Reading all the posts - successes and disappointments, I am curious. Me and my wife spoke about it but want to see some evidence. Now this might stir up a hornet's nest but we are all adults here (I hope). If it is too controversial, then let it drop.

Where are most of your spouse's coming from?

West - Yoruba
South South - Edo/Delta state (many groups such as Ijaw, Bini, Esan)
South East - Igbo
North - Hausa

Disclosure, me and wife are Igbo. Thanks.

WHO CARES?

it's a legitimate question

I thought so too, nothing wrong with the question whatsoever.

I'm out of the poll. SO is not Nigerian and I am of Latin American origin.

and what "evidence are u looking for? Is there a thinking that maybe there is a significance as to what tribe/state a person is from that may suggest if they will be a success or disappointment to their SO?
Just asking!!!!

My theory is that most are Igbo. Good and bad. I am not looking to say one group is more likely to have success and another to have disappointments. I might be biased since that is the group I am mostly around so I want to see if I am right. Hopefully, this won't cause a "census" issue here on VJ (inside joke for Naija people).

I think there are differences between the tribes and their views of relationships. I am 8th generation American raised in a small (>400 ) town. My SO is Igbo . I have dated both Igbo and Yoruba. I feel they are different in culture and both are wonderful in their own ways.

I don't think this was meant to get into who is better than who, I think we all learned from the past that tribalism is not a good idea to promote.
However as a social getting to know you so we can understand each other better as a brother or sister I see no problem, or a pure
curiosity of the geographical distribution on this board.

Anyway I am not in the poll either so I will slink my future lone " Mende tribe wife self " off to bed.
Cheers

As a Nigerian, I for one understands where the OP is coming from. although am yoruba and had thought about it, thinking most Nigerian SO's here are from the Igbo tribe. But been on VJ for some years and been able to talk with a few of VJ naija members, with the fact that U can put together the screen name of some of the VJ members to give u an idea of where in nigeria their SO is from. I found out it is close between the igbo and yoruba tribe.

My EX is from the Yoruba tribe. My Nigerian friends called him a Lagos Boy after we split. Is that also an inside joke?

I'm thoroughly convinced that my EX's behavior had nothing to do with custom, culture or tribal issues. Even his own people couldn't understand what he was doing and why. His were his own personal worldview issues. Hope this helps.

Sorry. I cannot participate. My spouse is not Nigerian.

Boaz

Good morning all,

I'll bite, Hakeem is Yoruba. My story is next.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!

I'm a caucasian american. My SO is Yoruba.

[quote name='KenDC' date='Dec 30 2007, 12:35 AM' post='1450983']
Reading all the posts - successes and disappointments, I am curious. Me and my wife spoke about it but want to see some evidence. Now this might stir up a hornet's nest but we are all adults here (I hope). If it is too controversial, then let it drop.

Where are most of your spouse's coming from?

West - Yoruba
South South - Edo/Delta state (many groups such as Ijaw, Bini, Esan)
South East - Igbo
North - Hausa

Disclosure, me and wife are Igbo. Thanks.
[/quote


He was born in Delta state Igbo...???

My husband is Yoruba...though like the one post said, you can probably get an idea what area people are from by the username. Mine is a Yoruba word for wife.

My fiance, Akinboyede, is Yoruba.

Well here I am to help you stir the pot. I met this guy on line years back. (i have told some of this story already) He stated that he was married already through a financial agreement but the other women would not return his call or file the paper work. He stated that if she did not he would have to pay for the divorce so he could get married to the one he really loved. LOL My long time Nigerian friend told me that he was probably trying to scam me. Then my friend said.... are you ready????......"What tribe is he from?" Because if he is from this tribe ........ he is definitely trying to scam you.

The dude was a scammer, but I am not one to let go of my money since I have a 9 year old son. Some of his story was he had to send money home to his brothers in college because sometimes they do not even have money for food. He would another day talk about how he had tons of nice clothing, but he does not make the money he used to. Talk about the expensive phones and jewelry that were stolen. Now how do you have family struggling, but you have all these nice things.

Oh and I do not remember what tribe he stated. But reading your post reminded me of what he said. I thought how can someone really narrow down a tribe like that?

Agree with you 100% Omoba, I have always told my hubby that!!!!!! I still to this day do not quite understand it.

My hubby is from the Igbo tribe

One can not narrow down a tribe just like that except out of prejudice and ignorance. Not against a continent, not against Nigeria and not against
any tribe within Nigeria or any other African country.
Has Rwanda not enlightened to never go down that road again ?
Tribalism in Rwanda grew out of the pure ignorance and prejudice by the white man, the Belgian to be exact, who with a ruler and by measuring
skin color and facial symetrics declared one tribe superior over another. As a result the Rwandan genocide happened while the world looked on.

I am furious when people have a tribal mentality. It is a dangerous path to follow. All above mentioned tribes are precious and all are Nigerians. Period.
Do not allow other's ignorance to creep into your own thinking. Take a stand when you hear a tribe discredited just like you would for any other
prejudice. Speak up and speak out against it instead of going around with a smirk and a aha attitude.
Good ones bad ones in each tribe and Nation.....will some people EVER GET IT ?????????

No, Like I stated " I thought how can someone really narrow down a tribe like that?" I do not remember having a smirk either. Nonverbal communication is difficult to decipher without them nonverbal ques. Please do not make assumptions on my demeanor at my time of communication.

African countries were carved out of colonial holdings with no thought to the boundries of the people included. Many tribes spread past the bondries set up by the Europeans. To try to minimalize someones hertitage is not honoring them. Just as the settlers in America would have loved to lumped all Native Americans into one group and then herd them into a single home people here are trying to take this separate rich cultural entities and lump them together. I find it rather sad that this is happening. There are vast differences amoung the teaching and histories of each tribe. There have been enough differences between tribes in Africa that they tend to reform themselves in to nations based on tribal lines and erase those of European conquest. I am not saying one is better than another but they different people with different histories.

I have not said you smirked. It was intended for those who do as a generalization and since I can't see you it is not directed at you.
Your statement of " How can someone really narrow down a tribe like that " did not indicate what went through your head as answer to
that question so I am not assuming anything........my point was directed towards the one who made the judgment and to all those
who judge like him wearing a smirk.

Well Besangin. in Nigerian, a Lagos boy is one that is smart, intelligent, civilized and at the same time enlingtened to many things. Lagos can be compared to one place in america but not in terms of economy and that city is new york. Just like in new york, u have to be really smart to live in lagos. This is what i think the nigerians here meant when they call ur ex lagos boy and actually not a word use in degrading.

Excellent point. I hope you did not read my post as lumping all tribes together when I said all are Nigerian. I am far to appreciative of each tribal diversity and have great respect for all tribes and people, their richness and wisdom. From ancient days there have been kingdoms too separate in culture to lump into one pot. I truly acknowledge and appreciate their differences.
My post was about negative tribalism and its prejudices that have lead to the slaughter of many, tribalism with intent to feel superior and to hate.

It is my belief to respect each tribe for its diversity and appreciate and acknowledge its separate entity and never to deem one better than another in the social, political arena. In this perspective all are Nigerian, or Rwandans or Sierra Leoneans..........let us not cause war with attitudes of superiority, let us guard our hearts and mouths and be one Nation with honored and respected tribes within its borders and enjoy each others differences instead of attacking them to cause a division of dire consequences. There are strength and weaknesses in each tribe and in each person.
Rumors gather an audience of idle ears and gather momentum to start wars.

Now everyone pull up a stool and sit around the stirred pot and eat together like family.

I am off for a nap in my hammock.

My sweetie is from Ogun State - Yoruba!

Edo State...he's Esan

Omoba, Now I don't completely know the agenda of the OP towards this topic but I know the impact culture plays in a marriage, so even if the OP has some agenda rather than one that I have, i might end up changing any negativety the OP's post would bring after U completely read my reply. there is truly no way U can completely understand a nigerian without actually first of all understanding the tribe he or she comes from. Nigeria is a well diverse country with about or over 200 ethnic groups, correct me if am wrong. This doesn't mean someone is trying to generalize or stereotype in any way. It is just the fact, we have a rich culture attached to each every tribe and which really makes it impossible to actually know someone in the real sense if U ignore learning as much as U can about the culture and tribe that person represent. why? becos this is the stiring in which our parents raised us with. This goes both ways between the husband and wife but becos we actually living here in america, africans has a bigger share of the adjusting of american culture to learn. For an example, it is generally known that a yoruba boy is raised with so much respect for the elders that it tells with the way he greets and address someone that is more older than him. So with this U can easily pick a yoruba boy within a group of boys.

I am not trying to say a tribe is better than the other but there are ways our culture impart our way of life and this doesn't mean anything negative, actually am looking at the positive aspect of culture in which i gave an example of. If a marriage fails, it doesn't solely fail becos of culturer differences, it mostly fails becos either or both couple are ignorant and selfish to understanding the impact culture has in a marriage. Remember it doesn't have to be an international marriage before culture becomes a big part of it, even in nigeria marrying someone from another tribe, like a yoruba man married an igbo woman. From an american view, this is a marriage between africans but as a Nigerian we know there are culturer difference between the couple they have to overcome. why? becos like I said this is the stiring in which their parents has raised them with. Again, nothing negative with what I said here.

We learning the american culture so wouldn't it be wise for an american spouse to learn the foreign spouse culture which actually U can achieve only when U understand the tribe where the spouse is from. This would help the marriage during the process of adjusting to american life by the foreign spouse. U would be making a big mistake saying U are learning african culture, like i said Nigeria has a diverse culture. So to close this, learn the culture of the tribe ur SO represent to better understand him or her. Just another successful marriage tips.

Bashorun, I am not sure why you addressed me because I am in agreement with your post. And I have and will continue to study the
Mende tribe ( my fiance's tribe ). Since there is very little out there and I am not able to live there among his people for now I am looking towards general African culture as some of it overlaps and is still helpful even if it is not Mende. The book I and Forchika mentioned in the other thread being a perfect example of very helpful down to earth practical tips for western wives.

I agree, a marriage with one being from a different tribe has adjustments to make too. So does a same tribe city / country mix couple.

I am not making assumptions of the OP's intent and in good faith believe he posted out of social curiosity.
My beef was with an experience a poster had, a conversation with someone who called someone a scammer based on his tribe.......let me clarify only with the person who judged the man based on tribe and NOT with the poster who told the experience.

Is Esan the same as the spelling Ishan or a different tribe ?

I believe they are the same...have seen both names used. I Just kno my husband uses Esan.

Omoba, I'm not bashing or either am I against anything U said, I just chose to address my comments to U becos U sound very enligtened and sincere about each every comment U made on VJ. I know am not the only one that sees it. So it like am talking to U and not someone with attitude ready to start a fight on VJ with me. U get ma point? thanks.

Yep got it and am enjoying your comments too.




I dated a someone from that tribe before......delta region ?

Bashorun says:
Nigeria is a well diverse country with about or over 200 ethnic groups, correct me if am wrong. This doesn't mean someone is trying to generalize or stereotype in any way. It is just the fact, we have a rich culture attached to each every tribe and which really makes it impossible to actually know someone in the real sense if U ignore learning as much as U can about the culture and tribe that person represent.

Ogele says:
Your words speak truth.

Bashorun says: why?
becos this is the stiring(strng?) in which our parents raised us with.

Ogele says:
Huh? What are you talking about here?Your parents raised you an ethnic irredentist?An ethnic xenophobist?Or in international parlance,a racist?Mine did not raise me that way,and many of my ethnic stock do not think of the rest of our country’s ethnic groups that way.

Bashorun says:
This goes both ways between the husband and wife but becos we actually living here in america, africans has a bigger share of the adjusting of american culture to learn.

Ogele says:
Okay?

Bashorun says:
For an example, it is generally known that a yoruba boy is raised with so much respect for the elders that it tells with the way he greets and address someone that is more older than him. So with this U can easily pick a yoruba boy within a group of boys.

Ogele says:
Baloney!Ever heard of the saying, “salutation is not respect”?I am Igbo,and we are taught never to bow or kneel to another man because such reverence is reserved for God only.If a person does not assist you in giving your woman orgasms,why in tarnation would you be bowing to him.The Igbo simply shake elders with two hands and averted eyes as a sincere sign of respect.If you prostrate in Igboland,you will receive a smack and a humiliating sneer such as, “how about I come by tonight and help you warm your wife’s rump?”Even then,I was always taught to respect other people’s cultures as sacred,and equal in weight in terms of the significance of what is being conveyed,as mine.

Bashorun says:
I am not trying to say a tribe is better than the other but there are ways our culture impart our way of life and this doesn't mean anything negative, actually am looking at the positive aspect of culture in which i gave an example of.

Ogele says:
Let me help you out of the ambiguity.Nigeria,nay Africa is comprised of many cultures,but it is a safe assumption that there exists an overwhelming mutuality in their philosophy of life.From their idea of marriage,family,hospitality,kindness,brotherhood,humanity and fairness,African cultures are the same.Variations might exist in the actual process say,the amount of dowry,but that is just about it.

Bashorun says:
If a marriage fails, it doesn't solely fail becos of culturer differences, it mostly fails becos either or both couple are ignorant and selfish to understanding the impact culture has in a marriage. Remember it doesn't have to be an international marriage before culture becomes a big part of it, even in nigeria marrying someone from another tribe, like a yoruba man married an igbo woman. From an american view, this is a marriage between africans but as a Nigerian we know there are culturer difference between the couple they have to overcome.

Ogele says:
Very well said!

Bashorun says:
why? becos like I said this is the stiring(string?)in which their parents has raised them with.

Ogele says:
Again,did they raise you,racist?

Bashorun says:
Again, nothing negative with what I said here.

Ogele says:
There is everything negative with your analysis.If not,why keep inserting the caveat?

Bashorun says:
We learning the american culture so wouldn't it be wise for an american spouse to learn the foreign spouse culture which actually U can achieve only when U understand the tribe where the spouse is from. This would help the marriage during the process of adjusting to american life by the foreign spouse. U would be making a big mistake saying U are learning african culture, like i said Nigeria has a diverse culture. So to close this, learn the culture of the tribe ur SO represent to better understand him or her. Just another successful marriage tips.

Ogele:
Nothing successful about the tips.

Did you guys check out the youtube video representing some of the various regions of Nigerians? As an outsider I was enlighted to see how many regions the country boasts. Plus you know, there is the issue of population and just plain ole access to the Internet that makes a difference.

Can I join you?

Both of you are coming from different points of view on these issues. Just because you may not agree with what is being said or because it is not the norm in your culture does not make it wrong.

My husband was born and raised in Lagos-Yoruba tribe.

my hubby is yoruba.

Dunno but we won the nigerian lottery 11 times last year. Waiting on those "bank transfers" to come through

The ethnicity of my sweety is Igbo.

I am sorry if this post has caused problems. I was not my intention. I am a sociologist by training and I just thought most would be Igbos coming to America. The second follow up question was going to be about language. Now, I will generalize on this point. Many Igbos in America are lamenting because by the 2nd or 3rd generation, the kids do not speak the language. My next question was going to be are you going to allow your spouse to teach your children the language?

This is not a problem of just Igbos but all ethnicities in America. I have heard it from the Spanish-speaking population and everyone in between but every group thinks their language is in the most dire shape. The US Census did a study and by 3rd generation, only English is spoken in the house and many don't know the native language. But if you hear Igbos in America talk about it, they say Yorubas are better than Igbos in that more Yoruba-Americans know Yoruba than Igbo-Americans know Igbo. I am one of those that hears Igbo but does not speak. I hope, if we have kids, for them to speak Igbo but it seems school and grades get emphasized and the lessons stop.

Again, every group in the US goes thru the language debate.

As for the original question, every group brings to the table different customs and traditions. One of the great things about America is that for the most part, it is not as divisive as in other countries. Growing up in university town, I met so many cultures, it does not faze me at all. You realize good and bad come with every group.

But it is dumb to not acknowledge that there are differences. I use the Iraq War as a prime example. How can you go in not knowing the difference between a Sunni, Shiite and Kurd? You can treat everyone with respect but at least have some knowledge going in. Same applies here. If you have an international spouse and you don't know anything about their culture, you are going to have a steep learning curve.

Even though both me and my wife are Igbo, me being born and raised in US and her in Nigeria, has led to some very awkward and funny times, especially regarding gender roles and customs (and I go back often - i.e. drinking everything with a straw, no bag ticket checker at airport when retrieving bags, ID for everything, no bargaining over prices at store - very funny 1st time this happened).

Finally, Happy New Year to all and I hope everyone meets the person of their dreams, gets approved and has them in their arms by the end of 2008.

And you would be surprised to learn how many of these emails come from any country in the world.
Your comment was not funny and contentious and has nothing to do with what is being discussed here.

I am a naturalized USC , born and raised in Germany. I attempted to teach my children my language but got busy and sidetracked raising
my three children and gave up investing that extra time. How immensely I regret it.
By all means teach your children your language, history and culture and incorporate it in every day life in practical ways and not just
as a 15 min daily lesson. Speak it , live it.
I don't see that your topic has caused problems. Nothing wrong in discussing diversity to bring people together in awareness and understanding.
Diversity is a precious gift and knowing how and when to apply it in discussions is wisdom.
Respect and consideration are taught by all tribes and may we continue in tolerance with those virtues here on this forum.

Ogele

about your post about Boshorun's verbage of " this is the stiring our parents have raised us with......." I believe his word stiring here is meant to repesent a meaning such as " tradition " and I don't believe it was meant to mean "we were raised to be prejudice against another tribe."

I believe he meant to say our parents have raised us with tradition that are different from others and it influences our lives today.

I can not speak for him but only tell how I understand it.

My so is igbo imo state, they seem to be very reserved though ...