Just wondering how long I should wait, if at all...

We were married earlier this year, after successful K-1 application. Following that, we filed and were granted the 2 year conditional green card.

Tonight, after discovering that my 6 year old daughter had cancelled the DVR recording of a lifetime movie, she decided that it was OVER...

Assuming that is so. And when she started to pack her bags tonight, I suggested that she should leave now not later, she called some work friends who came and picked her up. Off she went, with my heart, most of her stuff, and two of my children who will wake up in the morning wondering where she has gone.

Do I immediately send notice to USCIS? Wait to see if she cools off? Not at all sure what the heck I am supposed to do right now... Sleep would be good but not going to happen...

I would suggest you take a deep breath and wait before you do anything. It may be difficult, but give it a try. I don't know the details of everything that led up to this stage, but sometimes it is always better to give each other space to cool off. That is when we fall back into thinking and reasoning rationally. Do not concern yourself now with what she is doing or who she is with, rather focus your thoughts on the good times both of you shared. Those moments that brought you smile; the happy faces of your children and those intangibles that brought meaning to your life. Those precious moments that both of you shared even in very difficult circumstances and how you pulled through. Believe in your soul that you will survive this also. Trust in your inner small still voice that is saying to you now, "Be still and know that I am God" I will make a way where this is no way.
God bless you and goodluck

I wouldn't call ICE just yet. Just wait to see what happens. She may be just lonely and depressed and having a difficult time adjusting to married life here. It happens to the best of us, and if you're getting ready to celebrate holidays, this can be an especially tough time for a lot of people who are away from home and missing family. Tension builds up and stuff gets said and done that is later regretted. Try not to blow it completely out of proportion, but rather try to find out what the actual cause of the blow up is, I'm willing to bet its not really about the Lifetime movie. Get together and talk it out. Seek a counselor if necessary. You've been through the hell of immigration crap, if you both believe in your marriage then this is workable.

Wait until the two of you have had some sleep and some time to cool off. Things usually look different in the light of day. It is really difficult for the beneficiary to adjust to a new country and a new life, far far away from everyone they knew and everything they have known. There are bound to be ups and downs, and sometimes the downs get a little overwhelming. Lashing out at the small things usually means that the sadness and frustration has been building for a while. A hug and a few words of comfort and understanding would have gone a long way to preventing the situation from escalating to this point. Give her a call, bring her home, and have a chat. Tell her you understand how frustrated and lonely she must be. Tell her that you love her and that you appreciate her. Then kiss and make up. A successful marriage takes a lot of work and a lot of understanding. Don't throw it away. She is learning to adjust to her whole world being turned upside down. It's going to take some time. I wish you both well.

ETA: I just read Reba's post. Very wise words.

That's right; I got really homesick a few days ago and couldn't help but cry although I didn't know that that's what it was at first. And I am only from Canada, a short 6 hour drive away compared to many who are a long airplane ride away. And I agree; that sounds odd that she would leave over a 6 year old daughter's movie?

To the OP sorry to hear that your wife left and especially after all you guys had to go through with immigration

One thing that has been said in each reply here holds true......Allow things to settle, take a deep breathe, try to find something that will keep you preoccupied for an hour - clean the garage or something.

Sounds simplistic, but nothing good ever comes from reacting out of fear or anger..ever, ever... remember that you can't take words back once said.

Like Melyssa above...I am the non USC....and when I'm feeling down and lonely, I have a hard time remembering that it's hard for my husband too. Your wife may be in a mood where she can't think of others right now, but do your best to sympathize and let her know that you understand that it's hard. I can imagine that in her position (no matter how enthusiatic she was before coming here) coming into a home with 2 kids already there (that's the impression I got from your post, correct me if I'm wrong) would be overwhelming some days. Can go great for weeks and then turn into crap in a day. people have expatations about how 'ideal' life will be and it can be really disappointing when it doesn't go as you plan it.

Hang in there...I hope you two get a chance to talk...go for coffee or something...and try not to immediately pressure her to come back...although that's what you want.

Yes, I agree with what all said. I am sure, things will work out, she is just lonely and depressed.

This story is sad.

I hope everything works out for you. I really do.

Take everyones advice on here though, these people really help you through hard times. Don't panic, just wait, some things heal over a little bit of time.

You had a fight... so let it cool off, give her a call and start the line of communication back up. Marriage takes a lot of hard work. We thought the hard part was all this K1, AOS paperwork stuff, but the hardwork was working together I dont know why you'd be calling immigration on her the second you have a fight and she leaves. Maybe she needs sometime to herself for a bit. Sometimes its overwhelming to be put into a new family. Being homesick, lots of tension builds up, and something as small as the DVR recording will put you over the top.

Call her and tell her you love her, you'd be surprised how much those magic words can do. I wish you luck

You mean to say that your immigrant wife left you because your 6 year old daughter didn't record a movie on lifetime network? Or made some mistake in recording a video?

It seems to me a rather extreme move on your wife's part to leave because of the actions of 6 year old.

Are you sure there aren't other issues going on?

I would suggest you meet with your wife in a neutral place (in public, like a restaurant or coffee shop) to discuss what is going on and find out where her mind is at. Then, if things are not reconcilable, notify the USCIS.

I hope you can find a solution to the issues in your relationship --- best of luck

I would definitely wait before doing anything but there's nothing to be gained by notifying USCIS of anything. What would you tell them anyway? They aren't relationship police. She has a green card and you're on the line with the I-864 regardless.

Here's hoping you work things out soon. If not, then things aren't necessarily any different than ending a marriage with a USC.

I agree with everyone. Wait it out and keep the lines of communication open. I wish you all the best.
Keep hope and your love alive.

Exactly. We should put this in bold. People complain and complain and complain that USCIS dares to 'judge their love', and then once they get here, try to treat it like a delivery service to return defective relationships. What are you going to say? "My wife and I had a fight and I told her to leave so she had some friends come get her will you deport her please?"

I don't know whether the OP's marriage is over, or can be worked out, or if she was just homesick, or if this was all just a silly fight and he's now hoping she doesn't read VJ and see that his first impulse was to call the government. But there's no need to notify USCIS over a fight.

Caladan, I think I love you.

Okay. Not really. But you get it.

People fail to realize that even their spouses are people, and while I am the USC, I moved to Florida to be with my now-husband, and as much as we want to move back North, starting all over in a NEW STATE is hard enough, how dare we think it's so easy to ship someone off to their home country and pretend nothing happened? If my husband went back to Peru, starting over again there would be awesomely difficult, and it's his own damn country!! You can't put a stamp on your spouse's forehead reading RETURN TO SENDER if it doesn't work out.
And yeah, the hypocrisy is astounding. I can't imagine screaming and whining about having your love judged then when it doesn't work out, treating it like an online purchase that can be returned.
It's know if my husband and I were in some rocky waters, my first thought would not be to notify the government.

Exactly.

At the same time, I wouldn't announce my marriage over simply because someone forgot to tape something for me.

LOL, even the OP didn't say that. It sounds like either the movie erasing was the last event marking the time of the announcement. Perhaps it was also the last straw to prompt a tantrum, but nobody suggested the departure was "because" of. Google "coincidental correlation" or "post hoc, ergo propter hoc".

In any event, USCIS is not the answer.

So your marriage is less than a year old, right? Arguments happen, some more rational than others, but you're living a new marriage, and merging lives has some difficulties even under the best of circumstances....


So what you're saying is you kicked her out...and now you're crying because she took you "heart" with her, and you don't know how to tell your kids?


Your "heart" walked out the door a few hours ago, but you're already wondering if you should notify USCIS? For what? If the marriage is irreparably broken, then you should be concentrating on a divorce attorney, not how quickly can you get the 'authorities' incolved in the hopes that what? they'll deport her?

If this was a fight between a USC married couple, the spouse left behind would be trying to figure out how to fix the fight (if as stated this is all about a cancelled DVR recording) rather than asking for advice on how to 'cokcblock' their spouse's immigration. Ugh!

Just wanted to thank all of you for the comments advising calm. Fortunately the day after I posted we had a very long talk, and worked out a ton of issues.

A late night phone call from her cousin, explaining that certain often repeated comments regarding wanting to go home, not wanting to be married, etc. were apparently common expressions used during arguments (large and small) from where both my wife and her cousin are from. Her cousin explained that during her first year (of a 10 year marriage to her German husband) she probably said such things at least a hundred times. The comments are blanket statements that "something" large or small is bothering them and not literal statements of desire to end the respective marriages. Her cousin has been married ten years now!

Anyway, we discussed that such statements may be common in the PI, at least where these two are from, but here they are heard quite literally. And it is nearly impossible to trust the strength of a marriage when they are repeated, which they have been for a few months.

As to those who commented that I wanted to turn to ICE at the first sign of a problem, no, not at all what I meant when posting. Nor is it exactly accurate to say I kicked her out, she was packing her things, and when I said if you are going to keep saying you want to go, you should go sooner not later, she called some friends, and wound up with a place to go that night. But I would also say, I want her to be happy, and if she isn't, then yes I would not want her to leave but would feel obligated to allow her too. I love her enough to sacrifice my heart for her, if that was what she chose.

All of this also showed her she is not as alone as she sometimes feels. She has some new, good friends! She also realized, that although her job is not exactly high paying, she has a great deal more financial resources now than after years of where she was working before. So out of a horrible night came some pretty good realizations for her. That, and of course she did not mean her words, she was pretty devastated, as was I, at the thought of our marriage ending.

In doing the K-1 I have committed myself to legal obligations for the care and financial maintenance of my wife, for 10 years, and was asking a serious question as to what my legal obligations are to USCIS in the event my wife does decide to leave prior to having her own right to be hear via 10 year green card or US citizenship. Obviously the hope for us both is that the marriage is forever, and I don't take it lightly, and some of the responses seem to suggest the inference that I do.

Having so recently gotten out of the clutches of USCIS I had no desire to get either of us back in to their sites! But I think I was, despite being quite despondent at the time, asking a serious question. What does USCIS expect me to do, any of us to do, if our K-1 spouses should abandon our marriages?

Anyway, thanks for all of the responses, even those that seem to be more about admonishing without all the facts!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone!

Were she to leave, and remain in the US, you would still be locked into the affidavit of support.

you may want to look into your obligation towards her now so that you'll know. I wish you well in your marriage but sa nobody has mentioned there r times that you spend all that money getting you SO here into this country, marry them and then they decide that they don't want to be married any morem si they will begin the behavior of having a short fuse , showing bizarre behavior and packing up and leaving a couple of times before leaving for good.

Not saying that your wife is doing that but at least you both learned some valuable information, she learned that she has a friend that will take her in at a moments notice and you learned that she can leave you just that fast and may not want to work it out next time.

Best wishes

Are you 110% sure?

I belive the support is if she goes on government assistance during the next 10 years, then they will come knocking on your door for their money back. It doesn't literally mean if she leaves and can't make ends meet then she can call you.

Yes I am. We know you love to spread misinformation, but were she to go on means tested benefits, they could come over the petitioner who signed an affadavit of support, even if the marriage didn't work out.

And I know this has been discussed before, but there's at least one divorce case where the I-864 was introduced as evidence that the spouse needed to support the immigrant even though the marriage had dissolved. Perhaps not the way it was meant to be interpreted, but that judge did interpret it that way.

which lifetime movie did the 6 yr old erase?

You betcha!

Umm, I see how this works with you MM, anytime someone questions you or your statements it is "Misinformation or wrong". You remind me of the little spoiled kid at the playground that does not get her way and then cries out "Since I am losing I am taking my toys and going home you cheat and are not fair!" Nice try, but you need to show me and prove your statement is not disinformation for WE ALL KNOW you ramble on about topics which you are spreading disinformation and inaccuracies that are not correct about either. I am waiting for you to prove your statement on the affidavit of support all I see is your sanctimonious feelings being expressed here, prove it for a change please. AND if you cannot then stop making inaccurate disinformation statements about it.






Show me and prove it then.

I don't need to prove anything to you. It's common knowledge, and disinformation is not a word.

Nice try, play again.

(And if someone questions me with valid input, I'm game. You have no valid input.)

I am sure. This is from USCIS' Final Rule on the Affidavit of Support.

Just attempted to read that document or parts of it. Seems in order for immigrants to get benefits...a) agency is to determine if immigrant has a sponsor, sponsor and spouse's assets are to be used to determine if immigrant gets benefits which even the document admits, by doing so the immigrant will get denied benefits, or will usually get denied since sponser and spouse's combined income will be over qualification guidelines.

Google is your friend. There have been two widely publicized cases where judges used the I-864 to justify their requirment for spousal support equal to 125% of the poverty level. I think the judges were wrong and so do many others but it has happened.

You are correct and you are on the right path, I agree with your posts, it is not clear cut 110% like some think.

I'm so glad you're here to clear things up for us simple minded folk. Because I never would have understood the entirety of the situation without you explaining it to me. WHEW - crisis averted once again!!!



My point was simply that making a leap from something not being taped to 'Its OVER' is pretty pathetic, not to mention immature, regardless of any underlying issues in the marriage.

I never said USCIS was the answer, so I assume that remark was directed at the OP.



*edited for typo*

"My point was simply that making a leap from something not being taped to 'Its OVER' is pretty pathetic, not to mention immature, regardless of any underlying issues in the marriage."

That's a good point...and reason enough to say, "wow, wife...you don't seem mature enough to be in a marriage. We made a mistake. Grow up and then call me when you do."

Apparently, some of these spouses actually think that the crown comes with their entry visa. Doesn't work that way...but the stories seem to be repeated over and over.

The affidavit of support should not be a guideline for spousal support at all. That concerns ONLY the extent to which the USC is obligated for social services (and not all...) the immigrant tries to use when the immigrant cannot himself or herself meet federal poverty guidelines. That does NOT give rise to any obligation or presumption that the USC is obligated to pay spousal support to an immigrant in ANY amount for ANY period of time.

I think most reasonable minds would agree. Nevertheless there have been cases where judges used the I-864 to order spousal support, so it's worth bearing in mind.

The operative words here, perhaps unfortunately are does not and not cannot. In the precedential cases, Stump v Stump being one, the judge awarded support based upon the existence of the I-864 pledge and the alien was not required to mitigate that obligation by trying to seek work.

OUCH! That's lousy. In California, anyway, deference is afforded the duration of the marriage when it comes to spousal support...and the rules and regulations specify the reason(s) for the affidavit of support (to ensure that there is no public charge for certain social services, as I understand...it's NOT a guarantee that the immigrant is entitled to "x" number of dollars...although I could see that an attorney would want to make that argument). In the absence of other criteria, if the immigrant is entitled to SOME spousal support, the poverty guidelines would or might offer some basis for an award...but there are and should be a lot of other factors involved as well. I suppose that the outcome would depend upon applicable state dissolution laws.

note on affidavit support....
i read somewhere recently it was just 2 or 3 years the affidavit support in the k1 visas ??
right? wrong ?

The I-134, done at the consular level, is not legally binding. The I-864 done for AOS, is legally binding for 10 years, or until the alien has at least 10 years of continuous work, or dies.

The passage of 10 years is not one of the criteria for removing the I-864 obligation. If the immigrant never satisfies 40 qualified work quarters, the obligation can continue for life.

I wasn't aware of that. Thanks!

When the immigrant becomes a citizen, the I-864 obligation also terminates.

There are other ways to satisfy the requirement, I just wanted to point out that the passage of 10 years has never been one of them.

That's why I said the obligation can continue for life.

BTW, the immigrant doesn't really even have to ever work a day on their own to satisfy the 40 quarters. If the marriage lasts long enough for the spouse to satisfy 40 quarters during the marriage, the obligation also ends -- even though the immigrant spouse would lose those quarters following a subsequent divorce.

I just had another thought as well. Because of the way qualified quarters are counted for married couples (each spouse also counts the qualified quarter of the other), If both are accumulating qualified quarters, the obligation could be met even in 5 years.

I knew that one but left it out (that was accidental).

One more thing before I nap. You do not have to be employed continuously to meet the requirement for a qualified quarter. You simply have to have taxable income sufficient to meet the minimum for each quarter even if you only work very little during each quarter--and the minimums are quite low. for instance, if you work only 5 days per quarter (20 days in a year), but meet the minimum each time, you would have 4 qualifying quarters unless you had accepted certain public assistances.

I didn't know this. I have always understood the I-864 to clearly state that the 10 qualified quarters are those of the immigrant spouse only.

Okay, I just looked at the form again and it says....



I'm most curious what would fall under "in certain cases".