Unlike many VJ members giving you advice, I've spent a lot of time in VN and know many couples with consulate experience. I agree that you need to go to VN and spend some time, build evidence, and prove your case is legitimate. In my opinion, your case looks like fraud because you met through family in the U.S. There really is a lot of fraudulent marriage cases between VN and U.S. I've been asked to participate in a few.
Don't bother hiring an attorney, filing complaints, notifying politicians, etc. Not yet, anyway. Those strategies rarely work and do nothing but drain you of time and treasure. Go to VN, if possible, and build more time and evidence with your wife and family. Eventually, you'll be approved. No doubt in my mind about that.