Hello, I believe that I may have made a BIG mistake several months ago by going to china and getting married to what I thought was a wonderful woman. It turns out that she is very "pushy". After the marriage, her character changed 180 degrees which was a total shock. I am a very open person in character and this is way too much. I am currently here in the states and do not plan on going back. I have tried talking to her on the phone and in emails about working as a couple and all I get are arguements. Bottom line is that I want a divorce. I am not happy.

Paper work for the K-3 visa has not been filed and now will not be done. What does it take to get the divorce? I do not plan going back to china to do the divorce for my own protection and will file here in the states. I have the following questions:

1. How do I proceed?

2. Can I get a forced anullment? What is the timeline for this?

3. If she does not agree, can I still get it forced?

4. What am I really looking at here as for consequences on my part?

These are just some beginning questions I have and would appreciate and form of answers.

Thank you,

draton1952

You might try http://www.candleforlove.com for China-specific questions..

Best of luck to you

You can get a divorce here in the US. You need to contact an attorney who has expertise in this area. Good luck.

Right, this is an immigration forum, not a divorce advice forum. Divorce is doable from the US. Contact an attorney.

I thank you all for giving me some advice. I knew this was a immigration forum and put in the wrong location when posted but I was looking for persons just starting the immigration process but ran into the same situations. Again, Thank You!

I married a Chinese woman in Guangzhou--November of 2006. Although I am very content with my choice. I never realized before how or why Chinese law makes it so very difficult for any foreigner to get married there in the first place. As you undoubtely found out for yourself.

In your situation you should go see your County Court Clerk. That should suffice for the laws to free you of your legal obligations in regard to your wife by our laws. But for her to get a divorced recognized by her laws she will have to go through whatever legal procedures there in order to release her of her obligations to you. Still someone has too provide you with all of the correct paperwork needed for that divorce too be recognized there. Or you will have to return to do it for yourself.

Unfortunately many men have married women in other countries with no intention of continuing that marriage beyond the honeymoon. Leaving those women legally married and obligated in their own country, and not free to marry in their own country. But the irresponsible men free to go about their lives as a single men would.

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I think you should realize that she is under a lot of pressures now.
A lot of people, including myself, assume that we can get visa in 3 weeks to 3 months.
When we cannot get visa in 3 months, people will get nervous and pushy, especially ladies.
Her family, friends, coworkers.... will ask her(frequently and repeatedly) when she will come to USA, and wondering if she is cheated/deserted by her American husband.

If you still love the 'not-pushy' her, you can let her know that you still love her and you have done your best to get her to USA.
Let her know that it will take about one year to get CR1 visa. Pushing you or fighting with you will not get your case move faster.
Calling immigration office every day will not work.

There is one very good Chines forum on this, http://usa.bbs.net/bbs/01/index.html?ne=1.
Ask her to study visa process there. Once she knows how it works and the time-line, she may become reasonable.
She will know that there are a lot of people that have the same problem.

This is hard for both of you, I hope patience, understanding, and communication can make it easier.
Good luck

Not trying to push you away. If you've decided to divorce, then "Visa Journey" is not the place to expect much advise. You can divorce her here without her cooperation and she may or may not be able to do the same in China. Unless you're planning to marry again soon, there may not be any rush to take care of the legalities.

The point about those who marry in China or elsewhere and then go on with their lives as if they aren't married is a valid one. Although it may seem doable on the surface, it can come back and bite you.

Following are my two posts dated 2004(on http://usa.bbs.net/bbs/01/index.html?ne=1. ), on a Chinese lady who worried her relationship with her husband. Hope it is helpful. (GG means husband here)

2/29/2004
I may ask some tough questions, not because I want to hurt anyone, but want to be helpful.

1. How long have you married. If you have married less than one year, it is too early to consider divorce.

2. Do you have yellow GG or white GG? Because they have different culture backgrounds.

3. Do you know what your GG realy like, does he like his work, books, computer games, sports, majiang, travel, fixing broken things.... The things we know now are that he does not like to clean house or cook, it is very common in GGs. Maybe it is his way to say "let us do something else, something we both like, something really interesting and romantic." Maybe he considered it is a waste of time to spend too much time on cleaning and cooking. Personally, I would be much happier to spend 10 hours to help my wife on English or MS Access than spend 20 mins to wash dishes. You may ask him, his parents, brother/sister, or friends on what he likes/dislikes.(For many single people who have been USA for years, it is common to prepare a meal in 3min, eat it in 10min, then go back to study or work. For such people, spend 2 hours for a meal is very hard to accept, especially if they can stay in China for only a few days.)

4. When he come to China to visit you, had you go to work every day, how many days you had taken off to stay with your GG? It is a good idea to take a few days off to go to some place like YunNan or HaiNan, only you and your GG, with LuXingTuan. So you do not need to worry about your work, in-laws, other relatives, cleaning/cooking...

5. How do you know "He does not tell anyone that he is married", if he told his friends and co-worker in USA that he had married, you will not know it unless he told you. I think the truth may be"He does not tell me that he has told anyone that he is married". I did told all people I knew that I married, but I only told my wife when the president and VP congratulated me on a college meeting.

6. Do you know what your GG is doing everyday in USA, in his work and in his free time? Sometime the work will follow you any where, while driving, eating, even sleeping. The pressure is very high if there is rumor on layoff, even you know you might be the last one to be layoffed.

7. Maybe I am old fashion, but I do believe to marry one is the best way to say I love you, I trust you, I need you... Unless you get some real proof(not your guess) that your GG has changed his mind, you must trust him.

8. Different people have different styles on communication, someone may like email, someone may like phone, someone may think one letter per month is good enough or is the best he/she can do, someone may think two calls per day are not enough.....
You can try different ways to contact your GG, sooner or later you will find the right button to push.
Good luck!!!

3/14/2004
Have you talked with your husband on your relationship?
From what you said in your last post, it is not hopeless.
In the first year of our marriage, we also had a lot of problems. My wife thought I treated her badly and I thought what I had done was OK. In my first visit to China(after our wedding) we had fight with each other constantly. Both of us felt bad and wanted to change such situation. In my second visit to China, we went to YunNan for a week. After that trip, our relationship was improved greatly.
When we first married, I wrote letter to home once a month; later we used NetMeeting to talk to each other once a week for one or two hours; now we use phonecard to talk to each other almost every day for 2-3 hours and can not get enough of it.

You should not give up so easily and so soon.
You should let your GG know what you feel on your relationship, ask him on his opinion/plan on your relationship. Ask him and yourself what can be done to improve your relationship. I think once your GG knows that you feel miserable he will do something to fix this problem.
Ask him to visit you since you can not apply nonimmigrant visa to visit him now.
Once he comes back, do not keep him in home, get a few days off from your work and go together to somewhere interesting like YunNan, HaiNan…
There are also many books on the difference between men and women, which may help you to understand your GG's behavior. You may also send such books to your GG so that he can understand the difference between men and women better.
Be patient, things may change very slowly at the beginning, but if both of you keep working on it soon or later you will have a HAPPY marriage.
GOOD LUCK!!!!

Please consider yourself fortunate you realized your mistake before it became paperwork heavy.
Please comfort yourself that your error is not going to doom you.

You can at your leisure protect yourself from your mistake in an American Court.
You can keep further evidenciary information to yourself and not in China.
You can if you choose... go to China to go through the Divorce Process.
You can avoid being an American put on a payment plan in a Chinese Court.
You can stop paying any monies to China now.
You can stop calling China now.
You can take a break and figure out what went wrong.

You can cut your losses and get on with your life.

Please don't suffer any guilt for someone else's dishonesty, impatient bizarre behavior, or rudeness.

I thank you all for what you have said.

I do realize this is not the place to be bringing this up. I do apologize to all you good people. This is a forum for working through the visa issues for the loved ones and there is excitment here. I do not want to bring negative vibes here. But if there is to be a reality check for those just starting, may I be the unfortunate one to stand on the pedestal to make those think the process through before proceeding. I will stand up to what advice that is given.

I had no intention just to go to China to get married then be on my way. I have no intentions of getting remarried soon for this is not my character.

So what I am being told is that I can take care of this in the states through a lawyer and get it annulled /divorced without her agreement. With this, am I protected in the states? I had no intention just to get married and walk away.

On her side in China, I do not want to leave her married and hanging. This is not right. I do not plan on going back to correct this there so I must figure out how to do it here. There are no specialists in my part of the country that has dealt with this. I may have to go through her so she can get closure whether or not it is liked. I will explain that it has ended. I want her to be able to move forward.

Again, for those starting, PLEASE think everything through. There can be damage. I have spent some time dealing with this and with an open mind. I had not filed any papers and caught this before it became too big.

Thank you all again.

You can obtain a "divorce" in the US but probably not an "annulment".

She can obtain a divorce in China. You can both do this independantly and each of you is protected by that independent action.

may i ask did you register the marriage certificate.
if you do you have to go back to china to get a divorce
or get an attorney. if you still not register to get the marriage certificate which mean
you two only boyfriend or girlfriend.

alot of the people not get the marriage certificate so i don't know about your case

i just dump here which is the worst thing to do than divorce her.
just my two cent.

That is not correct. A divorce can be granted in the US that results in a final divorce decree. The Chinese Citizen can get their own separate divorce or not but he USC need not return to China.

To marry another Chinese woman would be the only need for the USC to assure a divorce occured in China if even then.