Sometimes we would get into arguments over the dumbest things because his family was always in our business.Since I stopped bothering with them,we stopped fighting.

We would sometimes have tiny spats about silly things. but we chalk it up to the seperation and the anxiety this journey causes. I think it must be normal.

Heh, I wanna meet the couple who answers 'no'

My hubby & I would be a "no" and we didn't have an easy journey.

No.

Our arguments started after she arrived.

Productive arguing

1. Stick to the issue in hand - don't bring up previous misdemeanors or other things you've been meaning to say.

2. Don't argue over trivia - for example, arguing whether it was Monday or Tuesday that you forgot the milk. The issue is you forgot, not which day it was.

3. Start sentences with "I" - for example, "I felt annoyed when you..." rather than "You annoyed me when..." And "I would like to go out more often," not "We should go out more often."

4. Don't use absolutes - never say "never", "always", "should" or "shouldn't". They're irritating and often inaccurate. For example, "You never wash up" will almost certainly get a response of "What about when...?"

5. Let your opinions stand on their own merits - don't be tempted to bring in other people's opinions.

6. Try to stay sitting down, relax your muscles and don't forget to breathe - it's much easier to stay calm if you're not pacing around the room.

7. Don't start throwing abuse around - calling your partner lazy, fat or paranoid isn't going to convince them to see your point of view.

8. Be aware of your feelings and tell your partner these as well - saying "I'm scared you don't love me anymore" is likely to get a better response than "You don't act like you love me."

9. Try not to block the conversation - don't interrupt, launch into a monologue or expect them to be a mind-reader.

10. Agree to a code word for time out - if one or both of you feels you're getting overheated it's best to take some time away from each other to calm down before going back to the disagreement.

Remember, who wins the argument is irrelevant if your relationship loses something. Always try to confront the issue - not each other.

And when the visajourney feels rough with no end in sight, remember this:

Excellent advice

Nope. And considering we've been through the visa process twice, I count us as fortunate.

No as well.

I've consulted with my lawyer who's told me to decline from comment.

Then time for you to meet us.. We never argue about visajourney

I Despair.com. I used to have their demotivators on my office walls before I resigned from that position and moved to the US. *sigh* I really never knew how good I had it.

Yes! Fellow despair.com fans! Those motivational posters make me want to gag. I'm starting to see some common traits among my fellow VJers.

P.S. Thuy and I never argue. She knows I'm always wrong and so do I.

Visas are a pain in the ARSE! But i would definately do it over again.

We have spats but only one major problem and that was BEFORE we started the journey.
Actually, we tend to argue over the silly little things when we're together for more than 2 weeks, but they never last at all. I think our journey (thus far) has made us aware of how lucky we are to have found each other.

Ask me again when he moves here in July

Love Despair.com! Now you can even design your own Demotivators

God, I thought it was just us who were arguing throughout this process. Always about completely nothing when we got to the bottom of it!

We both realize it's because of the uncertainty and frustrations at the delays and unexpected stuff that comes up in this process. It was OK when things were going smoothly, but then we hit a 1.5 month period for CSC to mail out stuff to NVC (it sat in their loading area for all that time) and that nearly drove us both crazy. Of course, one reads of worse stories, but everyone feels their own stuff most.

Now, things are moving and we got through the rough patch. I have no illusions and fully expect the ups and downs. Just must keep reminding myself to look past the b.s. and remember all the things about him that made me love him in the first place.

Wow, there are many who never fought while they were apart. I guess I was wrong!

Sure. Nothing wrong with a little difference of opinion sometimes.

Absolutely.......I hung up on him more then a few times. It's all part of the process......learning how to deal with frustration.

Absolutely.......I hung up on him more then a few times. It's all part of the process......learning how to deal with frustration.

hmmm I dont think we really fight......how to explain let me try lol.......he is a doctor so he tries to portray this serious persona and does not know what to do with fear (as in fear of what will happen if they do not approve his visa)..if it does not have a medical name what ever it is he is feeling he is totally confused and says random stuff that makes no sense so thats where i come in..........lol i let him have his little fit......stew about it for a few hours then talk to him he ends up sooooooo sorry lol and does not understand why he even said what he did.......i am 11 years younger than he is so im pretty good at knocking him off of his doctor mountain....with out ever having to raise my voice......i hate conflict lol.....i asked him one time why he fell in love with me........he stated because im the only person he has ever met that totally completely treated him like he was an idiot.....

I prefer bickering with family, friends, fellow users on VJ, Customer Service Reps for companies that have p*&^%$ me off, Co-Workers... In other words anyone who is unfortunate enough to have contact with me when the process/distance is getting to me!

I don't know if you would call it an agrument. I lecture about spending too much money, Claudeth listens and then goes and spends a bunch of money on crap

no real fights between us, just little bumps here & there.


now me & the future in-laws here in US...

Sure we fought- we didn't actually have any fights during the time I was in Canada waiting for my K3 visa though. Mel had fears that I would settle back easily into my life in Canada and want to stay there and I had fears too- Mel lived the exact same life as he always had here- this is is home and what he is used to- the only thing that was different was I was not here. During those 10 months I think we both were walking on eggshells and neither of us wanted to do or say anything that could lead to a blow up.

Sure, we had disagreements, nothing major though, which I'd attribute to the total frustration of the process...totally normal.

Having disagreements, spats, arguments, whatever you want to call them, is a very normal part of relationships. People who never argue...hmmm...don't understand how that's possible. It's how you deal with the disagreements that's important, not the fact that you have them. You have 'em, you deal with them productively, and move on, hopefully having learned something from them.

More than either of us would like! It has been a rocky road over our almost 5 year journey. But we make up with an equal amount of personal responsibility. Hey, this process is not easy! Frustration can get even the best of us from time to time.

I'm not sure I believe the "no's". At least my brain can't comprehend it this morning.

We had our fair share of disagreements...and we are bound to have many more.

Our disagreements happened when we were waiting for our NOA2. Once we got our interview date its been nice and harmonious, except for little differences in opinion...nothing like when we were waiting for the approval

we have definatly argued, bickered and picked at wee stupid things. Hardest part is we can't have the big cuddle when we finally work things out.

basically I'd get stressed out, frustated and impatient... and he would be supportive and understanding

Saludos,
Caro

I don't know what you guys are talking about. My relationship is an island of serenity -- a veritable Japanese rock garden of tranquility. Argue? I seem to have forgotten the meaning of this word. Fight? Futile, against the fortress-like temple of our love.





Um yes, we are fighters.

I don't believe it when a couple says they don't argue. It's par for the course and there's nothing wrong with that, either. I think it'd actually be unhealthy if a couple didn't have any arguments. That would probably mean they weren't communicating to each other enough and were bottling up whatever issues they may have inside.

As far as my wife and me... sure, we've argued. Sometimes quite a bit, but we always resolve them. We tend to fight most when we're apart; when we're together, we rarely argue, but considering we're apart more often than when we're together, that's an unfair comparison too. When we're eventually living together full-time, we'll see how often we do argue.

So the non-fighters appear to be liars and propping their relationship up on some pedestal?

LOL, not liars....lucky

We had most of our long-distance arguments prior to getting engaged and starting the process. I found the process mildly stressful (we had an easy time), but we didn't fight.

Well... I said we didn't argue during the visa journey. That is, the 5 (or was it 6?) month period during which she was in India and I was in the US (I-129F to POE). We've fought plenty before and after.

Same here. We argued before and after, and will do so, and perhaps even during, but we'd already been in a long-term long distance relationship, so the mere act of putting a form in the mail didn't change the basic dynamic, fights and all, much.

Can you honestly say that you never fight about anything at all ever? If you can, then fine; that's great. You may have a marriage that's one in a billion. But that's extremely unusual and highly unlikely to occur.

Most couples end up arguing over little things -- such as who gets to drive or where to go to dinner or what movie to see or who gets to control the remote. Things that are, for lack of a better word, stupid and have little-to-no bearing on our lives. If a couple works well together, then they can generally see eye-to-eye on the important things, which is where it counts. If they can't, then that's where the problems set in.

A few have suggested those who say no are unbelieveable and you mocked the fact that some don't fight and spun it into something that none of us had actually said. Sarcastic remarks flung in the direction of the ones who stated "no" is pretty obvious, as if those who said no were looking down off at our supposed pedestals at you "fighters".

nessa and i don't fight. i just tell her the way it's gonna be and she has to live with it.


then i go wash dishes and spend a few nights on the couch.

The question was during your visa journey. No, we never fought during this time. If it matters at all, despite the specific question asked, we have fought twice since being married in 2005.

No, I wasn't mocking you. I was kidding about myself, because I don't think anyone who knows me on VJ would think I would be one of those people capable of a totally harmonious relationship. But it probably came out through the filter of my general bitterness to seem like I was talking about someone else. That really wasn't supposed to be a sarcastic remark about anyone other than myself.

Platy and I never fought during our visa journey, we may have felt stressed and been snappy but there were no arguments. With regards to our marriage maybe a couple of times but no more than that.

Is it weird that we haven't had our first fight yet?

Saludos,
Caro

Before we were together, it was mostly that I either called her too much or I didn't call her engough, Lols.

Here are the things that have made us argue now:

She likes coffe strong (To strong for me -mud).

She likes the heater left on high (to hot for me)

I like to take warm steamy showers (to hot for her)

I like to get up early (she likes to sleep in)

She loves the cat (I tolerate him)

Me being on the computer (her being on the computer - lols)

And we have argued once or twice over money and other stupid things - but when the lights go out all is forgiven





Reminds me of the "Man song".

Those are *cute* problems. I don't think arguing over them counts as fighting.