I am just curious, I have been running into these discussions alot lately, I wondered how VJers felt about it since some of us have met online, or communicate online.

(this is my first poll, I hope it works and makes sense)

comments are welcome!

I don't consider anything that does not have a physical connection true cheating. I may not care for it, but it is not cheating. Online chat and sex rooms are a fantasy world if you ask me. Hell, most of those "babes" are probably fat ugly girls or, worse, guys! The line gets drawn if you go out and meet the person in the flesh and then continue this activity.

I don't think chatting is cheating but if it goes beyond just chatting then I think it is.. regardless if it is online or in person....

LOL I call those online sex/chat rooms interactive porn

Sure it can be. Anybody who met their SO online ought to be able to figure that one out.

well, I met my hubby in an online chatroom

I started chatting for something to do and I met a lot of interesting people there... one of them was my hubby of course..

I think people tend to forget that on the other side of the computer screen is a real person.. yeah some of them kind of pretend to be someone they are not but some of us don't...

Exactly. And that's why 'real' relationships can begin.

excellent points..i agree

Only if you meet in person and then too depending on what you do. Simply having a cup of coffee with someone who you cybered with online isn't cheating.

I would be more hurt by my SO forming an online emotional bond. I haven't ever been in an online relationship, but I can see from being a VJ member that lots of you have found love on the Internet, so that seems real to me. I don't believe your feelings "become" real when you meet face to face.

Porn is never cheating.

But I LOL'd at the idea of having coffee with someone you "cybered." (Do people do that anymore? Cyber, not have coffee...)

Unless there was also a mental connection.

This is where men and women see things differently, IMO. Women get more upset about the 'mental connection'. Guys usually think unless there's some sex happening, then nothing happened.



I agree. They don't really 'change'.

But they do become different.

I think it's a 'validation'.

Or not - if things go south.

I agree with you guys! such smart men.

Thanks dear!

You mean people no longer have textual intercourse?

What has the world come to

You need more options.
Chatting online is fine as long as it's just as friends, etc.
When it goes beyond friends and there are romantic/sexual feelings..obviously, that's cheating.

What's up with all of the people who think that just chatting with other people is "cheating"?????

Are y'all THAT insecure?

Agreed!
Cause...um...isn't this online chatting??? I guess we are all cheating on our loved ones then!!!!

I think it's because there are only two options, never and yes....so...obviously, sometimes chatting can be cheating (depending on content) so, yes is the next best choice.
There needed to be more options in this pole.

*nods* not really sure how to answer the poll since I frequently webcam with friends / family and chat with people online but not in a sexual way... I've also cybered before with someone I later met and is someone I care about but we didn't do anything that could even remotely be regarded as cheating although I will always be very fond of that person and vice versa.

I also originally met my significant other online, and we became friends first before anything else developed.

I have no problem with his porn collection so long as he has no problem with mine

I think probably I'd be wary online of the same things I would be wary of offline - as in no I wouldn't be cool with trading nude pics or sexual conversations regularly with the same person or building up a more involved relationship where e-mails and phone conversations are involved with a person that they are having sexual / romantic thoughts about... let alone meeting up with them in person.

There are many different kinds of love and many different types of relationships that are not necessarily mutually exclusive... but you must always be honest with the people involved otherwise someone is bound to get hurt. That's one of the reasons why it's so important to discuss these sort of issues with your significant other so that everyone understands what is and isn't acceptable to the other person.

no and yes if an emotional bond is formed. and absolutely if in person meetings occur - why would they be meeting in person unless there is some interest? furthermore, the individual is spending their time with someone other than their significant other online - wtf for?
porn - no.

As long as you don't sign up with Dating Websites ,I think chatting online (like with friends and family,or ppl in a forum like this here) is ok.
Now as far as Dating Sites go yes that in my opinion is cheating not to even mention sharing pics or to top it all meet that person face to face.
Watching Porn ,in my eyes doesn't have anything to do with cheating unless it's online and it's one of them live webcam things that some of them websites offer.
But just watching a porn movie in the privacy of your own home-nope not cheating.

Really!

chatting innocently, asking questions or exchanging stories is okay. when things go past that to flirting disaster is only a chat away. flirting is not innocent by no way shape or form. on line infidelity should be an indication of things to come. and if this sounds like i got bit before you are correct.

None of these activities, (chatting, using cyber cam, viewing sexually explicit media, meeting offline or flirting) are really "cheating" in my opinion. They may be distasteful, and even inappropriate depending upon their context, but "cheating" comes into the picture when an individual does these things, however bold or benign, in a clandestine way and attempts to conceal them from a significant other.

Yes chatting can certainly be considered cheating. If you discovered that your husband or wife had an internet friend of the opposite sex, I think it wouldn't be too pleasant. If real relationships don't begin until there is an actual physical connection, then what do you call flirting and frequent chats with strangers? I believe cheating happens the moment there is an interest in someone else and its acted upon. Emotional cheating, in my opinion is the worst form. because it means you're basically living a lie. and you don't even need to communicate with someone to be emotionally cheating with them. Porn is not cheating. So, if you found out your wife or husband was sending and receiving nude photos to/from someone else, would this be cheating?? If you say no....might I point you to the swinger's thread?

I chatting with my female & Male friends and siblings..must be cheating? what a silly question. people who start talking about my sex life..I just delete and blocked them.

I like male friends.. they're not jealousy. most woman are jealousy and create problem with other friends.

Rubbish. Both males and females are equally jealous. It comes from a combination of love, low self esteem, and distrust/dishonesty. I don't think one sex is more inclined to feel this than the other.

you are right.

It seems that no matter where this discussion comes up... men and women view this subject differently.

Of course chatting with family does not count...(I hope ...YIKES! )

Most of my friends are male, I've met many of them online, and if my fiance has an issue with me chatting with other men, he's got another thing coming. I can always hold his significant porn collection over his head.

As for me, I don't get jealous and I'm completely open. He can chat with whomever he wants, even down to cybering. Heck, he could even get together in person and have sex with someone, just as long as 1) I know about it and I get to hear the details and 2) his loyalty still belongs to me. I've never understood the point of jealousy and I consider it an all but useless emotion. Trust is the most important component in a relationship. If you can't completely trust your partner, why are you with him/her?

However, though I've suggested he has this freedom, he still has a bit of an old-fashioned streak to him and probably wouldn't do more than chat up a girl, never meaning anything by it.

only if one is from arkansas

If it's like a friend, then no, of course it's not cheating.

If it's like 'hey I just met this girl in a chat room', then I'd have a problem with that.

the poll is flawed, so I ain't voting.

My answer to the first questions is: it depends.
To the second question:
they all involve your SO not knowing about it, if your SO knows and has no problem with it, then it's not cheating:
- when an emotional bond happens
- when there are pics/webcam involved (nude or not)
- when there is cyber sex involved
- if you go offline and meet in person
Third question:
nopes

I agree with this.

No, plain ole chatting is not cheating...

Yes, emotional bond, cybering, webcams to do "whatever" are cheating unless you have an open arrangement with your spouse and they don't care....

Online chatting is ok if your spouse knows about it and accepts it. And you have been totally up front with it.

HOWEVER, if you have to lie to your spouse about what you do and what you say...Then it isn't ok. (Otherwise, there's no need to lie).

Some people just have very defined rules of right and wrong. Chatting is only wrong if you hide it from your spouse.

How do you feel about your spouse chatting?? Just curious...

Do unto others as you would want them to do on to you.

What would you do if your other half was chatting it up with someone, on the internet or not?

"Chatting up" to me is a conversation with the implied intention being "hooking up".....different than plain ole chatting. If you have an interest (ehm...say, stamp collecting) and you go onto a stamp collecting website where there is a chatroom, what is the problem with talking to anyone about stamps? Seems pretty benign to me. Now, if you start talking to someone in the chatroom and the conversation changes from stamps to..."wanna come see my stamps?", then something else is going on. And if your spouse doesn't care that you are chatting about stamps, what's the problem?

so licking the stamps is bad in your opinion.........

you're so right..

You are much more accepting than I could ever be I would be upset if my SO was "cybering" with another woman, much less meeting her and having sex with her, emotional attachment or not.



Beat me to it. But I was going to say the Appalachians (did I spell that right?)

i know someone who get jealous over siblings

Maybe I am a little more sensitive to this than others.....

but...

My ex husband left me and the next day was in Texas with a 300 lb married woman he met on World of Warcraft!

I also met my fiance online.....so I 100% believe that online activity can be cheating..it's another human being with real feelings!

Looking at porn pictures of people you don't know isn't cheating......there is no emotional attachment to a picture or a video!

Chatting online with other people is fine as long as it doesn't get out of hand.