Ok. How shall I put this. I am a normal American gal, and have not had much experience with some of the other cultures and religions. I have a question about affection and kissing. My Indian husband grew in in a pretty strict Hindu culture, yet was from Guyana, not India. I would also say he is slightly christian, which I know is weird. But anyhow, he grew in a household with NO affection whatsoever. No hugs, no "I love you's", no kissing, no "I am proud of you's" etc.
In our 40's we are, and his first kiss was with me. Unreal. His folks even tried the arranged marriage bit, etc, so he is really not too experienced with my affection needs. When I try to make him understand I need HUGS, and TLC, and complements...he just doesnt seem to be getting it, and thinks I am referring to "sex" itself. Since this concept is so foreign to him, its real tough on him and it makes me feel positively unloved at times.
Anyone expereience anything of this sort? And I have told him SOOOOOO many times now, we even had a big discussion (with me crying) about it before marrying, with me saying I couldnt live without it, and I THOUGHT he got it, but he slips back into the way he grew up so easily. He never says a harsh word, and he does tell me he loves before bed at night, but I always have to say it first. I know he does love me, in all his little actions, but sometimes I just want something physical. Any advice, anything? And maybe even some of the men have some ideas. Men- if you only KNEW how important this is to a girl!

I might not have worded that well, but the reason I pointed out that he was Hindu is because I was wondering if that may be common in that religion? Or it might just depend on the household. He never grew up saying "please" and "thank you" either. It seems his growing up years were pretty cold.
I know the bollywood movies show a lot of affection but no kissing..but I KNOW movies arent real. Is this common in a Hindu household? Or just the typical "dysfunctional" family? lol

Then it is up to you to show him Step by Step

But it may take time since he is not used to this kind of showing any emotions to anyone being like you said that he came from a strict Hindu culture.

My husband is muslim and he is against showing any kind of affection in public eventhough he has seen it here in the US many times, but he is not completely closed to it. He used to also think that showing affection was only for initialing to sex, but I said no it shouldn't only for sex.

I came from a very close loving family and we have always shown our affections to each other and little by little I started to show this same affection towards my husband with saying I love you, giving him hugs, giving him small pecks on the cheeks, then on his lips, with time he started to do back. Of course my husband still believes that all this should be done behind closed, but at least he is getting a bit more comfortable with showing it at home.

Wish you both much Love and Happiness

Mina

Thndrdancr My Jan is also from a strick Hindu family/culture. He has explained to me how it is not the way to do to say please thankyou's not as a way of being rude but as a way of it is not necessary due to the love the family has for all. The PSA is definaetly not something that is done freely there. It may take a bit of time for your husband to adjust and then he may not.
I chatting with Jan asking him for his input... he is Hindi.. been there done that with the arranged marariage. .. is Bhramen, from Gujarat, eldest son,bla bla bla ... I have copied his post from our msn conversation for you .. If it was ok i sent him what you wrote... and asked if he had any insight...

this is from Janak
kissses within the room is warm
but in public it is not accepted
still in general by peope make love in public is not indian tradition
that is not the culture
not the lessson what we have learnt from our chld hood
like to kiss in open is your culture or trend or style or a way of expressing your care in public
and that u have we have accepted that we cannot do that
and this is nothing banned or some one is going to stop it
but our culture in public dont hesitate to kiss but since
it is not commonly accepted still it is just not appreciated
it is not a question of orthodox or rigid or of old thoughts
but this what we say and world recognise our culture
for which india is ahead in their religous and spiritual power in the world

so she dont need to cry for not kisssing

she should see the care

so it is ususal for a man living in america thought he is indian cannot kiss wife in public


>>>
He wishes you the best.. and hopes that this something you can understand..
I did have one question tho... have you ever made a trip to India yet? Seeing the men...all grouped together.. teh women together... the family dinners at restraunts.. with the children being tended to by all. not just the women.. the men that step up to the plate for family .. the mix family blends.. joint huseholds. societies. all.. these make up this culture.. and it is something a young country such as USA has little history of. ..
for myself.. it was a very good experience .. it opened my eyes to a culture I need to be aware of. I accept his culture.. he accepts mine. but we both understand that it is going to be hard. and there are things that he does that i still dont understand.. and visa versa.. but i have faith in US..
remember where your heart is.. . . he will too see ... and I pray for you that he can understand our culture as well as your willingness to understand his .
hugs. Janet

I don't have the answers to your Q's really, but in Indian culture sometimes they are not accustomed to saying "thank you" and "please" but to them it's not cold, while to us it is, since we have grown up with being that way, we consider it polite. In India, if you say please and thank you it's sometimes considered too formal or non-personal. When I first visited Sujeet in India I noticed it right away, and asked him about it and he explained it. Now that he is in the US though he does say thank you, please, you're welcome and sincerely means it, and has learned that here it's being polite, not formal. He now likes that people take the time to say those things here.

We were in a Indian/Paki grocery store a few days ago, and they were non-talkative and not friendly in that store...I hate going in there, but they don't seem to think they are being rude. After paying and getting my change back, I said a smiley "thank you" to which I was ignored and the lady just walked away from the counter. To me it's really rude, but to them I guess it's not, though you think that after opening a store in the US you should have to know how to deal with customers the way considered appropriate in the US. But they are still in an Indian culture bubble because they hardly interact with non-Indians.

As for your hubbby, I think it's partly a cultural thing but also is mixed with his family upbringing. (I have friends who lived in Tanzania for 2 years and they did meet lots of Indian people there so I do believe you that he is Indian yet from an African country. )

And the bollywood movies are not that realistic. Which you already knew, but I watched them before going to India and boy, India was not like what was portrayed in the movies. The only real parts are the family struggles of trying to arrange marriages and the kids rebelling. There is hardly affection in public in India, and Sujeet still feels uncomfortable to kiss me in public, and I don't mind being more private anyway so we rarely do that. But he doesn't hesitate to be affectionate at home with me. He isn't Hindu now but did grow up Hindu. His family is not that affectionate. With little kids they are more affectionate than when the kids are grown up. Sujeet doesn't hug his mom when he sees her, he reaches to touch her feet as is the custom, to which she stops him from having to reach all the way to her feet for her blessing(maybe you've seen it in the movies!). But they do love each other a whole lot and have a good relationship. Same with his father. They all love eachother deeply in his family, even if they don't hug all the time.

The best thing is to talk to your husband about it, which you do seem to be doing. It might not be something that changes overnight.

Hi,
My husband arrived from (Bangalore) India in in January of this year. He had never been to the U.S. prior to his arrival. Although he knows quite a bit about American culture, its different when u actually experience it. Its refreshing to see this topic being discussed because I too felt the same as you at once. I wanted more affection from my husband and I slowly began to learn the differences in our cultures. I accepted the fact that in his culuture it is frowned upon when one displays public affection(holding hands even). While over here in the U.S. its the extreme opposite. That's perfectly fine with me because my husband makes up for it when we are alone. I definitely agree with the others when they say that it is part culutre and partly the way one has been raised. Why,I remember when my sweetie sent for me to visit him last year this time and we would go to festivals and I would see men holding hands together ( I thought it was sweet)...and these men were hindu while men here wouldn't be caught dead holding hands together....at least not the heterosexual men. So I gathered that it was okay for men to show public affection to each other but no neccessarily the opposite sex.
My husband and I are both muslim but its culture that makes things different. My husband knows how needy I can be so he's learning how to be more affectionate. Its definitely not an overnight thing so please just be patient ( as I am doing the same) and just continue to reach out to him. He'll see how important it is to you and hopefully it"ll bring some of his affection to the fore front.

I think this just has to to with how he was raised. In America we have a very open culture.... meaning we are taught from birth to accept just about anything we see. If we didn't grow up our whole lives seeing people making out in public or being forced as children to say please and thank you for everything we probably would feel shy about showing affection in public and not think twice about saying please or thank you for anything.
I'm not very familiar with Hinduism so I don't know how much of it comes from his religion but I do believe that the majority religion in an area does have a huge impact on the culture. I'm pretty sure also that western countries are pretty much the only places where public shows of affection are acceptable.

Ok, I have received a lot of good answers. But...one of the hard things I am having a hard time adjusting to, is not PUBLIC affection, its lack of affection at ALL. I mean, there are no hugs and kisses, etc, in the HOME place. I know I was surprised by the public thing as well, as the first time I grabbed his hand and held it in public, he was horrified, and said it was just NOT DONE in his country. Even between man and wife. Its still very difficult for him.
And yes, he is very loving, and I see how they step up and help with children, etc, and the family itself is very loving, but the lack of hugs and stuff really hurt sometimes. I have discussed this with him, but I have to initiate all the affectionate stuff, and its not returned. He shows it in so many other ways, the helping out with chores, etc., but its still very difficult, as I come from a family where hugs are frequent, pats on the back, mussin the hair affectionately, etc. It just makes me FEEL loved. I really dont know how to convey how important it is to me. And its not that he doesnt LIKE it (hugs, kisses), when I give them, I guess he just doesnt think to initiate them, or doesnt know how? Not sure. I have discussed it with him, he says he will start hugging, etc, then nothing...sigh.

I guess I will just keep talkin, and keep on huggin on him every day, and eventually he will come around! lol

Again, I totally understand how you are feeling because I too am in your shoes from time to time. Sometimes my husband can stand to be a little more affectionate. Sure my husband is the sweetest man I know but he's also reserved. He doesn't show much emotion. Example: my husband recieved his US drivers license two weeks back and he had told me that he was elated yet his face showed no emotion I thought that was very interesting. So as I am learning my man I am adjusting. Being American doesn't help either because here we are very emotional creatures and we express ourselves on every level. I can identify with your feelings.....its not about public deplays of affection its the small things that make us feel appreciated. I am teaching him these things one teaspoon at a time because its a process but its the end results that I am focused on. So your on the right paths...jus continue to show him...little by little.....as he adjusts he will come around. In the mean just visualize him doing these things that you love.

Yes! Thats exactly what I was talking about. I would never know my man was elated either! I do realize he has had a job AND an upbringing where showing emotion only ended up causing him harm, so he has had 40 years to work on showing no emotion. (A father with a heavy hand, and a job where the boss had a lot of power - a nasty captain of a ship, where he had the power to send you home jobless an paying for your own ticket if he didnt like the way u looked at him)
The only time he gets real talkative and laughs a lot is when he is drunk! He IS really trying, but he forgets how important it is until we have an argument.
I will keep working on him! Like you said, a teaspoon at a time.

Yes indeedy! Its a process but we will get there.....one teaspoon at a time.

Each religion has their own form of strictness. I've noticed that the Hindu religion varies soooo much from region to region.. There are so many different ways of practicing, and his family could be really strict on display of affection because "that's how they've always done it", traditionally.. It might be best to start off with small things... like.. a peck on the cheek before you or him leave for work in the morning, then graduate to more intimate things piece by piece... baby steps... baby steps..

Great discussion. My husband is not Indian and he is Christian and has the same issue with thank yous and please and being overly affectionate. He said what some else said, it's all a part of family, it's all a part of love in the family. No one deserves to be thanked! So even when I come home and he has prepared dinner on his day off and I thank him for tidying up and cooking, he's like "thanking me for me doing my share? Why?" So it's just a different mindset....that we have to RESPECT even as we learn to maneuver around it or if we seek to change it.

I have a best friend who is Mexican American and another who is Colombian and when I asked them about this issue - they both said their dads felt that they were wage earners and they never left their families....what more did we want? Kind of like "I put food on the table and a roof over your head! You want me to hug and kiss you too????!!!!! Get over it!!"

I also agree with the recommendations that you be the "leader" when it comes to affection....step by step do to him what you want done to you - he may squirm or throw up (LOL) but keep at it. I have witnessed that with my own dad who grew up without any affection or love or praise. And was not very warm to us - I only have two memories of playing with him.

Now my dad hugs me first and he even hugs my brother...while my husband's K3 was being processed, he would come to my house and offers to do chores and offer to stay with me in case I was lonely or worried about being denied at the embassy. What changed him? Having my niece come into his life and jump on him and scream I love my grampa. Or when she put her "world's greatest grandpa note" under his pillow. She melted him and its great to get cards from him now telling me how proud he is of me etc. He even gives cards to my husband. To watch him throw my niece in the air and catch her reminds me of the two memories I have of his affection - my standing on a chair and his telling me to jump off the chair so he could catch me and my dancing with him by standing on his shoes. But he only did those things with me - not my sister or brothers or my mom. No one could have predicted you could teach that "old dog" new tricks.

Good luck and don't give up.

He IS making progress! This week has been wonderful, we have been really giving each other a lot of hugs. He had a very hard work day today, where he got yelled at, and I asked him if he needed a hug and he said "YES!".
Its not that he doesnt like it, he says he "forgets" as he never grew up with it, and it takes reminding. He is lovely with children tho, he plays with his nieces and nephews when he is around them a LOT, tickling, and throwing them and horsing around. And we had talked before we ever married, I knew he grew up without any affection, but I asked him if he had children, wouldnt HE play with them and hug them and he told me he definately thought children NEED that, and thats its sad that children feel unwanted back where he came from in Guyana sometimes. So many have so many children that I guess sometimes it leads to resentment when you cant afford to feed them all. He has a lot of ideas that are very forward thinking for his country, like a man shouldnt have 8 children if they cant afford to feed them, etc.
And Elizabeth, he has occasionally started saying "thank you". It was not so much that they considered doing stuff out of love with him, he just grew up in a pretty cold family. The first time he said it, I bout fell outta my chair. Its lovely to hear.
Thanks for all your replies, everyone..it is a work in progress.

I was very sad reading this thread. I was married to a wonderful man who was hindu, (Sri Lankan). I can relate to all the women here who find themselves in marriage where there is no affection shown. My marriage lasted a little over six years. I tried everything possible to make it work, including a marriage counselor. In the end I wasnt able to accept that my husband would never be able to show me the affection I needed. We came from two different worlds. I was very open and affectionate with all those that I loved. He was raised to show no affection at all. We didnt celebrate bds, anniversaries, Christmas, etc, and growing up those were all big deals to me. We all, as human beings have our needs, and if those needs are not met for whatever reason , then we hurt. My ex husband and I remain the best of friends, we go out to dinners, see movies, all the things that friends do with each other. But we both have moved on to seperate lives. I hope that each of you ladies are able to resolve this issue without taking the road I did, but just understand one thing that my marriage counselor helped me to realize. If you are waiting for these men to become what you need, it may never happen. For me it didnt. At least not before I no longer cared. Each time I reached out for affection, just to be denied.... it was harder and harder to reach out again. As I said my ex husband was a wonderful, kind, man. In the end it will all come down to what are you needs, and are they being met.




Good Luck
Vicki

Sorry to hear, Vicki. I had read of your story before and it is sad. The only reason I am able to make this work, is that I am old enough and wise enough to know that most of the times, you have to TELL a man what you need. I mean right then. I didnt realize this in my younger years, I just kept hoping, and crying, and telling them after it got so bad I couldnt stand it any more. Tearful discussions that they listened to, and then I dont know what happened, cuz it never seemed to do any good. I have had quite a few relationships that failed because of this. If I was the way I was in my 20's, I would be positively miserable, even tho my husband is the sweetest gentlemen I could ever imagine, just like you said your husband was. He is so helpful and the little things get me by. But, NOW, when I sit there wishing he would hug me or show affection, I come up to him and SAY "OK, I need a hug now". He is very receptive, he does not rebuff me (now that I couldnt handle and it would end badly). We have been married since last September, and I swear these last two weeks are the first where he has actually come up and hugged me on his own, and its happened several times. So he is trying...I know.
I really think he just didnt/doesnt know how. Kudos to him tho, he is getting better all the time.

Sounds as if the two of you are on the right track. Its nice your husband understands your feelings and are responding to them. He is to be commended and so are you for your patience. Good luck to the both of you!! As for me and My ex we are much better suited to be friends. At times I look at him and feel so sad for the love lost, I know in the end we made the right choice by ending the marriage. He is free to move on and find someone who can accept him for who he is and Ive met a wonderful man who is as affectionate as I am (and he is hindu ! )....

Vicki/Bala

Well, I am thankful to all women here. I just dropped by this thread while searching for some interview questions for my k1 visa. And my american fiancee is coming to india for 3rd time within 9 months. She never said any thing like that but yes she was always complaning about giving me kiss at Delhi International airport. So the first time she came out of the green channel she saw me, and leaving the trolly a side she just gave me a tight hug that lasted i guess for a minute, before the public and I could see all the eyes watching me asking me what I am doing. I too was well surprised and then happy since that was the first hug I got in the public. Next time she told me in advance that she is going to kiss me at airport. Well she did but just on the cheeks it was very fast. And now she is coming in a week time and told me that she is going to kiss me, I guess I have the answer what to do this time. I never thought that hugging and thank u and patting all of these really matters , but reading this thread I guess I knew I should be giving some surprises to my gal and also adopting those but it will take a little time I guess.
Once again thank u all.

I was just browsing and happened across your post. Being Guyanese born I must say that I find what you posted interesting. It comes down to the individual and the family in which they were raised. I have friends from both sides of this issue. Some came from homes where they received reinforcement and encouragement and others came from "cold" homes where expressing affection towards each other was not done.Typically, some Guyanese are not as touchy feely as Americans are, and public displays of affection depend on the individuals and how comfortable they are doing so. Also, a lot of people are not comfortable with sexuality and keep those matters for behind closed doors . Those in their 40's would find the whole thing awkward while the thirty something and under crowd think nothing of it. Guess its because our generation has been more exposed to different perspectives, especially since most of us grew up having TV's. Prior to the late eighties, it was not common to find many homes with a TV-and yes, I know it may sound strange- but it is true
Some families were kinda cold in that you never heard them saying I love you to each other or any of that- but that did not mean they did not have love for each other.

Guess you just need to be patient and explain to him that it is OK to be affectionate. Its hard to break out of a certain pattern of behavior when you spend most of your life thinking that it is "normal". Its the unlearning of those patterns that will cause you the frustration so I wish you all the best and hope that things turn around soon

ohhhhhhh i know the please and thank you issues, if he doesn't say please, I don't give him whatever he wants, just like we are taught

I did hug him at the airport the first time, took it easy on the affection in public there, here at home he has just grabbed my face all the sudden and smooched me in public, real quick and giddy.... than laughed like a mischievous boy saying I always wanted to do that in public.


thder,,,,, he's learning good news, it's a hard habit to break i'm sure, like us learning no more please and thank you's, would be kinda weird

i think u have a good man and he's lucky too !

This is strange. I know nobody has written here in a long time but this is something I found interesting to read. I am an Indian fiance of an American Indian girl (born and brought up in the States) and I find myself in the exact position as you ladies do. She is very shy about public affection or even hugging and kissing in private while I am more so the type and find myself trying to hug her while she is shy about it all, even in private. Although the pleases and thank yous, I think we are fine on, though she does say I get too formal when I use my pleases and thank yous supposedly too much....

I think it has a lot to do with the culture one is brought up in. Contrary to normal Indian families, my family was pretty open about affection and having lived outside of India for a major part of my life must have opened me up, while she comes from a traditional Indian family, and I know her parents just expect things to be done for each other in the family rather than showing much affection so maybe that is it.

But I do agree that saying what one expects, helps a lot,although most of the time my fiance just says she is not comfortable with that kind of behaviour.

As far as I am concerned, when she does hug me and shows affection, it really does help, since we have such a strong connection, which we can see between us and I always feel so amazing after having hugged her, so I hope we keep doing a lot of it going ahead

I am the one that started this thread, and if it has helped anyone, then that is a wonderful thing.

My husband is so much better with affection now. I really was never talking about public affection, I am even a lil against TOO much of that, but its ok in certain circumstances. I was talking about any affection at ALL.

All here will be glad to know we are doing fantastic in that department, I get a LOT of hugs now! Kisses, well, we still have to work on, I guess he had never kissed a girl in his life before me, and at 40, well...I know he LIKES them, guess its just hard for him.

I do still say I need a hug when I need one. He tells me he never really learned that you can talk things out in a relationship to make things better, and that is an eye opener for him. Almost all of his brothers are having marital issues, I think its what shied him away from marrying for so long. Now when we argue...or I mean when I get upset, he prods me til I tell him what is bothering me, and then he explains what HE meant and makes me laugh so hard I forget I am mad at him.

Its been a year now we are married, and I am so happy. Guys, please remember, affection IS important, I think even to women that never grew up with it. NOT sex-related affection, guys get that mixed up. Affection as in just touching (like her hair, or her face) sometimes, or giving us a hug, or a complement. If its sex related, then it loses its wonderfulness. This is across the board, no matter religion, or country, or upbringing.

Thanks to everyone.
Jill

I have nothing to contibute to this thread at all. but, I will say this.
my husband is pakistani. he is not shy at all and nor am I .. think the public affection might stress him. so my plan is to just accidently kiss him in public. once realizes I am accident prone he will get used to it..

I don't like to kiss in public.

But that's just me.

Shon, you crack me up. lol I actually dont like to kiss in public either, but I might try this IN the home!

Somehow everyone took this to mean affection IN PUBLIC, and I dont know how that came about. But anyhow....its still a pretty good thread!

We don't like to kiss in public either. Yesterday I hadn't seen Sujeet until we met up at a restaurant for my mom's bday in Tampa, which he just met up with us after work. And it makes him very awkward to even give me a quick kiss hello in a public situation like that. I have to say "kiss?".... then he will quickly do it.

Hey, maybe we shud xchange fiances Just kidding

But really, this is getting a bit weird on our front here now, and I am now wondering what I am doing wrong. Everytime I try to show affection in hugs and kisses (and I dont overdo it), she really never replied back in kind or never intiitated it, but lately, it seems to me there is something wrong despite us talking about it, which was funny and a good talk, since we both relaised how each other was, in the open....

I really dunno wat to do about this...

DelhiGuy,

Perhaps you need to do like I do and just tell her now and again, "ok, I need a hug now!"

Women love flattery too, usually. Tell her how it makes you feel all amazing, like you described earlier, when she hugs you, or tell her something like you dream of her just coming up an hugging you for no reason, and how it would just make your day, etc. Usually women do like to please, so she might do more if you told her how much you like it.

I think its real tuff for someone that hasnt grown up with it. My hubby is still working on random hugs, he forgets a lot and its been over a year now.

Also with women, its tough, becuz sometimes they think if they initiate anything like this, it will lead to sex, and they dont always want that to happen. So they liken any affection to this end. This is a real prob with my hubby, especially in the beginning, I think he thot every time I smiled at him he thot I "wanted" something. Good grief! I wanted some affection. Men blur these lines alot, especially in households where they grew up with no affection, so its no wonder women are scared to hug or kiss.

Hope this mite help a bit.
Good luck.

I will try making it clearer to her more often about how it will make my day and asking her for a hug when i really want one.....
About the flattery I am not really sure, I thought she liked it too, but she has categorically stated that it is weird when I am too lovey-dovey or when I talk in the way when I was explaining how amazing I feel when with her....And she didnt just say it, most of the times when I am vocal about my feelings for her, she like clams up and gets all weird, and acts like she doesnt liket alking about that stuff....so I really dunno about what to do......

But thanks for all the advice and I really hope some of this asking her to do it really works.....

But then again, she is in the US now and I am here, so I guess it will all have to wait, although a few kisses and some affectionf rom her on IM/phone wont hurt


Maybe in my "household" we have interchanged roles

I am not sure how reserved/traditonal your fiance is, but it may just be that you are not married yet so she doesn't feel comfortable with it until then? That would be understandable if she is from a very traditional family. My husband has 4 sisters. 1 is still unmarried and it would not be proper for her to be showing much affection to anyone before marriage as their family is more traditional/reserved about that. And plus in India, I didn't even feel comfortable showing any affection in public because of the stares. So we didn't, I didn't want to either. We were engaged, but not married yet. Sure we hugged and stuff but not in public in India.

We're married now for 2 years and still do not like to kiss in public in the US, we are both reserved I guess. But it grosses me out when people are all kissy in public and they just won't stop. ewwww.

Delhiguy,

I'm a little surprised to hear your fiance, who grew up in this country, is having such a hard time displaying affection. I've found the Indian girls who were brought up here are pretty comfortable with the opposite sex and a lot of them have been dating since high-school. I don't know how much time you have spent with your fiancee, but she may just need to get to know you a bit better before she feels comfortable expressing her affection in the manner you are looking for. She may also be a naturally shy and reserved person. I think you will find she will slowly grow more comfortable with you after you are married and begin sharing your life together.

I can share a little of my own experiences. I was also brought up in the US and married a girl in India. Even though she came from a fairly traditional Brahmin family, she had grown up in Dubai and had gone to college and grad school in the US, so she was a little more open-minded. We got engaged after a brief courtship and having only spent a week together. Initially, we were both a little shy with each other, but after I returned to the US we began talking over the phone and chatting online pretty frequently. As we became more comfortable with each other and our feelings grew, we began to flirt and express our affection for one another. Initially, she was a bit more shy, but I could tell she enjoyed the attention and she slowly began to reciprocate more. By the time we came together for the wedding, we felt very comfortable together and had no trouble expressing our affection physically.

Well, I hope things work out for you with your fiancee. Just continue to remind her of your love for her and encourage her to demonstrate her affection. Wish you all the best!

I’ve been going through all the old South Asia threads and just read through this one. Thanks all for the helpful hints, I’ve learned something today and some things are now on my to-do agenda!

I lived in India for 21 years, always in traditional small villages, so I learned and perfected early on, the art of an expressionless face, showing no affection, no shouting or jumping for joy, no thank you, please, sorry, excuse me (just a ‘yes’ Indian shake of the head with expressionless face). And I grew up in a household that didn’t show much affection so I'm not massively bothered by it HOWEVER my guy is very eager to adjust and fit into American lifestyle so I have been slowly, slowly training him. I started to say ‘I love you’ awhile back, infrequently, and now sometimes if I DON’T say it, he will actually say it first! Also please and thanks are now in his vocabulary. I tell him (and it’s true!) that he will HAVE to learn to be polite and even (GASP!) smile if he wants to fit in, in US.

My guy better face the facts: receiving spontaneous hugs and kisses are in his future, and they better be in mine, too!

Slow and steady wins the race!