He asked for people's opinion, he should expect that. People would judge, that was also expected. I'm sure he was aware of that when he posted here and he's a big man, he can handle it.

i have known robert case since i was on nsc awhile back..i am truly sorry as you have had a difficult time getting her here...with the nsc...etc. i wish you the best..ignore the chopf##ks that love to kick a person when they are down to inflate their small azz ego ..and i wish you the best..dean

I also think this point cannot be ignored, to do so or to attack it is jusy naivety. Having said that we all know this is not true in the the majority of large age difference cases, but sometimes and with some nationalities, very sadly it is. Robert as I said before very sorry and wish you an easy route out.

This is where the bigotry and narrow-mindedness comes to the surface. Where in Robert's posting has he ever mentioned the age difference as the *defacto* causal element in this unfortunate situation?

Unfortunately, it only exists in the minds of some readers of this thread. A few here assume this to be the reason for possible fraud. Could it be that she simply never loved him, regardless of age?

For those of you that do not know the definition of bigot here it is;

Could it be that you are hypersensitive this because of the age spread in your own relationship? No one ever said that a large age spread would necessarily indicate fraud. There's no reason for name calling here. And thank you for the dictionary definition, but I think most of us are aware of what a bigot is.

I've said what I think and I am not going to get into flaming on this sad thread. Plus you are wasting your time trying to reason with this person Jenn!

No I'm not hypersensitive. I do not subscribe to bigotry of any kind. I am white and my wife is black in addition to the age difference.


I suggest you go back and read all the postings before you comment as you clearly aren't doing that.

Once again, my apologies to Robert.

You're right!

You cannot "reason" with me because the lot of you have the same presumption that most western women have......
like I said, bigots.

I saw Robert on this thread about 2 hours ago. I'm pretty sure that hashing the age difference isn't doing anything to help him feel less embarrassed about his situation. And it doesn't matter if he shouldn't feel embarrassed....he said he was - those are his feelings - and right now he could use our support.

Aye, Rebecca.

And you, sir, - could you try being a little less pompous? Unless it's too much bother to come off your self-appointed pillar?

The man needs support - what he does not need is people sitting in judgement.... how can anyone presume to know what is what with regard to another person's relationship? If you can't be supportive keep quiet.

So sorry to hear about what you are going through Robert (((((HUGS)))))

your point is diminished with comments like this....

I actually agree with what I "think" is your main point, that age shouldn't have been mentioned...it was just very rude.


Robert, sorry to hear this happened to you..no one deserves to be lied to.


spot on! lol

That is totally rude! There are oppurtunist everywhere and it have nothing to do with age! C'mon grow up!

Robert, the MAJORITY of us hope that you take care of yourself first and foremost and we feel bad about what has happened.

Take care.

Sorry to hear of your problems Robert. I agree with the posters who advised you to document what is going on and to contact ICE right away.

To those of you who have turned this thread in to a train wreck, shame on you.

Robert,

You seriously need to talk to her.

Some people go online to have a laugh and say completely crazy, ridiculous things simply because they're bored! Before you end this, TALK TO HER. She might have just been messing around. Lots of people LIE on the internet. I mean, back when I used to use instant messenger, I had guys constantly pming me telling me they were princes of their home country. Now, sure...maybe one or two of them actually were princes (doubt it), but the fact is, I can almost promise you that most of them were lying...and probably just to have some fun.

Now, I'm not saying her e-flirting was morally right...but neither was your spying.

Whatever happens, I wish you luck and peace.

First of all; why did this turn from one thing into a complete other thing?

Ok, now onto the true subject matter.

Robert:

report her butt right away to the 'CIS and ICE. Do not confront her, nor question anything at all. Just let it be, play dumb, don't tell her anything about your suspicions and much less about reporting her to the proper authorities. Do all of this behind her back. Document everything you can and if there are any e-mails or messenger conversations you saved, print them out and send them off. After doing all of this, just wait for the 'CIS to send you, or her, a letter ordering her to depart asap. Give it to her and let her be. Tell her she can stay with you until her departure date, that you're willing to purchase her one-way ticket back home and drive her to the airport. Once you drop her off at the airport, you're no longer responsible for her or for whatever she does after you leave her. While she waits for her departure date, make sure you sleep in different rooms and STAY AWAY FROM HER! Even though she's here on a visa and is not married to you yet, she can still go to the police and claim abuse. So KEEP AWAY FROM HER and DOCUMENT EVERYTHING.



Robert, since it is your house, your computer and she's not even your wife yet AFTER all the waiting and money you've spent to get her here in the 1st place, your spying is completely justified and proper. Send her back to where she came from and have no remorse about it.

I'm very sorry to hear what happened to you Robert but it's a reality that we have to face. I'm a Filipina who became a US Citizen and I've known a lot of stories like yours. The good thing with a K1 visa is we are protected up to the time our fiance/e get their permanent green card which can take about 3 years. A close friend of mine had the same situation and fortunately for her she found out the truth before they lifted her husband's temporary status. She reported him to the immigration, wrote a letter withdrawing her support & petition, and sent evidences of the cheating. The "jERK" got deported!!!

Take care and wish you well. However, remember that not everyone is the same. Goodluck!!!

Excuse me, but you exceptionaly rude. There is nothing stupid about my comment as it is factual. And calling me a bigot is the height of trolling.

It's a disgrace that you would decide to attack people PERSONALLY. It is a gross violation of the rules of this forum. The Internet gives some people real big balls because never would they dare act the way they do were it in person. Frankly, the Net turns grown adults into children. How sad.


Michele, I did NOT say that fraudulent visa aps come in ONE age group. Not once have I said that. Never. I simply pointed out that there is a very high percentage of fraudlulant cases where the American man is much much older than the foreign fiance. This is FACT. Undeniable fact.

Please do not put words in my mouth. I thought you would be smarter than that.

SOME people here are exceptionaly sensitive to the truth of our situation, which is very simply, some of us will be duped by those seeking any means into the United States. Denying this is like saying sky is not blue. Yes, it is horrible to think about, but it happens. Living in denial of this is just silly.

I absolutely flat out LOVE my fiancee and today I bought her a big diamond. Never could I see her being one of those horrible persons that is simply doing what it takes to get into the USA. But then again, how many men (and women) have thought that?

Time and time again friends and family have asked me if I am sure about all of this and not once have I said BIGOT or STUPID or anything else. Doing so would be RUDE. Instead I explain the situation to them. If they persist in their questioning the situation, then I can call them on it.

Robert,
I feel really bad for you. I've read a few of these stories (it can happen to small and large age differences as well as any nationality) and it's something a lot of us fear, because you don't know it's happening until you're already in trouble.

Like others have said, protect yourself first. NEVER be alone with her. A guy on another forum visited his soon-to-be ex-wife to discuss the impending divorce and the next day found out when the police visited him that he had abused her. Look at the difference in size, if she calls the police crying, guess who's going to jail.

As hard as it might be, now is not the time to be the understanding boyfriend. All indications are you're being used, you don't really know her, and you don't know what else she's capable of, or has planned for you.

I hope it all works out for the best.

Jesus Christ!! fine there is absolutely no corrolation between age difference in marriages and rate of divorce. Everyone should have a 25 year age gap minimum. And marrying someone from another culture couldn't possibly increase that chance, not to mention the difference in income levels.

Of course there are relationships where a 30 year age gap works out fine. But they are the exception, not the rule. I don't think it is bigoted to say that as the age gap increases, so does the chances for divorce or deceit. Anyone who thinks differently is just deluding themselves.

Sorry to butt in here, but Matt is absolutely right about this. Anyone who gets so upset when people talk about certain situations that are more prone to marriage fraud may be feeling just a bit insecure or are just looking for a fight. In my situation for example, it is not inconceivable for a Mexican man to marry an Americana to get his "papers." They make songs about it for Heaven's sakes. I've heard them-the Tigres del Norte sing "los que van a casarse para poder arreglar"-it means those who get married to fix the papers. It doesn't bother me though because I know that's not our situation. Doesn't erase the fact that it happens. Frequently. Same with the age difference thing. There are plenty of great relationships with a huge age difference-my friend Sandy, whose my age (23), is engaged to a 52 year old man. However, there are those ladies out there so desperate for a ticket to the US to take advantage of a sensitive, possibly lonely, older guy. Works the other way around too-with younger men wooing older women. It's simply a risk you take-to suggest it's not happening is living in denial. As to the OP, see the writing on the wall-she's up to no good. She doesn't care for you and the sooner you get her out of your life, the better (and more protected) you will be...good luck!!!

not much to add...i feel for robert...and know in life their are no guarantees for anyone on this site or in life

Matt, I stood corrected and will say again you did not say that ( about the ONE thing...etc etc). I made the mistake of reading the post and ASSuming you were meaning that ( my mistake on that).
That was MY error.
I do not want to get into a flame war with you or anyone else...I have read your web site ( very good btw), and your story on the other site ( forgot the name )....recommended reading!:thumbs:
We all love our fiance(e)s...just as you do.....



Anyway-I think we all ( no matter what our opinions on the intricacies of the situation disscussed here) have the OP's interests at heart and wish him the best.
That's all I am going to say on this.
Best wishes to Robert and everyone.

dmartmar,
"We meet again Moriarty" Actually, it would depend upon whether she was using a web-based email programme for which he had been given a password or his email programme.

I'm interested in knowing what kind of software this would be, Robert, and how or rather what type of signs there were within the first ten days that would prompt you to think/buy/install it. Robert, you don't have to tell anyone here, but were the email and messenger communications the information that helped confirm a suspicion that you already had arising out of other abnormal behaviour?

If there was more atypical behaviour that lead you to wonder about her real intentions, then I doubt that speaking with her would derive much more from the situation. If she is disingenuous, I doubt you could feel any comfort from any answer she'd give.

On the otherhand, if these communications are the sole reason you feel you might be being duped, then you could certainly confront her, absorb, process, be watchful and determine before marrying what needs to be done. Saving anything outside the home in a safe place might be advisable, just to make sure you have it *IF* the time comes.

Do take care of yourself, and by no means allow yourself to feel in any way culpable. If it all turns out to be a tempest in a tea cup, well there'll be many of us who are relieved along with you. If it turns out to be your worst fears realised, remember that the best confidence tricksters in the world look for trusting, caring, generous souls as the "perfect victim".

Keep your chin up.

So what does this thread tell us? Don't make assumptions about posters.

I should point out that my best friend, who is 47, is engaged to a 27 year old from Russia. She is here in the U.S. and overstayed her working visa and also, her now ex-husband (a US Citizen) did, in fact, beat the living sh*t out of her (very badly, I might add), so that prevented her from being deported.

Right now the lawyers and INS have it and she will likely be able to stay and get herself a green card, but it is taking time. Her man is helping to make that happen. So is she using him? Doubt it. She's super smoking hot and he is a former model and famous martial artist. They seem a perfect fit. So yes, big age differences can be OK. In this case, the 47 year old man looks 35 because of his spartan lifestyle. My sister says he smokes Clive Owen.

I think his fiancee smokes Rebecca Romijn. Yumm.

They have the chance of just as much "fraud" in the U.S. as well


... now I aint sayin' she's a gold digger but she aint hangin with no broke n***a

Robert
My heart goes out to you and I am so saddened by your post. In between the nasty comments and back and forth here, there is some very sound advice that I hope you take:

1) Report her to INS immediately verbally and in writing.
2) Withdraw your petition verbally and in writing.
3) Document everything to protect yourself - I think it was gsmclean who posted great specifics on this
4) If at all possible, get her out of your house. If you feel some sense of responsibility for her, make sure she is never there alone with access to your things. Be especially careful about your personal information such as credit cards, etc. I agree with the advice that you should not spend time alone with her - best to have witnesses to avoid future lies.
5) Contact a good lawyer now so you understand your options and can protect yourself from any further harm. I think a good lawyer can advise you whether you are better of buying her a ticket and making sure she gets on a plane or if it's better if immigration deports her.

Best of luck to you.

very true......

Yeah more sorry's from me too and you ain't the first to be fooled this way I'd say, I've been fooled more than once in love.

I am guessing you want this woman out of your house as soon as you can, I know I would, before that 90 day holiday expires, she has planned at your expense. I'm not sure of telling her about all your moves, people who use other people do not deserve the whole truth sometimes and tend to use it against you. I do feel sorry for people that do this sort of thing to try to improve their own lives but hey none of us are Santa Claus.

Some good advice from the others, definitly get in touch with someone in Authority for your own protection, maybe even your local police so they know what to maybe expect from her. I don't know they may even do the honours of ejecting her for you. Hard copies of your detective work is a great idea.

Good luck
Stella.

Can we NOT turn this into a flame thread when there´s a fellow VJer overstressed with a very difficult situation?

Well it had all gone quiet here since 10:33 last night, until you mentioned 'flame'!

Never mind - it would be good to hear from Robert and know how he is doing with this horrible situation.

anyone heard from him lately? any resolution yet?

Robert... I am sorry that you are hurting... and again, I would just like to say that I will be praying for you. I won't offer advice, I think you need to listen to your heart and to your instincts.
*hugs*
Lynne

i hope he's doing well

HOLY CRAP!!! I have just wasted a good portion of my LIFE wading through all the flaming going on here! This is crazy!

Robert, I'm sooooo sorry this happened to you! I really don't know what advice to give you about this because I can see the pros and cons of both sides... if you confront her she might claim abuse but if you don't confront her then you might be misunderstanding so you need to talk to her to get it all out in the open. Seems like a very difficult situation for you to be in.

One thing I haven't seen anyone comment on is the affidavit of support that he filed for her... what happens with that? If she flees is he still responsible to support her??? I sure hope not!

Again Robert I'm really sorry for you and I wish you the best of luck.

very sorry for him, has anyone heard from him yet?

We are so upset to hear your story Robert.. and we are concerned for you. After reading 10 pages of threads we haven't seen another posting from you and can't help but wonder how you are holding up. Please know that your friends here on VJ are keeping you in our thoughts...

Crash and Cari

i think robert is a proud man and came here for assistance only.,.when a few posters got into other areas..he moved on

I have to agree with brother dean.. i was extremely upset reading this thread and seeing how far off topic it was going.. this thread was about one of us reaching out and it turned into a debate (or two)...

I wonder about that too, the affadavit of support... but I guess if he shows that he tried his damndest to get her out of the country... ?

Robert sorry to hear this news.

I hope things will get better for you soon.

I am sure this is most difficult for you right now.


For the people on here that have to ALWAYS be so rude and mean. GET A DAM LIFE.

I would really hate to be your SO if you act this way on here. A good man came on here for help and some of you had to turn it around and kick him when he is down. Get a dam heart. Probley took that man a lot of courage to come on here and post that. Give him some incouragement, not ###### about his age and why you think it failed. Some of ya need to grow up for real.

Peggy...
Exactly what I was thinking...

Compassion would be a good start. We could ALL quite easily be standing in the same shoes.


Robert, if you see this, I want you to know you have been in thoughts, in my prayers, and in my heart for days. I wish you peace and comfort, my friend.

-Rose

The Affidavit of Support should be the least of his worries, however, it's a valid question. In any case, it's not legally binding, and due to the restrictions on the K-1, the Affidavit only obliges the sponsor while the alien is in the USA until the approval of a valid I-864 that accompanied the submission for adjustment of status. Once she fails to marry him, or marries someone else (she'll be in for a surprise to find out that she can't adjust that way) or her I-94 expires, her status as a prospective immediate relative beneficiary expires and the Affidvait falls with it. In the event that Robert would alert ICE to her intentions and the withdrawal of his intention to marry, I believe the Affidavit would be nullified.

Any news from Robert?

Robert hope you are fairing well and wanted to let you know that you do have people concerned and praying for you.

Mary

Robert.. Hugs... I hope you find the strength and help you need to face this difficult situtation.
You trusted your Heart.. she is the one not representing herself as she stated.
I agree that DOCUMENTATION is what is clearly needed... Talk to some authorities.. especially expressing the questions on protecting yourself on possible allergations of ABUSE... You dont even have to touch her for a person to make false claims... and in the long run .. the one claiming to be the victim is the one the law will normally stand to listen to .. so keep documents clear on your suspicions. I hope and pray it is just a misunderstanding... dont forget.. cultural and communication differences can be partially to blame here as well.. but .. all said and done.. you got to follow your instincts..
My prays and thought go out to you it is not a simple situation to be in .. ..

.....COME ON PEOPLE. PLAY NICE.. ...
I now totally understand why I have been a member on VJ for way over a year and still only have like 4 or 5 blue dots.. ... .. it is simply for this reason of the flaming that is done when one request clarification to their situation that I find it hard to respond... and .. dont think that just cause you are lit up like a candle with hearts or blue dots on how much you post means a thing... other than . you post alot.. .. sometimes it is just as important to read all the posts.. .. not necessarily reponding. .. ... things like what is being posted here.. simply leaves a rather empty hole in my heart... it is just not right