Learning to drive later in life

[TheRowgles 10]

I came from Toronto, a very populated city where you can get pretty much anywhere using transit. It was often even easier to use transit or to walk to get places than to drive due to the amount of traffic and people. Getting a license at 16 was not even a fraction on my mind growing up. I figured I'd never need it--my mom never learned to drive either so we just made do whether it was bringing loads of groceries on the bus or hauling random Ikea furniture on the subway. Now that I've been in the US for almost 6 months I regret never learning how to drive and at 29 years old it was and it still is extremely difficult to grasp some of the concepts.

My husband starting teaching me in December of 2015 (he has manual which was a whole other mountain for me to climb) and I am just now beginning to feel comfortable on the road. I hardly played any racing games growing up (some people say they help), was never really in a car growing up either which would get me used to the movements a car can make, and I didn't have other experiences people have said have helped them either (driving farm vehicles, golf carts, even dirt bikes). Let me just tell you other than learning how to start a car using a manual, the biggest, most frustrating thing I had to learn (have not even mastered yet) is reverse parking. Not even parallel parking. Driving backwards. Into a spot. It was like I was driving with my feet upside down in complete darkness. I completely loss my sense of left and right while driving backwards. It took me a LONG time of driving in parking lots to to coordinate my hands and eyes of where I wanted the car to go. My husband was so patient I pretty much cried every lesson because I felt like such a failure and honestly thought I must've had some kind of learning disability to not be able to grasp it. My husband had me drive around a parking lot backwards. What would take him about 10 seconds took me 45 minutes, even with his help. I then realized (with his help) it's not about left or right, it's about where you want the car to go. I learned that if you want the butt of the car to go a certain way you must turn the wheel in that direction. The next time I tried driving backwards around the parking lot it took me a fraction of the time.

My husband works kind of late but we always try to get in practice every day whether it's driving a predetermined route, practice backing up techniques in a parking lot, or following his directions. I had my road test a couple of weeks ago. I felt so ready and and calm but I still failed. I had 3 critical errors (you fail if you even have 1). The first error the agent said I pulled out in front of a van in front of the DMV parking lot--which I may or may have not seen. I'll give her that because I honestly did not remember that incident, but I'll trust her. But the other 2 errors were kind of questionable. She said I drove on the WRONG SIDE of the road. I was driving on a narrow residential street with cars parked on both sides; the road had no mid line but I was driving closer to the middle unless there was a car coming because I didn't want to drive too close to a parked car on the right in case someone suddenly comes out of it. She wrote me up on "proper lane selection." The third error which bugged me the most was I was at a stop sign about to turn right and I hear sirens so I look around, and since I am already as close to the curb as I can be because I'm about to turn right and at an intersection, there is no real room for me to pull over. The emergency vehicle comes up behind me and passes me and I turn right. But before it cleared and I turned right the agent told me to pull over. I had no idea what that meant since I was already as far right as I could be and at an intersection. I also really regret not asking her what I should have done, I was just caught off guard. Anyway, what made me more upset is that another road test appointment wasn't available for another THREE months. I had recently just got my EAD and a promise at an interview for a job, and there was no way I could wait another 3 months to be able to drive/work. So I called every day to try to get an earlier date. First call I got bumped up 20 days. Second call I got a date within 2 weeks at a different DMV, so I snagged that. It's in a week. My husband and I are still practicing every single day.

Anyway I just wanted to share my experience and ask if anyone else has had a similar experience with learning to drive later in life. Thanks for reading!

[Roy&Chanel 109]

Thanks for sharing! I am also trying to cope with driving in United States, I do have a license in my country, but we seldom drive there because transport is easily accessible.

I have been practicing but I have a problem with overcoming the fear of driving on roads especially drivers here do not signal and change lanes, driving really fast.

I been practicing on empty carparks at the moment, not on the real road yet. Its been almost a month to getting my learner's permit, I am still unsure when I am ready to take the test.

I'm trying to overcome the fear, I'm afraid of going to the wrong lane and driving to the opposite side of the road. I know clearly that I MUST drive especially once I get a job.

You are so right about the reverse parking and driving backwards, that was exactly what my husband been trying to teach me too and I failed to do so. I have never learned to drive backwards that way in my country, we only learned how to reverse parking and to just drive slightly backwards, instead of a whole long road and turn.

I'm slow in reacting too, hopefully I can take my test by end of this month.

[MASH 172]

honestly dont be emabarresed at all I lived in Newmarket for 26 years and never once got my license cause like you everything was easy with transit that I never really thought i needed it plus my sister majority had the car and she would dirve me everywhere or my dad, my mom never bothered with a car either ,then I moved to Vancouver and everything there was by bus as well so I didn't need a car there either

and now I am not 28 turning 29 in october and i don't still dont have a license but now were i live which the nearest bus station is 2 hours away by walking i need a car and sadly like yours my husband has a manual car (stick) n i am just thinking OH lol, he hasnt taught me to drive yet as I need to get my stuff first to practice and then go to the driving test

i heard if you are over 25 you just need to do the driving test no written test so that is lucky

[Boiler 43,429]

Fortunately the US test is extraordinary easy.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

One thing that I was taught and I don't see a lot of people do when driving backward is to throw your arm over the back of the passenger seat and turn your body way around to look behind you. I see a lot of people just casually turning their heads or looking in the rear view mirror. If you are not turning like that, try it and see if it helps. Good luck.

[TheRowgles 10]

Thanks for sharing! I am also trying to cope with driving in United States, I do have a license in my country, but we seldom drive there because transport is easily accessible.

I have been practicing but I have a problem with overcoming the fear of driving on roads especially drivers here do not signal and change lanes, driving really fast.

I been practicing on empty carparks at the moment, not on the real road yet. Its been almost a month to getting my learner's permit, I am still unsure when I am ready to take the test.

I'm trying to overcome the fear, I'm afraid of going to the wrong lane and driving to the opposite side of the road. I know clearly that I MUST drive especially once I get a job.

You are so right about the reverse parking and driving backwards, that was exactly what my husband been trying to teach me too and I failed to do so. I have never learned to drive backwards that way in my country, we only learned how to reverse parking and to just drive slightly backwards, instead of a whole long road and turn.

I'm slow in reacting too, hopefully I can take my test by end of this month.

I can definitely relate to having to share the road with people who drive really fast; it seems like everyone is always in a rush. I have many a time while learning stalled at a stop sign and/or have taken longer to start the car after a stop and get honked at but I just shrug it off as knowing that everyone at some point has had to have learned. Just everyone doesn't always keep that in mind. I also have a fear of driving on the wrong side of the road, like coming out of a parking lot and going in the wrong lane or making a left turn and going on the wrong side of the median. But it helps to look way ahead so you can plan your actions in advance. Good luck!

honestly dont be emabarresed at all I lived in Newmarket for 26 years and never once got my license cause like you everything was easy with transit that I never really thought i needed it plus my sister majority had the car and she would dirve me everywhere or my dad, my mom never bothered with a car either ,then I moved to Vancouver and everything there was by bus as well so I didn't need a car there either

and now I am not 28 turning 29 in october and i don't still dont have a license but now were i live which the nearest bus station is 2 hours away by walking i need a car and sadly like yours my husband has a manual car (stick) n i am just thinking OH #### lol, he hasnt taught me to drive yet as I need to get my stuff first to practice and then go to the driving test

i heard if you are over 25 you just need to do the driving test no written test so that is lucky

I didn't know Newmarket was that advanced lol Ontario graduate license thing seemed like such a hassle, have to like drive for 2 something years before you can even get your full G. So that's lucky that you don't have to take a written test. I had to to get my permit but it was pretty easy. I would SERIOUSLY urge you to get your husband to teach you drive soon because I've needed every minute in the car (been about 6 months) and I'm still not 100% of where I want to be with my confidence. I guess if you plan to drive an automatic it's not as bad but I'll most likely be driving my husband's (manual) car when I get my license and he'll drive his beaten up truck (how sweet ) You should get him to teach you how to at least start the manual car though and report back lol

[yuna628 9,528]

One thing that I was taught and I don't see a lot of people do when driving backward is to throw your arm over the back of the passenger seat and turn your body way around to look behind you. I see a lot of people just casually turning their heads or looking in the rear view mirror. If you are not turning like that, try it and see if it helps. Good luck.

Something I remember in learning to drive was NOT to do what you suggest, no matter how badly you want to. I still don't know why, but those are the rules apparently, and if they catch you doing that, it's a fail too. :/

At any rate OP, I had many of the same problems you had when I learned to drive at 20. Age has not much to do with it.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Something I remember in learning to drive was NOT to do what you suggest, no matter how badly you want to. I still don't know why, but those are the rules apparently, and if they catch you doing that, it's a fail too. :/

At any rate OP, I had many of the same problems you had when I learned to drive at 20. Age has not much to do with it.

Where is this? Why not do this? Safer says me How strange...

[ryna 132]

My wife had never driven a car before she arrived in the U.S. and didn't start learning until the age of 35. She does just fine now and so will you!

And, given that she lived in Bogotá, I am more than thankful that she didn't learn to drive before. That would have been a lot of de-programming!

I'll also mention that I taught her on my car which has a manual transmission. She didn't even stall it on her first try! On her 2nd, 3rd,4th, etc. well, that's another story .... but she actually prefers a manual transmission and her car has one, too.

Edited May 10, 2016 by ryna

[Tommal 28]

Topic is very helpful. I am in the same category and when I wanted to learn driving in my country he says "No! I will teach you" So I will have to wait to go to Florida to learn driving.. the thing is ....I am in my 40's

[Udella&Wiz 325]

Thanks for sharing this - 45 yr old here - I am currently at this crossroads as well (what is with the Canadians ) ????

I'm from outside Toronto (Kitchener specifically) and I never learned either....why would I when transit was every 5 minutes from 5 am til midnight outside my front door? The rest of my family including all females drive...just not me (or my best friend)

Fast forward to living outside DC and you can't do anything without a car. Hubs does all the driving, very happily I might add. I've been here 8.5 yrs and finally think I might be 'ready' to learn. I literally have small panic attacks thinking about it. We even bought a smaller car 2 yrs ago which has sat parked because I couldn't bring myself to bother learning.

Hopefully I can muster the courage, we've had a couple near accidents (not our fault) which have freaked me out more...not helpful!.

I have never even driven in a parking lot, started a car maybe twice in my life.

Edited May 11, 2016 by Udella&Wiz

[Transborderwife 4,666]

honestly dont be emabarresed at all I lived in Newmarket for 26 years and never once got my license cause like you everything was easy with transit that I never really thought i needed it plus my sister majority had the car and she would dirve me everywhere or my dad, my mom never bothered with a car either ,then I moved to Vancouver and everything there was by bus as well so I didn't need a car there either

and now I am not 28 turning 29 in october and i don't still dont have a license but now were i live which the nearest bus station is 2 hours away by walking i need a car and sadly like yours my husband has a manual car (stick) n i am just thinking OH #### lol, he hasnt taught me to drive yet as I need to get my stuff first to practice and then go to the driving test

i heard if you are over 25 you just need to do the driving test no written test so that is lucky

Small world...I lived in Aurora ☺️

Topic is very helpful. I am in the same category and when I wanted to learn driving in my country he says "No! I will teach you" So I will have to wait to go to Florida to learn driving.. the thing is ....I am in my 40's

Florida is one of those states that make you do everything if you've never had a licence ?

I had one years ago but zero proof that I did have one. Since I have no proof it's learners permit for me ?

[JoBri 545]

My wife who is from the Philippines never had to drive either. I taught her when she got here. Now she drives better (and safer) than I do. But when she was learning, there were moments.... Once she was turning at an intersection and didn't yield to the old couple, and they were like deer in headlights. The woman ran one way across and the man ran the other way back to get out of her way. And one time she almost came to a complete stop in the middle of the interstate, right where just that week a semi truck ran over a car and killed the occupants. She had to take her driving test 3 times. We even had to go to a town far away where the testing person wouldn't know her, and we practiced driving all the streets and roads near that facility for a week before the test so she would be familiar with all the possible routes and traffic when she tested. The tester passed her, but told her she should still practice a lot. She was 34 or 35 at the time,

Now she is an expert driver, never in an accident, never a speeding ticket, and she has had to drive EVERYWHERE by herself, long distances. She is great, and I admire her.

[HK12 273]

OP, have you ever considered taking a few driving lessons with a driving school? I was in a similar situation like you (at the age of 29, I had never driven a car and had to start from scratch - I didn't even know how to use windshield wipers and roll down car windows!). The driving lessons I took helped tremendously. I got to practice and ask all of my questions about how to drive correctly and pass the test. Passed on the first try.

Good luck!

[yuna628 9,528]

Where is this? Why not do this? Safer says me How strange...

Apparently they said it was it potentially took your eyes off the road or parking lot in front of you for too long, and the twisting motion you make could be problematic during an accident. Supposed to use the mirrors only. I know what you mean though, for driver's ed they put me in a car that had such bad back window placement, using the mirrors made it really hard to see completely... but they insisted. This was MD. I think it shouldn't be a problem using it to go back into a driveway or something.

Edited May 11, 2016 by yuna628