You guys!!! I will be working there.... not staying.... the house I will eventually live in is about two or three blocks away from there.... but if I do get the job. I will let you all know so maybe I can get vales and have a VJ Getaway!!!! that would be out of this world.. The mexican in me did not explain myself correctly

Benita... I want that soap opera to have the cast from EL CUERPO DEL DESEO!

Working there would be awesome too. I would never had imagined there was a motel that nice in Mexico. Is that bad of me?

Oh yeah, I was wondering if you meant you were going to be staying there the whole time. I thought, dang, if Elvia can quit her job and go stay in a place like that, she must be loaded. I was envious.

Ohhh Benita...all too familiar. One night Miguel and I were sound asleep when at 3am a phone call comes in saying his uncle is in the ER via ambulance with stomach pains. Nobody at his house took him in their car so he had to go via ambulance $$$ (wonder if they didn't take him cuz he's a faker??) So we go to the ER and wait around and finally go in and see him. I think he had indigestion or something ridiculous like that. But OH NO it is a big deal to him. I work next to the hosp so the next morning I took off a few hours, went and picked him up and drove him home. Do I get a thank you? Nope. It seems expected. Luckily my husband was understanding and understands how his uncle is. So they give him these meds or whatever to take and he never does. That is what pisses me off the most...they give you a treatment plan and he totally blew it off. No wonder nobody paid attention to him. Some people are such babies that will go to any lengths for attention.

Elvia...so are you going to live in MX? If you can, I would too. What I would have given to be able to go. Just too many things that prevented me.

I will be loaded..... It will just be in pesos!
The house is really pretty and is a two story house. it has an awesome view... Oh well maybe when the time comes Raul will say "andale pues, vamonos todos" *sigh* wishful thinking.
Oh and here are more pictures Quinta Real I can just dream away!

Stephanie.... I have been having some trouble getting my husband on board with this.... I figure I will give him a month and then have him calling me and whining like a baby for me to go and live with him.

Maybe he will. Just keep working on him. I would have loved to go with Javier. I work for the state so I couldn't just up and leave my job, what with the retirement and stuff. Plus we have our house and had just bought a new car before he left. I would have almost given up everything to be able to go. Looking back on it, if I could go back and do it differently, I would. I would have figured out some way to go and be with him. Hopefully Raul will change his mind.

That's why I want to do this.... In retrospect I don't want to say should've, could've or would've.... You know what I mean. I want to keep this as real for me as it will be for him. He has not seen his family in over 6 years and although he talks to them (very rarely) he really doesn't know them anymore than they know him. I am trying to get this point across but it just bounces off I think that when we actually go to the appt and he sees or feels it then he will know it is for real.

I know exactly what you mean. It took a while for it to sink in for Javier, even after he was back. I think if Raul sticks to his guns and says he doesn't want you to go, he will change his mind after he gets there. Javier was miserable for a while. He isn't an emotional person but would cry on the phone when we talked. It really is harder than I think, Raul thinks it will be. Not only will he be away from you but he will be away from everything that has come to be normal for him. I just think the transition would be much better if he had you there to go through it with him. Then you wouldn't have this awkward re-acquainting thing we all have had to go through.

You're right. I had not thought about the re-acquainting phase that we will go through. Just another reason for me to go with him. Well, I have been e-mailing and praying that he will give in or in some way see that doing this together will be alot easier than doing it alone. Maybe when I get my taxes done I can use some of that $ to take a trip down there and network.
All right Charity I need you now, and anyone else who wants to help me! Lets look at airfare from April 12 late evening and come back 17th mid morning or afternoon from DFW to Zacatecas.

Okay, let me see what I can find. I will let you know.

Did you ever find out when your appointment is?

Nope! They sent me the standard... we are backlogged e-mail... So as of today still no appt date.

That sucks! I haven't had time to check flights yet. It's the end of the day balancing time so I will check as soon as I get done.

After our first appt and while we were at the motel in mexico I started crying that I wanted to go with tacho. Tacho gave in and said come on. I talked to my mom and she said well maybe you should . But we had just purchased a vehichle and were buying our home and if I quit my job I had not a clue who would have done his income eligibilty form. I really wish I could have afforded to go so i say if you can then go. Another thing I was so emotional, tacho was only able to call once every two weeks while he was at home due to no phones except in atlixtac, mexico. So every time he called I was to the point of falling apart . I believe once Raul hits reality , if you all can afford it he will want you to go with him. Tacho hated calling because he said it hurt him to hear me cry!

Elvia: I have searched a couple of sites. I can't find anything leaving at the times you want to leave. Are those the only options you have? The prices are around $400.

Thanks Charity.... I might be able to be flexible but I will get with you tomorrow since you are leaving and I have to check with work. Thanks for helping me. I will "see" you tomorrow

Okay, just let me know. I have plenty of free time to check it out during the day. "See" you tomorrow too. Have a great evening.

Hola mis amigas!

How are all of you doing this lovely hump day? So yesterday I talked to my boss and she said I could take the days I wanted to make this trip so I will have to pick non peak days. I still have not decided which ones, but I also want to be perfectly honest now I'm scared of failing my family. I'm scared of thinking that I can do anything and then find out that I'm a loser. I have all of these feelings inside and I don't know what to do??? I am confused and angry and sad and well you know what I mean. You have all been through this already so tell me how to calm this down and keep going.... Because I really need it right now.

Okay .... I'm over it now.... I was just way to emotional at that time.

Sorry Elvia, I haven't been at work today. Javier's truck broke down this morning and we had to get it towed. Then we went out for lunch and just got home. We will only be here for a little while before I have to go to my hair appointment at 5. I guess you don't need my words of encouragement now. I am just sorry I wasn't here to give them to you earlier. Glad you are feeling better now. Talk to you later.

Oh yeah, I will check on those tickets tomorrow.

Okay girls, where is everyone?

Stephanie and Benita are MIA. I know where Melissa is and Elvia pops in every once in a while. So does Ashley. I feel like I have run everyone off.

I miss you guys! Please come back and play.

OMG
I'm going to live in Mexico!!!!!!! woooooo HOOOOO!!!!!!!
I've convinced him and I also have a job lined up!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Charity.... I am so happy... how are you doing today. Oh and the tickets will be put on hold because my MIL is going in June so I might be able to hitch a ride with her for an interview!!!!!!!!!!

Here I am….

Pretty busy at work.

YAY!!!!!! ELVIA…that is so exciting!!! That will make the wait so much easier plus it’ll be a fun experience.

Keep us updated!!

Oh Happy Day! I am so excited for you. I can't believe you finally convinced him. I am glad you did though. I think it will work out for the best. I hope the job works out too. That is so exciting.

Okay, I will wait on the tickets. I am good. We got Javier's truck fixed and it only cost us $22. What a relief. Glad they got it fixed so quickly too because it is supposed to snow tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day. I am so fed up with this snow crap.

Thank you guys soooooo much!!! You are the bestest girls ever!!!

Stephanie we were wondering where you where? glad you could make it in to say hi. how are you and Miguel doing? any updates or just stuff you would like to air out?

Charity.... $22.... wow I am glad that it did not cost you an arm and a leg. what was wrong with it? Oh I forgot, Snow in March?? SPRING WHERE ARE YOU?

Thank God he didn't get killed. It was part of the components of the wheel. There were about 8 bolts that all came out. I don't know how he was driving without them. I am just glad that's all it was too. I was imagining this big huge bill from them.

Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you all. Remember when my luggage was lost and the things were stolen out of it. Well I have been fighting with US Airways this whole time trying to get my money back. Yesterday I got a check in the mail for $206. It's not what I should have gotten for all the stuff that was missing but it was a big chunk of it. I was very happy to have it. Just goes to show you, you can't let people take advantage of you.

Spring we are looking for you.

I am very glad Javier is safe and sound! That's scary.
Oh and I also forgot to ask you guys if you could search with me for those bags that you put your stuff in and then take a vacuum hose and suck all the air out of them. I will need to buy some but I don't know what they're called.

P.S. How is Melissa doing? Did she get the job?

I can help search for those. I don't know what they are called either but I see them on TV all the time. Melissa said she won't know anything about the job for a little while. She said they told her they were taking their time with interviews and things. She is doing well. She is still doing the temp thing so that is good. I will tell her you all were asking about her. It will make her feel good.

I am here. I have been sick for 2 days. I feel much better now, don't worry---it was just a sinus, cold thing.

Elvia: CONGRATS, I bet you are thrilled that you get to be down there with him. Here is a site for those bags.
Spacebags

Charity: I am so glad the truck repair cost was not very much. AND it is great that you got that money back from the airline as well.

Busy, Talk to you later.

Benita: Glad you are feeling better. Those little sinus/cold things creep up on you much faster when you are pregnant. It's like your body is a cold magnet. Hopefully you can avoid the rest of them.

Thanks Benita... I went to EBAY and did a search for them and got 15 of them for $30. It has a variety of sizes. I know Emily from I2US got them when she went to Michoacan and she said it was the best investment.

Elvia: YEAH Just make sure that squishing all the air out does not make you pack your bags toooo heavy. Remember how much Javier had to pay to get his bags on the airplane???? I think each bag can be 50 lbs, then they start to charge you extra.


Thanks Charity, I do feel much better. I had heard that as well about the pregnancy making it worse and faster. Been re-reading "What to Expect" again, just to refresh my brain. I seem to remember most of it from when I was pregnant with Emily.

Elvia: Benita has a point. Wouldn't want you to have to pay some unGodly amount of money. I still can't believe he had to pay that much money.

Benita: I have that book too. I didn't get very far in it though. I think it is a very good resource.

Well here is my plan.... and feel free to chime in!

We will drive to CDJ and then do all the stuff we need to do there and drive to Zacatecas. Since my MIL is going in June I figured I'd send her with some of our stuff down there. This way we can have transportation to and from his real mom's house.....(the one I call MIL is actually his aunt but raised him) which is about two hours away.

That sounds like a pretty good plan to me. I would definitely send some stuff with her.

What do you girls think about Javier's brother living with us? If they don't make a decision on the immigration stuff by the end of the month he is coming here the first of April. I don't really think it is a good idea for him to stay with us. I have tried to talk Javier out of it but he keeps bringing it up. Javier's dad is going back to Mexico sometime in the near future so Jaime won't have anyone to live with. I have mixed emotions about it and was just wondering what you all would do if you were in the same boat. It wouldn't be a temporary thing.

I think both of us are on the same page Charity. I think the saying in spanish that goes "el Casado casa quiere" holds true anywhere. I wouldn't like the idea of anyone living with us at all.
What does Javier say when he brings it up? is he insistent? what about telling him that you will be okay with is as long as he is out of there by a certain date? Well before I go on what are Javiers feelings on this?

He isn't so insistent on it that I couldn't talk him out of it but I really don't know where Jaime will go if he doesn't live with us. His dad refuses to let Jaime live by himself. Which, in my opinion, if he can't live by himself he doens't need to be coming in the first place. You know how these guys are. They think it is their responsibility to help out their families. It's not so much that I just don't want him to live there, it's the other "let's not mention" thing that prevents me from wanting him to live there. I just don't want to jeoporidize Javier's status and stuff. He would be working with Javier and riding to and from work with him. If they got pulled over or what ever I don't know how they would explain the issue to the police officer. Please go on about it because I really need some ammo when I argue the cons with Javier.

Charity: The ONLY way that you should agree, is if the situation is temporary? Why is Javier's dad going back so soon. I thought they only returned in December, sort of like a migration thing. Go down for the holidays and come back in Jan or Feb. So here are some obvious reasons.
#1 - "THE ONE WE DON'T WANT TO MENTION"
#2 - this will greatly affect your relationship with Javier
#3 - problem is if you dispute toooo much this will also affect your relationship with Javier
#4 - you guys are trying to have a baby, this is not the best situation
#5 - you are not Jaime's mother and belive me he will soon forget this and have you doing everything for him.
#6 - financially it will burden you even though he may end up getting work, you buy extra food, do laundry, etc...
#7 - how will he learn responsibility and indendance if he is constantly depending on you and Javier.

SO IF YOU ARE ASKING ME----------NOOOOOOOOO

Benita: His dad is going back because his sister's quinceanera (not sure of spelling) is in December and he needs to get things together for it. He may not be leaving until July or August but it is still near enough in the future that Javier would want Jaime to just live with us. I also think Jaime needs to learn his independence. He especially needs to learn how to handle money. He is very irresponsible when it comes to that. He spends it like it grows on trees. He would help with groceries and would pay rent but still. With the issues that Javier and I have had lately, I just don't want any more added to that. I think I am just going to have to tell Javier, it's just not a possibility. I don't know how he is going to react to that though.

Charity... You might just have to put it out there and check how he reacts. I am sorry that you are being put through this. It just irks me thinking that they just expect this. Doesn't he have any friends or anyone else that's SINGLE? He'll be having his buddies over and have no consideration for you. Tough call but I would say no.

No actually he doesn't have any friends. Then see, we will leave for a week in December for his sister's birthday and he would be in the house by himself for a week. I just don't like that idea at all. He's 19, would be almost 20 by then, and he could find trouble real easy. Plus he better not even think about bringing some skanky girl into my house. That ain't happening. I think I am just going to have to put my foot down on this one. What really irks me is Javier's dad expects it. He keeps pressuring Javier to let Jaime live with us. He also keeps telling Jaime it's okay for him to come here in the first place and I think he, as a father, should tell him to keep his butt in Mexico.

It is a hard thing because living with family is looked at so differently culture to culture. Miguel has a young brother whom he has talked about living with us sometime in the future (not near) and the only way I would do it is if we had a house (and he could be in the basement) and he had his own car. My step-dad’s brother moved in next door to my mom & step-dad and my step-dad was always over there and finally my mom said, are you married to me or to him?? I think of this too, while an extra person around is nice for company at times, I think it would be easy for Javier to hang out with Jaime all the time and you guys might miss out on the important regular conversation you have now. I believe you two may (maybe because we somewhat still are) still be in the re-adjusting phase and throwing a third body (not made from you two) in there might add more confusion than help.

I would also say no, at least not now. BTW, how old is Jaime? Isn’t it time he venture out on his own?

Stephanie: He is 19. It is about time he venture out on his own. The problem is, his dad won't allow it. Javier was here on his own when he was 16. He lived by himself for about 6 months. They baby Jaime for some reason. It really ticks me off. His dad is really partial to Jaime and Javier's little sister, Gabby. He expects Javier to be a man but he won't give Jaime the same opportunity. He would be right there in the middle of everything too. We have two extra bedrooms so he would use one of those. He would work the same hours as us so he would be there in the evening. He does have his own car but doesn't have a license and has already been pulled over 2 or 3 times for driving without one when he was here before. Basically, he would do everything with us. And I know, for a fact, he would take Javier's time from me. Which may sound childish and selfish but he just got back from being gone for 6 months and I want all his attention. I don't think that is to much to ask.

I'ts not selfish. You are married and for a marriage to work both of you should be communicating equally so like Stephanie said with him there it would compromise your relationship. I always forget about the re-adjustment phase so that is another thing Javier and you could discuss.


take him out now so he can meet a single girl and move in with her (even is she's a skank)

It isn’t too much to ask and seriously I would put my foot down and say “no”, he can’t live here. Totally understandable and FAR from childish. He is your husband, you have just been through a huge stressful process and have been separated for 6 months. Javier got married to YOU and you are now his immediate family. He needs to think how things affect you and your marriage before making rash decisions. However I bet he’ll be understanding once you are able to speak with him. Seems from what you are saying, it is his father that wants to push this arrangement the most. Well, Jaime isn’t your son so if Javier’s father needs to make living arrangements for his son and the place he thought would work won’t (your place) then he needs to keep searching…or have Jaime do it on his own. 19 is plenty old…shoot most kids are on their own at 18, I know I was. And Miguel, like Javier, was on his own at 15.

Elvia: Great idea! Well he has the idea that he is going to come here and get married and do like Javier. I wonder what his intentions are. I think he would marry anyone just to get to stay. I really don't think he needs to be here in the first place. I will just have to tell Javier it's a bad idea, I don't want to do it and he will have to live with it. I just wish his dad would step up and tell Jaime it's not a good idea.

well..... his dad does not have your best interest in his mind. He is thinking "Javier, handle this" This though is like a domino effect.... if you start it now, it either never stops or when it does it won't be without resentment and huge strain. (did I say that right or is my mind backwards again?)

I don't know if you said it right or not but it makes sense to me. If his dad is so concerned about it he needs to handle it and not put it on Javier's shoulders. We have enough issues as it is. Plus he actually had the nerve to ask us for money for the not to mention thing. WTF?!? I don't think so. Javier already committed us to giving $500 for his sister's party. Not to mention the money we will have to spend to go down there and everything.

Great point Elvia. And resentment is icky and hard to overcome.

Well the not to mention thing could be your strongest point. Maybe by pointing that out you can get him to SERIOUSLY think long and hard about it. You can also point out like Stephanie said that you are his family now and that any fruit of your guys love will come first and foremost in front of ANYONE!!!

Elvia: Very good point. I also think the not to mention thing is my strongest point. I will just have to use it till I run it in the ground. My parents don't exactly think it is a very good idea either. Maybe I could get them to mention it to Javier. He really respects them and I think he would value what they say.

So true, the not to mention thing could have serious consequences on his current situation. It is soooooo not worth it to have it all potentially lost because of someone else. You worked too hard to get him here, we want to KEEP him here.