What living situation did you immigrate into? How has your life turned out?

[heartmango 0]

Hi, this is something I'm just curious to ask since it feels reassuring to hear other people's very varied experiences with immigration. I maybe worry just a bit too much that I'm not someone who's marrying someone who has a really high paying job they've been in for years and a nice home and all the life security you could ever want or something like that, lol. Though then again I have also seen some really awful stories of rich guys marrying foreign women and them ending up in a very unfulfilling or abusive relationship with nowhere to go, so it's not necessarily the great thing that sets your life up for good for everyone...

Me and my fiance (22 and 20/21) haven't actually started yet but we're pretty well set up to do it whenever we're ready. I'm in a job right now and saving up again (I've done lots of visits with different work inbetween before we decided I really should marry and live with them rather than be in this limbo and actually seriously start on our life together, which I guess has also only been a recent opportunity) and they are living in an apartment nearby his family and working for his Dad.

He has done a bit of Uni but his life circumstances changed to move from Kentucky to California in the past year, at first he tried to continue studies at college but then his Dad wanted him to work for his company and live in his own apartment for now. He should make a salary of about 21 - 25k part time (depends how much work there is) and there is a bit of paycheck to paycheck living with few savings. Having all this living with his Dad nearby makes a huge difference than having these circumstances living entirely on your own unsupported.

I'm someone who lives at home, did a year's community college course after school but then decided I didn't want to continue since I wasn't sure if I was on the right path or generally what I wanted to do (was doing Digital Art and Design but also constantly had wanting to live with and visit my boyfriend on the mind, lol) and wanted to do work for a bit, took ages to get my first job and I made visits to see my partner when I could. Saw him in Kentucky twice and visited twice on long trips recently to California (it was only going to be once but then I got invited for a wedding) to California and we essentially lived together in his apartment both times. It went really well and that was the deciding point that we should really start our lives together. No more screwing around in short term jobs to just scrounge together money for trips and not going to college!

I'm doing what temp/high turnover type jobs I can to save up again, generally keeping our lives on track while we move towards this. When I get there I can maybe expect to work with his Dad if they get an opening but if not I guess I'll have to work at entry level jobs til it becomes a possibility to start on community college. That's just how it is I guess. Makes me wish I had just completed something already in 4 years after I left school, but what can you do...

How about you? Or anyone else you know, or any other stories you've heard? I like hearing about how different immigration can be for everyone.

[TBoneTX 43,020]

California's cost of living is very high.

Financial worries and struggles can really strain any marriage, especially a new one.

You won't be able to work for ~90 days until you get your EAD.

Should pregnancy occur (planned or accidental), look out -- children are expensive.

Add the above to the change in culture, which won't fully hit you until later, and the stress might multiply many times over.

[heartmango 0]

California's cost of living is very high.

Financial worries and struggles can really strain any marriage, especially a new one.

You won't be able to work for ~90 days until you get your EAD.

Should pregnancy occur (planned or accidental), look out -- children are expensive.

Add the above to the change in culture, which won't fully hit you until later, and the stress might multiply many times over.

Yep, Cali isn't cheap. We lived pretty well on two separate 3 month trips I had though if that says anything...? But that's only 6 months. Where I live currently is pretty similarly expensive, in some ways better but in others worse.

Accidental pregnancy or any form or pregnancy...is actually an impossiblity and not just me saying that in denial of any kind of chance of it happening. But thinking around that medical costs are another thing regardless.

LA is pretty huge and I barely got to see any of it but I liked what I did see. Kind of mapped out a little area of it that we like living in.

Right now in advance of planning, my partner is looking at anything they might be able to do about expanding income sources but is still living fine. I'll be having to save Plenty plenty in advance, perhaps buckle down and look at less temporary work here (I did just get back last month though so my temp jobs now are fine) but whatever work I'd do there would make a difference. We actually lived nearby a lot of students...

My partner's dad who brought them out to LA (runs a business there) supports him the whole time, supports both of us and seems confident about it working out as things are now. If anything he's been a huge encourager. We're gonna keep in touch over the practicalities of it all, but he's not a "you can do anything if you put your mind to it" kind of dumbie with no practical sense so I trust his own intuitions. Same with my own family supporting it.

I also look at my older sister who moved out to live in Japan and got married recently. She lives with her hubby close to their family I think, works for her Dad's business and does a bit of English teaching. She's doing well. Doesn't have loads of money by any stretch of the imagination, but lives well.

Edited August 29, 2016 by heartmango

[heartmango 0]

I thought about it some more at work today and probably something we should be doing is get together and talk over financial, work and life plans.

There is only so much you can really plan for but just as a general, sensible overview look at what finances and opportunities we could expect to have based on current circumstances and if we'd be happy to have me move over and go from there. If not, what should change or be worked on before we do any immigrating on either one of our ends. Like if I had to put the brakes on it, do more work and self direction into clearer opportunities for myself. (not to say I wouldn't be really sad if it came to having to push it back, we've been together 4+ years now and haven't been able to consider it at all before now)

Not to sound like someone who hates taking any risks and not just getting out there and doing something, lol. I mean, I visited my partner in LA to test the waters in living on our own together...but there's taking a jump into this opportunity and going from there in life versus jumping in without thinking about it enough and it's a poor decision.

We're gonna consult it together including with family involved.

It's our own lives and own experiences, but it still feels valuable to hear and read about what others have gone through. I know we all end up on the path of immigration in many different ways and with how life is there's never any clear cut This Is What You Do To Make It Work Out Guaranteed. I just like to hear about how different the stories leading to it can be.

[Shadowess 13]

I would also suggest that you save as much money as possible prior to moving over to the USA. It will allow you more independence and lessen the financial strain on the relationship. When you get there you will not be able to work and assuming you arrive and get married right away and submit your AOS/EAD/AP right away it will be 3 months at least before you can work. During that time you will be financially dependent on your husband. He will have to pay for your cell phone, insurance, and any other expenses.

I know when I first arrived I was very lonely and I just spent the days sitting alone in our flat. I highly recommend finding a local place to volunteer, somewhere that you can walk/bike/take public transit to that you can do while your husband is at work. It gets you out of the flat, gets you meeting new people and building a network in your new town, plus developing skills you can add to your resume and maybe picking up a US based reference.

Also know that the first little while will be tough and expect that you may have some fights with your partner. You will have just left everything and everyone you've known behind and you have little status here. You won't be able to get your driver's licence until you receive your EAD, you can still use your home country one, but realize that you may only have one car for the two of you and your husband will most likely need it for work, so you can become a bit homebound.

So my suggestions for success:

1. Save as much money before you arrive in the US. It gives you independence, and lessen the financial strain on the relationship.

2. Get yourself a State ID soon after you arrive. I didn't do this an it's annoying not having US photo ID (plus it can prevent you from getting services)

3. Start researching your AOS/EAD/AP paperwork now. Make sure to gather everything you need now from you home country (may need to order a special birth certificate) Familiarize yourself with the steps and paperwork, so once you're married you can jump right on it.

4. Get your SSN shortly after you arrive (this allows you to open bank accounts)

5. Find a volunteer position, close to your home and try to do it while your husband is at work to help you get out of the house

6. Get a library card, they have DVD rentals there as well as books! You could take up a new hobby

7. Communicate with your partner about what you both expect as a standard of living. Figure out a general budget for that.

8. Communicate with you partner about how you are feeling once you arrive, they may also have some issues, you're moving in together, there can be some snags

9. Make sure to save money for the AOS/EAD/AP it's $1070

10. Make time to do some fun things after you get married! Go for a hike, see a movie (on cheapy night), get a groupon and go out for dinner.

Bonus Tip:

11. Schedule times to talk to your friends and family. You may get homesick and having a scheduled time to chat to your family will give you something to look forward too as well as prevent the communication drop off that happens.

I'm 5 months in and so far so good. I was scared of the whole thing, I was still living with my Dad in my hometown. I was scared, sad, and anxious, but I'm very happy I took the plunge. I'm with the man I love and we are finally together.

[TBoneTX 43,020]

Good ideas just above. In regard to volunteering and to positioning yourself for eventual hire, see here:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/449151-the-steveandtiff-stupremacy/?p=6471637

[Dashinka 23,208]

Shadowess has a great list that I agree with with one exception. I would swap number four with number two. Get your SSN as soon as you arrive even before marriage as most states ( not sure about CA) require a SSC to get a DL or ID.

Beyond that, good luck!

[TabeaK 516]

You are both very young. The BEST thing you can do is invest some time in training and/or education to set yourself up for a good future. Go get a degree, finish whatever certificate you might need etc. From what I am hearing neither of you has completed any sort of formal training beyond school...