hi all- i am on, under a different user name... my husband visits this site so thats why,, i haven't been on for almost a year.. it's been busy.. and crazy.. just depressed and not happy at all.. at times i don't even want to wake up.. its that bad.

i thought our relationship was magical... i was the happest person on earth while dating online and going through the whole visa process.. however, for quit some time now we have been having trouble.. everytime we are in the room together we fight.. i can't seem to do nothing right. i have changed so much that i have given up alot.. i can't go nowhere without him giving me the third degree... on when and where... why...

i smoked when we met and i had quite for a year.. but when our fighting gets bad.. i need to just get away and think.. and the only way i feel i can cool down and really think is to have a smoke.. omg, you would of thought that i killed someone.. i am just tired of trying to adjust to our marriage and him just thinking everyone here needs to change... i am hoping to find a few people in the same boat and hope we can have a support group or something.. maybe someone with a moroccian spouse... who's been married and living in the U.S. together for at least 1 year.... divorce is not what i want but i dont know what else to do.. first off i dont think he likes it here, he say's he does but i dont think so..

i would never of thought i would be posting this.. thought we had the world in our hands..

god bless,

kaykay

Be good to yourself and I hope you can work it out. If not, know that there are many here that understand. You are not alone.

Jackie

Hmm I understand two things that you mentioned. One about changing the screen name for the same reason and two about the smoking. Did your husband know that you smoked before you met? Did he have a strong position (pro or con) smokers before?

Adjustment here is tough on everyone and how we handle the stress of the adjustment, speaks volumes about the us and our relationships. If you can find a therapist or group with others in your position, I would run there for support as quickly as possible. Hugs and take care of your heart.

hello i just wanted to say yeah he knew i smoked. he would see me online and i had smoked in morocco just a little... but when he came i quit cuz i didnt want to be a bride with a cig in her mouth... i only somke when i am stressed and i quit right away... everytime i turn around i feel i am doing something wrong... i feel like i am walking on pins and needles so we can find common ground with one another... he is a sweet heart and i love him but he is driving me crazy... omg. sex is another problem... i am up early and he works 2nd shift.. i have changed a lot my mother even ask... my daughter even said that this is the most unhappy i had ever been... (i wish she didnt walk into that disagreement..) child are to respect the elders but they still have voices... ok off to work thanks again have a wonderful day...

kaykay

I am very sorry to hear you are having such a hard time with your husband.

I can, in a way, understand if your husband is not happy here. It is a big adjustment to come to another country and live. I'm American, but have lived outside the US for many years (mostly India). When I come back to USA I feel a lack of "closeness" or "community" (struggling to find the right word) here in the USA. People are friendly, but standoffish and more private here. So maybe your husband is a bit lonely for home.

I also understand you are frustrated by your husband's third degree of where you are and what you do all the time. But, IN HIS CULTURE, this is considered normal behavior. Married Morrocan women have to deal with this all the time and tow the line. Consider it a sign that he does love you (although a twisted sign). You can take the man out of his culture, but you can not take the culture out of the man.

My suggestion is only that you suggest to him that for marital happiness, BOTH OF YOU need to make compromises.

I'm so sorry to hear that things are not working out as planned.

My heart goes out to you!

It's always difficult for an 'outsider' to give advice. However, I believe that you have to see if your husband eventually adjusts more to his new environment. If not, there is the question if you want and can continue to live like this.

Whatever you decide, all the very best for you and I hope you'll find a way back to happiness!!

I am so sorry to hear this. Can you guys go for some marriage counseling? It might help. I wish you good luck.