HELLO,
BASED ON THE ADVICES YOU ARE GETTING FROM POSTERS HERE, SOME ARE ENCOURAGING AND SOME ARE NOT.. SOME ARE CRITICIZING AND SOME ARE BLAMING YOUR COUSIN'S SITUATION..

FOR THOSE WHO ARE POSTING HERE, PLEASE READ THE SCENARIOS AND "UNDERSTAND" THE WHOLE SITUATION AND NOT ONLY THE ONE SIDE OF IT. I JUST CANT BELIEVE THOSE SOME POSTERS HERE INSTEAD OF HELPING THE PERSON HOW TO DEAL THE SITUATION, IS HERE TO CRITICIZE AND BLAME THE GIRL...

OMG! IF YOU ARE HERE TO BLAME THEN U ARE NOT HELPING, IT'S BETTER IF YOU JUST DON'T POST ANYMORE.. AND BE MUTE.

OMG! We'll try to be MUTE but please top 'shouting'.

SHOUTING? ?? WHAT MADE U SAY THAT? OH!! IT DOESN'T MEAN WHEN I USE CAPS LOCK IM SHOUTING. (IS THIS WHY U "IMPLIED" AM SHOUTING?

When you use the Caps lock, it does make it look like you are shouting. It makes your post harder to read.

Looks like she's been given abundantly sound advice. Avail herself of the processes for abused spouses, and self apply to remove restrictions. Then what?

This idea of entitlement is what sort of rubs me the wrong way...it's grab the brass ring, no matter what!

About the USC...his background would have been flagged if he was as bad as is being said. But if there are police reports, arrests and the like, and there is a fraud, then he'll come up on the radar once again if and when the OP's cousin starts the process.

Looks like she's been given abundantly sound advice. Avail herself of the processes for abused spouses, and self apply to remove restrictions. Then what?

This idea of entitlement is what sort of rubs me the wrong way...it's grab the brass ring, no matter what!

About the USC...his background would have been flagged if he was as bad as is being said. But if there are police reports, arrests and the like, and there is a fraud, then he'll come up on the radar once again if and when the OP's cousin starts the process.

Tito, her entitlement is that she is the wife of a US Citizen and has been for (most likely over a year since she came on a CR1?). This marriage was entered in good faith, as proved to USCIS, and so she was granted permanent residence. Wether she chooses to fight her stay here or go back home is her choice, and not yours to judge, and for DHS to grant or deny. I have read nothing on the waiver for abuse claim to remove conditions of a time limit. This legal immigrant has rights, wether you like it or not.
I think I've heard that things are very difficult for divorced women in the Phillipines? but I might be wrong so maybe someone else can shed a better light on this issue.

Saludos,
Caro

I think the idea of 'entitlement' is a bit of a jump... it's been used a number of times here, but that reflects just one, subjective, take on the issue, not necessarily anything the OP said (or the subject of the discussion, the abused cousin, feels)

Caro, you are wise and compassionate amiga.

AND SO DO I. . IM COMFY WITH THIS CAPS LOCK.

LIKE I'VE SAID EARLIER, I DONT HAVE THAT GOOD VISION SO I AM MORE COMFY WHEN USING CAPS LOCK.

I DONT REALLY KNOW WHO IS HARDHEADED, IF ITS ME OR YOU GUYS IM AWARE OF THE SO-CALLED E-COMM ETIQUETTE REGARDING "CAPS LOCK", LIKE AGAIN , AS WHAT I'VE SAID EARLIER, I DONT HAVE THAT GOOD VISION, AND IM NOT A TYPE OF PERSON WHO "BASICALLY " FOLLOWED THE "SO - CALLED RULES OF ETIQUITTE" JUST TO PLEASE MY READERS. AGAIN, I AM NOT SHOUTING, AGAIN, I DONT HAVE THAT GOOD VISION LIKE ALL OF YOU HERE, AND AGAIN... I WILL USE CAPS LOCK BECAUSE I AM """"""MORE """"""""" COMFORTABLE TYPING AND READING WITH CAPS ON...

What we DO need to know is further evidence of the character of this USC. That would dictate which course of action to take (i.e., self-apply, go home, call the police, whatever).

Actually, USCIS has nothing to decide for her at this point. The woman has her conditional green-card...she is done w/ immigration for now.

-P

"...if he is being accurately depicted..."

ABSOLUTELY! IF he's being accurately depicted. Otherwise, this is America...innocent until some proof of guilt. So - really - how bad is the person? We're tarring and feathering this person, but we're hearing things 3rd and 4th hand, and the information is not necessarily reliable. Talk about rushing to judgment!

Looks like she's been given abundantly sound advice. Avail herself of the processes for abused spouses, and self apply to remove restrictions. Then what?

This idea of entitlement is what sort of rubs me the wrong way...it's grab the brass ring, no matter what!

About the USC...his background would have been flagged if he was as bad as is being said. But if there are police reports, arrests and the like, and there is a fraud, then he'll come up on the radar once again if and when the OP's cousin starts the process.

In the case of a deceased spouse, the basis for the immigration is still intact. There's no question as to the bona fides of the ongoing, viable marriage that would support the immigration. In other circumstances, the immigrant finds that she's not too happy being married (for whatever reason), and still wants to stay and often will resort to doing or saying anything to secure the privilege of immigration, all the while complaining about everything they left behind in a sacrifice to come here. HOGWASH! What was left behind is still there and readily available to the immigrant. There is no entitlement to immigration just because they came over here to get married. There should be something to support the basis for immigration and permanent residency.

That's my view; that's my opinion; that's my question...agree or disagree.

And don't forget, OP, report your scamming layabout "friend" to SSI. They actively investigate all reports of scammers, and can, in time, pull his dead useless ### off the US government nipple.

It's an option that I, for one, think should be utilized more by the immigrant. If a marriage doesn't work out, the immigration was marriage-based, and there's been no green card issued, what IS the guarantee of a green card? Why IS there a sense of entitlement? While the bona fides of a marriage is the threshold inquiry, short of the green card, what options are available? Self-apply by virtue of abuse, whether actual or contrived? Just leave the spouse hanging, and then go after him or her for support?

One of the points I'm trying to make is that, if the immigrant feels as though he or she has given up so much to come here with the hopes of a wonderful married life, and the marriage falls apart for whatever reason, or the immigrant is disillusioned for whatever reason, what, really, did the immigrant give up? That life that they left a matter of months before is still there...the one they knew, the one they loved, the one they regretted leaving...it's an option for them to return!

In the case of a deceased spouse, the basis for the immigration is still intact. There's no question as to the bona fides of the ongoing, viable marriage that would support the immigration. In other circumstances, the immigrant finds that she's not too happy being married (for whatever reason), and still wants to stay and often will resort to doing or saying anything to secure the privilege of immigration, all the while complaining about everything they left behind in a sacrifice to come here. HOGWASH! What was left behind is still there and readily available to the immigrant. There is no entitlement to immigration just because they came over here to get married. There should be something to support the basis for immigration and permanent residency.

That's my view; that's my opinion; that's my question...agree or disagree.

The discussion went from the circumstances of the individual in this particular case, to the options available to others, and why returning home isn't an option. Yes, I concede that, with the green card, the option is to proceed to remove conditions. Short of having the green card, though, what is the basis for an 'entitlement' to immigration? That's the issue I'm raising...

No personal agenda except for the fact that I don't believe that anyone and everyone should be entitled to the privilege of immigrating to the US just because they got married. The system is abused repeatedly at the expense of others who want to and are trying to immigrate through other channels. There are many parts of this thread, and many comments from several posters, I am addressing. I concede that this is really much ado about nothing since the immigrant has her green card, but the issue still exists and is worthy of discussion if not.

There's an important "IF" you didn't highlight in what you quoted. The hypothetical is changed without it.

then the notion of entitlement to those who are willing to say and do anything to get a green card runs afoul to my sense of fairness and equity.

What say does the USC have in any of this?

Plus - the issue is compounded when the proposed immigrant complains about how they left so much behind, and how much they miss their place of origin. If that is the case, then what is the problem with the option of returning home?

Hi Everyone,
Its been a long time since I posted and I sure wish it was for something else rather than what I am going to be telling you.
I myself married a filipino woman. On my first trip to the Philippines to meet my then fience, I had (at the time) a friend go with me. He is an ex body builder and I thought what better person to have with me going to a country I really knew nothing about. Anyway! He met my now wifes cousin while we were their. To make a long story short- they ended up getting married.. I dreaded the thought of this marriage because I knew this guy was not marrying material. He had been divorced 3 times and has 6 kids from 4 different woman. All of his divorces were a result of his mental and physical abuse. He has a criminal record 4 pages long. He fakes a old back injury so he can collect SSI and he sells his narcotic prescription drugs on the street for and added $2,500 per month income. I know this is true because he has told me this on several occasions (while laughing). We both live in the same small town and I have also talked to several people that have confirmed what he told me,not to mention all of the other cash work and scams he has going on. How else does someone who is on disability own a 2004 full size deisal 4X4(loaded), two 2000 plus cars that are decked out and in storage during the winter, 2 really nice fully dressed motorcycles, plus 4 wheelers,dirtbikes, and riding lawnmowers, tools up the yahoo-a HUGE BIG SCREEN TV, the list goes on and on. Plus he lives in a low income housing home that basis his rent on his disability income , so he only pays about 100$ per month for rent. Plus gets state supplied health insurance. Get this-the state pays for his prescription drugs and he sells them for cash. He told me this, and yes, he was laughing about this also! So anyway-now that you have an idea what kid of person this is. I will continue about the real issue at hand.
I pleaded with my family to convince my wifes cousin not to marry this man, but he smooth talked them and they all believed he was a good guy. The marriage took place and she arrived in the U.S. December 23rd,2007
It wasnt even a week and her hell on earth began. She is not allowed phone calls past 10PM, she is not allowed to have any money, cannot contact her family in the Philippines because it is 13 Hours difference in time so by the time her family can get out of the mountains and into a town where there is phone and internet it is past 10 PM here in Wisconsin ans she isnt aallowed on phone past 10PM. He told my wife on the phone that she (his wife) has the same rules and regulations that his children have. When they go shopping she is not allowed to get any food for her self, she has to eat what he buys for his kids. She isnt allowed to have a key to the house and if on the rare occasion he has let her leave she is suppose to be home by 6PM. Thank God she is at least able to come to our house sometimes. The only reason I think is because we live only 2 blocks away from them. It was 30 below zero last week and he made her walk to our house. If she wants to come to our house she has to walk. Im at work so I cant pick her up and my wife doesnt drive yet. She was an hour late one night and he really let her have it. Imagine a 300 pound ex body builder hovering over a 90 pound filipino girl screaming at her and threating her to send her back to the philippines. We dont know what all took place that night because when she talks about that night in particular, she is really short worded and changes the subject right away. Right now he wont even talk to her. She was at our house again today and that is what she said. Im worried he is going to blow up soon because she has come to our house 3 days in a row.
What can this girl do? She wants to leave him but he has her convinced that he can have her deported and she doesnt know what to do. She is here on a CR1 Visa and does have here conditional green card allready. She needs some help and I just dont know what to do or who to contact. This guy is dangerous. I wouldnt put anything past him. If she leaves I just dont know what he will do. One of the charges on his criminal record stemmed from a initial charge of attempted murder. That was just from a guy that tailgated him and then passed him on the road.He ran the guy off the road and eat the living snot out him until he was almost dead. His brothers stopped the attack or else he would have killed the man(just for passing him), what is he going to do if this girl leaves him????
PLEASE PLEASE HELP, can someone point me in the right direction. Her whole world was turned upside down when she left the Philippines, she does not want to go back and she shouldnt have to just because this guy lied to her and her family and led them to believe she would be taken care of here in the U.S.

I am no longer friends with this guy. I didnt know him real well when we went to the Philippines together but I thought I knew him well enough I could have him tag along on my trip and with all the things I read about kidknappings and stuff in the Philippines I really didnt mind this Incredible Hulk looking guy to go there with me. After I got there I realized i had nothing to worry about. I felt very comfortable with my surroundings. It wasnt until later after He told me about his lifestyle that I checked his criminal record and learned much more. As I mentioned before,this guy is a real smooth talker and his first impression is a kind soft spoken guy. Its behind closed doors where the real person emerges.

She thought she was coming here to honest hard working guy. It was her intention to come here and live with her husband and live happily ever after. He lied,lied ,lied to her convincing her he was a good guy.Okay-she goes back to the Philippines-to what? She has no job their anymore , and she lived in a very remote area where jobs are so scarce. Her family cant support her. How is she going to buy a ticket? We cant afford it. I dont think she should go back. She is here in the U.S. she has a lot better chance at a good life here. It wasnt her intention to come here and get divorced. She had dreams of the U.S. and now they are shattered. Should she have to give up all her dreams just because of this jerk. I dont think so!

Going back to the real issue that totally sidesteps any danger, real, threatened, imagined, invented, or whatever the case may be - all we know is about a family member making all sorts of claims about the USC that are pretty extreme and create quite a sympathetic picture for the immigrant. If there are all these records, he'd be red-flagged and wouldn't be allowed to be traveling all over the world. Something doesn't seem right here.

Another poster noted, "how hard it is going to be starting a life here with nothing". To me, that's all the MORE reason to go back home.

But bottom line: what's wrong with going home? That's not blaming anybody, or causing anybody to panic. It's going home to family, friends, all the things the person misses. What is the notion about 'entitlement' to immigration? Packed up and left your homeland and everything behind? Well, it hasn't gone anywhere!! An immigrant who didn't find the streets paved with gold here, despite the sacrifices, can always go back, and therefore, really has very little at risk when you're talking about certain places in the world. Granted, people do leave a lot behind and they cannot go back, but for many people, coming to the US itself is quite an adventure. I always hated having to go home after a day at Disneyland, even after we ran out of "E" tickets.

Tito is right on this one, how hard is it start a life here with nothing? We can ask all the Mexicans jumping the border with nothing but the clothes on their backs! (not that I condone this, cause I totally do not!) But they do anything & everything just to get into the US.

SHAPE OF MY HEART... we don't have to be MUTE when we don't agree with why she is staying. She can stay if she wants, but the hard road... she was warned what she was getting into. She got into the US on the basis of marriage, if the marriage doesn't work out, why would going home (especially after such a short time) be so bad? Why wouldn't going into the caring arms of your family be the best therapy after this kind of abuse? Being warned and knowing the history of her husband, perhaps she was in it for just a ticket to the US.

Not altogether the sense I get. It appears TO ME that there IS some sense of entitlement simply by virtue of the fact that an immigrant marries a USC (the conclusion based on a number of threads in this particular forum).

Omission intentional! Fault has nothing to do with it. Immigration is a risk. For the proposed immigrant, and the USC. Things don't work out? How to get back home should be the FIRST line of inquiry for the immigrant.

Omission intentional! Fault has nothing to do with it. Immigration is a risk. For the proposed immigrant, and the USC. Things don't work out? How to get back home should be the FIRST line of inquiry for the immigrant.

"please explain to me why we see so many threads here and on other immigration message boards asking how they may be able to remain if the marriage goes awry?"

BINGO!!!!! That's exactly my point. Why the heck ARE there so many inquiries? Why is that the first and most important option???

And no...fault is irrelevant. It's a risk, and the question is, what happens if things don't work out? Why is immigration virtually automatic? Why ISN'T going home an option?

Thank you for crystallizing the issue. Come to the US, get married, things don't work out...what are the options? (i) go back home; or (ii) fight like heck to get that green card! If things are so bad, and the immigrant laments leaving their life behind (one that's still there, mind you...), what is wrong with (i)? And why does anyone thing that (ii) is something to which the immigrant is entitled? Then, you throw this stuff in about how the USC is on the hook for support to the tune of $1,200 - $1,500 a month for 10 years...!

...the immigrant laments leaving their life behind (one that's still there, mind you...)

Quite interesting that you find all of this so personally offensive, and that you are so righteously indignant to the point of calling me names and accusing me of all sorts of things about which you have no idea. Welcome to the US! I hope you enjoy your stay.

Back to the issue, if I were to take such a subsnantial risk of leaving everything behind to move to another country to start a life, I'd be darned sure that I knew exactly what I was getting into. I'd also have a back-up plan, and the first part of it would certainly NOT be how can I secure permanent residency status in this new place. The first line of inquiry would be, if a problem arises, how will I best be able to protect myself and return to the life I left behind? Things didn't work out in the destination? Why in the world would I ever want to stay there???!?! I have my family I can go back to, I can rent an apartment, get a job in a field in which I am trained, make a living, and at least I'm on terra firma...and familiar ground...where I know the streets, the lay of the land, my rights, my history, the name of my representative and senator in Congress...all the things that are important to me. All those things you, in your particular example, left behind...they are absolutely not irrevocable. You'd be engaging in doing the same thing both where you came from and where you ended up. You'd have to get a job; you'd have to establish credit; you'd have to find a place to live; you'd have to open bank accounts; you'd have to set up a retirement plan; you'd have to get a visa...the list goes on...BUT - at least you'd be among those for whom you care the most, not in a strange place with strange people that left a bad taste in your mouth because of all the sacrifices you made for things to blow up in your face!!

If you want to discuss the issues, fine, but you could do without the personal affronts. I certainly did or said nothing to offend you personally except express my opinion regarding the options of an immigrant. You disagree. I get it. No need to be nasty, righteous AND indignant.

"The regulation, itself, imposes appropriate onus upon the alien to demonstrate his or her privilege to remain. That's how I see it is and how it should continue to be. And by the way, I've seen many instances where individuals have announced their intentions to fabricate a claim of abuse in order to try to remain, only to find that in order to prevail requires significant substantive evidence. Evidence that is not so easy to gather ex facto, and evidence that is much beyond a simple affidavit. "

That's the way it should be, too. Regarding the evidence...it really doesn't take that much, and the immigrant is afforded quite a bit of latitude when it comes to making the claim that would afford them the right to self-apply. As I understand, the process often involves deportation proceedings, and the claim of abuse is used as a defense. That gives the immigrant a little bit of leverage, and the immigration courts are fairly lenient given the fact that the immigrant might not know his or her rights, that they needed this or that to present to the court...so it's not that difficult a burden.

The situation I'm referring to is one where the presence of the immigrant is not one of 3 years, where they establish a life here...I'm talking about shorter term situations, like the one in this thread...where the poster said the immigrant was here a month....

You say that it would be difficult for the immigrant to secure passage home. Well, if they can't do that, how are they going to pay for their medical expenses, food, transportation, housing or, heaven forbid, they get a car and injure someone else and have no insurance? If they are able to stick around and assume those expenses and risks, then they can sure as heck afford a flight home, no matter WHERE they are.

Why should US taxpayers have to pay for these types of follies, where the immigrant can't afford a flight home, but incurs expenses and assumes risks in the US? THIS IS THE ISSUE I HAVE! Bona fide intentions or not, the immigrant, AND the USC, take a risk. But that risk should not, then, be foist upon society in general, which takes us back to the declaration of support discussion.