Besangin again you had me in tears. Hilarious but real. Nothing like a glass of wine and Besangin post. What a night?

Happy Holidays Everyone.

Besangin again you had me in tears. Hilarious but real. Nothing like a glass of wine and Besangin post. What a night?

Happy Holidays Everyone.

Girl you know I'm tellin' the truth, and folks may hate on me but they know I'm tellin' the truth too! Even about the DING DING!!!! OOOOOOO It's getting HOT in here!!!!!!!

Did -I- say- that?

I love that man....preach it !

Besangin I agree with most.

Brother Francis, your post as an African man was refreshing and I agree with you. I will be looking forward to read more from you.

Hi Ladies,

I enjoyed reading all the things that was posted here. Firstly, let me encourage my sister with the word of God. The bible asked us to bear one another burden. The bible says that whoever that is spiritual let him or her restore the other person in the spirit of meekness. I don't encourage sin. I felt so bad to hear what your husband is doing. I want to encourage you and ask you to take it to God in prayer. Pray and fight for his soul and not only for your marriage. Sometimes we want to see our husband or wife change or try to do it by ourselves. It's only God that can change a person. The parable of the prodigal son will be a good example here. This young man had everything as you all has provided for your husband on their arrival and only to see the dark side of the man. The prodigal son father didn't try to change him but rather he gave him what belongs to him and he wasted it and then he came to his senses. That was God there working in this young man's life at his lowest point. Then when he came home he was already changed by God. The only thing that the father did was to welcome him.

Let God change the man's heart then you will see a changed person. There are a lot of temptations here in the States for men. Lets be real.

1. How many marriages are having problems here in the States?
2. What's the rate of international marriage here in the State?
3.Why are some of the ladies turning outside the States for a genuine love and a lasting relationship?

I'm really tired now because of my work schedule. I will answer all these questions and I will begin to unmask all the fraud, lies and games in order to come to the States and get Green Card by some African men.

Is there any answer to all the difficults in marriage and inter cultural marriage? The answer is yes. God is the answer. I will write soon and help the ladies to check the man that they are trying to bring over here. I'm tired of all this bad stories from my African brothers. I'm an African born and raised in Nigeria. I have lived in almost all the parts or tribes in Nigeria. I understand my people and as a man I will give you ladies the secret keys that unlock a true love and a fake one. I will help some of you ladies to check your hearts, motives and help you come up with a real thing when dealing with any African man.

As a disciple of Jesus Christ, it is my responsibility to help you ladies avoid some traps and help those who are in it to overcome every challenges or difficults and hurts.

Once again there are real people out there. My wife will never regret getting married to me. I told her the first time that I met her that she is bless. I know my heart and I am 100% committed to my wife, kids and marriage. I put God first in my life and marriage before my wife or any other thing. This is the only key that I will share today. If a man is not 100% committed to God he will not be committed to you either.

Keep your eyes out here for my coming post on this site. It's time for a godly man to stand out and defend other people that are real.

May you all abide and continue in God's Love

Yours in the Lord Blessing

Brother Francis

Francis, I look forward to your post. Thank you for being contructive and being a gentleman. I know a lady who claimed her husband married her for a green card and told this sad sad story on how he used her. But the real story was that he stayed with her for 12 years and supported her and her kids from a pervious marriage. Every time they had disagreements her teenage boys would threaten to beat him up. He finally had enough and left. Its good to get an African mans perspective. Especially one who is a man of God, which is the only kind of man to marry, because they come endorsed

Now Ya'll know I was not going to let this one get away without adding my two cents in. Well, more like 15.00 dollars worth. The bottom line is, God is involved in the whole process already!!!! He gives us the minds and the good sense to discern things for ourselves. He gives us a heart to love and the free choice to choose, but truth be told we as women lead with our hearts. Yeah it goes good and they say all the right things and because of that we convince ourselves that hmmmmm, I think I might found a good one. Then we move on to the test stage where we want to know if he's a cheater, does he like kids, does he love God, and so forth and so on. When we hear the answers we want to hear we start to let down our guard. At that point we base off what we hear, what we saw for the brief moments we spent with our men and we decide yes, he's the one. Not that "he's the one I want to go further with so I got to really get to know him", but "oh he told me this, and I saw that and his friends and family said he was this." So now we have validation that he's a good man. But where we go wrong ladies is that we let that love bug take our A$$e$ OUT!! We stop being the reasonable intelligent women that we are, and we say, "It's going to be all good when he gets home!" But the truth of the matter is we didn't take the time to REALLY get to know them. HOW CAN WE??!!!!!! My therapist, and yes I needed some serious therapy behind my experince not just after the collision but before to help me to really understand and deal with our differences. Believe me had I not, I would be fighting Big Jane for my time to post this to you on the computer from prison because I would have gone straight GHETTO, TERMINATOR, BEOCH on his A$$. So moving right along. He said to me very quietly, Sonya did you really get to know Michael before you married him? Did you know and see his work ethic, did you see how he managed his money, did you see how he dealt or did he talk about his past relationships. Do you know where the boy went to kindergarten? Like a complete dummy answering honestly, I had to say no to all the above. I am not talking about what he told me and what I saw the little time I was in my EX spouses country with him, but on a long term bases that I could say that this man may have some issues but I know he is this. Couldn't do it. The time I was there I didn't want to spend that time arguing and trying to get to know his demons, 'cause we know we all got a dark side to us. so if we had a disagreement we didn't resolve it 'cause I had to get to the DING DING so I could be filled up while we waited for the visa to be approved. Am I strikin' a nerve yet? It ain't no steretype that they they are uh hum..... GIFTED in that department, and I know ya'll feel me! You do not have to live with a person to find out what and who they are made of, but getting to know someone takes time PERIOD!!!!!!! And THAT is where we go wrong. So saying its all his fault not true. We help to create our situations by not truly trusting in God. I mean that we want that good married life so bad that we step in and help things along instead of truly letting it be in God's time. Hate me or love, here or abroad, we have to let our men be men in all seasons and quit feeling guilty for expecting them to be the men of God they claim to be, because God's standard calls them higher than what we as mortal women want so no need to feel guilty, That is if your foundation is based in the bible. If your faith is something else I cannot speak to that. You know what works for you.

Now if you know the people that you are marrying or intending to marry, then everything else will be water under the bridge because if you have taken the time to know the person good and bad then at that point you make your decision on if this is your ever after. If it is not, walk away, and if it is then you got some work ahead of you 'cause no one is perfect, but you got what you want. Now if you jump into something and you find out later it wasn't what you subscribed to, then you got what you wanted because you thought you knew everything there is to know. If you are a commited person then you try to see it through til there is nothing left to even hope for, but if you are a quiter you just leave it, you move on to the next situation without having dealt with the first. A sure recipe to repeat the mistake.

When we fall in love and for a while we see no wrong in our loves. Even their POOP smells like roses and we love them. But you need more than love and a good feeling, 'cause when you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and the light is out and you sit on the toilet and that seat is up, AND he done pee'd on it, you AIN't gonna be loving his A$$ right then and there. That's when that foundation comes in, you remember that this man stayed up with you all night when you were cramping and rubbed your back. He cuts the grass and takes out the trash without you telling him.... thats when sitting in cold pee is not so bad. I don't want to discourage the new wives and fiancees just be strong and handle your business. At this point you can't comprehend anything but your love for your spouse,and for the most part that is good, because love brought you here in the first place, and those of us who have experienced an unhappy outcome cannot expect you to see what we see because you have not traveled that road ,and I pray that none of you have to, and if you trust God and the smarts that He gave you you will not. Its ok from time to time to get your head out of the clouds and just take a look around earth for a minute. Even moreso if you have children because if you make a mistake they will suffer too. I love children and hate to see them hurt! So take care of them!

Now to address one more issue and I will let you tear my post apart. Don't be naive in thinking that international relationships are no different than American one because they ARE!!! Yes men will be men no matter what, but there are way more cicumstances that come with pursuing one. Now, from what I can gather from the posts that I have read, the MAJORITY of the women here are intelligent and savvy, and if you would not allow and american man to lay up on you while you go to work and he has the ability to work, and if you require him to be a man and support your (in this day and age both have to work) family then why would it be ok for a foreign spouse to do that? Yes we have no choice in the beginning, but there should be no excuses when he can. So financially we are not going to put up the finances for a man already here like we do for our foreign SO. So yes there is a difference.

Lastly I leave you with this, when your man comes home and you find yourself asking, "What the HELL did customs do with my husband they replaced him with an imposter?" And you ask that question often because it feels like you are living with a stranger in your home, then NO, my sister you, did NOT get to know that man like you think. Things that you saw in him and he told you should not be a night and day difference when he is here. People just don't get BI POLAR Disorder, no offense if you struggle with that. All I say is Know him NOW or suffer later and suffer you will. Not saying you won't succeed, but the odds are not in our favor in any relationship foreign or domestic. But anything worth having is worth the work, just make sure you know what you can and cannot invest emotionally and financially. God first, your spouse second, and yourself last. AND GET TO KNOW HIM ON ALLL LEVELS!!!! That's ALL FOLKS!!!!

When I joined VJ I constantly looked for information about international relationships. And there really wasn't a lot of information out there. Also, there wasn't as much of a space on VJ to discuss these issues. Personally, I am sharing my story to support others who are in similar situations and to tell stories that I didn't read while I was considering if this relationship was for me.

I believe its important for people to know that they're not alone and to know that maybe they DID pray enough and maybe they did the best they could but it still didn't work out. Bad things happen to faithful people. Look at Job. He lost it all while folks sat on the sidelines questioning his faith.

Best wishes, everyone.

My post was mainly to encourage woman in new relationships to not take mistrust to a level where it interferes with growing together.
I pointed out that I was talking about a healthy relationship where no chronic dishonesty has been discovered.
I see some people always worry if he is ' in for the green card ' when there are no signs of that, that to me is not healthy.

A lot of times we write on these boards about the culture shock of the foreign SO coming here and adjusting to American culture but I also think that the USC has to adjust to the culture shock of having their SO here. I think it is so much more than finding an ethnic store in the area for them to shop at.....hmm, maybe I should start a thread

We all get so swept up in the fantasy of someone who loves us from half a world away, who we are fighting to get here and once they land on American soil all our problems are going to go away and we will live the American dream. And then they get here and reality hits us like a steamroller.

Southernchic, you bring up a good point about trust and culture. IMHO, I don't think that living together for any length of time will fix any issues unless both parties make adjustments to accomodate each other. To me, and I am no expert, the actions of your husband seem to be influenced by his character and his culture. As for the comment about the beating I cannot say that I am surprised, not saying that is is right, but I am not surprised. Unfortunately it is a reaction that is all too common in too many parts of Africa.

Boaz, thank you for sharing the tip on not spoiling your SO

$15.00 dollars

I first want to say I have been very busy in this new life with a new job and a new husband and have not been posting as much as I probably should and I hope I can post a bit more especially if I can help someone in their journey.

I have been reading this post and I personally feel this is a very good post. We need to try to let the ones coming after us know not only the good but the bad also as any marriage has. I need to tell you ladies to be very careful of your personal computers and your telephones especially your cell phones. I also want to inform you that there are ways to protect yourself when you have a personal computer in your home with Internet Access. There is software on the market that can moniter your pc. If anyone wants more information about what I am talking about just pm me and I will give you details. Some telephone companies allow you to keep track of phone calls on a daily basis and AT&T is one of them. No matter how you trust your husband always take care of you first. Always try to stay one step ahead of satan and rebuke him in the name of Jesus.

We have to remember that our fiances or husbands had a life before they met us and some of these people that were in their lives will continue to be in their lives. All I am saying is to keep your eyes open and be cautious of these people that are being called cousins, sisters, extended family and aunts. If you see a lot of chatting, text messaging, and phone calls going on between your husband or fiance and a cousin ask questions. This just could not be a cousin. And no matter how close you think you are to his family just remember that it is his family not yours and they all could be in on whatever is going on. Stay in prayer my sisters and brothers and always remember that there is someone on VJ who is going through the same thing that you are so dont think or feel that you are alone.

Hi Ladies,

I enjoyed reading all the things that was posted here. Firstly, let me encourage my sister with the word of God. The bible asked us to bear one another burden. The bible says that whoever that is spiritual let him or her restore the other person in the spirit of meekness. I don't encourage sin. I felt so bad to hear what your husband is doing. I want to encourage you and ask you to take it to God in prayer. Pray and fight for his soul and not only for your marriage. Sometimes we want to see our husband or wife change or try to do it by ourselves. It's only God that can change a person. The parable of the prodigal son will be a good example here. This young man had everything as you all has provided for your husband on their arrival and only to see the dark side of the man. The prodigal son father didn't try to change him but rather he gave him what belongs to him and he wasted it and then he came to his senses. That was God there working in this young man's life at his lowest point. Then when he came home he was already changed by God. The only thing that the father did was to welcome him.

Let God change the man's heart then you will see a changed person. There are a lot of temptations here in the States for men. Lets be real.

1. How many marriages are having problems here in the States?
2. What's the rate of international marriage here in the State?
3.Why are some of the ladies turning outside the States for a genuine love and a lasting relationship?

I'm really tired now because of my work schedule. I will answer all these questions and I will begin to unmask all the fraud, lies and games in order to come to the States and get Green Card by some African men.

Is there any answer to all the difficults in marriage and inter cultural marriage? The answer is yes. God is the answer. I will write soon and help the ladies to check the man that they are trying to bring over here. I'm tired of all this bad stories from my African brothers. I'm an African born and raised in Nigeria. I have lived in almost all the parts or tribes in Nigeria. I understand my people and as a man I will give you ladies the secret keys that unlock a true love and a fake one. I will help some of you ladies to check your hearts, motives and help you come up with a real thing when dealing with any African man.

As a disciple of Jesus Christ, it is my responsibility to help you ladies avoid some traps and help those who are in it to overcome every challenges or difficults and hurts.

Once again there are real people out there. My wife will never regret getting married to me. I told her the first time that I met her that she is bless. I know my heart and I am 100% committed to my wife, kids and marriage. I put God first in my life and marriage before my wife or any other thing. This is the only key that I will share today. If a man is not 100% committed to God he will not be committed to you either.

Keep your eyes out here for my coming post on this site. It's time for a godly man to stand out and defend other people that are real.

May you all abide and continue in God's Love

Yours in the Lord Blessing

Brother Francis

What kind of marriage can you have if you are constantly suspicious of your spouse? I don't understand it. You are not the first to say this but to all who think that you need to watch your spouse, are you happy? Are you fulfilled in your marriage? I have never been married but I know that no man is worth it if I constantly have suspicious thoughts about him.

Sorry, but this issue is really eating at me. Did you not think about this before you got married? If you are unsure about his intentions then why not get out of the marriage?

Marriage is about love, trust, compromise and adjustment. Do you think that your spouse cannot sense these uncertainties that you have? Maybe this is what leads them to go out and do what they do.

How do you have love without trust?

So now, are all of us supposed to go out and get these spying devices, install them on our computers and cell phones and be suspicious of every little thing? I am sorry but until my man gives me a reason to mistrust him I will not. What does that say about me and my commitment to this relationship?

If you look hard enough, you will see that which isn't there.

What you fail to realize is that people marry their husband/wives believing that they are wonderful, awesome and incredible people. If you read the posts in the 'adusting" section you'll see story after story about how poeple who are wonderful overseas and come here and cut a natural fool (or were percieved to do so). I'm not saying its all the immigrants fault but obviously there are a lot os USC in states of shock. Some of it may be cultural I don't know. Either way, if you marry someone from a country where they can't come to the US on their own there is a chance that they have ulterior motives. They may be in love, yes, but at the same time they may also see their love as an opportunity for a better life for them and their entire family. It doesn't mean that ALL immigrants but there's a chance. Just like if a rich man marries there's a chance his wife may not be as willing to put up with him as he thought she would be before they got married. Its just human nature. Let's keep it real.

I am married and I am current living without trust. It didn't start out that way, For most of the time during my relationship I got to know him and trusted him. And I thought I got what he was about. Once he arrived in the US things changed. Let me be clear. Things changed because my husbant thought that I was a God fearing woman who loved him soooo much that I'd forgive him and we'd just be happy. What he didn't realize was the he'd F"D up. And maybe that's where culture comes in because in his country women don't confront their men the way they do here. Maybe in his country men get away with bad behavior. We certainly see it here in the US. So its not a stretch for a man from a male-doninated society to think that he doesn't have to be accountable even when he's wrong.

So if you want to know how someone can live without trust there you have it. The reality is that its not the end of the world. Similar things happen between USC. We will all survie. But...the issue is that ending the relationship is little bit harger BECAUSE he's an immigrant. You bring him here and you want to give it time to work. You want to feel as if you've tried to understand his culture versus personality. You realize that he WILL NEVER just leave and return home. You factor in his visa status and his future. You feel guilty asking him to leave. After all that happens, you realize that you don't wanna put up with his bs, his culture or whatever anymore. You just want YOUR LIFE back.

Every relationship is different. And I honestly believe that an international relationship COULD work. But as others have said more eloquently than me, do your homework on the front end, spend a lot of time with the SO before he moves here and keep the faith.

What you fail to realize is that people marry their husband/wives believing that they are wonderful, awesome and incredible people. If you read the posts in the 'adjusting" section you'll see story after story about how people who are wonderful overseas and come here and cut a natural fool (or were perceived to do so). I'm not saying its all the immigrants fault but obviously there are a lot os USC in states of shock. Some of it may be cultural I don't know. Either way, if you marry someone from a country where they can't come to the US on their own there is a chance that they have ulterior motives. They may be in love, yes, but at the same time they may also see their love as an opportunity for a better life for them and their entire family. It doesn't mean that ALL immigrants but there's a chance. Just like if a rich man marries there's a chance his wife may not be as willing to put up with him as he thought she would be before they got married. Its just human nature. Let's keep it real.

I am married and I am current living without trust. It didn't start out that way, For most of the time during my relationship I got to know him and trusted him. And I thought I got what he was about. Once he arrived in the US things changed. Let me be clear. Things changed because my husband thought that I was a God fearing woman who loved him soooo much that I'd forgive him and we'd just be happy. What he didn't realize was the he'd F"D up. And maybe that's where culture comes in because in his country women don't confront their men the way they do here. Maybe in his country men get away with bad behavior. We certainly see it here in the US. So its not a stretch for a man from a male-dominated society to think that he doesn't have to be accountable even when he's wrong.

So if you want to know how someone can live without trust there you have it. The reality is that its not the end of the world. Similar things happen between USC. We will all survie. But...the issue is that ending the relationship is little bit harger BECAUSE he's an immigrant. You bring him here and you want to give it time to work. You want to feel as if you've tried to understand his culture versus personality. You realize that he WILL NEVER just leave and return home. You factor in his visa status and his future. You feel guilty asking him to leave. After all that happens, you realize that you don't wanna put up with his bs, his culture or whatever anymore. You just want YOUR LIFE back.

Every relationship is different. And I honestly believe that an international relationship COULD work. But as others have said more eloquently than me, do your homework on the front end, spend a lot of time with the SO before he moves here and keep the faith.

I see your point and I respect what you said but at the end of the day I have to wonder if all the spying, mistrust and suspision on the front end is not dooming the relationship from the beginning.

I am not going into marriage with blinders on. I know that it is not a bed of roses but I am also not going to consume myself on the off chance that he may be in it for something else.

I'm sorry maybe I am just too naive or young or something.

I first want to say I have been very busy in this new life with a new job and a new husband and have not been posting as much as I probably should and I hope I can post a bit more especially if I can help someone in their journey.

I have been reading this post and I personally feel this is a very good post. We need to try to let the ones coming after us know not only the good but the bad also as any marriage has. I need to tell you ladies to be very careful of your personal computers and your telephones especially your cell phones. I also want to inform you that there are ways to protect yourself when you have a personal computer in your home with Internet Access. There is software on the market that can moniter your pc. If anyone wants more information about what I am talking about just pm me and I will give you details. Some telephone companies allow you to keep track of phone calls on a daily basis and AT&T is one of them. No matter how you trust your husband always take care of you first. Always try to stay one step ahead of satan and rebuke him in the name of Jesus.

We have to remember that our fiances or husbands had a life before they met us and some of these people that were in their lives will continue to be in their lives. All I am saying is to keep your eyes open and be cautious of these people that are being called cousins, sisters, extended family and aunts. If you see a lot of chatting, text messaging, and phone calls going on between your husband or fiance and a cousin ask questions. This just could not be a cousin. And no matter how close you think you are to his family just remember that it is his family not yours and they all could be in on whatever is going on. Stay in prayer my sisters and brothers and always remember that there is someone on VJ who is going through the same thing that you are so dont think or feel that you are alone.

When I joined VJ I constantly looked for information about international relationships. And there really wasn't a lot of information out there. Also, there wasn't as much of a space on VJ to discuss these issues. Personally, I am sharing my story to support others who are in similar situations and to tell stories that I didn't read while I was considering if this relationship was for me.

I believe its important for people to know that they're not alone and to know that maybe they DID pray enough and maybe they did the best they could but it still didn't work out. Bad things happen to faithful people. Look at Job. He lost it all while folks sat on the sidelines questioning his faith.

Best wishes, everyone.

What kind of marriage can you have if you are constantly suspicious of your spouse? I don't understand it. You are not the first to say this but to all who think that you need to watch your spouse, are you happy? Are you fulfilled in your marriage? I have never been married but I know that no man is worth it if I constantly have suspicious thoughts about him.

Sorry, but this issue is really eating at me. Did you not think about this before you got married? If you are unsure about his intentions then why not get out of the marriage?

Marriage is about love, trust, compromise and adjustment. Do you think that your spouse cannot sense these uncertainties that you have? Maybe this is what leads them to go out and do what they do.

How do you have love without trust?

So now, are all of us supposed to go out and get these spying devices, install them on our computers and cell phones and be suspicious of every little thing? I am sorry but until my man gives me a reason to mistrust him I will not. What does that say about me and my commitment to this relationship?

If you look hard enough, you will see that which isn't there.

I see your point and I respect what you said but at the end of the day I have to wonder if all the spying, mistrust and suspision on the front end is not dooming the relationship from the beginning.

I am not going into marriage with blinders on. I know that it is not a bed of roses but I am also not going to consume myself on the off chance that he may be in it for something else.

I'm sorry maybe I am just too naive or young or something.

He's not rich, but he's happy and that's his goal in life. Go figure. Westerners don't know much about that. Money means happiness for most of us. There is no absolute in relationships. Because we bring our own baggage into it.

Maybe some women aren't building strong healthy relationships. But solid, positive advice is not to plant spying devices, get prenuptial agreements, track your husband or withhold trust. It's to build a strong healthy relationship, focus on God and pray for constant guidance and then step out on faith.

I decided to start this thread as a result of reading some of the other posts, concerning the good and the bad experiences.

Let me first say, I'm still married to my husband. But let me also say it has not been easy. I have learned some things from really nice seasoned married women that has helped in the relationship. Suggestions like exhibiting more patience and trying to put myself in his shoes, coming to a country with no family, no friends and learning new things to make it here in the US. Learning patience for me is still a work in progress......


With that said, I went out my way to make available everything to my husband, which included cell phone, luxuries at home, supplying a whole new wardrobe. And I believe that was a mistake, it was taken for granted!! All he had to do was just mentioned it and it was done. But then it was like he was always looking for something. I put myself on the bottom of list, if I was even on the list. I needed to take care of me more as I tried to help in his adjustment. So now I make sure I pay attention to me and not just him.

Many people have their thoughts concerning Nigerian men and I made it a point to not let family know if we were having problems. But I went through the throwing of fits (him of course), money issues (when he started to work), the checking out of single sites, the porn sites, etc. which has damaged our marriage. Right now I'm trying to heal myself to be able to continue in this marriage. So I see where the feelings of being scammed for a paper comes from, but then I have to look at the whole picture and determine, if it is about a paper or is it just how this man (my husband) is.

This is the reason why people come to this forum and then leave. Everyone has a right to say what they need to say without starting a ugly arguement.

I agree it is a helpful discussion within an arena of varied experiences.
I am of the believe that our different perspectives do not indicate an argument but that the major consensus is :

Be careful when you get to know someone ask questions, research the culture, investigate.
If you feel good about it and go with God's guidance then go for it and enjoy the marriage and don't withhold trust.
If he gives you reason to believe he is dishonest and lies turn up then be guarded and investigate.
Walk in love, faith and prayer and get counseling to work through these issues.
If the marriage gets stronger for it great........if it ends forgive and move on, share your experience , put caution out there but yet be encouraging to others.

That is what I am getting out of this, we just all use a different style to express ourselves.

Sometimes it appears that we have a divided camp........on one side the trusting peeps on the other the non trusting suspicious peeps.

But really, if we all sat around a table in real life I think we would be able to come to terms with the main issues I pointed out in my previous post.
I don't think it would escalate to into a food fight

I appreciate all your comments and am also looking for practical advice on resolution of conflict. Who is currently doing what to overcome
difficulties and how is it working. What advice do you have for those who are in the mess right now and everything is falling apart ?
That would be really helpful.

I first want to say I have been very busy in this new life with a new job and a new husband and have not been posting as much as I probably should and I hope I can post a bit more especially if I can help someone in their journey.

I have been reading this post and I personally feel this is a very good post. We need to try to let the ones coming after us know not only the good but the bad also as any marriage has. I need to tell you ladies to be very careful of your personal computers and your telephones especially your cell phones. I also want to inform you that there are ways to protect yourself when you have a personal computer in your home with Internet Access. There is software on the market that can moniter your pc. If anyone wants more information about what I am talking about just pm me and I will give you details. Some telephone companies allow you to keep track of phone calls on a daily basis and AT&T is one of them. No matter how you trust your husband always take care of you first. Always try to stay one step ahead of satan and rebuke him in the name of Jesus.

We have to remember that our fiances or husbands had a life before they met us and some of these people that were in their lives will continue to be in their lives. All I am saying is to keep your eyes open and be cautious of these people that are being called cousins, sisters, extended family and aunts. If you see a lot of chatting, text messaging, and phone calls going on between your husband or fiance and a cousin ask questions. This just could not be a cousin. And no matter how close you think you are to his family just remember that it is his family not yours and they all could be in on whatever is going on. Stay in prayer my sisters and brothers and always remember that there is someone on VJ who is going through the same thing that you are so dont think or feel that you are alone.