Yo Gabacha, where the chingada have you been?

Chambeando como loquita! No time for message board fun, which I miss!

How is everyone doing?

Ok. Hubby has his driving test in 2 weeks. I hope he passes, so he can get a position that he's happier with.

Good to hear...congratulations!
I'm sure he'll do fine.

Nothing new is here. Hubby is working the same job and very happy. His English is improving due to the amount of English he HAS to speak everyday, along with the ESOL classes.

Hello VJ ladies. Same here. Hubby is still working part-time at Babies R Us in the mornings and going to school every day in the afternoon. His English has improved a whole lot since no one at work speaks Spanish and his classes in school are very intense. He likes living in the US a lot more and feels at home... finally.

How's everyone else? I hope you're doing well.

Diana

I think that Homeboy is lonely. I work a lot and it's been hard for him to make friends, especially because the lifestyle is so closed around here. He likes my friends and family, but it's just not the same.

I really want to start reaching out to get him involved, but I'm SO drained by work! He's thinking about looking for part time work in a restaurant, so maybe that'll help.

Anyone else going through this?

I'm the US citizen, but I moved to Florida to be with him, and 2 years later I still don't have friends.

I hope someone has some suggestions, dammit!

I also moved to FL from NY (almost 3 years ago). I made friends at work and 6 months ago joined an academy of capoeira (martial arts) and met a lot of people that way. I think that being a part of sports/clubs/volunteer work/church helps you meet people.
My husband has made friends with my (girl) friends and then guys that he works with - I think that is the best way.
Good luck!

Yeah, it can be hard making friends when you moved. Shortly after we were married we moved to a place that was new to the both of us. Activities that promote interaction with others are the easiest ways to make friends, but they are the hardest to fit into a busy schedule. I'm in school so my friends are the people I study with. My hubby is cool with everyone in my study group. Sometimes he makes dinner for us all. Also, he has made friends of his own through his ESL classes. He and a few of his friends usually study together on the weekends, play basketball, then go out to lunch.

aww thats really great...gives us something to look forward to...my boy is having some trouble adjusting, he has mentioned going back to albania a couple of times, but he is hanging in there...he started work today...i hope that it helps him make some friends and also learn some more english...he has only gone to one english class so far, but he seems to have really enjoyed it

To be honest with you, it took my husband a good 3-4 months before he could say he was happy here. But he also tried his best and knew that going back to Colombia was not a good idea. It's all in the mind and in thinking positive.

Diana

Hermana gabacha: I've been here 6 months, have a job; and still have no friends. But that's because I'm a perra del mal. Hope Homeboy gets out more.

My husband doesn't really have "friends", but he said that even in Brazil he didn't have many (since he really has to trust someone for them to be a friend). But I think it's different with men.

One of the things that pi$$es me off about these forums is "meeting" people who I'd love to have as real life friends who live far away! You're a good example.

Perra de mal? Hardly!

If it's any consolation, it took me two years to form a really good, close group of friends in Mexico. I do feel like it's much harder here in the US.

I also agree that it can be harder in the U.S. I also think that it depends on the person who wants to meet people - his/her personality and ability to make friends quickly.

My husband made a few friends in San Diego but never felt that he could really talk with them. They'd hang out but they had such different immigration stories and experiences. In Seattle he's had much better luck. People here say that Seattlites are polite but guarded, but he's found a great community of South Americans who he has lots in common with. He actually met a couple of friends on the city bus to school. I tend to be the person who never looks you directly in the eye when I get on and off the bus. Maybe that's why my friends are limited to work and old college friends...

Anyway, I agree that it's hard to make friends in a new community, especially if you don't click with people from work and aren't in school.


Baby Blue Susie--my husband talked about going back to Mexico the whole first year. He had a very hard time adjusting. But he stuck it out b/c he knew that financially we couldn't afford to move there. He's happy now, except for the weather. He still misses Mexico and has set a goal to find a career that will let us travel yearly for lengthy visits to his hometown (particularly in January/February... ).

yea, he has been feeling a bit better since he got a job, but we will be moving in two months and i am afraid it will start all over again

glad to hear that things are looking up for you

My husband was depressed again for a couple of months with the move to Seattle, but a lot of that had to do with the rain and boredom. Once late spring sunshine arrived and he started school he rebounded quickly--much more quickly than when he first arrived.
Where are you guys moving to?

indiana, should be interesting for us both

Should be quite a change from NYC.
Good luck with everything

wow. that will be different. Maybe you'll find a great international community, not necessarily Albanian, but an active community.
My step aunt and uncle are outside of Cincinnati... they're originally from England... but I wouldn't say that they're the most open people...
good luck. Let us know how it goes.

hopefully! i already have one friend at my school in indiana who is from germany...hopefully more to come!!

thanks for the wishes!!



indeed, quite the change.

thanks very much!!

okay okay. I know Cincinnati is not in Indiana but that's the closest I could get to Indiana. I've lived on both coasts but not in the midwest... but I was thinking Ohio and Indiana might offer similar immigrant experiences.

Our husbands must be doing well because we don't have many posts lately. Good news

Hey! I have lots of good news to share. My hubby got his driver's license today!!!!!! And he will be starting a new job next week. : ) Its near our house with much better pay. And FINALLY its really, truly a full-time position.

That's great!! Congratulations. Having a DL makes everything so much better/easier.

My husband also gave me good news last night - his boss is talking about making him the manager of his (five) warehouses. Nothing is certain yet, I think that there are only 3 warehouses still, but the boss wants my husband to take on that responsibility. I'm excited about that! The boss just wants my husband to continue to improve his English, which he's doing at work, home, and class.
Hubby will also be getting his second raise next week (and he's been there about 2 1/2 months). How exciting!!

yayyyyy congrats to you and your hubbies!!

Bora Bora, congrats. That would be a great opportunity for your hubby. : )

I'm glad to hear everybody is doing well. I remember how rough it was at the beginning for all of us, so I'm sure all these good news will give hope to others who might be going through the same rough patches we all had to go through.

Diana

True Diana!
I was telling my stepdad just today that it was worth it for my husband to have those crappy jobs in order for him to be where he is now - a job that he likes, where he is respected, and paid decently (for the job).

My husband also gave me good news last night - his boss is talking about making him the manager of his (five) warehouses. Nothing is certain yet, I think that there are only 3 warehouses still, but the boss wants my husband to take on that responsibility. I'm excited about that! The boss just wants my husband to continue to improve his English, which he's doing at work, home, and class.
Hubby will also be getting his second raise next week (and he's been there about 2 1/2 months). How exciting!!
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hi, i think after getting the EAD (god wiling) i will look for a job,i start looking now online and on the newspapers,since i have just a high school diploma and 2 years in the univercity, which i studied english literatures in. So i think i will have just any job till i will get to study something and get a diploma or degree. I was doing good at my studies before, and i started learning accountancy but i left that school.Anyway, i want to know how is work at the warehouse ,there is a a place called WHERE RESTAURANTS SHOP close to me that they are hiring now and also most of the times i see ads about warehouse jobs, is it good ?

My husband is very happy where he is.
He said the work is not hard and he works with nice people, he's able to learn a lot, improve his English, and he doesn't have to work weekends, yet there is overtime during the week once and awhile (which he likes).
It may be a good idea to look into it - I think a lot depends on your boss though.

Good luck!

It's so nice to have a place to go to hear about others in our situation. Especially when the posts change to good news. We only checked out the parts of VJ before that dealt with getting the visa and the 'green card'. That part went smoothly for us, even though it felt like it was taking forever at the time. I'm not sure why it's taken me so long to realize this is also a good place for advice and discussions about daily life.

My husband is a sweet and wonderful person. His English is very good, and conversation is not a problem for him. Like some of your SOs, he came here without a degree. Last year, he got his driver license, green card, and GED. He's been able to find a few hours work on craigslist doing websites and a few odd jobs. He's getting very discouraged, though. He's been here around 16 months, and has only made a few hundred dollars. He wants to get a good job and support me, but hasn't had any luck. (My financial situation is a blessing in one way, but hurts his pride, too)

Life here has been much easier in some ways than it was for him in Morocco, but much more difficult in other ways. He has trouble dealing with my ex (he can't stand the way the ex talks to/treats me, and the crap that's still dragging through the courts is driving us crazy). Also, I don't have many friends for different reasons (that's what happens in a divorce and I didn't have many as a stay at home mom anyway), but he thinks it's all his fault. I'm sure some people are avoiding me because of their prejudice (not because of him, as he says; because of their flaws, in my opinion). I told him I don't need people like that in my life, but he still seems to feel bad about it. Some people don't treat him well because of his background (he's Arab, Muslim, foreign in general, whatever). He's from a small city where everyone knew and respected him. It's also much more calm and relaxed there.

I thought going back to visit his family would help, but many people treated him differently because he's living here now. Many people expect him to help them (share the wealth, I guess), but he's not working, and we can't save the whole world (even though we'd sincerely love to). Some were obviously jealous of him (it probably didn't help that we rented a car to travel around - most Moroccan don't have cars) and probably thought he was showing off (not his style). Even his siblings are acting differently toward him.

Things have been getting worse. It seems like there are more times that he's not talking to me than times that he is (he clams up when he's upset). When he gets over whatever is bothering him, everything is wonderful, just like it was before. But I don't know how long that will keep working. It already seems like it's not. This week hasn't been good. He hasn't talked since yesterday morning. I am (always have been) willing to do whatever I can to help him. I just don't know how to help now.

Him being calm when he is upset is great i wish i can be like that, as i become somewhat bad when i am upset ,with my family and all. I understand what you mean and soemtimes i feel not ok, i came from Morocco too and felt so much stressed at the begining, i still dont have the EAD and i have ben hee since Sept 2007, there are not moroccans in this place and still dont have friends, so most of the time i am at home with my wife. I cant wait to have a nice job and to get to know most of the things in here and cant wait to visit my big wondeful family and my friends in Morocco, for me none in there is waitting for anything from me, they love me and wish the better for me and for my small family here in the US. I hope things will be great for both of you and just keep the hope.

Congratulations on having your EAD approved! That's a huge thing. I know that my husband didn't like NOT working and is much happier now. He's made friends at work too and that makes me feel better.
Good luck!

There is only so much you can do to help him, it's up to him to become positive and look at the bright side of the situation. I'm sure he feels like he's doommed if he stays and he's doomed if he leaves so I think why not make the best of it here? These are lessons that he will learn with time but you have to let him experience them on his own, since there is only so much you can do. Hopefully he'll start to realize that he's got the power to change things around and that he can make a nice life with you.

Diana

I understand where you are coming from.
When my husband arrived I assumed it would be hard for him for the first year but that by the end of that year things would be great. It took a lot longer. The first year really was the hardest b/c he was actually pretty depressed. He also came from a town where he was quite prominent and knew lots of people. Once he was working and in school he felt better and made a few friends. But it's now in the 4th year that he finally has a job that he really likes and friends he actually considers to be "close friends."
He also does the silent thing when he's angry. That was difficult for me at first since I have abandonment issues but I'm learning to respect that he needs time on his own to process his feelings. I feel like mine process in minutes... but he takes longer.
Things just take times. I think he will adjust, but it's big adjustment that will take time. The good side is that your relationship can be strengthened by knowing it can stand these trials. And when you come out the other side of this part of the relationship you'll know how strong your marriage really is.
I'd just keep giving him all the support you are and give him time.

Hi gals,

I am not a US citizen, but I am a wife of USC. I do understand what you guys mean. My English isn't good enough to find a good job even I though I have a degree from my country. I have been living in the States for 2 years, but my English isn't improve as I am expectation. Guess what ? I still applied for a nursing program. The class will start in Sep. 2008. I don't know, I will make it or not. At least, I am trying and do my best. Hope everybody's husband gets a good job soon! Be patient and keep cheer them up. That's all they want from you guys.

God Bless you,
Mrs. Vincent

Your written English is not bad at all - congrats!
Learning English is a process and I'm sure that you've improved since you've arrived (without even realizing it) because it's inevitable. Keep up the good work and good luck with your course.

Boy did this ring home with our situation! That happened when we went back to Nepal last June. Our son is now 12 and needs his own room... we have to add on to our house (3 people in 500 sq ft currently) and we both have very modest incomes, so we don't have money to throw around in Nepal... we are very careful about who we help (his parents mostly) and how much. And this year we may not get to visit at all with the plane tickets being so high.

I hope things get better for you VF.

And good luck with your nursing program, Mrs. Vincent.

Maya

Good morning! I have some good news to share. My hubby got a full-time permanent position. He likes the work and his co-workers (he's been working for the company full-time temporary for several months).

Also, he got his driver's license several months ago. It was challenging but he was persistent and studied hard.

Anyone else with updates?

That's a great news Reeses

Congrats to him! Sounds good...
My hubby got a new, better paying job as well.

Congratulations everybody! "Movin' on Up..."

Diana