Hi Ladies,
I thought I would share something interesting that has happened to me just today. Some of you Sub-Saharans know my story and the challenges I have faced in my marriage to my So. Yes, I have had challenges just like everybody else on the board and felt used like some others have. Not to belabor the point, but I had been feeling as if I married this man from Africa, now he's acting up, his family is closed mouth about his past and I am stuck in an impossible situation.

No, my situation has a different twist from the regular green card issues and the bad behaving man who took money and left. Yesterday one of my husband's freinds called to say that her mother flew here from the Congo to see me because she was concerned about me. I was floored when I heard this. I had spoken to her mother on several occasion and shared with her the issues I was dealing with and she told me she would come and pray for both of while cleansing us both.
I thought this was a nice gesture, but who can do anything with this guy who has one foot in the house and the other out of the house? Today I met with her and she let me know that she is a high preist in her church and since she heard my issues, she came to pray, fast and counsel us. Of course she can see her daughter too, but she said her main mission for coming is to find out what the heck is going on through prayer and fasting. She said after that we'll know the course of action.

Caution, before I have a flood of nay sayers or the controversial arguments, I would like to say that I thought nobody over there cared about what was happening to me and basically were all part of some sinister plot to use me. I stood corrected today when this woman came, because I told her six months ago that I needed help, and the nature of my issues.

So I take back some of my anger about my situation as she explained to me that has known his family for over 60+ and she is here to stand in the gap in prayer as if they were in the village.

My hope is that the same happens to some of my sisters and brother on VJ, that one person in the family or a family friend will be able shed a light or history on your situation as mine is not inherent to Africa, but issues that transcend cultures. I am so humbled by this woman who came because she knew I was broken spiritually. This is more than my heart ever knew would happen. I am not saying that through prayer and fasting, all will be well. What I am saying is that through prayer and fasting she aims to gain knowledge and clarity on what God has in mind for all of this. She said either way, good or bad, we'll know for sure how to proceed but only with God's guidance. I am in awe.
Thanks for reading
Chispas

Well alright then, I take it that this women also personally knows your husband from when he was back in their homeland.

Nice to see that someone would fly out here and attempt to save your marriage or at least find out whats going on and offer some couseling, Chipas, all the best to you !!!!

Please keep us updated.

LOL Yes, she's known the family for years and they are the extended family of my husband. His parents have died, and she promised me she will help me understand the past, present and future. Already tonight I've learned a lot about his childhood that I would never have been told before. Some of which she said, made a ton of sense to me now! She said she knew the issues and since I was a missionary and her a priest, she felt I would be prepared to listen, this time, to what God has to share. So I guess we'll be in fasting and prayer soon.

Chispas,

I am so glad to hear that you are getting some clarity and support!!!!!!! God is truly good. I also pray that from this point things can move towards the positve. Either way I am with you round for round.

Thank GOD for family and friends who will stand in during the need for prayer. This lady is GOD sent, Glory be unto GOD for all that HE as done and will do in your marriage.

Chispas,
This is an honor and a blessing from the all mighty God. Please relish every moment of this journey for the benefit of your continual spiritual growth and future.



I look forward to hearing about your accomplishments.

God's blessing on this news and on this process. I am also fasting and praying for the new year and will add my voice with yours. I think, when we were talking about culture, that it is a cultural norm in my fiance's culture to have his family step in when there are problems in the marriage. When I was counseled they told me I should speak with a specific older cousin of Bassi's if I am ever in need of protection or assistance. I didn't fully understand because if I need protection I'll call my family and they'll be there in a hot second. I told Bassi, cause I didn't think it was a secret, he explained what they were referring to and told me that it's not usually something a wife talks with her husband about cause it's unspoken. But it's unspoken to women from their culture and background, I didn't know what was happening and needed clarification. I hope that she works with both you and your husband to find a place of reconciliation and a new beginning to renew your love and committment.

Chispas, I am happy that you will have insight, clarity and either closure or a new beginning

May God's will be done.

Wow! This is awesome.

It truly is an immense joy to have Vjers surrounding me in prayer during this time in my life. It is a cliché worth repeating when I say that YOU are the some of the few people who know, understand and have experienced something similar to me.
To keep you appraised, I met with my husband’s family friend, and pastor, today and we spent the time in prayer and reflection. Not only did she have sound scriptures to support her advice, she informed me about some shocking details concerning the family that I was not privy to. Her reason for telling me these things is that they had felt God blessed my husband with another opportunity to set his life straight and truly live a different life from what his immediate family was living in Africa. She was very clear that it was a joy to know that he would be leaving Africa and coming to America where things are “different.”
She said that it was not their expectation that he would come to America and have trouble adjusting nor bringing the same “demons” to the United States that were present in Africa. I didn’t choose the word “demons” she chose it.
Leaping forward, the main thing that stuck in my heart at the end of the day was when she asked, “
Did God choose him for you or did I do it yourself? She asked, “Was the journey here easy or hard”? My answers were, I chose him myself and the journey was hard and long. She replied….when God chooses you don’t have to work this hard.
Much to think about right? Tomorrow she comes over to my house and we will cleanse it through prayer. Sigh

I pray that God's will be revealed to you in this time. Many, many blessings to you....

Sam

You are so blessed! On New Year's Night (Nigeria time) my husband called me from church, and his pastor wanted to talk to me. He got on the phone and said a wonderful and beautiful prayer for us. His words were so soothing and inspiring. In the background I could hear the singing and music of the congregation and it truly filled me up with hope and joy.

What a great way to start the new year. For most of us this year will be the happiest of all, cuz we will finally have our husbands home with us! AMEN!

Thank you for sharing this chispas. It is awe inspiring. My favorite saying come to mind when she stated she was hoping he would come to america and leave his demonds behind. "No matter where you go... There you are"

Well,
Just a quick update. I have spent the last few days praying and listening to Auntie some more. What I do want to share is that I have a better insight on my SO's family and life in Africa as he has lived it. I can't say that I would have not married him if I had been privy to some of what I have learned, but I would have been prepared for some of behavior I saw once he arrived here. Now I have to figure where we go next and how I will execute it. Lastly, I will admit that I did not factor in that being the sole person he knew here would be so difficult in the case of an emergency. If I can humbly recommend, when you visit your SO please try and make a connection with someone responsible that you can call here or over there if something were to happen to him/her in the US while waiting for the Visa process to be completed. Not to take away from your responsibility, but a person who knows them and can support you when you need them. Night night all

Chispas,
I am glad that you are ok and getting some incite into you situation. I am sitting here reading things you learned and I am agreeing because a lot of it I saw too late. I am do glad that there is hope for you and a chance your journey will start to take the turn down the longevity path!

Thanks a million VJ sis