Somebody needs to update the AOS section of the spreadsheet. I won't say who.

How did the car shopping go yesterday Aly?

Hello babblesgirl! Good to see you are having a fun time here.

Wooohoooo!!! I wondered what on earth had happened to you!!! Glad to hear you're doing ok!!!

Rae - I have been really lame with it all - Maybe I'll become incensed after next weekend when I get to (hopefully) add my own stuff on there...

And after all that yesterday, I never did get around to googling for places that give the HPV vaccine

Hello babbles and *big hugs* You have been missed! Glad you're doing well, in spite of the heat and insect bugs! Pop in and see us a bit more, please! *makes puppy dog eyes*

Thanks everyone! It's good to see you all. *hugs* I'll definitely spend a bit more time around here - especially now I have my own computer Still amazed at how much cheaper everything is here, though I'm having to be careful with money now until the EAD comes through.

well, that's all well and good, but now you have to pay a forfeit for staying away so long *strict face*




...your forfeit is: you have to visit us at least once a day



(things ARE cheap, aren't they? especially gas )

I know! It's so funny how enraged people get about the gas prices here - though they did rise dramatically.
Woo scary strict face! I will try and visit once a day...excepting weekends *adds own conditions to forfeit*

It's so funny to hear someone say that. I know our prices are lower than Europe's and Canada's and who knows who else's, but all you hear about here are people complaining about how expensive gas is!

What's even funnier is that even *I* can be caught out complaining about the gas prices!

Hey guys stop mocking British weather I lived there for over a year and visited many times and the weather was always great Only in April, that was funny. That´s when I found out what the saying "april weather" is really about. Crazy showers But they were all filled with sunshine and it was nice. And then the sun was shining on the drops on the grass and it was sooo pretty

I know; that's why I said it

to be fair, the distances driven here ARE generally quite a bit further than the distances driven in Europe, so the cost starts to come back up there... but THAT raises whole new questions about why the whole friggen country is set up to be completely dependent upon a non-renewable resource, and that raises my blood pressure, so I might leave that one there for now


Dave found an article the other day that said in the month of May this year, Americans drove 9.8 BILLION fewer miles than they had in the same month last year
the only significant changed factor to cause that is the price of gas...

it's what I've been saying all along: we'll have only so long to change because we know it's RIGHT; eventually we're going to be forced to change (by higher prices, new laws, whatever), and then everyone will complain to high heaven, but they'll have had their chance before, when the impact would have been less, and refused... it's depressing

I only complain about gas prices because Jeremy's van gets 12 miles to the gallon and drives at least 40 miles a day for work - we easily spend over $400 a month on gas which we can ill afford I did have to catch myself complaining about the prices to my brother on the phone though the other day

On a whiny note - I am having another bad day Yesterday was dire to the extreme, only topped off by the giant cockroach on our kitchen counter that greeted us after our "short" trip to Jeremy's work (which took twice as long as it should have). We didn't even get down to Santa Ana because Jeremy couldn't find the registration certificate for his van to trade in. We had to hang out at his aunts for ages while he hunted through black widow-infested junk and while she is very sweet, the carpet used to be burgundy and not black with the dog/cat food/p*ss/sh*t/puke etc that has been matted into it. We give up and come back, were going to head out for a buffet meal at the casino and they have stopped doing that now. We ate at home then went to play slots for a bit and while I don't care too much about winning (I am so not a gambler) the money we put in went through without even a sniff of interest. So we head to Jeremy's work where I sit on my own for two hours gradually developing a cough to go with the headache I had all day.

Then when we got home at 12.30am we have the cockroach. Apparently they've been breeding in my failed plants - the things we brought back from Hawaii obviously weren't going to grow despite me giving my best efforts and the cockroaches decided they quite fancied living there and making babies... gross...

So I am totally fed up - I can't wait to get to AZ next week if only to get out of here for a bit. Everything seems to be getting on top of me at the moment, even the most tiny things that normally wouldn't matter and I don't know how to snap myself out of it. Jeremy has been really good to me and I don't want to be miserable but right now I just feel low all the time, like my life isn't mine - this just doesn't feel like home yet

And I had my first "Mrs. Nobody" moment yesterday when we tried to set up a joint online bank account but I could only be added if I had some form of ID number from a drivers license or something - even if I do have my SSN

Just fed up

It´s all the greedy oil and car companies fault (ofcourse government have their fingers in it too). First they kill a chance for a decent public transport here and then they kill the EV1 And it´s rediculous that if you wanna take a train here to get somewhere far, it ends up costing more than driving or flying and it takes ages to get somewhere by train cuz there are no train tracks anywhere so you have to go around the country to get to a place. Then it´s obvious people will never start using that.

Poor Aly Sit on a bus and come here, I´ll cheer you up

We have terrible trouble with cockroaches and ants but manage to keep them at bay with a boundary spray of repellent. It certainly stops them coming indoors and we see fewer outside after a good spray. I too get rather upset by the sight of them but the repellent stuff really works. We use 'home defense' which is supposed to keep them out for 'up to 12 months'. Generally, it's only a week or two before you need to spray again but we are still on top of them and so it's not so depressing.

Black widows. They scare me to death, but they are great for keeping the other critters at bay, so I am more inclined to welcome the sight of a black widow these days than to fear them.

If it's any consolation, there were times I felt utterly terrible when I first got out here. This is part of the rationale for not using or relying on VJ so much. Going from being utterly responsible for my own life to being completely dependent on another was so very difficult to deal with. We recently bought a car so that I can get around on my own, although J needs to use that for work and so the days I use it means we have to use twice the gas we would ordinarily (there goes a gas complaint! ) but at least it gives me a little freedom to go where I please.

I am beginning to feel increasingly that this is home. I am lucky in that J's family and friends are so generous and caring and try to involve me in everything. But some days, I miss being in a place where everything is familiar and my friends are close at hand. And there are no cockroaches, and it rains and gas is $9 a gallon .

It's tough at times, but it's worth it There are many many things I love about America and being here that really surprise me. It's a huge learning curve.

woo, congrats marta on the baby!!

Yeah - I think the holiday period is coming to an end - the novelty has worn off a bit more now and it is hitting me that this is my new home, but I don't feel like I belong here yet... I start volunteering soon so that will be good although I am nervous about it as well. I phoned Jeremy at work in tears as I need khaki shorts and don't have any - something else we have to buy *sigh*

I actually predicted it would take a month for things to sink in and it looks like I was right on the money...

oh, Aly, I'm sorry you feel so down
I really sympathise... in some ways I'm still enjoying it being here at home, but the feeling of not belonging anywhere is pretty palpable, and some days it's SO hard to get motivated, with one more day with nothing I HAVE to do and nowhere I HAVE to be... and I feel increasingly that I will never belong here, and neither do I really want to
no regrets at ALL about coming, because it's about the relationship and not the place - but aspects of it can really get me down (and it must be the day for them! because I found a huge cockroach in the lounge room this morning... actually saw it from the outside, when I was moving the sprinkler - it was on the window - and had to go on a hunt when I came back in )


girls: we WILL prevail
we will make a good life for ourselves here... it will just take some time
and we will encourage each other when we feel down, and we will not stay down for long * ra-ra pom poms*



*group hug*

xxxxx

Aww thanks StP - I'm just all weepy right now, but hearing that everyone else has "friendly" inhabitants in their houses makes me at least feel like I'm not living in a scum-hole The other thing that really gets me down is grubby feet - it sounds silly and I sweep and clean as often as is sane but I either wear slippers that make my feet hot, socks which get ruined or make my feet hot or go barefoot which drives me nuts as my feet are always dirty - I scrub them every day in the shower but it just feels like a waste of time

We're going to try fumigating the place while we are in AZ as Daisy will be at the boarding place on a kitty holiday but after that, does anyone know of anything we can do on a regular basis that would be safe for cats? Maybe I just need a grumpy few days before I pickn myself up... think I am "hormonal" as well which doesn't help

oh, the hormones can be a KILLER; I cried for about ten minutes at the end of The Dark Knight on Sunday, because my hormones were going haywire
that, and it was sad


you're not living in a scum hole at ALL! bugs like that are just par for the course; you can never totally get rid of them, and it's not fun, but it's not an indicator of horrible dirtiness either
I'd just put down some traps, if I was you - the sticky sort will definitely be safe for cats; there may be others too, that I'm not aware of


as for the feet - tricky... I used to wear slippers ALL THE TIME in London, like an old granny, but it's just too hot here... now I go barefoot, like I used to do in Aus, and cope with the dirty feet issue too
I have invested in a lovely foot file from the Body Shop, which is GREAT, and try to use it a couple of times a week to get rid of all the dead dry skin that accumulates when you're running around shoeless... there's a pumice stone hanging in the shower too, which I try to use regularly, and it gets rid of dirt that a normal soaping wouldn't
a pair of light flip flops might be good too - I had this BRILLIANT pair I bought in Spain for about three euros, that were light as light; you could hardly feel them on your feet.. they finally wore out and nothing else I've found has been anywhere near as good

Thanks Tracy

*Waving hello at all the dirty girls *

I think Aly, that even if you try all the different methods you will never be able to get rid of the bugs completely. You will probly eventually get used to them. They will always be coming back. I think they just love the weather there. Hey now let´s see...you were excited about going there cuz of the weather too I think...does that make you a bug then? Oh no, Marta Be quiet! Aly is hormonal now and that could make her cry
Ok
Oh, does anybody think it will be funny cool how funny hormonal might Aly become when she gets pregnant?
Jeez, somebody shut Marta up!

Anyone wants to help me out a little? Here is a chance

I just had no words - the guy is obviously a total moron

So I didn´t hesitate and didn´t waste more time. Decided to call USCIS. AGAIN I think they have something in common with The Joker Since the last time I called they placed service request for the AP, today I only called about the EAD.
For the ones who don´t remember: in June they told me my EAD is set to be adjudicated on July 28th or earlier. In July I called about ten days prior to this date and that´s when the lady said she wasn´t able to place a service request for that, cuz the computer told her I had to wait 55 more days before it would accept the service request (which would put me in the middle of September).
Today I decided to call again just out of curiosity and despite the first lady putting me on hold about million times and asking my zip code about half a million times and so on, she put me through to some laid back guy who told me my EAD was still being reviewed and they were still working on it. So I said that since their website says they were working on EADs from April 16 and my one is from March I´d like to know what was going on. He said I could go to my local office (well go - that´s 4 hours driving ) and tell them to call the benefits center and they should tell them. So I said I thought that´s what the service requests were for (besides when other member who´s been waiting almost as long as I have went for an infopass appointment cuz of the EAD they basically turned her around and sent her home saying everything was fine ...but I didn´t tell him that). So he said he could place a service request but that would take up to 30 days before I get a letter from them. I said that was fine, so he placed the service request for my EAD
So now I have service requests on both AP and EAD See what happens
Now, does anyone know, why there is no processing time at the Benefits Center for AOS listed on the website? Since I´m pretty much expecting similar delays with that too but I have no date to "harrass" them about. I hope there won´t be these problems with the AOS too but right now it just looks like all is stuck

processign times for AOS are totally random. it depends a lot on if you get transfered to Cali and on where you live.
you won't hear from your AOS until your local office processes your papers.
living on the boarder this takes forever, living somewhere else its much faster. some people have their greencards within 6 weeks in their hands, some wait for 2 years.
(not to talk about FBI background checks)



i'm sorry that you have so much trouble with your papers. it stinks.
but at least you seem to have a positive attitude.....

Agnes!! Did you get my last e-mail?! This time next week we'll be on our way to yours!!

Marta - at least the second guy you spoke to was somewhat helpful I can't believe it is all taking so long for you! I sent some e-mails off to places about the HPV vaccine but haven't heard anything back yet Not sure what to do about it all really... I am so disorganised right now

Feeling a little better today which is good but still not right - think another day's rest and I should be ok

I don´t quite understand that with the HPV vaccine...it´s not something you can get at any doctor´s office? If not then you can definately get it at the places that take care of vaccinations....I saw one place like that but I don´t remember exactly what it was called Maybe I can look it up somewhere if it would help you.

Well I e-mailed the three medical centers I found in Palm Springs so hopefully someone will get back to me about it - I think the whole thing is a farce anyway but there you go

And you are still gonna be under 27 or what the age was for it when you send AOS? Oh I don´t know if you should expect a reply by email...I have already found out some of the medical centers are pretty incompetent and it´s best to stop by and ask them.

i called all of the medical centers that are listed by USCIS and asked them how much they charge and stuff. and i got answers ranging from 200 to 10 dollars.

HELLLLLOOOOOO!!!!!!

Just checking in as it's been ages. My AOS package was delivered to chicago yesterday so here's hoping that it goes smoothly. I'm back on form with my stressing. My reasons to stress are...

1. I just sent vaccination record from UK medical (people have had success with it but knowing my luck...)
2. I need EAD soon (our car going to die any day now so I need my income to get another)
3. forgot to inclued joint sponsors W2's with tax returns (know I'll get RFE for those but they ready to go)
4. The fact that we have a joint sponsor

I didn't file AP as not going to need it and I felt I'd done enough paperwork!


Did anyone else have a good giggle at some of the questions asked...espionage? genocide?....ok I know they need to ask but would anyone involved in such monsterous acts ever actually answer yes?


oh and on another note....I've discovered my nextdoor neighbours are a year ahead of us in this process. It's good to be able to talk over the yard fence to someone who understands.

Yeah - I don't turn 27 until February so I am about six months out - long enough to not want to wait *sigh* It really is annoying


Oooh - there is a list of medical centers? I'll have to see if I can find that unless you have the link handy???


DEBZ!!! Miss youuuuuuuU!!!!!!

Glad to hear things are ok - you sound like you are settling in nicely It is sooo cool that you have someone next door to talk to - I am so jealous!!!

I am sure AOS won't be half as stressful - I mean you are here now, right? All they can do is keep asking you for stuff and you just keep sending it back - it'll be fine As for a car - can you not use any of your savings? We are having to do that as well - we wanted to keep it all for a house but there is no way we can keep paying $400+ in gas

Do you have the internet at home yet? Miss seeing you around here! Even Babbles has started showing her face again

Still no internet. Had to send our PC back to Dell as they sent us one that didn't work, sent us a replacement and that had the same fault...REALLY ANNOYED WITH DELL. Waiting on getting money back then getting an HP.

Anyways, off to go for a swim.

Haha - I miss my swims but while I am poorly...

I've posted this in the 'Off Topic' thread of the UK forum but thought I'd post it here too for the people who don't read that one.

It appears that my marriage is over already.

Scott has had a lot of problems adjusting to living with someone from the minute I got here and it has now got so bad that he can no longer do it. This is the third time he has decided to leave me since May – we managed to ‘talk things through’ on the other two occasions. I won’t go into too much detail but in my opinion he seems to be suffering from some kind of depression that he refuses to seek help for and I had no idea about it until I moved here.

I have now accepted his decision with grace and have chosen to move on with my life.

After much thought and deliberation about whether or not to move back to the UK I have decided to give the US a bit more of a chance first. I have my Green Card now and as long as I can prove to USCIS that I entered the marriage in good faith I should be able to remove the conditions on it after the divorce.

I do however hate living in Massachusetts so have decided to move. Based on internet research and Scott’s personal experience I have made the decision to move to Charlotte, NC.

Anyway, that’s about it really. I’m planning to spend a week in Charlotte from 24th August to find myself somewhere to live and I’ll move down permanently 3-4 weeks after that. I’ll be moving there totally alone and won’t know a soul, which is a little daunting. I’m currently reading “Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers, which is helping.

I won’t be leaving Visa Journey though, I shall be here forever I imagine.

p.s. Anyone reading this from Charlotte.

oh Muffin
I'm so sorry

you will be FINE though... you will get through this and make a great life for yourself
it augers well that you're dealing with everything with such grace...

and I'm glad you're not going to leave VJ

*big hug*

Muffin I'm so sorry, you are definatly appearing to handle it with more grace and dignity than I probably could. Glad you will not be leaving us here. Good luck to you in whatever you decide to do.

Thanks StP. You're right, I WILL be fine.

Scott and I are still good friends, we're just accepting that this wasn't meant to be. I'm now looking forward to the next chapter in my life in a new state. I've booked a trip to Charlotte from 24-30 Aug and I'm already getting excited about looking for a new home for myself.

Thanks again.

Thanks to you too Debz.

Muffin, i am so sorry! you are such a brave lady to just move to a completely foreign state!
i keep you in my prayers!

@ aly: here's the link https://egov.uscis.gov/crisgwi/go?action=of...office_type=CIV
you HAVE to use their civil surgeons. *shrugs* just another loop we have to jump through.

btw: i just read your blog, i can TOTALLY relate: it's monsoon season and we have a leak in the roof, the AC dies at least every second day and our landlord is too broke and stupid to have it fixed properly. oh, and i just saw the credit card bill and nearly passed out.

i hope everybody has a nice sunday evening!

Gillian, I am so sorry to hear that things have not turned out well for your marriage. *big hugs* I admire you so much, though, for giving it a good go, and even more for spreading your wings here in the US and trying something so new and adventurous! I wish you all the best on your move to Charlotte, and should I ever find myself in that area, I'll be sure to pop in and say hi! I'll bring good wine, too!!

I am soooooo happy to hear you won't leave VJ! We all love you and want to help you through this as much as we can via message board, and seriously, if you ever want to talk to someone, I have unlimited long distance and would be happy to lend an ear. As someone whose ex-husband is mentally ill (depression & personality disorder) and who is still in denial about it, I can very much relate to what you're going through.

Thanks very much Julez.

I might just take you up on that offer of having someone to talk to - I also have unlimited long distance.

Although he hasn't been diagnosed with anything (because he refuses to admit that there's anything wrong) I believe that Scott is suffering from depression and some kind of personality disorder too. In hindsight I can see that there were warning signs before I came here but I naively thought that 'everything will be ok once we're together, that's all that matters'.

Thankfully there hasn't been any animosity between us and we are still good friends. I have times when I want to get really angry with him but I'm managing to keep my temper - so far.

I'm now trying to look forward to my trip to Charlotte and plan the next chapter in my life.

Thanks to everyone for their kind words.

So sorry to hear that things turned out like this I am glad you are able to move on and that you are so brave and decided to try for a brand new life in a new state

Another thing...how fast do you wanna go through with the divorce and are you still thinking about some councelling or not? You see, I don´t wanna sound pesimistic (and also I don´t have any experience with that so it´s just a thought), but you basically just got your GC and won´t it raise some flags if you file for a divorce right after? I don´t want you to have some troubles in case you decide to stay and wanna remove the conditions on your own Hugs

Thanks for the kind words Marta.

You are right that separating so soon after receiving my Green Card will raise some red flags. Scott will not consider counselling of any kind - I think he is worried that he might have to face up to the fact that he has issues he needs to deal with.

We'll probably start divorce proceeding towards the end of the year and once it's over I'm going to get an immigration attorney to help me with removing conditions due to the red flags. Scott is happy to write an affadavit attesting to the fact the he is the one who wants to end the marriage and not me, which I think will help to prove that I entered it in good faith. Our lives and finances have been completely co-mingled since I got here so I'll hopefully have no problem proving that we had a legitimate marriage either - albeit for a very short time.

And don't worry about sounding pessimistic I had already considered the problems with removing conditions and shall make sure that I'm prepared when the time comes.

Thanks again Marta.

Gillian,

I am so sorry that things didn't turn out the way you planned. I am sure, given your common sense and strength of character, that you will make the best this and I hope that the two of you can remain good friends.

I've heard many good things about Charlotte and North Carolina generally. I hope your trip is successful. Best of luck!

Thanks Babblesgirl.

I won't be leaving VJ so I'll keep everyone updated on my adventures in NC.

Hey Gillian,

This group might be helpful in establishing some friendships and networking in Charlotte:

http://brit.meetup.com/298/

Their expat group seems to be fairly active.

Oooooh, thanks for that.

Hey Gillian,

I am sorry to hear that things didn't work out but you do sounds really strong and I think it's really amazing, and brave as others have said, that you're going to stay in the States and try a new life in a new city. I wish you the best in whatever lies in your future.

Thanks Rae.

I think I probably sound a lot stronger than I really am though! I'm having good days and bad days right now and I seem to be up and down and all over the place. I'm coming to terms with the fact that my marriage is over but I'm getting overwhelmed sometimes with feelings of loneliness.

But then a few minutes later I'll feel really strong and as though I can take on the world.

I'm sure these feelings are all just part of the grieving process that I'll have to go through. I'm so glad that I have friends here on VJ because I haven't really made any where I live since I got here and the loneliness does make things harder.

Thanks again everyone.

hugs, hugs and more hugs....I wish I lived nearer to you, cos I'd be on a road trip to see you! We'd get drunk and have some laughs!

Thanks Julez, that makes me feel so much better.

Today has been one of my bad days - hopefully tomorrow I'll be taking on the world again.