i recently became engaged to the love of my life. and in the midst of my happiness i discovered that he has a few financial irregularities. my questions are quite simple. Before we send in the completed forms and such.
1. will the fact that my fiance has child support arrearages and owes some taxes affect our application for a k1 visa.
2. my fiance had his licence removed because of a dui incident, does this disqualify him as the us citizen for applying for a visa for me or does it have to be several similar incidents invoiving alcohol.

The child support payments are the subject of a soon to be court case, and are going to be adjusted to a more reasonable level. My fiance is far from being a deadbeat dad and wants to provide for his kids, the punitive nature of the child support system however has prevented him from doing so in many ways.

i understand that there should be in this case a co sponsor affidavit of financial support, my fiance ( who if you havent gathered is the us citizen) is above the poverty line. i do not have a great deal of money myself but as a lecturer i make a substantial amount of money.

i really need some advice on this to put my mind at rest. it seems as i put to bed one concern another rears its ugly head. i'm desperate.

its taken so long to meet someone that i want to spend my life with and i'm frustrated that it looks like it might be denied me.

damsel in distress

prima

1. no, this will not affect your application for a K-1. Owing back taxes might affect the affidavit of support, but if you have a co-sponsor that should put that to rest. Your income, as it is UK based, won't count; however, your assets and property can.

2. Your fiance's DUI will not have a bearing on your case, as he is the US citizen. Were it you, the beneficiary, it might be different.

The punitive nature of the child support system? What punitive nature is that? That the non-custodial parent pay up?

Sorry, but I just don't get that. You should further familiarize yourself with the US Family Court system. If your fiance was ever in a position where the support was legitimately too much for him to handle, he could have taken that issue to the courts for re-evaluation before the situation became too far gone to create vast arrearages.

Taxes can also be paid in installments and after the annual tax deadline of April 15, if the proper paperwork is filled out.

I don't usually make these sort of statements, but you might want to think beyond the affidavit of support for your immigration. There may very well be mitigating circumstances for the state of your fiance's financial health. If so I apologize in advance. I think you owe it to yourself, and not to me or anyone else here, to fully and honestly evaluate what happened.

It can be pretty vicious, frankly. Speaking from close experience, I've seen some *very* unfair deals enacted under the name of "child support". It all depends on who has a better lawyer, mommy or daddy.

My ex's brother is currently getting reamed in the name of "child support", the situation is pretty dire, and he is ANYTHING but a deadbeat dad. I've had the "privilege" of being present at some of the court hearings (as ex's brother can no longer afford a car, gas, or insurance) and, frankly, it's a joke.

Re-evaluation? Total joke. He's been trying to get this re-evaluated for several years now, with no success - god knows he can't afford a lawyer better than the mother's (who isn't footing the bill for it, her parents are). He is working two to three jobs to meet the amount they require of him and has nothing - and I mean NOTHING - to live on afterwards. The court doesn't seem to be interested in the fact that this makes him unable to support himself at all, even though he lives with his blind and disabled dad (along with my ex, who works two jobs to pay for the both of *them*).

So yes, I think the OP could possibly be correct in that the system might have a bit of a punitive nature, and it's a slippery slope, too.

thanks for your reply, lol. i think i was a bit hasty yesterday. i pretty much found out that my fiance does not have a dui at all, something different. and as to the person who made the comment that i need to find out more about the child support system, you need to check your judgemental **** at the door. i am far from stupid and i am quite aware of the situation regarding his current child support situation. the system is punitive because it assumes guilt, and places that upon the father without negotiation. as i said we in the midst of clearing up the issues regarding this.rather than you assuming from the little that i posted on here, maybe you could have asked. huh.

still thanks for the posts i reply appreciate it all. i'm just excited about us. its all back on track. i will keep you posted

xxxx

hope alive

er whats or who is "the OP". is that some short hand for new post ......... should i be offended hahahah

Very true words !

I, personally, know a man living out of his van in a storage building on his employer's property. After his child support is taken from his check, he has enough left over for food and nothing for a place to live. All they care about it his "responsibilty" to his four children, screw basic life for him.

In my own situation, my former wife fills her closet with new shoes, gets $100 haircuts and massages, while my children grow out of their own clothes. Child support, my rear.

Child support is mostly fun money for many women and a way for the government to take more money for themselves.

i answered your post at about 2 am in the morning and looking back on it i think i was a bit harsh to ya. i am up till those hours because i just got back last thursday and i'm still on EST. you are of course being very polite with what you say and i dont think you were trying to be mean. i personally am not the best for wear financially and i have made many mistakes, many of them when i was a student and i thought that being older would never happen to me. i am fully caught up on the reasons and the heretofores regarding the state of my partners finances, but i do see how looking at what i said it would cause someone however aggravatingly to hear alarm bells.

second chances is what life is all about, if someone looked at my finances from an impartial and uninvolved point of view i'm sure it would raise a similar response.

nonetheless i thank you for your post, all insight is greatly appreciated

prima

this is what i was talking about, at the time of the child support being levied upon my partner he actually had the custody of his children, and he has always worked. the mother on the other hand refused to work and went on welfare. He actually left the army to look after his kids because she couldn't. the system assumes he wasnt looking after his children but he was. now it takes half his pay no matter what job he does and none of it is recieved by his children. it makes me mad as hell to see someone who actually wants to be a father prevented being one. there are real deadbeat dads out there. i know of many. But he isnt one. this political bs that has the system so caught up with catching absentee dads should be re evaluated and made more equitable. still i'm praying and hoping that this will be the year to end all this and to make a full recovery from what has been a harrowing time for him and his children.

I appreaciate that. Thanks. My concern is for you.



Besides the fact that this is a sexist statement, it makes no sense. Child support is not even taxable, so the government certainly isn't 'taking from it'.

Oh, really-!!! Would you like to see my support agreement? The government receives a nice percentage, in the form of an administrative fee, each and every time child support is stripped out of my check. How is that not taking for themselves? Obviously the more they levy, the more they line their own pockets.

As for sexist remark, I call the child support system as I see it, a huge sexist concept.

Well, I hate to tell you this; but men in single parent households get child support as well.

It's also not required to go through the governement channels to deduct it. You can work out details with the other parent to pay amongst yourselves.

OMG.

Tell that to your kids. I bet they'll appreciate it.

Why is the notion of support such a big damn deal with MEN? Oh, wait a minute - I think I get it. Since you only contributed sperm to the creation of the child, you then feel you no other obligation beyond that point? Like typically you might have wasted it going down the shower drain?

My son knows his father always paid his support. He also knows how his dad wouldn't pay for one other damn thing beyond that because his father constantly told us that was 'plenty' to pay. Your kids REMEMBER what you say to them - how they see you act and behave towards them after the court has made mandates. When a child feels their love alone - their mere existence - isn't worthy of a few bucks - well no wonder they so often turn away from the person paying the support who also has a chip on their shoulder.

Boo hoo you have to pay child support. And an 'administrative fee' too. You make me want to cry rivers for you.

Rare, very rare. I know not one. And I know plenty of divorced people.


Possible? of course, but why do it when it does not benefit you. It's not my former wife that pays the government tribute, it's me. I don't know many couples that split in such good terms they are willing to trust each other in "pay direct" arrangement.

Because then you wouldn't have to pay the fee?

Why are you getting all dramatic? I have a need to support my children. Let me repeat slowly, my c h i l d r e n. If you read my previous post you will see, my child support is only more former wife support. My children receive no benefit from her new $100 haircuts. My point is this money should be used for my children exclusively. Oh, an BTW, my children see what their mother does with their money. I don't have to say a word. They are on my side.

My DF pays child support and his ex spends it on drink. She can't hold a job down. I don't think that is the idea!!! that the child ends up supporting his mother. The money is never spent on his son, even when the poor lad got a small part time job she took his money.
We are trying for custody, he's 15 and desperately wants to live with his dad. We probably won't ask for child support off her as she is in debt up to her eyeballs and would never pay it anyway even if she had a job.

I'm getting 'dramatic' because you are generalizing about the system based upon the injustices you see in your own personal situation. And - because you are blaming the system on women.

How old are your kids? Here, kids can choose whom they live with at the age of 14. Could your children live with you?

Since the support is for your c h i l d r e n - how would you propose the system be changed? Should an ex provide an accounting each month of how they spend their money? Should haircuts and other 'non-essentials' be banned? Does a portion of the money spent on a mortgage payment, gasoline, groceries, and utilities (from a household budget) get factored into 'support'? Or would you contend not?

I do know of many who pay directly to one another and get along just fine.

The benefits would be no administration fee. That is what I was getting at with my posts.

This post and the $100 hair cut comment from Kazan' Tiger make me sad. If that is what is truly happening and the child is not being cared for properly, then the case needs to go back to court. I do know it costs quite a bit to raise a child....the expenses are unreal sometimes. I find it very rude for my ex- to tell me what I can and cannot spend money on, even if some of it is coming from him in the form of child support. That little bit of money is no where near what it costs to raise my children.



I know of quite a few men receiving support.

Great minds, RJ.........I was just calculating in my head how much it costs to raise my children......child support is no where near the cost of rearing them.

I had to chuckle at your monthly accounting. I think the whole system would dramatically change if that were the case. Many people would end up paying a lot more then they pay now.

I'm sure there are many people who pay support for their child whether its to a mother or father. The idea being that the money goes towards the upkeep of the child.
My DF ends up buying all his childs clothes, books, etc on top of child support because his ex doesn't and he can't bear to see his child go without. He is filing for custody now because I will be there soon. He has had to work so many hours to support his child in the last few years and would of stood no chance of getting custody because he was always at work. We have a good case, his son is desperate to move in with us.
It would be such a pleasure to claim child support off her but I'm thinking why bother? we won't get it and it will just be added onto the pile of debts she already owes. It's such a sad situation, he's a really good intelligent kid and definately deserves more.

BTW sorry Prima and Jay for hijacking your topic
FYI My DF has many issues and so did I, we were approved, no problem.
PM me if you want to know more.

I hope he gets custody too - if the mother is not taking care of the child, the child should live with the father. I hope it works out for you.

I am not blaming the system on women. I am blaming it on a government that still views women as little helpless creatures that need a man to support them. Evidence of this is everywhere at the local child support office here. I am hardly sexist, I've had plenty of female supervisors that I respected far more than their male counterparts.

I would like to see child support placed on a reloadable debit card. It would show proof of where the money is being spent. I am not getting in to every little household expense. My opinion is, if the expense does not increase by the presence of a child, it should not count.

As for the age of 14 to choose... My former wife told the children they can not leave her household until they reach their 18th birthday. My daughter already keeps a countdown as she wants to live with me. I know another family, same area, in a similar situation. The man's daughter walked out on her mother and went to live with her father on her 18th birthday.

It doesn't matter what your ex tells the child. What does the law say?

For example - if the law says 14, then the child could walk out of their mother's house on their 14th birthday and into their father's car waiting outside the mother's house, and there would not be squat the mother could do to stop them.

Yikes!

All I've found so far is the court will take a minor child's opinion into consideration. I see nothing where a child under the age of 18 can chose without permission.

Well, RJ.....unless they file as emancipated minors or the parents return to court to adjust, wouldn't they fall under the divorce, custody, visitation and child support decrees until they are 18?

As far as we have been told, at 15 he has a choice. But we still have to go through the courts as he is under 18 and is classed as a minor.

I checked with the boss. Remember, this is the system in my state.

If the child wanted to move, the parent they were 'going to' would file a motion to have the custody issues raised. There would be a hearing. As the law allows for the change, the motion would likely be granted unless there were compelling reasons the 'new' parent were unfit. In other words, the child doesn't need the prior parent's permission.

So my statement was incorrect insofar as the kid cannot just pack their bags and go. But in essence the child prevails.

In other words, a child of 15 would get a say in where he/she lives? If so that is good news, we desperately want him away from his mothers bad influence, he needs some stability in his life as well as parents who will provide for his needs. We can give him that, my DF meets the lawyer on thursday, he will get things moving. I move over in approx 7 weeks, hopefully timings will be aprox spot on. I move, he gets custody.

Every state writes their laws differently Sally, but this is how it works where I live. Yes - the child gets a say.

u child support hijackers ................. hey ! slow your roll.

and i think the system is biased truly, and i'm a woman. if half your wages are being taken every month, that is alot. to be honest most of the payment is not recieved by the beneficiary. in our case none of the halved wage check has every been recieved by his child. As for the cost of raising a child, it was never ever supposed to be just the man providing for the child it is supposed to be the woman too. it took two people to make that child. if you have a child work like my mother did. my father wasnt the best at paying ####, but we were fed clothed and loved. what we didnt have we waited for. i never thought at any time that i wasnt loved. children understand when their parents dont have alot of money, what they dont understaND is why mummy and daddy always bad mouth each other and feel torn by whom they should support.

child support is not merely financial, and if a the system deprives men or women supporting thier children emotionally because it only allows them as parents to barely survive, then it is wrong.




u child support hijackers ................. hey ! slow your roll.

and i think the system is biased truly, and i'm a woman. if half your wages are being taken every month, that is alot. to be honest most of the payment is not recieved by the beneficiary. in our case none of the halved wage check has every been recieved by his child. As for the cost of raising a child, it was never ever supposed to be just the man providing for the child it is supposed to be the woman too. it took two people to make that child. if you have a child work like my mother did. my father wasnt the best at paying ####, but we were fed clothed and loved. what we didnt have we waited for. i never thought at any time that i wasnt loved. children understand when their parents dont have alot of money, what they dont understaND is why mummy and daddy always bad mouth each other and feel torn by whom they should support.

child support is not merely financial, and if a the system deprives men or women supporting thier children emotionally because it only allows them as parents to barely survive, then it is wrong.

Never said it shouldn't be both parents supporting the child. All I said was I would not do well if my ex required an accounting of how I spent my money, especially when his portion was not even near the cost of raising the child.

OP = Original Poster


Does your ex have her own income separate from the child support?

Nice to see someone else understands.

I have a little problem with the "barely survive" statement.

Here the courts used a legislated 'formula' for computing child support.

It takes into account the wages of both parents, and the anticipated expenses of the household where the child will live.

I won't go so far to say it's a 'perfect' system, but it does tend to weigh out in favor of the child - as it should. Sometimes the 'paying' parent will get caught paying more than they like.

In my case, I had a house to raise my son in that his father had overbuilt and over-borrowed against. That was the home I had to make payments on in order for my son to have a roof over his head after the divorce. If the mother and child stay in the original marital home, I'd say MOST of the time one wage-earner couldn't afford that home on their own. Married couples make decisions everyday to buy houses that are out of their budget if both aren't working. When the marriage breaks down, are the kids supposed to move to a lesser house because Mom and Dad had champagne taste on a beer budget?

She makes more than me and has better benefits!

Then, sorry.... no offense intended.... she has every right to spend her income on $100 haircuts. You cannot complain or dictate what she spends her money on if she earns it herself.

Ohhh. Interesting! So because she has her own income, she has the right to spend child support money on $100 haircuts while the children are deprived new clothes and told, by her, to "Earn it on your own." - ???

She never started getting $100 haircuts until after she started receiving child support.

I'm going to bow out of this one. It's a no-win situation when there's an angry ex-spouse involved. Just be careful of karma. You may just get what you're wishing for.

I totally agree with you Prima, the system is biased and there is no thought towards the emotional support of the child, it is all to do with financial "support".
In our case, the mother spends the child support she gets inappropriately. When things get tough and she runs out of money she phones my DF and sometimes even his mum to beg for money, using his son as a bargaining weapon. "If I don't get then he goes without!!!!" how can my DF refuse? He never wants his son to go without.
That is why he has said enough is enough, I get there in 7 weeks and there will be an adult to look out for him while my DF is at work. We can give him all the backing and stability he needs to finish his education and see him into adulthood as well as food, clothing and lots of love. Everything he needs both emotionally and physically, everything hes not getting now.
The child support system in the UK is the same, it stinks!!!!

u know.................. all i said was......................about child support and arrearages and taxes and the affidavit of support. u have all cleared that up now. this is now becoming something quite bitter. women will have one point of view and men will have another. i personally have only the experience of my fiance's ex, not wanting to work and getting welfare, which he has now to pay back. there was an immediate assumption that he didnt want to support his children even though he actually was taking physical care of them at the time. not having the financial means to address the repayment imbalance, through the courts, lawyers and such this situation has continued for four years. things are a bit better now, after all he has me but i would dearly desire a change for him. it is very discouraging to work so hard and have the decision to support your kids being assumed for you. in fact i would say it demeans some men, greatly. and if there are women who have to pay this without deciding for themselves i think it does for them too

You know, Prima, if (and I only use the word 'if' because - well none of knows both sides of the story) things happened with your fiance' the way you say, then I hope he is going to try and counter the inequities you say happened by hiring counsel to represent him.

In our state, if the birth mother has custody and is drawing welfare benefits, and the birth father is not paying support, then yes he will have to pay the state back.

But you are also speaking about him having them in his custody. So things are very unclear to me. (That's another reason I used the word 'if').

I work in a small law firm (for two honest lawyers - a rare commodity these days) and as a result I am a great believer in the system working the way it should. If your fiance has some mitigating circumstances for his non-payment, or if the children were really in his care when the state thought they were in hers, AND HE CAN PROVE THESE THINGS, I believe that with proper representation he can find the courts sympathetic to him.

There is a reason that the figure of justice wears a blindfold yet hold scales in her hand. But sometimes it takes a good attorney to help out.

To Jeffrey - If you feel things are inequitable in your case or if your children want to live with you, why aren't you making the system work for you to make that happen? If you detest paying the 'admin fee' for your support and you don't have to participate in that system, then why are you doing it? It really seems to me like you are just complaining about your situation rather than being pro-active about it.

When D left his ex, he gave her pretty much everything...signed the equity in house over to her, gave her the new car, took all the debt (cept the mortgage), and paid her a crazy figure of child support. Had he gone to the CSA, they would have assessed peanuts compared to what he was paying. And no, it wasn't easy at first...he had all their debt, none of the stuff, and he was starting over with pretty much nothing.

My response: 'wow that's pretty amazing of you'
His: 'No it's not, they're my kids'

His ex makes a v decent wage on her own, and we are all friendly....and yes, it's easy to say 'oh well she just got a new expensive outfit' but at the end of the day, she's still caring for those kids 24/7 (cept when he has them)....they still eat, grow out of clothes, need stuff, etc. The outfit could have legitimately come from HER money....the financial responsibility to the kids don't stop because the custodial parent goes on a shopping spree

That's a pretty rare statement for a guy to make.

I think the older partner in our firm feels that way. His FIVE daughters are all grown now, but he paid support for all of them. I've known him for over 15 years and I never once have heard him complain about paying his support.

my fiance doesnt quibble about supporting his children. some of you are so quick to jump in. he quibbles because it doesnt allow him to live as he could. without going into too much detail here, some of you should nt bring your own prejudice to my case its got nothing to do with evasion.


oh and half of a lawyers salary compared to half of a hardworking blue collar salary is a great deal of difference.