Ladies,

Please help me. I'm about to lose my mind. I just don't understand it. Why can't my ex let go. You have a WOMAN, so let me go. I'm not giving you any signs or signals that is not over. It's done, finish, final. He just won't get it. I'm engaged, I'm wearing another man's ring...you have a woman (LEAVE ME ALONE). AND do you want to know what he tells me (we have a child, it's never DONE). I'm about to lose my mind. It's bad enough I chopped off all my TALL hair because most of it was falling out, now what little I have is going to fall out too ...like I need anymore more stress...the K-1 process is already stressful enough. And what really pissess me off is that he keeps on tell my son (4 years old) to ask mommy to marry daddy or ask him where did mommy take you or who did mommy go see...(that's about the LAST I can take) Leave the child out of this.

I feel like a TOTAL EDIAT for staying in a realtionship like this for so long (smadi kick mi please). Should have ended it 4 years ago.

Eunu might read bout mi pon di news. Cho, better mi go get a protection order.

*****and please (I don't want to hear nothing about I should have been married before having kids...like that would have mek one rass difference) I've heard that for the last 4 years. I'm just looking for advice from women or MEN who have been in the same situation*******

Signed,

A totally fustrated soon to go BALD Trelawny

Girl tell mi bout it mine de same wey

Girl tell mi bout it mine de same wey for the kids sake you need not fi let it stress you. We do silly things when were in love. But I hear you every time mine come back from wit den daddy demm act like dey figet evera ting mi taught dem. i wish sum boddi would cum wit de judgemental ting dat. We do the best we can do wit what we got, you made de bes descsion when yah medet, no boddi fault u fa dat. Don't worry Gill soon come and give you words of wisdom. Gill weh yah deh guh, mel gayl need ya

Is he Jamaican?

Cause I got an ex still calling me after not seeing the guy for over 3 years, telling me some bullshyt about he's still in love with me and all this. Andre even answers the phone when he calls sometimes. Does that make a difference?

Some guys don't know how to give up at all.

How's that go????? Don't know what you got till it's gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, he's Jamaican. He told me we're tied for LIFE...but the worse part is we own a house together (WTF) was I thinking, but I was in love and well, I tried and I thought it was going to work and I wanted the best for my son. But as my auntie will say, my son will be okay, I have to take care of myself, because if I'm not happy, my son will not be happy. My aunt also told me that (we - as women) try to fix every damn thing (sometimes it's best to just let it say BRUCK UP) and just take care of ourselves. For years I've been on the other side advising women and helping them get away from abusive men and well, guess where I ended up. Life is a trip. But all I can do is

PAP= PACK and PRAY (sorry mi a wet u unu screen)

Don't you fall for that, Tre!

Lawny,

Look 'ere...YUH NEVER EVER LET NO MAN OOMAN OR CHILD STRESS YUH OUT!!!! WI RUN TINGS....TINGS NUH RUN WI...ZEEN? I know it is difficult...truss mi I ave wan CLAAT of a Baby Daddy tuh!!! Yuh jus haffi ignore him! Once your Hubby gits here and Baby Daddy see em nuh git tuh yuh no more em will stop!

However, when hit comes tuh yuh child yuh need fi put yuh foot dung! Let Baby Daddy knoa if he continues to mentally scar your child wid his foolishness...you will ave no choice but tuh file a restraining order ( I knoa yuh nuh waan fi duh dat...but it might help fi cool deh eediat's RASS!!!)

Also important...do NOT under HENNY circumstances feel like you deserve deh phockery em waan fi give yuh!! Baby Gurl, life is a learning lesson...it doesn't matter how fas or slow yuh learn deh lesson as lang as yuh learn it!! You did NOTHING wrong other than tek a chance on LOVE!!!!

Don't figget where yuh come from...YOU ARE A STRONG, FIERCE JAMAICAN OOMAN OF AFRICAN DESCENT!!! DO YOU KNOA WHAT OUR PEOPLE HAVE GONE THROUGH???? Nuh boddah fi let wan likkle fenky fenky pissa shyt bwoy come mess hup yuh mentals!! YOU HAVE A CHILD FI RAISE!!! HE needs a nice, strong HEALTHY Mama!!! Plus don't forget yuh need fi set an example fuh yuh likkle Bwoy!! "Dis is wat a strong ooman looks like!"

When em start wid em phockery yuh need fi LAUGH!!! Mi seh LAUGH at em!! Even if yuh nuh feel fi laugh...LAUGH!!!! Never let em see yuh Sweat!!! Bawl yuh #### off when deh Baby is sleeping and no one is around but infront of yuh ex han yuh child LAUGH!!!!

Blessed love always and memba..."THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!!!"

PM mi if yuh ever need hennyting!!

Gill

THANKS Gill----------

I so NEEDED that girl THANKS...I so, so NEEDED that.

Go Gill !!!

Lawny no mek dat pissa miserable man mek u join him inn him misery..dem always seh misery luv company. Just tek care a u yute u si mi...him can gwaan chat all him want....how quickly can u get him off ur deed..or sell and re-buy sumpting...

No worry chica ..God knows best..

There will be tempation just no heed u see it

why he telling the child him and you need to get married, he never realize that before now, they hate it when we move on and some men think as long as u have a child with a woman its never really over. but its not about him, its about you and what you want out of life. he should have known what he have from morning and secure it the right way instead of trying to work through child.

Some men think a woman who is really in love will never get over them. I overheard something on the tv, last night, the person said - how do u show a woman u love her her and the answer was "you cherish her."

point blank plain and simple.

*Jengles is now stepping down from her soapbox*

Hennytime Sistren...Hennytime!!!

Memba wat mi seh...laugh afta him!!! ...Dyam A$$!!!

"When is Mommy gonna Marry Daddy?" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA "No Sweetie, is joke Daddy a mek! Nex time Daddy hask yuh dat... tell him to stop playing around & hask Mommy directly! Whoa...your Daddy is SOOOOOO FUNNY!!!"

Trus mi is suh mi haffi duh wid mi ex...act like em phockery doan effect mi other dan fi laugh afta em!! He used to do the same ting...a yse mi pickney dem! Once he saw that it wasn't getting to mi anymore han mi life was moving alang...he stopped!!

Be strong!

Bless bless,
Gill

AMEN!!!!!

PREACH SISTREN JENGY PREACH!!!!!!

*Sista Gill a rattle har tamborine*

Thanks...I'm printing these out and I'll read them. My grandmother always tell me the best advice you get is from people you don't know and from those who don't really know you, but have been there.

I'm a STRONG BLACK WOMAN........I'M A STRONG BLACK WOMAN

Girl the choir was singing when I was typing that. lol

I could 'ere dem!!! Dem a sing LOUD & CLEAR!!!!

That right Lawny...THAT's right!! Look Gurl, yuh a duh bettah dan mi!! Hit tek mi EIGHT years fi figure hout my hex was a REAL CLAAT!!!!!! Suh, yuh learn your lesson in HALF deh time!!!

Gwaan through mu gurl...gwaan through!!

Gill

Of course you are You've been given great advice.

Trust me...it will get better with time. Once he sees you won't stoop to his level...he'll eventually leave you alone.

I had the same issues when my daughter was younger. I couldn't even go out on a date because he was stalking me but I continued to live my life...acted like he didn't exist until he showed me some respect and we could finally talk like two adults...

When I got engaged (mind you he was MARRIED) he stopped talking to me and doing for our daughter. Well it didn't do anything but make him look stupid....now my daugther sees what type of person is really is....

He honestly felt like I'll be always be his and we'll always have some kind of relationship It's really sad he feels that way but there's nothing I can do but be the best mother I can be.....

That was beautiful Jengles. Your's too, Gill.

I'm having a bad day and you two are making me tear up.

Carry on, ladies...................

Hang tight JG..."This Too Shall Pass!!" ...Thank G-d a day is ONLY 24 hours...then we get to start again!!

Bless,
Gill

Gurl it's a TOTAL of 10 years...we broke up and I gave him another chance and well, I got pregnant (make up SEX is a trip).

Gill,

You really made me laugh out loud.

DYAM DAT MEK HUP SEX!!!! Mi knoa wat yuh mean still!!!! Ole wutless claat...dat ah deh ongly ting em WAS good fuh! However, now...not even DAT!!!! Is wuh mi need dat HOLD man fuh when mi haffi mi nice trong trong 'Young' Man fi fling and swing mi hevery which weh!!!!!

Yes Lawny...mi knoa mi is a mess!!! Mek deh res tell yuh!

Lawny..
where do I start.........
I know exactly wht you are speaking about..and I feel your painnn, cheer up and like Gill Jengles and Kimmy has said just laugh inna him face when he brings anything as ludicrous to you and tell him fi stop antagonize di pickney..........

I remember when the likke dutty a$$ found out I married.that was the first time in years that he tried to contact me........his son never even knew who he was.....after talking to him ( well him trying to talk and mi cursing him out ) he had th enerve to say that no matter if mi deh wid smaddy or not.him can always get di pums I bust out laughing.then he said mi and you have oickney so a fi mi datI think all guys think that no matter what we are always theres once we have a child with them......what they don't realize is we might have a child with you but that don't mean SWEET HONEY ICE TEA life goes on whether or not they want it to...........
You just move on and keep moving on........Mek him gwan tek care a you child but cut off all correspondance with him...when he calls to speak to the child and try having conversation with you just seh : wait deh di pickney soon come and fling the phone dung
do wah Gill seh and laugh affah him .......mek him feel like de fool he is.......

Why you think people gonna tell you bout you shodda wait till you married fi get preggo..please dis a the 21 centurary so dem deh kinnda tinking fi tan so back......

Hope you can get through this and move on.....5 years later and dis likke dutty buoy stil a gwan wid him foolishness....only time will tell and heal it up so you and you husband and child can move on....

much love.....

Gill true words

Good...laughter is deh best medicine! How yuh ear feelin?

Sounds oohhhh so familiar!! Still to this day he thinks he has a chance CHA!!

My Ex invited me to dinner last week Of couse I declined...he said because I was afraid to be alone with him...I might jump his bones He's nuttier than I thought because I haven't talked to him in almost 3 years...what made him think I would say yes....

and trust me, he would be the LAST man I would call to jump on .

You've been giving some great advice and trust wen deh seh This Too Shall Pass sooner or later... Yuh jus strong up yuh self sistern The laughter thing really does wuk. Dat is wha mi duh everytime laugh laugh laugh 'im cyaan understand weh mi do ie, mi tell 'im cus yuh wan duty joke!!

Make up sex is how I got my son, lol

Gill,
U made me choke on my brownie.

My ear is fine, talk to me about my hip and knee. I'm falling apart but thats ok.

I was at home last night, looking forward to the day when all my children can walk. lol I need help

HAHAHAHAHA...me too!!

Puh-lease Jengy...tek time...mi nuh need Missa Jengy fuh come look fuh mi a tell mi seh mi kill hoff em ooman wid mi foolishness !! Speaking of Missa Jengy...how em a duh dung deh!?!?!?! My whole rahtid family left fuh JA tiddeh..a chat bout dem a guh 'Jazz Festival'!! SURRRRRRRPS...(a jus' jealous mi jealous )

Gurl, mi used fi seh deh same ting...Now I'm like "Is when onnuh a guh sit yuh RASSSS dung han stop run hup han dung a drive mi CRAZY!!!

"Wanti wanti cyaan gitti...Gitti gitti nuh wanti!"

Bless,
Gill

I have never felt so much love from people I've never met. I'm in my office half in tears and half in LAUGHTER (mi belli a kill mi). Thanks so much ladies I truly needed these comments. I was about to give up and end up in my depressed mood again. I was depressed the entire time I was pregnant (THANK GOD) I did not end up with post-patrum depression. I'd told myself a 100 times that I would rather be alone and pregnant that be in a relationship and feel alone (but I was too scared to leave). Life is a lesson and we learn something new everyday

when it hurts to look back and you're scared to look ahead, look beside you and (my NEW friends from YARDIE link on VJ) will be there.

Thanks again for the laughs, but most of all for the hugs and the support.

Ladies, ladies, ladies;

My hat's off to you all for your kind and inspiring words. I want us all to take a page out of Lawny's book and heed the advice of all the ladies who chimed in. They are talking the truth.

There is some complacency with these Ja men. They don't do what they should and have to do to keep their women, and when you leave them they act the fool like they are "G-d's gift to women. They also think that because you have their child no other man will want you with that "baggage"

I have been there and done that with the stalking thing. I had to get some guys who lived in my apartment building in Bklyn to threaten the bastard of a husband I had for him to get the message that I didn't want his black a$$. That was the only way I could get him to stop harassing me. He even told me that no man would pick me up with two children. Pity he did not know they were waiting in line for him to get out of my life.

Anyway, not more to say as it is like re-inventing the wheel.

I must say good luck to you Lawny and you know we've got your back. You know that Kimmie and Gill will drag all of us to come beat his sorry a$$.

Next time tell him to bring the food come and when he come, grab the food and slam the door in his face and then tell him how you and your hubby enjoyed the food.

ALWAYS GURL ALWAYS... When mi did welcome yuh han tell yuh seh yuh fine a good place wid good people...it wasn't lie mi a tell!!

Jah knoa mi THANK G-D HEVERYDAY fuh mi Yardie Family!!!!! I am blessed to be in the presence of such good women and outstanding people...I am grateful dat I was led to such a wonderful group of people.

Nuh git mi wrong...hevery now and den wi ave our fallin' hout...but just like any family wi kiss han mek hup (no sex though ) han move on! Is pon deh strength of mi Yardie fam dat mi reach suh far!!

Ok...I'm PMSing and welling hup...suh mi haffi stop now!

Love onnuh like mi festival and fritters (han Bwoy mi REALLY love dem!! ),

Gill

He called me a little while ago to tell me he is finished his business down there and he's ready to come back home. He has to go to Kingston to get the passport, not to sure how the visa thing is going to work out. I forsee that i'm going to have to take out my other soapbox, if I have to deal with the embassy.

Nuh u a kill me off Gill, is my own greediness, mi buy the biggest brownie because I wanted more for my money and it dry yuh see.



talk truth, cause my 5 year old...OMG...I'm always yelling at him to sit still, even when he's still there always seems to be a wind swirling around him....

You see it tell em fi mek wey......ya comin through [size="4"][/size] Damn skippy and as a friend if yah haven't been trough nuttin yah cant help me get trought nuttin. I heard Joyce Myer seh dis one time, we as women are supposed to help build each odder up, not break each odder down. It took me 11 years and three pickney fi learn.

Ha Ha haven we all heard dis

Dat is a dyam good one Brownie...mi a guh tief hit!!!

But yuh learn hit Sis...yuh learn hit!!!

Gill

Not jus Ja men......all wukless men.

Waahhhaaa!!! ROFDWL. This is so true! I got a niece like this. Lawd she wuk mi ova, and she nah even mi own pickney!

If they are anything like my son, that does end as they age. It just gets more annoying!

AGREED...My Hex is American as they come...born and breed!! Han he is WUKLESS & WUTLESS!!! (still cracking miself hup!)

Gill

Guh, It's sad to say but this is my social life . I don't have much time fi much else. I'm starrtin to fill a bit wird coming to the computer to get my girlfriend time...nobody near me have nuttin in commin, They are all single, hevery body tink mi strange cause I'm married to an immigrant, who they assumes used mi to get here, and everybody jus hookin up and dats not mi style. Why do people tink it's strange to seh I can't do this or that cause my man is at home or I can't cause mi and my man are goin out Or assume I cannot hang out cause I'm one of those married people. I jus rather sit home by mi sef or wit my man. Mi and my hubby were talkin bout dis de odda deh, seh we have become eah oddahs best fren Cause em not go out eddah.

I actually get every single word of that. I always think everyone else is strange. We are normal!

Most of my friends have left NYC and gone south. My other friends like to go to dance. Dat nuh too good for the marriage thing. yah feel me...I feel like here u get support and not get torn down and when need be...the truth..

I hear yuh Brownie! Mi coworkers party everynight!!! just last night they went to a bar and stayed til 2am and then got to work before me! I never want to hang out wit them cause...personally I just dont have that in common with them. I am married and even though my man is far away I still hold im dung and respect im! Mi seh if den nah ovastand why yuh waan feh spend time wit yuh huzzy den dem nah ave nuh man demselves!

DAMN........JUST blew stone ginger wine out my nose CRACKING up girl u killing me WUKLESS AND WUTLESS...mi deh yah a dead wid laugh.mi no know which one a di worse.......lawd gaad mi a dead

Well, I have to agree...this is site is my girlfriend site. Almost all of my friends are single now either by choice or their husbands for many years decided to have ummmmm 2 maybe 3 children outside of the marriage and (pastor) is going to say forgive him (not I). So, their thing for 2007 was whatever the men can do we can do and I wasn't down for that. I did my running in the days, dance, club, more dance, club, parties after a while you get tired of it. I stopped at the age of 27 (I'm 37 now). I had my son at 33 and lost a lot of friends that I though were close because their kids were older and they wanted to hang out, but by then I had a newborn. They told me I started too late. Well, that was God's plan for me. I can barely stay awake past 8pm let alone 4am. So, I'm a home body, I don't mind going out, but to tell you the truth I'd rather be home cuddled up with my son, my MAN (when he gets here), a book, a good movie and a bottle of STONE GINGER WINE. I drink a shot glass everynight. Got that from my great grandmother. She use to also mix stout and rum with nutmeg YUCK (what a stress). She say it give her staminia ***kiss mi neck**** I use to love it when she talked about men. I should have listened to her...if a man don't know the value of a good women, he's not worth your time and don't sit down a wait pon no man (especially if him a spoon feed you) -- that was me. I was being spoon fed.

Girl i feel you too, going thru the exact thing, but why? "YOU GOT A WOMAN" Ive finally moved on like YOU suggested, so now whats the problem? We have a 3yr.old ,now he's giving me problems about keeping him so that i can't go to Trini to visit my fiance and for carnival ,but he should know i have back up plan for my son, he wants to make it hard for me, but i'm going to show him how its really suppose to be when you move on! don't let him get next to you, because for some reason they think if they make you upset then you still care for them. "Never let them see you sweat!