Hubby is pushing me and we just got here

[Marrienne 112]

Hey VJers.

we have only been here a week and I already see a change in hubby (USC).

We moved to where he grew up, where his family is and we have gotten help from them all along for which I am super grateful.

Here is the thing: I am VERY shy in person. I speak the language just fine I just don't want to know anyone.

I was like that in Greece too. I don't like having friends. I am happy being at work and at home and with hubby.

I just don't like being with lots of people.

Hubby was OK while in Greece but here he is really mad at me because I don't want to bake cakes for the neighbors or make friends.

Don't get me wrong, I will be charming and friendlyrics I just feel so out of water.

My clothes are old and worn, I amean unkempt because we never had enough money for something nice for me or a hair salon etc.

Yet he wants me out there playing Martha Stewart while I feel so uncomfortable with my old clothes and my hair who needs a haircut and my shoes that are plastic flip flops.

I just want to be left alone to adjust. He doesn't understand. All of a sudden my easy going hubby has become a pushy guy who gives me the stink eye for not wanting to knock on doors around the neighborhood. We don't do that in Greece! We leave each other alone!!!

Sorry just wanted to vent

[Georgia16 2,858]

I'm sorry to hear that.

Tel him you understand that it is different here and that you respect that but you have to adjust to life here and have the opportunity to make some changes for yourself (hair, clothes and whatever) before you are ready to do that and if you do so it has to be coming from yourself. Tell him you and the boys did this huge adjustment for him and all he could do was give you the time and respect to adjust to life here. If you have to say it firmly so he gets it so be it but he really has to understand that you guys JUST got here and you journey has been a bit of a mess.

[Lemonslice 4,553]

I'm sorry to hear that.

Tel him you understand that it is different here and that you respect that but you have to adjust to life here and have the opportunity to make some changes for yourself (hair, clothes and whatever) before you are ready to do that and if you do so it has to be coming from yourself. Tell him you and the boys did this huge adjustment for him and all he could do was give you the time and respect to adjust to life here. If you have to say it firmly so he gets it so be it but he really has to understand that you guys JUST got here and you journey has been a bit of a mess.

This. Also, tell him to focus on finding work/supporting his family.

[Georgia16 2,858]

This. Also, tell him to focus on finding work/supporting his family.

Her husband is sick.

[Merrytooth 5,748]

I don't understand why OP has to be the ONE to do the reach out or bake cakes for neighbors.

If the Hubby wants to do that, he should go organize a mini summer grill / party and invite the neighbors over.

[Lemonslice 4,553]

Her husband is sick.

Supporting in the broad sense - cooking, baking, finding local deals so she can get some newer clothes... supporting as in being active finding solutions so they're all building happy new life. Sick or not, I personally feel he has stuff to do. Edited July 26, 2016 by Lemonslice

[Georgia16 2,858]

Supporting in the broad sense - cooking, baking, finding local deals so she can get some newer clothes... supporting as in being active finding solutions so they're all building happy new life. Sick or not, I personally feel he has stuff to do.

Agree on that one.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

I'm sorry to hear that.

I don't think it's necessary for him to pay attention to what neighbors think about your family. He should paid attention more how to make your life easier moving in the US. Seems like he just care what others think about his family rather than how to make his wife is happy.

I wonder in which area you are live in? My husband and I are just moved in our new house. Our neighbors are nice but we don't have to showing to them how friendly we are by knocking their doors, baking or cooking for them. It sounds too much for me. In fact, some people don't like to be bother like my husband and I.

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

He is probably trying to make you feel at home in his own American way....but usually they bring you the cake since your the new couple on the block.

He's probably really proud of his wife and wants to show you off.....and if you make friends maybe they can show you the local shops and recommend hair and nail salons.....

And I didn't take you as a shy one from your past posts. It's always good to make friends

[Marrienne 112]

Oh it is so easy behind a computer screen. Nobody can see me. How can he be proud of me? I look like a hobo compared to everyone here.

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

Oh it is so easy behind a computer screen. Nobody can see me. How can he be proud of me? I look like a hobo compared to everyone here.

Girl you will adjust....relax you been working hard alone supporting your family be proud of who you are....and you are now in America wait till you go to Walmart and see someone in slippers and rollers and pajamas....

AMÉRICA WHERE WE CAN SHOP IN OUR UNDIES LOL

[Merrytooth 5,748]

Oh it is so easy behind a computer screen. Nobody can see me. How can he be proud of me? I look like a hobo compared to everyone here.

You could try to go to local thrift stores like Goodwill to get cheap (used but in good condition) clothes or shoes.

Or shop at Walmart / Target clearance racks.

I don't dress formally everyday.

Always T-shirts, shorts, khaki pants and nobody cares

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

You could try to go to local thrift stores like Goodwill to get cheap (used but in good condition) clothes or shoes.

Or shop at Walmart / Target clearance racks.

I don't dress formally everyday.

Always T-shirts, shorts, khaki pants and nobody cares

This. You really only need maybe three outfits, just make them neutral.

As to hair - I haven't been to a hair salon in 4 years (I had it with them charging an arm and a leg for what I could do at home). Just style your hair however works for you (my fall back is just braiding it) and it will be fine.

If he bothers you any more, just tell him to shut up and start respecting you and your feelings and needs.

[Avery Cates 1,141]

We don't do that in Greece! We leave each other alone!!!

Something wrong with your husband, we don't do that here either.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

Something wrong with your husband, we don't do that here either.

I actually had a new neighbor do this in CT, but it is not normal.