as they are still trying to recover from the financial/ mental mess they were left with.

I have posted my story, it's the first thread on here. I have also posted what I thought were warning signs, I can only post what I have experienced or have been told to me by others. Boaz speaks of knowing people that have been used by GC seeking people and her marriage is fine. She has no hidden agenda neither do I. If I didn't provide you enough information in my post maybe you could look up Boaz's old post, or Bensangin, then if you really have some time I would susgest you read tito's post (male ), mercury1 post, and finally ogle's post. We have all posted what we feel needs to heard. None of the named people including me, have flat out said DON"T MARRY YOUR MATE we have given testimony or advice. Just as everyone don't look the same: everyone don't express themselves the same.

Finally, how you choose to interpret the messages is up to you. If you find that the message isn't beneficial to you just leave the message somebody else may be able to find something they can use from it's content.

I'm still waiting for some that accused me of Constant " Nigerian Bashing" to show me that thread. It's so easy to accuse people of things, where is your proof ?

Leave us feeling empty? no. More like confused as to what led to this and what you may have seen in the past that would have been easily seen as fraud while wearing hindsight goggles. I'm thinking those goggles wouldn't shed a pretty light on you and Omoba knows more than she's willing to embarrass you with (that alone shows her good heart).

Biblical prophets who foretell of doom usually follow a similar formula...

If you do this.. that will happen. If you don't stop doing this.. that will happen.
They also name the signs that occur before doomsday arrives. I'm not saying that you are anything even remotely similar to a biblical prophet except in the fact that you profess the impending disaster that awaits us. The only denominator that you have presented which results in disaster is the fact that the men are Nigerian. I have not seen you bash Nigerians in general. Yet I wonder what conclusions you want people to draw when that is the only factor you have used to label scammers as opposed to something more constructive like... he always asked for money/presents/whatever... he disappeared for weeks at a time... something.. ANYTHING? And yes, I have read all of your posts (much to my own dismay). I have not seen any red flags being named.

Your role here is not that of prophet but troll. I for one will not be feeding you again.

Efia06

Feb 18 2008, 07:23 PM

QUOTE(idocare @ Feb 18 2008, 03:53 PM)

What are you all fishing for ? In the very first post I told my story, what, you didn't like it. Did it leave you feeling empty ? What ? In another post I posted warning sign to watch for that I and others on this forum have personally experienced before our husbands left us, Bensangin also posted here experience I believe within that same topic. I believe the topic was titled Warning Signs.

Boaz, I can remember you posting the story of your relative. I can also remember personally speaking to others on the phone that were going thru similar situations as mine. 3 of the VJ ladies that I regularly talked to on the phone were granted visa around the same time as my ex-husband was. Our men all arrived here in the states within months of each other, 2 of the women had filed a K-3, the other was a K-1 like myself. All together there are 4 women including me. One is still married, the rest of us divorced within the first 2-years. What us ladies realized from talking to one another on the phone is that although we were in different states, ( all of our husbands were from Nigeria ) our husbands seemed to be persenting similar behaviors as the days turned into months and so on. After I was divorced, I decided to post my story here in VJ Then one day Bensangin posted her story, her husband arrived around the same time as mines, however I only know her thru reading her post as she was waiting for her husband, I never talked to her over the phone. The other ladies didn't want to post there story as they are still trying to recover from the financial/ mental mess they were left with.

I have posted my story, it's the first thread on here. I have also posted what I thought were warning signs, I can only post what I have experienced or have been told to me by others. Boaz speaks of knowing people that have been used by GC seeking people and her marriage is fine. She has no hidden agenda neither do I. If I didn't provide you enough information in my post maybe you could look up Boaz's old post, or Bensangin, then if you really have some time I would susgest you read tito's post (male ), mercury1 post, and finally ogle's post. We have all posted what we feel needs to heard. None of the named people including me, have flat out said DON"T MARRY YOUR MATE we have given testimony or advice. Just as everyone don't look the same: everyone don't express themselves the same.

Finally, how you choose to interpret the messages is up to you. If you find that the message isn't beneficial to you just leave the message somebody else may be able to find something they can use from it's content.

I'm still waiting for some that accused me of Constant " Nigerian Bashing" to show me that thread. It's so easy to accuse people of things, where is your proof ?

Ido, I agree you dont nigerian bash. I think you can be equally negative about men from other african regions as well. My husband is Ghanaian and you implied he was a scammer. i look forward to Bsagin's posts. She seems to really enjoy reading of others joys and offers encouragment when needed. She doesnt try to make you feel stupid for being in a relationship here. She doesnt imply that we are blind. She is hilarious! She really puts her heart into her posts and tells of the pain and how she dealt with it. Its empowering to read what she has gone through and see how it hasnt stolen her joy,sense of humor and hasnt embittered her. She is a strong woman. Any one who can survive that kind of experience and come out laughing is my kind of hero. Your posts are like her's... minus the joy, sense of humor and compassion. You could learn something from her.

Perseverance

Feb 18 2008, 07:30 PM

I stand corrected,

after reading all of your posts, I see you bash men equaly.

I can admit when I am wrong...

LovinLiberia

Feb 18 2008, 07:32 PM

Dang, I said I would keep out....This came from November 25th in Heather's Goodbye Thread:

Heather sorry to say that this sounds all to familiar. IF YOUR HUSBAND IS TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM U . you can expect lots of disarray in your near future, with the results ending in him moving out. So sorry to say that many people that have been members in the past of this same forum, fell in love over the internet in such a short time then ran to Nigeria to meet their " true love "

Once bringing these men here and app;ying for their adjustment of statis or they receive their green card things seems to change , now th little arguments/ misunderstandings become blown up and the person that you brought here is no longer the same person. They become confrontative, secretivr, and manipulative towards u, u probably feel as tho he thinks your the enemy.

Trust me many that went thru the journey with me back in 2004 r no longer with their Nigerian husbands. NOT ALL but for many americans both women and men, it just a plot for us Americans to assist them in getting out of Nigeria; a total scam. Unfortunately for us Americans we don't find out that we've been scammed until it's too late, they r here have their green card and now ready to get out of this marriage and go their way.

You think that this Nigerian threats u like the enemy sometimes is because in their mind u r the enemy, they no that they have love or someone back home that they want to be with, and they r patient enough to do what's required to get to America, and if it means marrying u then so be it, they aren't afraid of marriage, and they know it's something that only temporary, and that they don't have to stay married once here in America.

Us Americans r too trusting and some Nigerians are too manipultive so u won't see it coming until they r ready to move on and end the marriage, But in the mean time you will have a great visit in Nigeria everyone will treat u with respect and you will be the only person that don't know he's just marrying u for visa benifits, heck his girlfriend/wife in Nigeria may be sitting in the room with you all being introduced as his cousin or someone.

I know cause it's happened to me and many friends that I met here on this site. So I just want too caution u all that if it seems to good to be tru and u found true love on the net from ANY other country it just may not be true, or it wait , it will be true for a period of time, cause they need u to sign for their papers. or to get them a visa to come into America.

You mean to tell me that there is no bashing of Nigerians (and others) in that one post? I don't have time to find the others.

Nagishkaw

Feb 18 2008, 07:39 PM

Good recon, LovinLiberia.

Perseverance....

Bassi and Zainab

Feb 18 2008, 08:25 PM

QUOTE(idocare @ Feb 18 2008, 06:53 PM)

What are you all fishing for ? In the very first post I told my story, what, you didn't like it. Did it leave you feeling empty ? What ? In another post I posted warning sign to watch for that I and others on this forum have personally experienced before our husbands left us, Bensangin also posted here experience I believe within that same topic. I believe the topic was titled Warning Signs.

Boaz, I can remember you posting the story of your relative. I can also remember personally speaking to others on the phone that were going thru similar situations as mine. 3 of the VJ ladies that I regularly talked to on the phone were granted visa around the same time as my ex-husband was. Our men all arrived here in the states within months of each other, 2 of the women had filed a K-3, the other was a K-1 like myself. All together there are 4 women including me. One is still married, the rest of us divorced within the first 2-years. What us ladies realized from talking to one another on the phone is that although we were in different states, ( all of our husbands were from Nigeria ) our husbands seemed to be persenting similar behaviors as the days turned into months and so on. After I was divorced, I decided to post my story here in VJ Then one day Bensangin posted her story, her husband arrived around the same time as mines, however I only knew her thru reading her post as she was waiting for her husband, I never talked to her over the phone. The other ladies didn't want to post there story as they are still trying to recover from the financial/ mental mess they were left with.

I have posted my story, it's the first thread on here. I have also posted what I thought were warning signs, I can only post what I have experienced or have been told to me by others. Boaz speaks of knowing people that have been used by GC seeking people and her marriage is fine. She has no hidden agenda neither do I. If I didn't provide you enough information in my post maybe you could look up Boaz's old post, or Bensangin, then if you really have some time I would susgest you read tito's post (male ), mercury1 post, and finally ogle's post. We have all posted what we feel needs to heard. None of the named people including me, have flat out said DON"T MARRY YOUR MATE we have given testimony or advice. Just as everyone don't look the same: everyone don't express themselves the same.

Finally, how you choose to interpret the messages is up to you. If you find that the message isn't beneficial to you just leave the message somebody else may be able to find something they can use from it's content.

I'm still waiting for some that accused me of Constant " Nigerian Bashing" to show me that thread. It's so easy to accuse people of things, where is your proof ?

Sweetie, that was my point. I've read tito's story. I've read Bensagin's story. Clue into the fact that they aren't you. Your posts can't help if they don't provide information. You don't say in your posts that you're posting to tell people to go read tito's story because tito actually provided warning signs and actions that your SO might do that could be leading to more. You post saying, scammers are out there and I know because I suffered at the hands of one so beware.

Beware of what?

Omoba

Feb 18 2008, 08:31 PM

QUOTE(Efia06 @ Feb 18 2008, 08:23 PM)

QUOTE(idocare @ Feb 18 2008, 03:53 PM)

What are you all fishing for ? In the very first post I told my story, what, you didn't like it. Did it leave you feeling empty ? What ? In another post I posted warning sign to watch for that I and others on this forum have personally experienced before our husbands left us, Bensangin also posted here experience I believe within that same topic. I believe the topic was titled Warning Signs.

Boaz, I can remember you posting the story of your relative. I can also remember personally speaking to others on the phone that were going thru similar situations as mine. 3 of the VJ ladies that I regularly talked to on the phone were granted visa around the same time as my ex-husband was. Our men all arrived here in the states within months of each other, 2 of the women had filed a K-3, the other was a K-1 like myself. All together there are 4 women including me. One is still married, the rest of us divorced within the first 2-years. What us ladies realized from talking to one another on the phone is that although we were in different states, ( all of our husbands were from Nigeria ) our husbands seemed to be persenting similar behaviors as the days turned into months and so on. After I was divorced, I decided to post my story here in VJ Then one day Bensangin posted her story, her husband arrived around the same time as mines, however I only know her thru reading her post as she was waiting for her husband, I never talked to her over the phone. The other ladies didn't want to post there story as they are still trying to recover from the financial/ mental mess they were left with.

I have posted my story, it's the first thread on here. I have also posted what I thought were warning signs, I can only post what I have experienced or have been told to me by others. Boaz speaks of knowing people that have been used by GC seeking people and her marriage is fine. She has no hidden agenda neither do I. If I didn't provide you enough information in my post maybe you could look up Boaz's old post, or Bensangin, then if you really have some time I would susgest you read tito's post (male ), mercury1 post, and finally ogle's post. We have all posted what we feel needs to heard. None of the named people including me, have flat out said DON"T MARRY YOUR MATE we have given testimony or advice. Just as everyone don't look the same: everyone don't express themselves the same.

Finally, how you choose to interpret the messages is up to you. If you find that the message isn't beneficial to you just leave the message somebody else may be able to find something they can use from it's content.

I'm still waiting for some that accused me of Constant " Nigerian Bashing" to show me that thread. It's so easy to accuse people of things, where is your proof ?

Ido, I agree you dont nigerian bash. I think you can be equally negative about men from other african regions as well. My husband is Ghanaian and you implied he was a scammer. i look forward to Bsagin's posts. She seems to really enjoy reading of others joys and offers encouragment when needed. She doesnt try to make you feel stupid for being in a relationship here. She doesnt imply that we are blind. She is hilarious! She really puts her heart into her posts and tells of the pain and how she dealt with it. Its empowering to read what she has gone through and see how it hasnt stolen her joy,sense of humor and hasnt embittered her. She is a strong woman. Any one who can survive that kind of experience and come out laughing is my kind of hero. Your posts are like her's... minus the joy, sense of humor and compassion. You could learn something from her.

Add me to the list as I was told my SO probably has 2 or 3 wives and the sun WILL go down on my parade, and I will find out
that he is deceptive...........in this thread !!!!
I was also addressed in a previous post about background checks. I have no motivation to dig it all up but it is there.
That is not bashing ?

typee0

Feb 18 2008, 08:41 PM

Point Blank, there comes a time in(life) when we have to look, evaluate our self and say":how did I allow this to happen". We can not blame no one. for anything. That includes God. He gives us free will. There also comes a time to get over things. We all have dealt with devastating blows in life. But in order to heal you must look to the God of peace. Sometimes, when you can not share with family members or close family out of embarassment you will go where it is most comfortable. The air has many pollutants in it. But we continue to breath each moment.
When telling your story: becomes beratement it can not be recieved by others. Wrath and Anger only turns away people.

BassiZainab is always supportive, and so is Oomba. The OP allowed herself to get the best of herself and basically said nothing over and over. yes your story has been repeated. I too have had phone conversations about your story with vjer's. people have empathy towards you not so much as sympathy. The focus is basically a child involved and the childs welfare is the utmost concern. So since Victor is a Doctor, Have him step up and do the proper thing and get on with your life. There is a world outside of VJ. Majority of the time it is best to step away from the things that was apart of the process of the pain.
Be prepared next time to comments to your posts, people are entitled to their comments/posts as you are. People are also entitled to ignore those they chose to.

Health and Wellness Always.

Omoba

Feb 18 2008, 09:11 PM

QUOTE(LovinLiberia @ Feb 18 2008, 08:32 PM)

Dang, I said I would keep out....This came from November 25th in Heather's Goodbye Thread:

Heather sorry to say that this sounds all to familiar. IF YOUR HUSBAND IS TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM U . you can expect lots of disarray in your near future, with the results ending in him moving out. So sorry to say that many people that have been members in the past of this same forum, fell in love over the internet in such a short time then ran to Nigeria to meet their " true love "

Once bringing these men here and app;ying for their adjustment of statis or they receive their green card things seems to change , now th little arguments/ misunderstandings become blown up and the person that you brought here is no longer the same person. They become confrontative, secretivr, and manipulative towards u, u probably feel as tho he thinks your the enemy.

Trust me many that went thru the journey with me back in 2004 r no longer with their Nigerian husbands. NOT ALL but for many americans both women and men, it just a plot for us Americans to assist them in getting out of Nigeria; a total scam. Unfortunately for us Americans we don't find out that we've been scammed until it's too late, they r here have their green card and now ready to get out of this marriage and go their way.

You think that this Nigerian threats u like the enemy sometimes is because in their mind u r the enemy, they no that they have love or someone back home that they want to be with, and they r patient enough to do what's required to get to America, and if it means marrying u then so be it, they aren't afraid of marriage, and they know it's something that only temporary, and that they don't have to stay married once here in America.

Us Americans r too trusting and some Nigerians are too manipultive so u won't see it coming until they r ready to move on and end the marriage, But in the mean time you will have a great visit in Nigeria everyone will treat u with respect and you will be the only person that don't know he's just marrying u for visa benifits, heck his girlfriend/wife in Nigeria may be sitting in the room with you all being introduced as his cousin or someone.

I know cause it's happened to me and many friends that I met here on this site. So I just want too caution u all that if it seems to good to be tru and u found true love on the net from ANY other country it just may not be true, or it wait , it will be true for a period of time, cause they need u to sign for their papers. or to get them a visa to come into America.

You mean to tell me that there is no bashing of Nigerians (and others) in that one post? I don't have time to find the others.

I think this is an excellent example of the bitter driving force behind 'warnings."
Heather had a short bump in the road and all is very well now.
We should surround such situations in a calming supporting and prayerful manner so the individual going through the bumps
is able to get resolve and clarity on their own, without injecting doubt when there is no reason to.
Non of us should feel we know a couple's trouble so well that we play therapist and sow the seeds of doubt when the problem
is a minor hiccup.
There are enough naysayers out there with some family and friends who don't understand the adjusting period and you would
think one can find this here.
Now once a person has decided to divorce then some may need help on how to proceed but still most are very capable
of figuring out the next step and leave any baby momma drama behind. Sometimes another perspective from someone is needed.
Some will be hurt and need support here and tell their story and that is fine. I have helped such woman here and they are sweet people and courageous who try to pick themselves off the ground.
That is another point, we are strong intelligent woman who know red flags when we see them, we are informed, educated
and still if some chose to ignore a red flag deal with issues later by facing responsibility and being accountable with choices they made. Sometimes it works and sometimes it won't.
I don't understand the assumption that we do not understand red flags or that we need warnings, we are not 16 and most are internationally well versed and travelled to "get it" on our own.
On the other hand I do find threads of red flags very good advice for those who may not know about them. I guess I am being assumptious on this matter and forget that there are woman who don't know and live in a fairy tale world.
Just my thoughts and opinions. Everybody has one and this is mine. I am not saying don't do this but do this so don't
misunderstand me.
My focus is on how do we make it better, how do we improve and adjust to have good marriages. What can I do to make things better within myself ? Where do I need help ? What are my shortcomings that are disrespectful to my SO ?
Not how do we prepare for doom that is sure to come when it isn't.
To me that is paranoia and unbelief and it may be better for someone with such distrust to remain single.
It is backwards to me.

jundp

Feb 18 2008, 09:23 PM

All right, my SO is from Europe and not Africa, but like many of you, I've read these posts before. I find most of the posters here to be supportive and kind to each other and no one has ever treated me like crap for posting in "your" forum, instead everyone is welcoming. I've been following this thread now and I I have to just say:

I met my SO on the internet. Does that mean we're doomed too? Or is it just if your SO is from Africa? And is it just sub-Saharan Africa?
To the OP, you don't sound like you are being supportive or trying to help anyone. Even those of us who don't have SO's from Nigeria are well aware of the scammers out there. They come from many other areas too and they aren't just men. I am sorry for your pain, but I don't understand why you are assuming that EVERYONE is going to suffer the same fate without actually sharing any concrete and helpful information?

Omoba

Feb 18 2008, 09:33 PM

QUOTE(typee0 @ Feb 18 2008, 09:41 PM)

Point Blank, there comes a time in(life) when we have to look, evaluate our self and say":how did I allow this to happen". We can not blame no one. for anything. That includes God. He gives us free will. There also comes a time to get over things. We all have dealt with devastating blows in life. But in order to heal you must look to the God of peace. Sometimes, when you can not share with family members or close family out of embarassment you will go where it is most comfortable. The air has many pollutants in it. But we continue to breath each moment.
When telling your story: becomes beratement it can not be recieved by others. Wrath and Anger only turns away people.

BassiZainab is always supportive, and so is Oomba. The OP allowed herself to get the best of herself and basically said nothing over and over. yes your story has been repeated. I too have had phone conversations about your story with vjer's. people have empathy towards you not so much as sympathy. The focus is basically a child involved and the childs welfare is the utmost concern. So since Victor is a Doctor, Have him step up and do the proper thing and get on with your life. There is a world outside of VJ. Majority of the time it is best to step away from the things that was apart of the process of the pain.
Be prepared next time to comments to your posts, people are entitled to their comments/posts as you are. People are also entitled to ignore those they chose to.

Health and Wellness Always.

Well said.
If I may respectfully mention that there being a child involved breaks my heart. You mentioned the child, why oh why must children of broken homes suffer so these days and grow up without a father figure as role model everywhere in America.
Therfore I do not quiet understand why the motivation to deport the father is so strong and the possibility of the child
growing up without the father ( see the what would you do thread ).
I would want the child's well deserved child support and the oportunity to get to know the father and culture and not
get hung up on deport proceedings but let USCIS handle their job and if they decide he stays then the child gets to see him.
It is very unusual for an African father to not want to see his first born son and I wonder if or what steps were taken to
make that issue a fiasco.
I was not there so I don't know and am not judging, just making a comment. I hope and pray that no
threats were used as often is the case, the child becomes the weapon of power and manipulation these days due to unresolved issues between the parents. It is the child that suffers most and that breaks my heart.