Relationship, Gossip from People about Your Spouse

[mdnl 8]

I've been married for a few months. We were married in another country. However, not everyone knows about my marriage. Even some do who know I am married, they do not know the fact that my husband is not yet in the US. Only a few people I select to tell the truth about our story and relationship. The reason why I am "secretive" is because people make unkind comments: he just marries me for visa. When I heard this, it made me very upset. I am not an ugly woman. As a matter of fact, many people find me cute and attractive. I can find a man to date easily in America but I chose to marry my husband who is from another country.

I wonder, do you have problems like me where people make such comments that your spouse marries you just to come to America? If they do, how do you react and what's your respond?

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

I do I get it all the time they say i wont see him get off the plane hes from domincan republic. I came back yesterday...we were on the beach and an a friend came to join us i over heard him telling him get that visa he was very up set made the friend leave and pay for his meal. Although I had invited him...he told me hell never allow that to happen again...on fb too they make mean comments he had to block a few friends...

Everyone will do it its what they do.

[amkhan 108]

why do you care about peoples who are they ? are they feeding you or something just focus on your realtionship thats more important some peoples are like dog who loves to brack lol

[Boiler 43,429]

Cannot say I am aware of such comments.

[DJ6372 111]

Ignore them, they are just pathetic

You know what you have, they don't, you are better than them all

[WandY 430]

Yes, it can be a problem - it depends on where in the USA you live and the type of people surrounding you. You may encounter vocalizations/threats far worse than the green card issue because of your country (Iran). Unfortunately, Americans can be very bigoted, ignorant, immature and nasty. Same goes for the rest of the planet, but especially true in USA. I've had my share of negative comments aimed at my wife (Vietnamese) because of an unpopular war that ended 40 years ago. I ignore stupid people and move on. However, sometimes it's impossible to bite the tongue. A kid called my wife a "######" - I asked him what the term means and where it originated. He didn't know. Of course he didn't know - he's a dumb punk. It's hard to stay silent, but don't play their game.

As you know, there's a lot of misplaced hatred towards Muslims (and persons fitting the stereotype and/or description, earned or not) because of 9/11. People learn through study, travel, and exposure to unknown things. Maybe take the time to educate others about Iran and about your spousal relationship. In time, people will see that you are in love and do the things we all do - like raise families, pay taxes, etc. Stay the course and don't worry about it. Most Americans are good people with great immigration stories of their own. My family journeyed from Europe 200 years ago - a great tale, like many others. Yours is just beginning. Enjoy it.

[JR loves JR 196]

When people first found out I was engaged to a non-American there were a lot of comments like that. I also chose to limit the number of people I told. I had to choose to only listen to the people who's opinion I valued. Some of them weren't totally convinced of his sincerity but I knew that they truly cared about me. They were still supportive of my right to choose and they supported me even when I was struggling with the process. It showed me who my committed friends were, not just the arm chair coaches (if you know what I mean). Hang in there. Those statements have almost completely stopped now that he's here and they see how we relate. The ones that still pop up don't bother me much because they're from the ones who haven't met him yet. And instead of making me question my relationship with my husband, they make me question my relationship with them.

[Adil & Jeanne 296]

Probably but not to my face and some were sure he would come and divorce as soon as he r eceived the green card and permanent status

He has a 10 year green card a month after he came as we were married 5 years waiting for visa

he could leave if he wanted but he is here working and with me

he works a 10 hour day 4 days a week and studies at college 2 days / home every night

he has freinds all over the US from Morocco were he is from so if he wanted to, he could leave

i pray this never happens to me or anyone i know

I feel he is happy and content and our life will continue

but trust me if a man does not want me ever, i can't and would not try to hang on

[JFH 12,189]

And it works the other way too. I like to mention to people that my husband is "from overseas" or "a foreignor" just to see what their reaction is. Immediately they think he married me to get into the UK and live off the welfare state.

People make assumptions. Like they also assume if you're married to someone from a different country you must have met online. As if it really matters.

Live and let live.

[Pitaya 2,576]

~Moved from IR1/CR1 Process to General Immigration-Related Discussion~

~Applicable to numerous visa processes~

[Hccaldwe 12]

Yep. Get it a lot too. Though most of my family has been incredibly supportive, but the convo ends there. Anytime someone talks about my wife its.. "are you sure she doesn't just want a green card?" Yes I'm sure...

Yep lots of people I don't talk to anymore... but who cares. I have my beautiful wife and we will be building our lives together not theirs...

[AmyWrites 593]

I used to get that sometimes from friends. But, four years after we started our journey, we are still married, while they have divorced and broken up with their partners. So let time be your proof. Ignore them, smile politely at their absurd concern, and move on.

[HollyGolightly 72]

Comments like that shouldn't bother you if you're secure enough in your relationship. The fact that you're seeking advice about what other people say or think about your marriage should allude to a deeper issue. Maybe you yourself have doubts about him or his intentions perhaps??? Otherwise you should be able to just brush it off and be happy despite what everyone else is saying. Right?

[3rd 84]

It honestly doesn't matter what kind of relationship you're in, someone is always going to be vindictive and have something to say about it.

I got some very hurtful comments from my husband's ex's sister on my personal Instagram account. One such comment was on our engagement picture stating, "what a beautiful green card you have there". I am a grown woman who makes her own choices in life, from a country that is on the same level as the USA. Ideally I didn't want to leave my home country, but I did for love.

You just have to block the people that cause drama, they're not your friends.

Edited May 7, 2016 by 3rd

[shugo 0]

Yes I know how do you feel , some people just like to judge other people 's business , does not care how do u feel ,

My fiancée with me have been together 9 years but since year 2013 he went back Mexico some people around me just started say some stuff not good ( as why you find a Mexican , not a American , life is hard you should not wait , should find other boy friend ..... ) when I heard that I always watch straight to the person eyes said that " I love him , I follow my hart I do not care what race "

After my fiancé 's waiver got approved , one of my coworker said that "happy for you !your case got approved , you wait such long time if me i give up already " I smiled did not say any word ,

I stand beside you . You are not along , we all understand each other . Be strong your love one will be back soon !