http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2007-0...-marriage_n.htm


My question is how many of you have experienced some form of racism as a result of your interracial or mixed nationality marriage? Personally, when a member of my family found out I intended to marry a Vietnamese woman she asked me "How can you do that after what they did to us". I was shocked to say the least. My response was that

1.) I was relatively certain she had nothing to do with the war since she wasn't even born yet. and

2.) That it was us that probably owed amends since we bombed them to the stone age and then bailed out leaving one hell of a mess behind that continues to kill today. Sounds sort of familiar doesn't it? Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

P.S. I still haven't asked if a white German would be acceptable.

I've gotten a few eeewwws and ohs when I have said that I married an African. I am most often asked if he is a Nigerian , he is not. When I say he speaks French, the next comment is, (Isn't he African?)

My wife and I are muslim, I was born in the US, and am sunni, arab, with some irish, german and italian, and my wife was born in Iran, and is shiaa, persian and turkish. We met while both living in a third country, UAE. We've experienced, I don't want to call it racism, some very uncomfortable situations, sometimes humourous, on many levels, family, religous, nationality, ethnic, and islamophobia. The worst probably was when our house was vandalized, but I strongly believe that diversity has so many benefits to our lives and to society. Immigrants built the USA and made it what it is, and we shouldn't forget that. It makes me so happy to read stories like yours, be thankful and happy to be in a mixed, interracial or nationality marriage, it is definitely a plus, celebrate the differences, ignore the haters, and I wish you both all the happiness in the world!

Peace

Sometimes. It's more people talking crap about Latinos without thinking it'll offend me. And then when it does having them be all, "Oh, you're one of THEM now." Uh, what?

Well, from my experience, you may be met with some similar bizarre displays of complete and utter tastelessness in that case too. It seems that although there is a realization that most people have that Germans today are not Nazis, they just can't seem to help themselves and though that comment in somewhere 'Is he a Nazi...blah blah blah.'. To wit, I think every member of my family and most of my friends have made reference to it at some point in the very beginning though they know better now not to say things like that even if they are just 'joking'. My dickhole uncle compared my husband to a Nazi at Christmas. Asshat.

Good luck finding any culture or nationality or race people won't make ignorant comments about.

I am from West Virginia and my husband is Jamaican. I am a white American woman who was married to a white American man for 20 years. I also had two sons during this marriage. While married we lived in a 99.9% white community and my 14yo son still goes to the same high school. They watched Roots in class one day. My son doesn't have any problems with me being married to a black Jamaican man. I have taught my children to love unconditionally. Treat others as you want to be treated. Now since I married a black man, the neighbor children of his father, made it known through out the high school that my son had a black step father. A boy my sons age decided one day to keep calling him Toby from Roots and cracker. This boy wanted my son to fight him but my son declined. However, the boy swung at my son and my son laid him out. They were both suspended from school but I was proud of my son for standing up for his mothers decision. We are still in the process of getting my husband here so I really haven't had any negative comments. My husband is the first black man to be introduced into my family. He will be welcomed with so many open arms when he gets here.

Just my two cents!

I am from and we reside in St. Louis, Missouri. My husband is from Jamaica. Our neighborhood is like the U.N.....we have every race and nationality you can imagine. As far as everyday life and the job situation, we've seen no issues. My own family and friends accepted him with open arms.

Ironically, the only time I've ever heard negative comments have been from Jamaican women, here and abroad.

My husband is from Pakistan.


yes

I get crap for it from all around. Thankfully my family is different than that.

We don't get any crap at all for our international marriage, and I wonder if it's BECAUSE of race/socioeconomic stuff. He's a white professional and I'm a white grad student. Also his English at this point is pretty close to flawless and his accent is just trace, and he dresses very American-ly, and gets the majority of cultural references... I don't know, I think all these factors lead to people not saying anything or acting weird at all.
However, when I was still in Brazil, I did have one American friend tell me (via e-mail, he had never met Rey and didn't know anything about him) that obviously Rey just wanted a GC. I haven't really talked to him since. In fact, people really treated the situation differently before they met Rey, and sometimes even after they just saw a picture they relaxed (older family members). I think there's a lot under the surface.

It's like I've been saying for a looong time. Give this a few more centuries, we'll all be a mocha sort of colour. Just a bunch of mutts.

The only person who has made any stupid remarks is my 86-year-old grandmother who suffered from agoraphobia for many years, has never worked outside the home and lives in a remote corner of the Big Island of Hawaii, so has lived a very sheltered existence. One time I spoke to her on the phone and said I had fallen in love with a Nepali and she said 'Is he very dark skinned? If you have kids and they have dark skin it might be a difficult life for them." This from a woman who has lived for over 25 years in Hawaii but has learned nothing from it.
When I announced my marriage to her this past Christmas her first reaction is 'he's only out for a GC'.

The rest of my family has no problems and hasn't made any boneheaded remarks. I also haven't had any problems with Nepalis either over in Nepal(inlaws or strangers) or here and on the contrary seem happy that I obviously love Nepal and Nepali people - one in particular I live in the most racially and culturally diverse county in the USA so I don't anticipate any problems.

Girlfriend get out of here. Why do people have to be like that. I think ya'll are a beautiful couple and as long as you two are happy to HELL with everyone else. That really gets under my skin.Call me Ms. INTERNATIONAL...I'll date whoever the HELL I want. I just chose to marry a Jamaican, because I've not had luck with men outside of my culture. I've dated American men black and white, but all I hear are conversations about WEED (and these are profesisonal men). If that's the only think you can connect with me about my CULTURE, then keep it moving. I dated an Italian guy for 2 years and his mother and her sisters (his aunts) HATED me. His father and uncles LOVED me. They found that I was EXOTIC. And the fact that I came from Jamaica, just made his father and the males in his family love me more. It was just his mother. He was the youngest son of 10 and he was the FINEST and I was just not good enough for her. They said I was too black and too fat and that all black one do is have babies. So, I made sure everytime I went around them I FLAUNTED by BIG A$$. I always sat on his laps and my mouth was always on his. I would have married him, but his job is too risky and people in his field either don't get married or don't stay married long (according to him). Check this out, they own a lot of propery in Negril and I went on vacation with them for 3 weeks (you know I was LOVING it)...because I was in my ZONE and she was seeing couples of opposite races all over NEGRIL, Mobay and Ocho. I drove her NUTS! She kept pretending that she was having a nervous breakdown and what is this world coming to. Her husband paid her no mind. They were to BLAZED up to address her comments. But this was the last straw, ITALIANS are big on Sunday dinners and well, when she set the table (you ready for this)...she set my place with PAPER plate, forks, knife, cup, bowl--so, we went at it. I was never felt so disrespectful in my life. Now, this woman had no problems with me when I spoke to her on the phone serveral times. We dated 6 months before I met his mom. His dad, brothers, uncles, new I was black. He didn't tell her, so the first time she met me she was in SHOCK! All she kept saying of what I could understand in her langauge was "Negra"...I think that means black or something like it. So, GIRLFRIEND, when you out and about...let them know he's yours...to HELL with everyone else. When we would go out, I got dirty steers from EVERYONE...because let me tell you...he was FINE (oh, did I tell you that already)...but I fell for him, because of his eyes and his zest of life...he was a KID all over again. Who knew that a grown man could get a kick out of going to a THEME park and losing his every loving mind. After that date, I was hooked.



Girlfriend get out of here. Why do people have to be like that. I think ya'll are a beautiful couple and as long as you two are happy to HELL with everyone else. That really gets under my skin.Call me Ms. INTERNATIONAL...I'll date whoever the HELL I want. I just chose to marry a Jamaican, because I've not had luck with men outside of my culture. I've dated American men black and white, but all I hear are conversations about WEED (and these are profesisonal men). If that's the only think you can connect with me about my CULTURE, then keep it moving. I dated an Italian guy for 2 years and his mother and her sisters (his aunts) HATED me. His father and uncles LOVED me. They found that I was EXOTIC. And the fact that I came from Jamaica, just made his father and the males in his family love me more. It was just his mother. He was the youngest son of 10 and he was the FINEST and I was just not good enough for her. They said I was too black and too fat and that all black one do is have babies. So, I made sure everytime I went around them I FLAUNTED by BIG A$$. I always sat on his laps and my mouth was always on his. I would have married him, but his job is too risky and people in his field either don't get married or don't stay married long (according to him). Check this out, they own a lot of propery in Negril and I went on vacation with them for 3 weeks (you know I was LOVING it)...because I was in my ZONE and she was seeing couples of opposite races all over NEGRIL, Mobay and Ocho. I drove her NUTS! She kept pretending that she was having a nervous breakdown and what is this world coming to. Her husband paid her no mind. They were to BLAZED up to address her comments. But this was the last straw, ITALIANS are big on Sunday dinners and well, when she set the table (you ready for this)...she set my place with PAPER plate, forks, knife, cup, bowl--so, we went at it. I was never felt so disrespectful in my life. Now, this woman had no problems with me when I spoke to her on the phone serveral times. We dated 6 months before I met his mom. His dad, brothers, uncles, new I was black. He didn't tell her, so the first time she met me she was in SHOCK! All she kept saying of what I could understand in her langauge was "Negra"...I think that means black or something like it. So, GIRLFRIEND, when you out and about...let them know he's yours...to HELL with everyone else. When we would go out, I got dirty steers from EVERYONE...because let me tell you...he was FINE (oh, did I tell you that already)...but I fell for him, because of his eyes and his zest of life...he was a KID all over again. Who knew that a grown man could get a kick out of going to a THEME park and losing his every loving mind. After that date, I was hooked.

Like a lot of other people I've gotten the whole spectrum of reactions. A few people make comments like, "Whats wrong with black men in America, why did you have to get an African?" I've also been asked if he's a member of Al-Qaeda (his last name is "arab sounding"). I also had a few tactless people ask about his sexual performance.... Grandma was convinced he's muslim. Why? Because "All foreigners are Muslim." And...now she's on her latest rant about dark skinned people, and how we're gonna have dark kids. WTF? But she's my grandma, I love her, we think she's beginning to show signs of dementia, so were thinking she saying things that she normally would recognize as being inappropriate and keep to herself.
I've learned not to let these things upset me like they once did.

Its is still crazy to me that people are so horrible at geography that they don't understand that Africa is a continent, not a country. And that Ethiopia is different from Nigeria, and South Africa, and every other country in Africa.


When we were engaged, I also had people say, things like I hope you didn't sleep with him you know they have AIDS.

I am white and my wife is Jamaican. She is still in Jamaica and has not been to the US as of now, but I have spent alot of time in Jamaica and I think the people there are very wonderful people (most of them). Her family is very supportive and loving and has no problem that i am white. BUT, there are some (ok alot) of racial men in Jamaica. I had to learn quick to just ignore them and smile at them as I held my wife close to me. They made many remarks like white man, why you with a white man, and they would tell my wife that no white man can please like a Jamaican man (they could be right, but my wife thinks different, she is very happy in all depts.)

As for my family, they are very supportive and can't wait to meet her (except for 1 aunt who laughed at me, but i don't even speak to her anymore -- its her ignorance not mine). My church which is 95% white are very supportive and anxious to meet her as well. (which brings up a point -- We all serve the same God, so it does'nt matter in His eyes, so we should not worry about what others think)

We'll all be Chinese

No, not Chinese.

I had a former friend of mine refer to my wife as a vulgar name, let's say it rhymes with spook. (And I almost kicked him in something that rhymes with smesticles)

Just because you "look" like one particular "group" does not mean that is what you are. A lot of people get caught up in what somthing looks like and will shut the door without even taking a peek..So closeminded... If that was the case I would not be on this earth.( thanks for meeting mom and dad- who actually have THEIR parents to thank as they are BOTH mixed!!!!) So I am a definate mutt.... Anyway I think we all need to stop "reacting" so bad and sometimes crazaly(is this a word??lol) in the hopes not to give the taunters the reaction that they are looking for....


KEEP ON CROSS BREEDING!!!!!!

well said

oh no he didn't!

Did you know that the rhyming word you chose to cover up the racial slur is also a racial slur?

I'm sure you didn't mean it, but it gave me a chuckle.

I was thinking the same thing.

What's a Spook? I think you mean the word that rhymes with Stick.

never thought of that. Let me try again, it rymes with Luke



no I didnt.

This is cool - http://www.rsdb.org/ (NSFW)

I know what it is.The racists kids in high school used to call my Laotian friends that name.That's messed up.

Back in the day,spook was another way to say the "N" word.

I am white and my husband is from Nigeria. I've had one friend ask me if he married me for the Greencard. My family has been very accepting. We are in Washington and prior to living here 5 years ago, I would have thought this was a really racist area. However, I've had NO comments when we've been out at restraunts or stores or whatever.

And it still is. Although I hear it rarely, it's around.

My opinion is that people that give you crap are shallow dumb people.
The problem is that alot of the Americans just know their own country and nothing else,damn alot of them cant even find countries on the map and then make stupid comments...
Even worse when they cant find their own country on the map...LOL

If somebody would ever give me crap for being German I would tell them that no American is really real American with expeption to the Native Americans.
My husbands familiy came from Germany,France just as an example.

I so used to getting crap,I just laugh.When I was a little,people would actually come up to me and ask,"What are you?"The reason some Americans can't find other countries on the map is because they do not take an interest in other cultures nor are they exposed to any other culture.As an adult,I get"Your Dominican right ?" I'll reply no,I'm Panamanian-American,and then I'll get,"What's that?" I just laugh.

Way to go,your totally right.
Well I was used to getting crap in Germany as a kid,I half British and they used to tease me as the "Foreign one" and all that back there.

If anyone asks if he married you for the Greencard, just tell them you don't think so, but just in case he did, you locked his Greencard up in a safe deposit box and only you have the key.

Hi...

We've never had any problems here, but I have encountered a few idiots in Scotland.

It was not the men who said anything-it was only women. Both of us are considered "white", but I am somewhat darker than he is. I encountered some seriously backward people who assumed I was from the ME, simply b/c I didn't look like them, and made some HORRIBLY ignorant comments and was called a few nice slurs-
(behind my back, of course).

His family are ALL wonderful, and treat me as their own daughter. My family loves him as well.
I think I may have heard the "green card" comment from a friend or two-before they met him. It never really did offend me, as they were just trying to look after me. Their concern did not insult me in the least.



Rose

Well thats great,my husbands family have totally accepted me too.
Besides my brother in law married a Mexican,so I think both of my husbands brothers like foreign women LOL.
Ha a greencard what do they think Europe is a third world country and we have nothing better to do than give your life's up for our SO's!!! Again shallow people that let of comments like that!

Maybe I'm so used to being with my husband that I don't notice (and definetly don't care) about other people's remarks. My family and friends all love my husband and accept him the way he is. We all know that color is not important...
My mother has told me a couple times how happy she is with my sister (who recently got married too) and my decisions in husbands. That made me feel good.

My mother was married to my dad for 18 years before going through a horrible divorce. Now she is remarried to my step-dad who is black. Her parents (my grandparents) like him but told her in the beginning that they can be friends, just not marry. I think that now they have accepted him though I'm sure they'd be happier if he were white.
Eleven + years later they're still together and I have a little sister. It's funny because my husband is not considered black (he's Native American + European), yet he's darker than my step-dad.

My husband and I live in Florida so there are tons of latinos here. I actually think there is less racism here than in Brazil. As far as our interracial relationship, I forget we're in one so I don't notice, but I don't think people look at us strange or anything. BUT, in Brazil people stared at us ALL THE TIME. I'm sure a lot had to do with me and my pasty white skin (since we lived in the Amazonian region), but it never bothered us, people were just curious.

It's funny how some people think that everyone marrying an American is after a Green Card. In my case, when I told my brother I was getting married he asked whether my SO (the USC) was after a UK visa. "Umm no, since I'm moving over there". He replied "Well that's ok then".

I always tell people that my husband didn't want to move here in the first place - which is true - and that my husband asked me to stay in Brazil (where we met).
Yet when I told a Brazilian girl this she told me that my husband was being selfish to ask me to stay there since life is better here.
Goes to show you can't please everyone, so I stopped trying a long time agoooooo.....

Why even bother telling people that? You can't make people think different from what they're not already thinking. (Especially on VJ, where people know that lots of scammers at first try to convince the USC to stay or live in their country. Don't know if this conversation happened on VJ or in real life; just saying.)

I disagree. I think we all have the ability to change people's perceptions.

If I choose to tell some people that then it's up to me.
I've never said anything like that on VJ.

First, I've seen you say that around VJ a few times, but that's neither here nor there. My point was not to be offensive. I just meant, why waste time? You know in your heart that he's not here for a GC, but some people are going to expect that he is, even if they see you together... I decided to stop worrying about it.

When i told my co-workers that i was getting married...they were happy for me..but as soon as i mentioned that my fiancee was a USC some asked if i was doing it to get a green card and migrate to the US. I hate it but it but i am not in the mood to justify the love that i have for my SO

Don't you just hate the "haters ?" I know I do.

omGAAAAWWWWWWWWWWdddd!!!

I have read these stories with a lot of interest!

some people just don't get out the front door much!

if the grannies or uncle don't like the color of color...

tellem to get their heads outta their @ss its a whole new world!

I had a woman who is an acquaintance of my roommate tell me that she had had a 'message from God' that my husband was only using me for a GC. This is based only on knowing the bare facts of the relationship and only talking with me for maybe 3 minutes in Walgreen's.

OH no,it doesn't seem if she's wrapped too tight.