Uno sometimes you have me ROFLMBAO! I needed that laugh today.

Uno is pretty funny. She just needs to stop drive-by posting in the cyber cafe and join us more often.

had to laugh.
I will be back, gotta a lot of stuff going on.
Just keep me in your prayers while I'm battling my demons.
Love y'all
smoochies

g'morning everyone!

ummm, Zee, whats wrong baby

why so much "ranting" today?

oh, and to everyone else good morning
and no TROLL feeding.
UNO

One of my stupid cousins from Ghana called me this morning. First words out of his mouth were: When are you coming home? I want you to buy me a cell phone.

I'm like WTF? No hello, how are you, how's work

Now, I am not a confrontational person. I don't like to yell, I don't like getting into arguments with people, especially over the phone. But enough was enough

The ONLY time I EVER hear from him is a couple of monhts before going home and every single time he asks for something stupid and outrageous. 3 years ago he asked for a laptop. Last year, he didn't think we were going home and was not happy because he did not get to make a request. Never mind that any time he has ever asked I have given him an emphatic "NO".

I couldn't take it anymore. I am not a personal freaking ATM He's not the only one.

Another one of my cousins has been calling me nonstop asking for a laptop as well. I told him I could not afford a laptop but I could get him a flash drive (2G) and send it through my fiance. He said OK. I sent it. I call him and tell him I sent a flash drive to him and it is with my SO. He says OK. He calls my SO and tells him that I sent him a laptop. My fiance is like "No, she sent a flash drive". My cousin is like OK. He calls me and says "I really did not want the flash drive, I want the laptop". I tell him I cannot. He asks if that is only "today or in a few months". I tell him "NEVER".

Now I want to repossess the flash drive

I can't take it. I say no as nicely as I can, I even offer to get other stuff but it is not good enough. I know they are family but honestly, WTF???? My sisters had to disconnect their phone because of stupid phone calls from home. The people who have our phone numbers are under strict instructions that they are not to give them out to anyone. The most annoying thing is that I have family who take the time to call and ask about us and never ask for anything.

And then you have the morons

He had the nerve to tell me that he is only calling for a necessity...you have got to be kididng me. I told him that people dying of starvation is a necessity. Calling so that you can get some fancy phone so that you can show off to your friends is NOT a necessity. That shut him up.

I let him have it, kitchen sink and all

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Girl, I hear you! It's so tough. Add Inusah's friends when he gets here. Who was it that said that their SO, has a special phone number for those people so that the phone is not ringing all night? I think that's a great idea! Bassi only let his mom, dad and brothers and sisters have my phone number. One of his brothers called me and asked me for a cell phone last year and I said, well, I'll see how much they cost and get back to you. He then said, Don't tell Bassi, just call me. Well, my red flag went up, so I immediately called Bassi and he flipped out. He said that his brother doesn't need a phone and that he had asked his sister and they decided that he gets no phone. And that Bassi expressly told his brothers not to disrespect him by calling me asking me for things. So, they got into it and Tahiru called me to apologize and beg my forgiveness. When Bassi gets here, I know his brothers and friends are going to be out of control. But I thank God he's been very harsh with his cousins and brothers and friends that they are not to ask me for anything. Since that blow up, Tahiru still emails and calls me to check on me and Kay and no one ever asks me for anything.

The funny thing is that I don't think Inusah's family is going to be the problem. He has one brother here in the US and a sister in the UK and in his family they do not ask for things. Inusah has never asked for anything from me...I had to practically shove his birthday present down his throat One of his younger brother is in college and when Inusah transfered money into his account his brother was all like "But I don't need it".

They know how to appreciate what people give them. I talk to his brother here and not once has he mentioned anyone asking him for anything, not even Inusah. I haven't met any of his cousins but I think they were brought up the same way. They don't seem like the type to call and ask for inane things.

Whenever I tell Inusah about my family he is just really surprised at their behavior so I think that it is not something his family does.

Its just my neck of the woods

Only a few of my cousins have my cell number, but they know when to call and when they do we talk and stuff. Not to say they don't ask but (1) I hear from them throughout the year and (2) they know that there are limits. I turn my phone off at night just in case some relative decides to call me in the middle of the night but no one but my parents and sisters have my home phone which they can call in an emergency.

That's good. Bassi's sister lives in Europe and they ask her for things a lot too. Mom and Dad never ask for anything. She focuses and sending them money and probably Bassi will too. But I know Bassi is worried about some of his friends. I was sitting with Bassi at a football match and a friend came up to him and they were talking. It was a good long while, then I saw him gesture to me and it caught my attention. The conversation got quiet, then Bassi handed the guy his watch. Bassi said that his friends think that he'll forget them if he leaves Ghana (they don't know where I'm from) and often are asking him about forgetting his countrymen. Not all of them, but a few of them. It makes Bassi sad, and I feel bad for him. It's as though suddenly his friendship with them is being measured by what he gives them and I think it hurts him to think that he'll have to drop these people from his life. It's hard to learn that people you thought were friends aren't really friends to you. He told me once that maybe he should be called Abass Lonely, cause it's so hard to trust people around you. I feel for him. I remember when we visited Guyana, it was so hard because everyone wants something from you and when you say No, they act like you're selfish and uncaring. It almost makes you not want to go home. I remember when I was a child, I hated going back to Guyana because I could barely keep the clothes on my back. I remember once my aunt asked me to give my Barbie doll to her daughter cause her daughter didn't have one. I thought, but when I give it to her, I won't have one. So, who's really the selfish one? My mom made me give it to her and I was crying and crying.

Its kind of crazy, Zainab and Zee ...but this is how it is in most foreign countries. When I go to Ghana and Jamaica, the same thing happens. You almost feel tempted to leave behind the things you love the most when you travel back home because you are afraid that you may not return with them.

The impression that most people have is that "there is more where that came from" and the truth of the matter is that most people who go back home are in credit card debt way past their eyeballs...and haven't quite paid off those sneakers or that fancy dress and jewelery. OR they simply do not have it. Sometimes you just have enough to pay for your round trip ticket to visit family and friends and have enough pocket money to sustain you while there, but you put off your long awaited trip (sometimes years) because you don't have enough money to buy gifts and of course leave money for most of your family and friends and those that "assisted" you in some way while you were there.

I know so many people who missed out on seeing their family for years because they barely making it or just making it here in the land of opportunity...and then are forced to go when there is a severe illness or death in the family.

The US offers a plethora of opportunity, yes , but not everyone turns out to be this big time rich person. We have bills and bills and MORE bills and the stress at times seems astronomical! Most of us don't shop for new clothes until we actually travel because we just don't have it like that an it may not be a necessity at that time. Can you imagine not shopping until you have a trip??? People who have it like that are always ready for a trip Just say the word and give them 5 minutes to pack!

They just don't get it until they come here and see and feel for themselves. It's ignorance at its best. Desperation, whether warranted or not (example: cell phones are not a necessity. I got that request from 7 different people while in Ghana/ Meanwhile most of them had WAAAY better phones than I had ), can make a person into the most inconsiderate person alive. They just don't know. Its unfortunate, but thats the story of our lives .

But it is really funny to see the same people who use to beg you for unimportant things and call you mean or cheap when you couldn't give it to them...come to America themselves and complain about family back home begging them for things. Its hilarious . They never seem to remember begging themselves.

Yep, I completely understand.
That was a huge turn off for me when I was dealing with "that man".
He thought he was "entitled".
But I had to inform him that you are only entitled to what you already have, not what you want to have.
Needless to say, there were numerous arguments, name calling (i.e. me being called selfish or my favorite "a useless half").
Yep, your right, I am a "useless half" leaving your begging ### in your current state of desolate piss po'izm!
But on a lighter note, keep your head up, you seem to have a genuine man in your corner.
Take care
UNO

g'morning all.
zee, tell your relatives that everything is sold out here, people make so much money in america that it's difficult to find anything to buy, especially high end electronics, because people buy them up so fast.

Morning

Mornin' all. I am just catching up on the posts from yesterday from Zee, Maroon , Uno, Zaina and of course Charles. I wish there was a way to capture all of what we know and feel then somehow replant that back in our countries of origin or So's countries. I just got an emergency email from a friend of mine wanting a laptop. Sigh..... I have had so many challenges with me SO and financial burdens from this assosiation that I can't even mention. I sold my house a few years ago and then was priced out of the market. So I thought I would hold on until the tide turned. Well in the meantime, money went out flying to help family, the SO thought he had struck it rich and so on. Not to mention the credit and delinquent bills I didn't know about on both of our credit. Within the last few weeks, my current landlord announced that she was losing her properties due to the "mortgage crisis" and I will have to find another place to live. Rents are high because we are near to "ground zero" in the mortgage crunch and people are scrambling to find homes. So, as I try to repair my credit, write letters to separate the bills, take care of my own family etc. I have this emergency WT I don't know a single person over there who does not have a roof of some sort over their heads and even with this the pleas continue.
Is it really lack of understanding how things are over here or is it just that they don't care? I sometimes feel that all the love and kindness that was shown to me, was just the buttering up for the future money requests.
I am venting now. I know. Just had to vent..

A big huge "I FEEL YA!" to what everyone has said regarding this topic. Chispas, I think that realizing you've been "buttered up" is one of the worst parts in dealing with the money requests. People that were considered friends who were extremely nice and friendly start asking for favors and money. Then they begin only speaking to you when they need something urgently. Booker's family hasn't been annoying, at all. In fact, I wish they weren't so ashamed to ask us. I love them and I feel bad knowing that they were in a bind or something and felt too ashamed to ask. His mom was diagnosed with diabetes a few weeks ago and she was so embarrassed to call and ask for $50 for her medicine. You could hear the shame in her voice.

Now the friends have been the issue. One of Booker's friends was pretty close to me until I noticed that he started begging for money and even coming up with schemes. He would try to do this behind Booker's back and beg me not to tell Booker. Once he claimed that he needed $300 (immediately) for butt surgery or he would die. I happened to ask Booker how Chris was doing because he told me he was about to die and Booker was like, "oh, I saw him today...he and I went shopping downtown and he never mentioned any surgery to me." One he even told me that Booker was in jail and $150 was needed immediately to bail him out. Of course, I called my husband and he was perfectly fine and very much not in jail. There were several other instances. Each time I told him NO until he finally got irriated and told me that I didn't care about him. In return, I told him to NEVER call me again because he wasn't being slick and I was sick of him attempting to use me. He and Booker fell out over it and they are no longer friends. He was going to be the best man in the wedding. He has been replaced.

The requests usually come through email for us because we sort of anticipated this. Some people will email him out of the blue asking for this or that and when we say no, then we never hear from them again. Until the next request, of course. A few have flashed us asking us to call them back on our own dime. We tell them we don't have any minutes to call back and that if they really want to talk then they will borrow someone else's phone or something. A lot of his friends have claimed that he doesn't care for them and that ever since he gained his opportunity (me) that he acts like he has forgotten his countrymen. He tries to pretend like they don't bother him, but I know it does because he is very proud of his country and he is shocked that some of his friends just don't understand. Someone can beg and he will tell them that things are not easy in America and that he can't just buy and send things at their demand. They will just say "Okay, well give me the last of whatever you have...even if it is a dollar, I'm desperate." Ugh.

A lot of people there just don't understand. You can tell them until you are blue in the face and it still won't register with them. They will literally have to come and experience it in order to truly understand it. They think he's hit it big by marrying me and they don't realize that we are struggling our asses off just to keep food on the table. I could go on for days about some of the insane requests we have gotten.

Zainab, your barbie story was really sad. I know none of your other babies could ever replace that beloved one, huh?

All these people need a good

There were so many typos in my reply, but the edit feature was acting funky. Oh well, ya'll know what I mean! LOL!

Don't worry about the typos. I believe most of us are sneaking in "chat" here and there from work, so we understand. The Village idiot is yet another story, but I believe we all understand. I try to type quickly, as my cursor jumps around the screen, then send even quicker before my students walk up behind me. Today and yesterday are slow days, so I have more free time to chat, but still have to keep the other eye open for lurkers.

You are describing EXACTLY what Bassi is going through now! I am most worried about his friends. He has a loving family that are very caring. His parents will never ask for anything from us. Mom is just planning for me to let her have the grandbabies every summer. That's her sole desire. Dad's got football and his transistor radio and he's in nirvana. His younger brothers may ask for things but they will keep in touch irregardless (they email me weekly as it is now), they won't just ask for things. And it's a matter of their relationship with him, he's thier big bro and he's always given them things when they wanted. He's working and has no family so he would buy them stuff all the time, so they are used to asking him for something and know that if he says no, he means it. But his friends seem to be side swiping him. They were football comrades and buddies who hung out, worked hard, played hard, prayed together and now they are morphing into judgemental leeches.

Do you talk to your SO about it? I want to be there to listen cause I know that right now he feels isolated and frustrated/betrayed, but he doesn't communicate. He's often silent. But the few statements he makes, he's pissed royally! He's very protective of me and I know his friends know that I'm off limits. I really don't even chat with his friends or anything like that, other than hi and goodbye. I couldn't imagine something like what happened to you happening. Bassi would go ballistic. I wouldn't know what to do cause I'd be afraid to tell him cause he'd go crazy, but I'd want to get rid of this supposed "friend". What a dilemma!

PS About my Barbie, back then, it was really hard to find a black Barbie.....I got this blonde blue eyed Barbie doll that Christmas, but it didn't replace my black Barbie with the curly 'fro! As a little girl growing up back then, a black doll was to be treasured cause they were few and far between. Thank goodness now there are more choices for our babies.

It's ok to vent Chispas...

Hey folks

I am going to see my sisters and attend a wedding over the weekend so I am not going to be on much for the next few days

But I will be back in full swing on Tuesday

I may pop in if I have time

GOOD MORNING EVERYONE HAPPY FRIDAY


Today is a happy day , we are celebrating our 1 year wedding anniversry Hard to believe it has been one year already

happy anniversary!

g'morning everyone, it's friday!

Happy Anniversary!!




Well, have fun girl! I'm not sure I could handle a wedding right now.

Boo hoo Zee we'll miss you
for the wedding

Happy Anniversary!

Ohh que lindo. A samba dance for you both

I made it

Now, off to have some fun.....but I am going to catch up on VJ first

Thanks everyone for the well wishes!!!!!!!

g'morning everyone. rise and shine!

Excuse me, if he has a wife and kids in his country you want to tell him you are upset that he didn't share that fact with you and then invite the ' sister ' to your home and she will more than likely not stir up trouble ?

This is a legal immigration board and if you find out he has another wife and kids that is immigration fraud and he will be subject to deportation once here.
It is attitudes like this that makes it hard for those of us who are honest people to get through the process.
While men with other wives get through this process we have to take a denial over typos from 2 years ago.
This really burns me.
Please keep your acceptance of more than one wife to yourself.
As I said this is a legal immigration board and no, we don't accept it. You are a partaker in fraud if you knowingly petition
a man who has other wives.

This person is not even worth the effort, Omoba. I'm sure the realization has hit home that that kind of talk is not acceptable in this forum. Ignorance at its best in 2008!

Hi everyone long time no type.

We are doing well, I have been very busy so not much time to be online. I hope everyone is doing well.

Yeah,, I second those sentiments...

Good morning *yawn*

I got home at 9:30, ate dinner, went to bed and woke up an hour early because I thought I had a meeting...but its not until tomorrow morning...grrr.

So, I am leaving early today on the premise that I need to vote in the PA primaries

g'morning everyone.

Hello Everyone!

It's been a while .... For me life has been centered around work, church and family, and ... more WORK! But I give God thanks for the strength to endure it all.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Boaz

Welcome back!

I thought the weather warmed up and people left VJ! Ya'll can't leave until I get Bassi over here safe and sound! Yeah, it's all about me, so what?

Very funny Zainab! I hear you though. A little cheer in the AM. Obviously I have the week off and thats why I am on this early (I am usually out of the house by 6:45 am ). No children to chase this week , but papers to write.

Hi Boaz....Long time!

Hey Zee hope you enjoyed your trip!

g'morning everyone

Hello everyone!!!

Its hard to get back into the swing of things when I have been off for 4 days. I wonder what is going to happen when I am off for 3 weeks

Good to see you, I hope all is well with you and yours.

Good morning
Howz doing?
Wut doing?
Where going?
and, ummm, lemme thinx.....oh, well I guess thats it.
God Bless
UNO

...There she goes again with her drive by post...

Now you see her....now you don't......

I LOVE your picture, just beautiful!!!

"LL", I'm not "driving by", I'm doing a "hollywood roll" .
And thanks for the complement "NaNa-356" .
I'm still going through some thangs and trying to keep my head right and maintain my focus . My graduation is approaching in about 3 weeks .
Just keep me in your prayers and if y'all know any true "prayer warriors" tellem ah sistah needz some HEELLLLLPPPP
later
UNO

g'morning everyone. it's almost friday

I am in a good mood today . After the terrible wait of California I called NVC this morning and the petition is on it's way to Lagos.