We are currently waiting for his adjustment of status to go through, we were married in August and filed in December. He just had his biometrics appointment. If I pull the I-864, what exactly happens? If we do reconcile, can I resubmit it? We really need more time, as we have only been in marriage counseling for 3 weeks, (our second time in counseling since we were married 6 months ago) but things seem to be getting worse instead of better. Although he is going, so I know in his heart he wants to make it work. I keep hoping that if he starts working things might be different and he will feel good about himself and our family again. But I imagine if I pull the I-864 he won't get his EAD.

In the meantime, we have a two year old that is caught in the middle and a baby on the way. It is so hard to decide what to do, as I want to give it at least a year of marriage as I hear that is the hardest year for any couple, let alone a mixed culture couple, but I worry that if this isn't going to work, we will suffer greatly, in particular our babies. Then again, I want him to be a part of his childrens' lives and maybe the best way to do that would be if he were here in the US. I am part of the foreign service where I work at different embassies around the world and due to the nature of my work and our relationship I am strongly discouraged to enter his home country, so if we split without his greencard, chances of him seeing the children would be slim.

I try to chalk up our differences to cultural differences, but I have never felt so unhappy in my whole life, and have never been treated so poorly in my life. The pain is unbearable, and is affecting my health and my job, not good when you are pregnant. We go days and days without speaking to one another, as he will not speak to me when we have an argument, let alone have a normal conversation about the weather, life, and love. And the paranoia is unreal, as he is constantly speaking in his language to people on the phone including women at all hours of the night and I have no idea what they are saying to one another. His little Hi5 (like myspace) profile is set to private, so I can't see what is really going on, but when I do walk by when he is on the Hi5 website, I see he has literally 178 friends almost all of which are young women and his status instead of saying married says "tell you later". Adding to my fears is that his father had 2 wives at the same time, although my husband says he saw what it did to his mother and he would never want to do that to me, it is only me and he never wants anyone else.

We lived together for a year in Africa, even with our daughter, and it wasn't like this at all, we were so happy, but he was working and I was in school so he felt like he was the breadwinner. We are under extreme pressures from money, the new soon to be baby, our two year old, and our schedules (I am up for work by 5 am in bed by 9 and he is up at noon and in bed by 3 am by choice), let alone the idea that we can be up and out in another country at a moments notice.

We have both said at least once since our marriage that this was a mistake. I wish I could look into the future and see 6 months down the road.

Sorry for the rambling, but sometimes it is good to let the tears flow.

There is NO "Pulling" of the I-864 after adjustment. When you sign that form, you are signing a BINDING contract with the US government to repay the government any means tested benefits that the immigrant may use.

Only way to get out of this contract is by:

• Sponsor dies (YOU)
• Immigrant dies.
• Immigrant leaves the USA and gives up green-card.
• Immigrant naturalizes and becomes US citizen.
• Immigrant is credited with 40 quarters of work. (up to 10 years of work)

Divorce does not factor into this contract.

Only other things to do is contact USCIS and make a report that may derail the I-485.

I understand that once the adjustment is made, we cannot pull the I-864, but we are still pending and have not yet been approved. I was under the impression if AOS had not yet been granted you could pull the I-864. I will see if I can find the post that explained this process that gave me the idea in the first place.

Schedule an INFO-PASS appointment and ask about this. Keep in mind pulling sponsorship scuttles the I-485, and subjects the prospective immigrant to being out of status.

I've said on more than one occasion that a petitioner can request to withdraw the petition and any accompanying documents, both prior to and after adjudication of an applicant's submission, however, this is only if the USC suspects that they may have been deceived into marriage for immigrant benefit alone. The opportunity to escape the long-term obligation that the petitioner is required to make to the US government on behalf of the alien is a privelege afforded some petitioners that realize that they were duped into the relationship. That being said, it is not to be used because the petitioner learns that he or she has entered a relationship that is not going to work.

Thank you everyone for the guidance. It just makes me want to try even harder to make this work.

I'm all for making it work if you can and it sure makes sense that you would want the father of your children to see them. In your case that would require the green card. Pulling the I-864 is within your rights but that will mean no green card. I don't see how withrawing the petition has any meaning at all. It's already approved. The I-485 is the issue now. It's an application made by your husband, not a petition by you. It just doesn't fly without an I-864 from (in this case) the spouse.

I was speaking in general terms, an USC petitioner can request withdrawal of a petition (in the case of an I-130, if there was one), or her endorsement of an application submitted by the beneficiary (in the case of an I-485) and any and all supporting documents.

It's helpful to specify when you are being specific and when you are being general when you do both in the same paragraph.

A USC can withdraw a petition before it is approved or in the case of a visa petition, before the visa is issued.

A USC can withdraw an I-864 either before an immigrant visa is issued or adjustment of status is approved.

The OP can withdraw the I-864 now, for any reason she choses, because AOS is not yet complete. The consequence to this immigrant is no green card. Since the OP wants the immigrant to stick around, she can't have it both ways. She must remain the sponsor or no green card.

There's another thread on this in this particular section, and there are the appropriate 'buzz-words' to include in the letter.

The sponsor may DISAVOW the promise of support at any time before the green card is issued. Once that happens, the entire process is derailed. You can't then go back and pick up where you left off if you have a change of heart. You (he) will need to start all over again. Fees and all.

It is also helpful if you would not hang on every word trying to find an error! You are arguing semantics...I repeated what I have said numerous times in the past, and it is applicable here.

However, you are incorrect in your summary.

This is incorrect. It is also incorrect if one considers cause.


This is incorrect (if one considers cause matters)

And you forgot a prenup strikes this "contract" with USCIS. But that would have to have been done prior to marrying and saying I do. So it may not be an option now.

While your statement may be applicable if you add the context in which you think it applicable, no context or clarification was given. So, I added it. It is not helpful to say "This is incorrect" without offering either/or what you believe to be correct instead, and why.

What do you have in the way of clarification that will help the OP better understand her options?

If you want out you better get on it and contact USCIS now before they approve the GC, after that you are hooked. And from what an attorney told me you will have to write and disavow your promise to support that I864 immediately.

Why say the same thing over and over? I had already offered the correct facts. If I had repeated them next you'd be criticising me for going on and on...

Options in so far as the Affidavit of Support is concerned? None, I'm afraid, given what she has shared so far with regard to her relationship. The document is meant to be binding unless some omission of facts by the alien would have caused the USC not to enter into the sponsorship in the first place. Now if some of his odd ways turn out to be deceit from inception, then she would have to give the matter another look.

And she has begun a family with this man, and even though their marriage is not working out, there is more than her interest at stake here. Their children have a right to know their father, and from what she shares there's little likelihood they'd be travelling to his nativeland. So, in summary, I'd say that her children deserve for their father to contribute to their support. Without a sponsor and the consequential benefits that come with that, it's not likely to occur.

Monica,
I remember reading your previous posts about the problems with the relationship upon your husbands arrival and the possibility of other women. 6 months later the same problem exists. Have you openly discussed this with him? Counseling is good, but so are one-on-one discussions with your spouse.

I would never tolerate my husband speaking to other women at all hours of the night, nor having anything similar to a myspace account as an advertising board that he's now in the US and ready for the taking. If this causes you so much pain, ask him to flat out stop it. If he can't, ask him to provide an answer why. If he values your marriage, respects you as a wife, and is taking the counseling seriously, he has to show strides to want to make it work. I personally agree with you that all the other females in his life are leading down a bad path in the marriage. No amount of counseling will fix what he himself is ruining.

I understand you wanting for him to be a part of your childrens' lives. But they need a strong mom, who is not in pain & suffering, and can be able to support them.

I think you want to pull the I-864 because you do feel you may have been taken for a GC, and want to cut your losses.

I'm sorry you are in such a tough situation, and pregnant on top of it. Talk with your husband to see if he can eliminate the women out of his life, if he can't, I think you know what you need to do.

Stay strong and positive.

Sorry monica, :angry: accept hm for who he is and live with it or move on enjoy your beautiful childrens, marry a good guy co worker and enjoy your career and life together.. It would be easier if we got wives for help and help take carfe of us, unfortunately in most male dominated cultures women ahve to cater and take care of man no matter what heetc.. some can handle this and enjoy this life 9me i cut to 3 days a week of work) and some cannot and that is understandable.sorry kids involved , but look OBAMA how he turned out with his broken home..GOd bless..ALLAH HAFIZ

Your second paragraph above is your opinion and your entitled to it. Apparently the OP agrees with you. As such, it would be unwise to withdraw the I-864 but that is a separate issue from whether and under what circumstances she is free to do so.

As to your first paragraph, it is my understanding that she can withdraw her I-864 for any reason she wishes, up until it becomes effective through an approved AOS. The I-864 binds a sponsor with regard to a permanent resident, not a potential permanent resident. If you have some reference indicating a USC sponsor cannot withdraw the I-864 at will at any time before permanent resident status is granted, please do point us to it. If it is your assertion that deception is grounds for withdrawal, after permanent residence is granted, please clarify.

Oh boy. It seems I'm going to have to repeat myself.


My second paragraph is my opinion, given the information that the OP has shared. She doesn't wish to prevent her children from a relationship with their biological father. Therefore, if she chooses not to withdraw the I-864 now, after adjudication the bar is raised and she would have to demonstrate that he has deceived her into marriage for immigrant benefit alone.

The first paragraph was covered here:
The USC's right to withdraw before adjudication (AOS) and/or before the visa is "activated thus conferring status" (this was the part that was incorrect in your reply earlier) is in blue bolded text.

,


This is the part you seem not to be able to extract from my posts or comprehend ....


<the part in red is conditional to the part words bolded in black>

You wrote a single paragraph. Here it is without emphasis added.

I've said on more than one occasion that a petitioner can request to withdraw the petition and any accompanying documents, both prior to and after adjudication of an applicant's submission, however, this is only if the USC suspects that they may have been deceived into marriage for immigrant benefit alone. The opportunity to escape the long-term obligation that the petitioner is required to make to the US government on behalf of the alien is a privelege afforded some petitioners that realize that they were duped into the relationship. That being said, it is not to be used because the petitioner learns that he or she has entered a relationship that is not going to work.

The literal interpretation of what you wrote is that the "however" statement applies both "prior to" and "after" adjudication. Nothing in your paragraph separates the options available before from the options available after permanent resident status is granted.

That's why I clarified. The purpose of the clarification is not about you. It's about giving the correct information in a way it can be correctly comprehended.

We're in agreement on the facts (so far) but your original paragraph quoted above does not state your case clearly.

Now what is it you think is incorrect about my statement you've quoted in blue bolded text? When the I-130 is used for a visa, the I-864 can be withdrawn up until the visa is issued, perhaps even up until the immigrant enter the US and is granted permanent resident status. When the I-130 is used for AOS, it's up until AOS is complete and permanent resident status is granted.

Perhaps you simply want to add that the exception for cases of deception appies to both the above. I don't disagree. Again, just saying something is "wrong" without offering what you think is "right" instead, is not helpful to anybody.

*at last - I finally completely get this*

And if I DO get it, the options for the USC before or after the granting of status are - the same?

Re: the clarification.

Yes, the clause "however, this" while perhaps a little vague, was referring to the words that immediately preceeded it, in other words "after adjudication". I suppose if I were to be pedantic, since I offered two cases ~ a before and after adjudication case ~, if the clause "however, this" were referring to both cases, think I would have written "however, these".

In summary, however, I think we are with one accord.

And to summarise all options, regardless of how a petition was issued, and when, etc. it is hard to answer in one sentence. But the bolded text in blue was to suggest that there are cases when the USC petitioner could, without having to demonstrate any misrepresentation on behalf of the alien, withdraw a visa after it has been awarded, so long as the beneficiary had not yet activated it.

Yeah, you don't get it yet. Before permanent resident status is achieved withdrawal of the I-864 by the USC, is "at will". After permanent resident status is granted, specific conditions must exist. Your misunderstanding is excellent testimony as to the literal meaning of DM's original paragraph.

Options BEFORE adjudication or activation of a visa
USC can withdraw his or her sponsorship of the process as the marriage is no longer viable. Marriage-based permanent residency requires a viable marriage prior to and at approximately the 2 year mark.

Options AFTER adjudication of AOS, or after CR-1 status is conferred
USC can request that his or her endorsement of the adjustment of status application, or the immigrant petition be withdrawn for just cause. That cause being that the USC's marriage to the alien was under false pretenses and NOT because they just don't get along.

Caveat: Note that I always write that the USC requests after ajduication because the USC is subject to his or her proofs in order for USCIS to act upon the request.



Ah, Bloody heLL. Lay off, eh! Let me scrutinise your every word from now on...........

Not about you. It's about clear and correct information. Neither you or I are the topic of discussion. Please help keep it that way.

OMG here you go again.... if you dont like the way people reply to threads then do us all a favour and put everyone on ignore then you wont see their posts and you wont feel the need to act the total pratt.... you make me sick the way you lord around VJ claiming to be the good guy who is only here for the straight talking.... yeh right you are here to take pleasure from picking people up on every little thing you see are not straight talking....

Oh and if I get banned for this post it will be worth it..... because its about time more people stood up to bullies like you who take great delight in belittling others.....


Kez

I'm with Kez on this one. This thread turned into bickering and lost its point to help out the OP with advice.

And I am going to have to agree with N&L. I can see how confusing all this can get for the OP's.

No.

You're overreaching. Maybe because I didn't type volumes.

The USC still has the same option. In my previous understandings, I knew the USC could 'at will' withdraw the sponsorship of the petition before adjudication of AOS or activation of a visa. And I knew there was a way that could be accomplished afterwards, but I didn't get the bit about the immigrants actions that were necessary to request that option.

I understood completely that prior to adjudication/activation it was 'at will' on the part of the USC. I knew there was a way out after adjudication/activation, but I didn't understand what the cause for that request would be.

In either case there is the 'option' for the USC.

The results may be different, but the option still exists. Many readers to this forum believe there IS no later option. I wasn't one of them, but I couldn't punch my way out of the wet paper bag till DM explained it.

I don't understand how it is that people/members aren't going to benefit from a discussion like this. Unless something is fleshed out, when an opportunity arises, then we'd all be operating on only half the information we need. I'll admit that the way it is done makes all the difference to its importance/noteworthiness, but let's not lose sight of the point here.

Yah i come by every 3 months or so same thing mermaid clarifying the straight talk about "entering in marriage on good faith blah"...bottom line, people feel betrayed angry because of expectations of sig and relationships other or not really knowing other person, ....thats pesonal business , the reality of situation per INS is time andtime again..most marriages are legit.and entered in good faith. People came her to get married.in usa. OUr country adultry is not illegal!! part of our "freedoms". it hurts well yes. To pull an affadavit with a wedding ,cohabitation ,and two kids is prob not going to happen.. that is reality.. even normal usc marriiages end go down hill. Is it deportable or is there no chld support or alimony to woman etc if she cheats.???.. find another way to get back .Like curbing the little baxxxtard and moving on . having another good guy or raising good children on your own.. fck the rum. Like he really going to be able to figure out the welfare sstem , if he does then prob owe only 300 dollars a month to govt tops. small price to pay for self respect and freedom from hell!!!!!! In future get with mature and respectful men....

Perhaps we'll leave this for the OP to decide. Because I remember a post that said within about a week of the OP's fiance arriving that he was planning to split, because he had another woman in another state lined up already. Now that to me sounds like intent was to decieve USCIS and just gain entry into the US. Perhaps the OP & husband are working through this, but apparently she has doubts as to whether or not the marriage is legit, or it was GC fraud and she just didn't see it.

Im not AN USCIS genious, but it doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure out that she stayed with hima nd he fathered her children...............>>>>>>> sounds like legitimate realtion ship marriage to me and im willing to be to USCIS as well. revenge and anger would have to take another form on this one:thumbs:

Some immigrants stick around for 3 yrs to get the permanent GC and then take off running, and admit they were in it for the papers. To some GC is gold and they do whatever it takes.

Absolutely. We came to a resolution without any assistance from a moderator. What I find disgraceful is for a moderator's first input to the thread to be in support of a personal attack on a member. Disgraceful indeed.

Where was the attack? Perhaps you should learn to distinguish opinion from attack.

Post #26.

I think you misread. I agreed only with Nanusia that the thread became confusing. No where did I support Kezzie's post and do believe it went over the top.

I believe you but I'm confused as to why it didn't warrant a comment at the time.

Was that an personal attack on a mod?

What can i say ,Im asmuck when it comes to love. makes me weak in knees. i cant keep away

Google 'keylogger' and install it on your PC.
That will give you all his passwords and record all of his conversations using the PC.
Make your decision then.
As an outsider looking in, I would lay money on him being a cheating $%^$&, but I'm not in your situation.
This needs to be resolved quickly , you don't need the stress while pregnant....

I would go to the interview and tell them we were no longer together.
Why should you assume the HUGE responsibility the affidavit of support entails just so he can see his kids??
I'm sure they can visit him if need be.

be warned that this may be violating some state laws.....

even if it`s her computer??????????

In some states, her computer is considered his, if they are married.

I can tell there is alot of hurt on this page.

I don't know if I have wool over my eyes or what, but I entered into this marriage through good times and bad and sickness and in health. We have been in marriage counseling now for 2 months and things have really been looking up for us, especially the past two weeks. It could be the roller coaster that we have been on since we were married, and we are finally in the upswing of things, hopefully we are up here for a while, and if we do come down, I hope it is a smoother ride until the next upswing. But we have finally had some serious mature discussions about life and our lifestyles and we can finally see past the bickering over who is going to cook dinner or change diapers and get to the real root of the problems and deal with them. The effort I have seen coming from him and myself since we had these revelations has been what it should be, the best we can be, and wow has it made a difference in our house. The marriage counseling was and still is the key. But now we have to start working on having these conversations outside of the counselors office. We aren't there yet, but I can see it coming. So many things we didn't know about one another. I speak female and he speaks male, it just took a translator to help us figure out what the other was saying. I physically feel so much better and I notice he doesn't have those bags under his eyes either. We are holding hands again and flirting and he rubs my belly and talks to the baby every night. And our daughter has never been treated so much like a queen with both parents jumping up to change her diaper or read her a book. We even had our first professional family photo taken yesterday. I have to admit I never knew marriage could be so hard and so much work. But I think this is normal in a lot of marriages. We just had this ideal of a worry free, fun all the time marriage, and we were disappointed and down in the dumps when it didn't come to fruition. Now, we are getting closer to that ideal. Does it exisit? I don't know, but trying each day to find it, has been alot more fun than focusing on the bad stuff. We haven't had an argument in two weeks and we speak everyday about great things. I know it sounds basic, but rebuilding that foundation after it broke down just makes the weak spots stronger, as now we know where those weak spots are.

Thanks for all your support and advice on the legal stuff and being a nice safety net under our roller coaster. I will check in again in a few weeks and hopefully have an even more postive post. Only time will tell.

A hard workin' mama and papa

I do not have personal experience to share nor any advice, but I wish both of you congratulations on the progress & good luck !

I'm so happy to hear that you guys are doing much better. Take it one day at a time.

Marriage is a lot of hard work. I used to think getting married meant that you get to split all the responsibilites and duties of life in half, when yet it sometimes seems they multiply. You need your spouse to be your best friend to help you get through it together.

Good luck, and may the upswing never end!

I'm so happy to here your update. I am so happy.

Tammy