QUOTE(bridget @ Dec 15 2007, 11:55 AM)
QUOTE(polarbear @ Dec 15 2007, 11:49 AM)
QUOTE(bridget @ Dec 15 2007, 11:14 AM)
Is he the oldest son or is his brother? Also, I think the visa is good for two years, not just six months right?
He's the middle, but the oldest hasn't been home in 10yrs... they seem to trade off and take at least 6 years btwn visits
You have 9 months to activate the visa and then it's good for 90 days. It's a fiance visa, not CR-1 or K-3
So is the brother who he is afraid of ticking off the oldest or the youngest? Either way by his leaving he is leaving one of them in the most responsible position. The older one would now feel more pressure to come home and the younger one would feel more pressure to stay if the older one doesn't come home. I can see the dilemma and perhaps he thought he'd have more time to cushion the blow.
My husband is the only son, his parents are both dead and he has two younger sisters for whom he is responsible. It's different in that culture...the women are not as independent. When he first told me this last year I was like, so? (to myself of course lol) I mean here sure it would be sad for him to go but obviously women are able to do anything, make decisions for themselves, support themselves financially, etc. Over there it's a totally different story. Truth be told he shouldn't be leaving them at all until they are married but they have allowed him to go so it is ok but it's still going to be crushing to all three of them.
Give him some time and vent to us or to some other friends that you have. He will make the decision but it will be difficult and he needs your support and love through this time in his life. The pressure on the men there is incredible and it's hard for us to comprehend it I think.
It's the oldest he doesn't want to anger I think, I really didn't ask. Neither of the other two send money home, and he's always been financially responsible for the family. His father has been paralized for the past year, with lots of expenses and doctor's bills. He has a sister divorced with 3 children. His family owns a farm and has several other families working land they own. He has been taking care of all of this for the past 1 1/2 years. I have known this and it is the reason I try very hard not to put any guilt on him when talking on the phone and be very supportive, it's just hard. He has made the decision to leave and they know about it, but they are worried. He is trying to take care of everything and leave nothing to chance, and I have to respect that. We also plan on sending them the money for his father's medical bills every month once he gets here, and I support it.
I'm trying not to let him know how stressed I am about it
This is a big and risky move for both of us.
Thanks for letting me rant
