I would like to say that, although I am extremely thankful for all that I have in my life, and I thank God every day for his glory, I still cannot forget that my family in Nigeria is not so fortunate to have the kind of Xmas we are accustomed to here. It was very sobering to go out buying gifts, when I know that my husband and his family are not able to exchange gifts in the same way. I felt extremely guilty and even more depressed than I already feel.

So please lets all remember and say a prayer for all our families overseas..and all the people of the world who won't have presents to open, a feast to eat, a roof over their heads or clothing to keep them warm!

God bless all God's children...and may the glory of God lay a soothing hand upon your shoulders. You are not alone in this world. We love you and are praying for you.

AMEN

Amen!

AMEN!!

Yes....Amen

Amen from me, too.

It is very nice to hear U mentioned something like this but at the same time remember africans have their own special ways of celebriting christmas even if they don't go out of their ways to get a christmas gift, they have their own culture of christmas which is rich and family oriented. Not buying a gift doesn't mean they are having a christmas lacking of spice like u think u have here, that would be a mistake if that is what U think probably after ur spouse told U they won't be buying gifts for christmas. But remember they will be sitting together and enjoying their favorite african food, dancing and showing real joy for christmas. In either ways they definately will be having a fun joyful time like U are experiencing here in america. I have been living in america for some years now and still think the best christmas is in africa. Ask any african U know and they will confirm this. Why? becos that is how they know christmas is been celebrated.

I'm not trying to bring this into an argument but know a culture very well before u comment about it. it doesn't just go upon this topic alone but several other topics have read here. and each time i read something new, am like african spouse really has so much job to do in teaching what the culture is like.

I repeat again, not exchanging gifts during christmas in african doesn't mean africans are having a bad or poor christmas, Infact they exchange food instead of gifts, they are just doing it there own way and trust me, the joy that fills their heart during christmas can never be compared to any other.

It is very nice to hear U mentioned something like this but at the same time remember africans have their own special ways of celebriting christmas even if they don't go out of their ways to get a christmas gift, they have their own culture of christmas which is rich and family oriented. Not buying a gift doesn't mean they are having a christmas lacking of spice like u think u have here, that would be a mistake if that is what U think probably after ur spouse told U they won't be buying gifts for christmas. But remember they will be sitting together and enjoying their favorite african food, dancing and showing real joy for christmas. In either ways they definately will be having a fun joyful time like U are experiencing here in america. I have been living in america for some years now and still think the best christmas is in africa. Ask any african U know and they will confirm this. Why? becos that is how they know christmas is been celebrated.

I'm not trying to bring this into an argument but know a culture very well before u comment about it. it doesn't just go upon this topic alone but several other topics have read here. and each time i read something new, am like african spouse really has so much job to do in teaching what the culture is like.

I repeat again, not exchanging gifts during christmas in african doesn't mean africans are having a bad or poor christmas, Infact they exchange food instead of gifts, they are just doing it there own way and trust me, the joy that fills their heart during christmas can never be compared to any other.
[/quote]

Thank you for your response. To clarify my posting...I did not mean to insinuate that my idea of Xmas is exchanging gifts. Matter of fact, I think the commercialization of Xmas has become a very distressing thing. There are many people who believe that is what Xmas is...getting presents! But I am not one of them! I was merely stating that I had a difficult time shopping/spending money....knowing my family in Nigeria was not. Not saying that they were not having a joyous Xmas in their own cultural way. I was expressing my difficulties in coping with the cultural differences, many of which are not by choice. (gift giving/receiving)

And as for knowing his culture....I will never know it completely. It's because it is "his" culture. Just as he will never know mine completley. But because I lived there for almost 4 months, and was actually there for the holiday season last year..I am a little familiar with the way "my family" celebrates. And you are right...it is extremely family oriented, very festive, and lots of food, drink and music and prayer.

I look forward to the continual learning of his culture....just as he is mine. All I was really trying to say here is...Let's not forget the REASON FOR THE SEASON! Its universal to all us christians, no matter how our culture celebrates it.

Thanks for explaining better to me your earlier comments. I replied in the first place bcos all some people think about africa is poverty and at first when i read ur mail i thought that was where it was heading to. I wasn't to be blamed tough cos anyone that reads that comment will quickly thing U are saying ur family in nigeria are poor thats why they can't get gift for relatives and all that for christmas. anyways, once again thanks for clarifying what you were actually trying to drive in with your comment.

Merry christmas

When I first read the post I thought the same thing as Bashurom. My husband's family and culture is so rich in tradition. I am looking forward to him sharing/incorporating that with our family. I think the traditions of family and church at Christmas are most important. Living inspirit with the reason why we celebrate Christmas.



Next year any gifts that are swapped at home have to be hand made, recycled, or made in the state of Maine.

My nieces spent the weekend in preparation for our family get together on Sunday before Christmas. My niece of 5 years said "I do not need Christmas gifts from you, because being here with you is like a gift." I was so moved.

Why does everyone always read bad or negative stuff into peoples posts. Why cant they find the good in anything. People wanting to express their joys and pains and others always trying to find fault with every word. Makes one not even want to say anything on here for fear of someone taking it the wrong way. Isnt it obvious everyone on this site loves, respects and cares deeply for their SO, their family and their culture....or they wouldnt be going thru all this BS to get them here!

Lighten up people....Maybe if u so bent on commenting on all the negative when its supposed to be a positive post, u should send a private message instead of making an issue out of nothing.

Just a thought.

I will admit that the forum seems to have taken a nose dive recently as far as momentum is concerned. I just do reading mostly, for fear of saying something wrong However, I am still very grateful for all of the knowledge and wisdom gained from the educated and experienced people here.

But I must agree that I am somewhat hesitant to really get into an indepth "conversation" here. I am fairly new here as a poster, but had a previous membership previous to this one when I was here much longer.

Ironically, the "negative" posts seemed to start at the onset of the holiday season. Maybe it can be attributed to the stress, loneliness and missing of our significant others. This time of the year can bring about mixed emotions and feelings.

I pray that the tide starts to turn soon, because there are nights when I am totally "addicted" to this forum and derive so much happiness, information and good feelings from it.

Now, I hope I haven't "enflamed" anyone. If so, bring it on......

I started coming here for the same reasons..to get info and read personal experiences. Now all alot of people on here want to do is dissect every post word for word and draw the most negative interpretations. Its sick. I finally joined so I could post, bcuz I wanted to say something about all the negativity lurking on this site. You dont gotta hide the ugliness..bcuz we need to kno it too...but post "responsibly" and "respectfully". Otherwise people not gonna wanna stay here and share. Thats all Im sayin.

( I also find myself on here when I need to try to get my sadness in check!..But now this dang place is makin it worse!)

Don't make this place make you feel worse. I post what I think but I am always consicous not to offend anyone and I hope I don't contribute to some of the negative comments here.

My motto is: if I don't like it then I move on

Well sorry sister but someone has to correct the wrong impression americans has about africa, and who is going to do that??? An african native just like me. U won't believe how ignorant people are about africa but at the same time i don't blame them alone but the media thats make it even worse. I fight it everyday at work becos some ignorant people think becos am from africa, i shouldn't have gotten educated, i shouldn't be able to talk the way i talk, i shouldn't be able to make a wise comment about an issue. And when they try to bring me down, they say he's from africa like that has to demerit any wise or constructive idea I have brought to the table. I have to start first by saying, excuse me, am from nigeria, a country like the United States and nigeria is a country from the continent of africa. Go back to geography class.

Hey if U can't stand a correction then u better not post. When we are ready to post in a forum like VJ then we should be ready for someone to be against what we think, if we don't want that then something is wrong in that picture. It would only go out of line if I desrespect the poster which i will never do with my comments but rather inform and educate the posted of what i seem to know better so we can all learn from each other at the end of it all. That is the reason for VJ isn't it?? The person that posted whatever she posted has addressed her issue properly where the hell did U come from? I think U don't have an idea of where to contribute ur vent but rather my just friendly way of addressing an issue that i may think is wrong about africa. So when next U want to pick a fight for urself, pls pick the right one, this one u picked is definately the wrong one.


Happy New Year in advance!

Hello Bashorun,
You have quoted me, but I agreed with your impression of the posting. I do not feel that the OP meant harm in her posting and it was filled with love and compassion formed from her United States perspective.

My impression is that Nigerian people are pride filled people. They work hard, worship hard, and value family.



Maybe you quoted me because I was the last post, but it looks like your are talking to me.

sorry bout that Mrs Jibowu, I was going to quote ebonyqueen but becos u r the last on the topic I made that mistake. Yeah I know the poster meant well but some people may take it the wrong way so for the benefit of everybody I decided to make the comment I made. Just imagine a Nigerian reading from a forum about someone saying why did U marry a Nigerian? they are dirty stinking people and they don't believe in deodorant!!! damn, that is the igorant kind of comment I was just not wanting someone else to pass on.

Probably they don't believe in deodorant becos they take a shower 2, 3 times a day and unlike some people that won't even take a shower for a week and all they do is use deodorant to cover what stinks. How many american SO here married to Nigerians are tired of seeing ur SO take a shower 2, 3 times a day??? That becos they believe in being clean the natural ways.

The reason why i replied to that comment is becos someone may be sitting and reading and at the same time get a negative impression from what the poster was actually trying to drive in. I will continue to spread the african gospel as much as i can, like they say knowledge is power rite? (smiling)

I don't normally post but i always read I only post when I see a wrong impression been made. But some of U may know me by Lekan.

Have a good one

WHOA...hold on there

First off...I am not the one who turned a positive post about lovin and prayin for all the people of the world who are less fortunate, into a negative post about assuming the original poster was in someway tryin to say something different! It is very plain to see that her first comment was a personal account of her feelings about "her" family. Not about every Nigerian or African family. The rest of it was thoughtful and loving.

U the one who needs to pick ur fights. I have seen tons of posts on here bashing Nigerians and Africans, why don't u go there and rile things up.

Sounds like u are angry with the way u are being treated by people in your everyday life..Well those are issues to take up with them... The people on VJ are not ur enemy. Out of all the people in America, dont u think those of us married to, or engaged to Africans are in better understanding? We kno as much as we could possibly kno without having lived or been raised there. No one can ever kno another culture fully if they were not born into it. Same with u coming here...u will gain understanding, learn more every day, and settle into the norm...but u will never be an AMERICAN, just like none of us will be an AFRICAN. The advantage u have is that u get to live and experience our lifestyle to better understand it. We only have the short time we spend in Africa, and what our husband shares with us, to learn by.

My point is...dont blame us for not being able to kno everything. And plsssssssssss dont put us in the category with the ignorant people u speak of.

Where did I come from u ask....I came from the ghetto of the the Bronx NY...and I am proud to say I am a well educated, professional black woman who came up from poverty on my own. I have been coming to this site for a long time and just reading everything. But the tone of this forum has gotton so negative that I cant hold my tongue anymore. I came to this thread specifically becuz I thought it was a positive posting when I clicked on it. But as usual, it got turned around as so many of them do on here. Its such a shame.

If u want to educate...try starting in your own backyard. And get used to people making false judgements about u....its human nature. (I got my share of "american" sterotypes when I was in Nigeria) Just dont blame everyone for the ignorance of a few.

Well, what else can I say, U missing the point and I can see U just wanna fight, well am not ready for that. Am not going to be a part of the kind of attitude U ready to bring on, so enjoy VJ the way it is.

I read this person's experience of christmas in Nigeria. It sounds like so much fun. The spirit of family, friends, and Jesus.

<Quote>
christmas Eve, stew is made. start from the mid of month, family go shop for clothes, or stop by the tailor/fashion designer to collect your latest style.
morning of 24, you go to sasa (a good market for stew stuffs) to shop for tomatoes, atarodo, tatashe, tin tomatoes, oil and onions
father goes off to bodija for the live goat/agric fowl, tolontolon or cow.
mother goes off to bodija for the Uncle ben rice and asorted stuffs
24 evening, while dad busy killing the fowl/goat, mother starts clean the tomatoes, tatashe and onion/rodo
once done cleaning, oya off to engine for blending then she boils it till thicken. meanwhile, mother collects all the ngwogwo for peppersoup

the kids busy surrounding dad looking for little meat to roast.
if it is fowl, the kids are given the job of removing the feather
some kids get themselves busy with knockout, bisco etc

lots of christmas music , etc.

after cleaning of the fowl/goat/cow meat, cooking is next, olalala the aroma is more than words can say

once the meat is well cooked, ororo (vegetable oil) is place on fire for frying of the cooked meat.
next is making the real stew, nothing like christmas rice in nigeria always delicious.

christmas eve service at about 8pm or so. it continues till midnight depending on when the service started.
once sevice is ended everyone go in peace the service is ended but some start the fun beating drum and stopping over any known members home. ha, fun plenty o.
some people go home right after service.
early morning on 25th, mother start cooking rice, warming the large pot of stew. bean is also cooked some guys love their rice with beans.
kids start cleaning the whole place, re arrange everywhere in the house.
at 7am, get ready for church if possible. if not, stay in the kitchen with mother and watch her cook + run errands.
once everything is ready, most share food with other nearby neighbors. come see wacking and tasting.

then off to shower and dressing up with willy willy makeup kids always funny
later during the day, ojuju start coming out and you watch different fanfare from different tribes

my little childhood memory </quote>