my hubby makes the money but I am the one that takes care of paying the bills etc...

I am the one that has to tell hubby that no you can't buy that because we don't have the money for it.. if I didn't we would be broke...

hubby was in charge of the finances in December because I couldn't do it.... boy oh boy was that hard for me... he did ok but I wasn't there to tell him not to buy certain things etc... and he ended up spending a little too much money...

I'd be insulted if he told me I don't have the right to ask things. We both work and we make decisions together. Of course we won't ask permission to each other to buy everything. Like I need a facial lotion i go and buy it. But if I want to buy clothes or he wants to buy a new lawn mower, things like that, we discuss first.

Sounds reasonable. Discuss big-ticket items, but other than that you don't need each
other's "permission" to buy what you want or need.

What's there to take care of? Click, click, it's done.

My hubby earns about 6 times what I do and he was always very good at budgeting. I, on the other hand, have a problem where money seems to just run away from my bank account and never return. I pay all the monthly utility bills from my salary and my husband covers the mortgage, insurance, taxes, car maintenance, groceries, eating out etc. This is what we agreed from when I started working here and it works well. It has forced me to ensure that I have money in my checking account to cover all the bills I need to pay, and also helps me better conserve additional funds for spa days, hair cuts, clothes, etc. We see all the income as "ours" and my husband always asks if i have enough cash, and is always very willing to give me additional if required (it doesnt work the other way around as frankly there wouldnt be a whole lot to give him). We never qualify what the other spends money on as we trust eachother not to go out and spend $10,000 on something just because it is there. For larger items like furniture, we decide what we would like or need, and then if there isnt enough in the budget that month, we wait. We make plans for vacations, or a new car, and make sure we try and meet those goals by cutting back on the weekly luxuries if we need to. If I come back from Macys with some new clothes, he joins me in my delight as I take them out of the bag. If he comes home with new Playstation games I join him in his delight. Neither one of us totally controls the budget and I think that is why it works so well.

well, I have to make sure there is enough money to go around... and make sure the bills get paid on time etc...

Thanks, britty - it's always interesting to know how other people manage their finances.


Yeah, I bet it's real hard

please back off.... I am not in a good mood at the moment..

it is hard when you don't have a lot of money to work with.. it is more the stress of it that is hard...

I earn approximately 2/3 of our total income. So I basically let him make every third financial decision.

Sorry Marilyn - didn't mean to add to your stress.

its ok

Sex and money....the two biggest marriage busters, and ill-communication is always the fuel for the fire...

Why is sex a marriage buster?

it can be if one partner wants it and the other doesn't...

Or if one partner wants something that freaks the other out.

I don't know, I always make sure my wife has $100 in her wallet, but she never spends it.

OR if one partner makes the other PAY for it... ...only kidding...maybe...

or the frequency that the one partner might want sex...

I make twice what my husband is making but I know that he is just getting settled in and he will eventually be making more than me and I still let him keep his money to feel like he can buy some little thing if he needs to. The bottom line is that he needs to step up and be a man. First of all, you shouldn't be allowing someone to handle all of your finances. He has obviously lost control over his finances and is going to end up losing control over everything else. Let me get this straight: husband working everyday, long hours, and bringing the bacon straight home to his wife and then has to ask what he can buy out of his own money?
There really needs to be some lines of communication here and if that doesn't work then maybe you should consider keeping your finances separate. Yes she is taking advantage of you but I truly can't feel sorry for you because you are allowing her to do that. In my eyes, a man is supposed to be the provider, the strong one the coner stone. How can a man live up to those expectations if he isn't trying. No offense but you must really feel week in this particular area.

And, Is she really threatening by divorce. Maybe you are allowing this to happen to you because you are afraid of losing her. That shouldn't be your concern because if a person is going to leave there is just nothing that you can do about it and you shouldn't compomise your situation to satisfy someone else. It doesn't make sense

Ok , I am the wife who writing this message , i just want to clear everything , before i got here he cleared to me that i will have a strict budget in everything and i perfectly understand that, but in necessary things like water and electricity we really cant hold up the way he want when he was single all gonna add up , but we resolved this now coz im the one handling the money , i asked him is that " when i want to buy something are u going to say anything or ask "i never said i would buy now even i know were still facing a big expenses, i dont even said that i would buy 200$ worth of item , but that what he conclude since in his past relationship the woman he been with used stay with him for money. and if its really true that he trust me like what he said he would not have think im going to buy something without even considering the family needs first , now about the voice of his in the house , i dont tell he could notask when i want to buy something , but in his personality he is like he would like to know " why , how , what " all tiny small deatils i have to tell him , for exampl, when he purchased a thing before he told me and i just ask why u want that and he answered me he like to put in his office , i dont elaborate more the important things is that he is happy and its not that much to the level that it will affect the budget. And for the record i dont even have anything in my mind planning to buy when i asked that question to him. i dont know but what i expect to hear from him is that " depend if we have spare and it will make u happy why not " not depend if u want to buy a 200$ worth of shoes that after 3 months ur 200$ is gone , im not hurt about the amount but the point that even if we have spare and the familys needs is reached he wont coz its expensive and not worth the price but how about the happiness and satisfaction i will get , im not saying that i will deal with my satisfaction and happiness first , im saying this thing is when the family need is already satisfied.

Yes I agree with you 100%. My wife just called me up to ask me if she can spend $15 at the goodwill store. Sure even though the money is tight until thursday.

things like facial lotion or toothpaste etc.. just get..

My ex wife got Pi$$ at me cause I bought some Tissuse for the butt and we needed it..she was mad cause I did not ask her permission.

Yogi

I understand your point of view. It sounds like there is a break down of communication and understanding. Money and finances is one of the major causes in marital strife. I'd recommend that you both seek counseling for learning to understand each other better. Best wishes.

Doesn't marriage counselling cost a lot of money?

And isn't it really rather stupid?

You're trying to learn to communicate better, so you go talk to a third party rather than each other. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me.

(Of course, I think the psychiatric field is a load of bollocks anyway)

A lot of them will offer services on a sliding scale.

Communication skills are like any other skill. From my experience with it, it is very helpful when it comes to conflict and the skills one can learn extend to all relationships.

Frankly, your wife might have been questioning what "in total control of the finances" means. By your own admission you claim that you are quite frugal when it comes to spending money on personal items, placing the needs of the family ( not just in the present, but with respect to the future) first. Do those needs include "material" goods as well as shelter and food? And if she is inclined to spend $200 on shoes is the dilemma that she would like to do so without your consent, or is it that you feel that the $200 is already earmarked for the necessities in life, and she is placing luxuries before them? If the latter is the case, perhaps she isn't really the best person to have total control. I note that you gave her that task, because you thought it would make her happy. Is that because she has a knack with how to stretch the dollars to fit your lifestyle and you don't, or because if you had not given her total control she would not be happy? I wonder if the root of the disagreement lies in the fact that you and she have a different view on how significant "material" goods are.

Platy, are you a scientologist?

ARE YOU TOM CRUISE!?

Same here!

Both my husband and I also have separate bank accounts, but we're both responsible for splitting the cost between us and making sure it paid for first---rent, gas, electric, phone, cable and food. As long as this is all taken care of first, we can then do whatever we want to our own money after that.

counseling is covered by hubby's health insurance so we only pay a 30 dollar copay at each visit...

so true and can be taught,,,,as can listening

Psychiatry is stupid.

sounds to me like you can't even talk to her ! I would close every account with her name on it ( while you have the chance) and quite being mr nice guy. Thats just wrong.

Besides its being illegal and impossible to close a bank account without all the account holders being present, are you *trying* to cause the OP to get divorced? Because believe me, if my husband closed our bank account, we would be. That's like a *last* step you take when you're trying to end the marriage and protect your assets.

I don't agree. (I don't think a stay-at-home mom, e.g., should have no say in what her husband buys.)

I think it's very important to prioritize what the couple wants to do with their money. Pay your savings, pay your bills, and then figure out what you two want to do with the rest. In our case, this works by both of our paychecks going into the same account. I am more responsible with money and generally more frugal, so while we have a joint account out of which comes the expenses, it's pretty much my area to manage and control.

We both agree what "allowance" is good for him and me, that allows each of us to have freedom in making small personal purchases, but doesn't detract from our overall financial plans. And it also means that our spending money isn't tied to our individual income, but our joint plans.

Cheaper than divorce.

On a more serious note, usually it's not the amount of money that's causing the strife, but the management of it, so the expense of a counselor can be worthwhile.

stfu you Persian Scientology's shoe

I don't get it.


I don't get it.

brother ma...don't worry be happy

I still don't understand what it has to do with scientology.

I also think that psychiatry is a load of bollocks. Am I a scientologist?

Just for the record, it's not illegal here where we live. When my husband and I moved, he went back to the town where we lived and closed our bank account without me being present. Of course, we're not having problems, financially or other. He did it on his day off while I was at work. I was fully aware of what he was doing and no one from the bank called to verify.

no, but the person who said that was just saying that is what scientologists believe too...

Yes Mark, Scientologists eschew psychology and all medications for psychiatric disorders. The cult has been implicated in the deaths of several people who they took off their meds. Maybe you are a Scientologist!

Psychiatry sucks! Down with Viagra!

(a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing, i know)

Funny thing that L. Ron Hubbard was diagnosed by clinical psychologists as having paranoia schizophrenia. He battled with mental illness and like many people with that disease, he consequently despise or have contempt towards psychiatry. Also, it's verifiable that he also popped pills (barbituates) and drank, yet started a religion that is adament against substance abuse.

That's a bit OT, but I thought worth mentioning.

*sigh* more librul media bias

Isn't it time for your meds?