Ok guys I have a question…well questions. I am not quite sure how to word it so bear with me.

How do you know when it’s the right time to have a baby? What things did you/do you want to have in place before you decide to have a baby? Do you/did you want a certain amount of money saved up, assets, certain job wage? What are those things? Do those things need to be in place before you decide to have a baby or do you decide to have a baby and then trust that those things will fall into place?

I am asking for personal opinions and experience…no right or wrong…just what is right for you.

Also for those that have had children…how much do they really cost? Is it doable on a “regular” income?

Thanks for any input/insight! It is greatly appreciated.

Jamie

We're also considering the "when" question currently. We've heard from friends that there is no right right time. We want to make sure, however, that the baby isn't born into a very stressful period of our lives, and we want to have some financial stability. So, we're putting it off for another 6-9 months so that when the baby is born, I'm done with my dissertation and I ideally have a permanent job or at least a job that pays enough to maintain a family of 3 or 4 (I'm a twin gene carrier, which makes it even more difficult).

Having a job with health insurance would be a plus if you don't live in a state that offers free health care to children, but that's something we can't plan right now. Another consideration is that I'm going on 35 and feel it's high time to start having children before it is too late. Otherwise we'll probably wait another few years.

Everything else depends on how you want to raise your children and what you want out of life. I don't think you need a lot of money or assets, but a steady income. But then, I don't necessarily want my children to grow up in luxury.

we just knew we want a baby soon and we had it

We used to say...we'll wait till I get a job, we'll wait till we've our own house and lots of others like that, but the truth is, the "right time" doesn't exist.

Oh and from reading the books...when the contractions are coming together and you're feeling the urge to push...that's when it's time to have the baby!!

Seeing as I am currently on medication that causes birth defects, I have been warned repeatedly by my doctors to not get pregnant without consulting with them and changing my medication. So there will be some planning involved when we get to the point of deciding if/when we have children. We'd also like to be out of debt or nearly out of debt when we possibly add children to the mix. So it'll not happen for a few years.

But then again, we also have the adoption option, which adds another level of research/planning.

I will say your heart will tell you when you want to have a baby. I know being in good housing is a must but you can never say it is ever the perfect timing. Kids are alot of work (I have two) and love them with all my heart. Expensive but everyday life is expensive. I can tell you that the rewards of my kids bring in my life outweigh any negatives.

Mary

We decided to wait at least 5-8 years after we get married to even have the discussion again.

We want to enjoy a life together for a while because it'll probably be 18 years after we have a baby until we have any peace!

We are talking about this right now. We talked about it before he was finally able to come over. We decided to live with each other for about 6 months before we even started because we wanted some "us" time and to get to know each other before hormones went on a rampage. But, we are continuously revisiting it and it will probably constantly be up for discussion until it actually happens. Good Luck!

18 years? I wish!
If I was to do it again, I'd have started in my mid 20's...I had 3 and did not get a full night's sleep for 7 years straight.

Oh, and they cost me an arm, a leg and working on the other arm.

I never planned on having any...oops. Yet I always new that if I did, I wanted to have my schooling done, own my house and have a great job. I did all eccept the great job. Yet, all the planning in the world cannot prepare you for it.
Ummmm 7 years without good sleep? Lets not scare them too much. It really depends on the child. Some sleep through the night at just a few months old.
Best Wishes

For us, the answer is ASAP; both of us love children, and we're already in the attempting-to-conceive (the only barrier being my own clumsiness at it ) stage.

There is no "perfect" or "right" time to have a baby. It all depends on each couple.

For us, it was simple. I already have 2 kids. They are 11 and 6. I'm 33. I didn't want to wait much longer to have another baby, as you get older it's riskier. We did not have any money saved up. We had a house that was big enough for all of us, but again I already have kids. At the time I got pregnant I was the only one with steady income. Now that's changed and he has the kick #ss job with good insurance. I've found in life, that most things just work out. You make any amount of money work because it's what you have to deal with.

How much do kids costs really? When they are babies you have diapers, formula if you can't/won't breastfeed, daycare if you plan on working. Once they become school aged it becomes a matter of food, clothing, sports, school, etc. There is no set cost. You set your limits and you go from there. As far as on a regular income.. what's a regular income to you isn't to someone else.

It's all about personal judgements..... you have to make that choice for yourself!

Very true

Thanks for all the advice/experience so far

Personally, I really wanted to be out of debt. Me and my husband had decided that i wouldnt work if we had a baby, so trying to get out of debt was something that i really wanted to do, especially since we would be relying on one income. But, i got pregnant before any of that could happen, so now my goal is to plan out life on a major budget!

I was so against having a baby for the longest time, me and my husband would fight about it a lot too. but now that i had my lil oops im really getting more and more excited about having a baby.

The only thing I'd consider would be having adequate medical insurance. Without it, you could be spending lots and lots on pre-natal care, delivery, hospital stay, and pediatrics. I would not do it without insurance. Everything else is not as important.

I just hope Joel and I can have one together. I have a daughter already, that he loves as if she were his own. But...I want to give Joel a child of his own...but with diabetes and PCOS it makes it very hard. We've discussed it and we both agree, if my life would be in danger then we won't. I also have a twin gene (having already had twins - stillborn) and they run in my family and his. I don't care when it happens either...

Well, we want to be stable in our work and living decently, and we also want to have at least 2 years to enjoy ourselves. At the same time I am 26 and I want to have my first kid before I turn 30. On a personal side my clock is ticking for like 2 years now, so I can´t wait to have one, but my rational side is gonna do all that waiting.

We really want to have another child .. probably soon after he is living here in the US.

I agree with other posts. I think you'll know and feel when it is the right time, it's probably not something anyone not knowing you can advise. Things don't always work out as planned, but things find their ways (to work out) somehow. I would only advise you to make it a mutual decision. Only your husband and you can make that decision together.

I waited until I was 28 to have children. I wanted to finish college. Sometimes I still think that I/we should have waited a little more. But, why? I adore both my daughter and son. My children and my husband are the joy of my life.

Wishing you the best

There is no 'right time'... ideally you should have a house and a job and not a lot of debt and HEALTH INSURANCE, but if you sit around waiting for things to be perfect one day you'll be 40 and the time will never have arrived and it'll be too late...

To be practical, it's best to wait till you've been married for a year or two because that way you have some time to yourselves to settle in before you add in the stress of a baby. But a lot of women get pregnant right away and they seem to manage.

And personally, as somebody who can't have children I'm very conscious of the 'fertile years' and I'd say don't wait too long to try for your first baby because that way your chances of success are higher and if there were any problems you'd have a lot more years to try and deal with it. But most of the population doesn't have any problems conceiving - the pregnant women on VJ far outnumber the ones who're less fertile... so it's not something to worry about.

i think i had our baby at good time i was 20 i got preggo and now our girl will be 2 next year in january .... i definetely want to have another little fella when our girl will be 3 and half or close to there ....

as others have pointed out, there's no real "right" time, its up to both of you, and/or fate.

Cost will depend on where you live and cost of living there, and if the child has any health issues. There's no "fixed" cost. Even the basic hospital costs will vary from hospital to hospital and city etc etc etc. If its something you abslutely *need* to know, ask around at local hospitals and ob/gyn offices or female friends in the area who have recently had a baby.

Age also has a lot to do with it. I'll second Kajikit's infertility issues. The older you get, the more difficult it may be to conceive, and even if you haven't yet tried, there may be issues you don't even know about. Most infertile couples don't know they're infertile til they try. Fertility treatments can be extremely costly! adding thousands and thousands of dollars to your "baby budget".

Honestly, most parents I know don't regret having children, but regret having them when they did. They'll say either "I wish I had waited a few years so I was more mature and settled" or "I wish I had had them earlier in life so I had more energy for them".

I'll second that! I would have loved to have waited another year or so. Its just that the first year of our marriage was really rocky so we didnt get to enjoy that honeymoon period when we should have. Its only been in the last year or so that have been having a great marriage, and i really wanted to be selfish about that a little bit longer. Im only 23 (24 once baby is born) so I know that i have many years of baby-making left and i just feel so young to be having one myself.

I still feel like a kid - and im having one!

My husband and I have been together for six years now, but we just recently reached the "stability" we wanted before even trying to have a baby.
All these years of long-distance relationship we've desired one, but it was absolutely not the best time. We also lived together in my home country for about a year, but I was still in college and it wasn't the best time either.
Now that we're finally settled, we've been married for a few months and I have my green card, we feel it's the right time...but we still keep putting it off.
We might try in the next few months, though...I guess we just want some more "alone time" before it happens!
Plus, I'm definitely not craving to travel across the ocean with a baby!

I would definitely say the "right time" is totally subjective and individual, there is no general path for anybody.
Wish you the best!

I am following this thread with great interest, because I turned 35 yesterday and really have to make some decisions soon (although my mom had me at 39, and my sister had her first at 38, so we must have late baby genes).

I like the idea of having a family, and of having a baby with my wonderful husband who would be a great dad....but I equally like the idea of my sleep, and my ability to leave at a moment's notice, and being a couple with enough income to travel and do wonderful things like that. I am worried that I will regret it if I do have a baby, and regret it if I don't...thus I am on the fence!

Anyway, I am going to wait and see what happens on the job front and enjoy being a newlywed for awhile and maybe something will happen to help me decide in the next year or two. I hope!

No babies!

We've discussed it at length before, and we've both decided that we'd like to be married for at least 7-8 years before attempting to have a baby. We'd like to travel the world first, and get to know each other more before trying to add that stress to our lives. We're also talking about maybe moving back to Australia to start a family, as the healthcare costs are lower, and the education system seems to be better.

However, the idea of not having kids at all has also come up. She loves kids, she's just not sure if she'd want to have them

There is no right timing for having a baby.. everybody is different.
For us I got pregnant 3 months after our wedding and she was born in dec .. close to our first wedding anniversary. She changed everything in our lives as I was planning to start working. Now I am taking a year off to take care of her. On the money side yes it is a big cost also but worth it.

Good luck
Betti

How much does it really cost to have a baby? On a weekly basis?

I know that if you wait for the "right" time financially it'll never happen, but I have a feeling that when only one of you is working (and it happens to be the woman) and you're living paycheque to paycheque in a one-bed apartment REALLY isn't a good time!

Yeah, agree with that.
If it happens, it happens. We're not planning on having one soon. I am only 24 and although I don't think I'd make a bad mother (I am the oldest of 6 and practially raised the last 3 sibs ). I just don't feel I'm ready for it. We've only been actually living together for a little over a year now. I'd like some "us" time for now. Considering moving back to Belgium once I have my citizenship here and I still want to go to school and stuff.
Waiting for the right time might take alot longer than you think heh, you know, there will always be things you'd like to improve. Your living space, your job, etc. But I agree with Clmarsh, if you're barely making it from one cheque to the other and living in an apartment, that might be bad timing. >.>

My husband and I want to wait about a year and a half, two years before we have kids. I want to have one before I turn 30, but am not ready yet and neither is he. I need time to come to terms with how babies come out. My best friend told me in great deal the story of the birth of her daughter and the episiotomy they did on her. *ouch*.

However, if I were to get pregnant now, we'd have it no hesitation at all. It would just be far more convienient to wait. For one thing, right now we're in a small one bedroom apartment, but in a year or so intend to buy a house.

Some of the factors we are considering in timing for having kids are

-spending time together after being separated before marriage! But now we've been married about a year and a half. We always said we'd wait about 2 years after getting married.

-stable household finances(not perfect, just stable!)

-age!

We want to have 2 kids and I want them both born before I am 30. Sujeet is 4 years older than me and we also agree it's time very soon because he is becoming an old man!(haha just kidding!!) I am 25, turning 26 this year and if we would have been able to get married sooner in the past, I think I'd already have a baby by now. It looks like we might start trying to get pregnant during the end of this summer, God willing!

Something else really important to me, is to go to the dentist and a couple doctors I need to see, take advantage of our health insurance, and make sure I am in good enough health to try getting pregnant(just overall assessments, etc to make sure, ya never know sometimes!).

My husband and I talked about it for a while...
We weren t so sure what to do about it...
We wanted to wait a little...
And hope right now I m going through prengancy.
So I think it s good for both of us ... we really looking forward to have the baby

Trying now after a year of marriage! My husband recently started a new job and my job is stable one, so in that case I guess we are good to go.

Agre with the other posters, everybody have their own preferences about 'the right time'.

My husband and I are just recently TTC (trying to concieve) after we moved here and start to have a stable life and we both really wants to have baby ASAP lol.

Good luck!
Maureen

Now I feel kind of bad.....so many people saying....when your are 40 is like life is over. I didn't wait for that perfect job or money.....but I was looking for somebody who would share my life with me. Seems it took me too long. I had my first baby at 38, second one at 39. They are turning 1 and 2 in couple of weeks and I'm truning 40 in September. I don't regret being a mom so late, I'm happy that I found a man who is perfect for me and prefect dad to my kids. He just turned 41 and we are far from being dead.

Lexa, I don't think people really mean that you stop living at 40! Just that it's a milestone age, and around the time that people start thinking that it's maybe too late to have a baby.

My husband will be 36 next month, and I would like to have a child before he turns 40. A big part of that is that I don't want him to be turning 70 when his child turns 18; something doesn't sit right with me about it. But there are 11 years between my parents, 12 between my husband and I, and my mother had me very young. I guess it's just what I'm used to.

Congratulations on growing your family at the right time for you - that's what really matters!

Me and Yacine have decided on some minimums.

1. I must be graduated from school.
2. We must have already have an account setup for a year.
3. We must have our own place already.
4. All previous debts must be paid off already.
5. We are going to talk to a marriage counselor and decide if its the right time.
6. We will see a doctor to decide how having a baby would affect current physical status.. have a medical exam and screening... etc.
7. I must have my own medical insurance already.

And from then we can prepare as much as possible and hope

Being pregnant is tough! You need to be in a reasonably good shape/health to go through even a normal pregnancy, let alone any complications.

We knew it was the right time when the EPT showed positive (+) oops!

Oh well no rewind!

I was reading this post yesterday and today on msnbc.com I found this...

Babies on Your Brain?
Before you get started, make sure you've taken these 12 precautions.
Most couples don't just wake up one day and think, "Let's start a family now!" As much as some might wish their partners were that impulsive and enthusiastic, it's better to put some thought into this baby thing than to blindly jump into it. Preconception planning is just as important as prenatal care. We're not trying to make extra work and anxiety for you, but the whole process can be made more exciting, less stressful, and more fun with a little strategy.
1. Talk
You might know a dozen women who are pregnant, but that doesn't mean it's the right timing for you guys. Make sure you are reasonably settled, financially stable, getting along well (a kid will not cement a weak relationship), and 100 percent (not 99 percent) certain you both want this change in your life.
2. Get ready physically
If you haven't had an annual exam in years, schedule one. Then book a pelvic exam. Let your doctors know your pregnancy plans are on the horizon. Talk about any meds you take for chronic conditions (like diabetes or hypothyroid disease), update your immunizations, and find out what medications are safe to use while pregnant. Then ask what types of vitamins and supplements (folic acid) you should be taking, and what dietary changes you should make before you're eating for two. The sooner you start these positive habits, the easier your pregnancy will be.
3. Uncover your genes
Depending on your background, your doc may refer you to a genetic counselor, who will run a battery of tests to see if you carry untreatable and devastating genetic disorders like Tay-Sachs, cystic fibrosis, or sickle cell anemia. If you're in the clear, no need for your hubby to get tested unless it will make you feel better. Both parents need to be carriers to affect a child.
4. Tune up your teeth
Even those who floss and brush daily and see the dentist every six months might have teeth issues during pregnancy. All of the extra blood flow and estrogen in the body can lead to more plaque production and bleeding gums. Get a cleaning before you get pregnant and make sure your smile is in its optimal condition.
5. See a financial planner
Or give yourself a financial checkup. According to a 2002 report from the U.S. Department of Agriculture, it costs about $250,000 to raise a child to age 18. Decide on a weekly or monthly amount to save, and have it transferred right into a special savings account to prevent temptation.
[Nest Note] There's no need to open a 529 -- a special tax-saving account for money for college -- until the baby is born, since it needs to be in his or her name. But that doesn't mean you can't set money aside if you want.
6. Learn your cycle
Women typically ovulate midcycle. This is your most fertile time, when you have the best chance of conceiving. But the timing of it differs from woman to woman -- and possibly from month to month. The first day of your cycle (day 1) is the first day of your period. If you have a 28-day cycle, you would most likely ovulate on day 14. Track your body for a few months to get the best idea of the ideal time to try.
[Nest Note] If you want a little help, try an OTC ovulation predictor kit, but don't agonize over it. Extreme stress can alter your cycle.
7. Make a baby budget
And a prebaby budget. It's expensive to raise a baby, and also to be pregnant. Think of the new clothes, doctor visits, vitamins, and childbirth classes. If you plan for these costs in advance, you'll save yourself a lot of stress and feel less strapped after the baby is actually born. Examine the big picture: Save and cut back as needed, instead of just buying things as you go along. Remember, the cash you spend on all of those Saturday night dinners (splurges) could probably end up paying for diapers and formula.
8. Look into disability and life insurance
Disability must be purchased before you become pregnant if you want it to cover your birth and postpartum time. Because most policies build in several months before you're actually eligible, you'd need to buy it in advance. Meet with a few agencies to find a good rate on life insurance (your car and health insurance companies might give you the best deal). And have a will drawn up - just remember to update it when the baby is born. [Nest Note] Consider a health-care directive or health-care proxy that will make your wishes clear if any kind of medical situation arises. A power of attorney is also important so you and your spouse can take care of each other's financial or business affairs should one of you become unable to.
9. Find out about family leave
Have you been at your current job long enough to be covered by the Federal Family Leave Act? Every employer has its own policies on top of the law regarding how much maternity leave is paid (or partially subsidized). Get the dad-to-be in on the act and find out about paternity leave too.
10. Stop being dumb
We're talking about smoking, heavy drinking, and taking illegal substances. Just two drinks a day could negatively affect your baby (a sip of wine here and there is considered safe by some docs). Imagine what heavy drugs would do.
11. Go to Jamaica!
Fly to France! Sail into the sunset! Really enjoy being a married couple -- a family of two. Travel becomes tricky (if not limiting) with a newborn, so get to as many sites now as you can (within your budget, of course). You can always plan a "babymoon," but you might not be so happy to frolic in a two-piece or walk through the Louvre with a big belly to lug around. Even if it's just a day trip or a weekend "vacation" spent at home doing nothing, the point is to get some QT -- just the two of you -- until your addition comes along.
12. Relax
This should not feel like work. Have fun! And don't get freaked out if you don't make a baby on the first shot. If you're in your mid-30s and don't conceive after six months, check in with your ob-gyn (three months if it makes you feel better). There are many variables that decide your fertility. In fact, half of all issues couples have lie with the men.

We've been having fun for years now...I've lived back and forth in England with him for years. During that time we have traveled extensively all over the world, had our crazy late night party days, gotten our impulsive stuff out of our system, drank like alcoholic fish, etc...For years it's just been about nothing but being together & having fun. We're kinda like kids! Even tho we're in our 30s (I just turned 32 last month)

we have both always talked about having kids, but more along the 'when I grow up' attitude (hah! at least on my part!)....now that we have finally made the decision to get married & make more permanant arrangements, well now we're seriously talking about it.

I am starting to prepare my body this year. I take terrible care of myself...drink wayyyy too much coffee, used to smoke like a fiend (2 mos quit on the 26th), drink on the weekends, never eat til like 5 pm (sometimes I actually forget), stay up til all hours of the night, work too much, etc. I have stopped the drinking, cut down the coffee, started eating healthily, and I quit smoking! This is all in preparation of having a baby. I figure once I'm pregnant, there will already been damage done to a babty from my lifestyle, so might as well stop it before the possibility. You all know what I mean: the woman who quits smoking after she finds out she's 5 weeks pregnant? Well I don't want x weeks of damage. So It was sadly time to end my love affair with my unhealthy ways.

I have taken vitamins with folic acid in them for years, so that's at least one good thing I've done.

I dunno, it feels so RIGHT kinda...like 'ok you're not a kid anymore, Lisa...time to take some responsibility'

We have decided that once he's here & settled down, after a few mos we'll start TTC (cool term Maureen!)

I've been taking that multi vitamin with Folic Acid too Lisa but I still have to quit smoking, which is the hardest . So bravo for your 2 months free of ciggy girl!