problems with wife in the US

[CourMad 11]

Hi everyone,

I just want some advise on what to do, cause I am really helpless.

My wife is pregnant and shes in her 6th month, she is the USCIS citizen. I came to the US on Aug 10th. since I came we booked a hotel and stayed together and now we are staying in an AirBnb booked studio until we find a permanent house. My wife is being super mean to me, she treats me like im her kid or something.

examples:

today we were going to a restaurant, she is driving as I do not have my US driving license yet, the car she is driving is completely paid from me, I told her when she was parking the sidewalk is so high, please be careful and leave some space, she kept moving forward until she hit the front bumper on a nice 2014 chevy car, I was mad, and told her to back a bit to look at it, I went out and looked at it and smiled and told her she scratched the bumper, and told her lets go, then she started being super mean to me, I told her I forgot the phone in the car while walking, she unlocked the car via the remote and I got my phone, I told her to lock the car when I came back and she was like no, walk to the car and lock it yourself :S imagine!! I am so pissed I swear!

then after we ate, we went to the mall, we were sitting somewhere, I had a headache and put my sunglasses on because of the lighting, she said you look like a huge douche bag putting sunglasses on inside the mall, she didnt even ask me why... she kept on having an attitude...

on the way home from the mall, she was being super mean so I like put my shoulder on hers and moved her a bit like maybe 1 inch, and she was like why are you pushing me, bla bla you are so mean, I was like im not pushing you, im just messing with you, she told me ok i dont want to be with you now, go by urself, I told her give me the car keys so I can sit inside, shes like no you can go sit on the floor (even tho its technically my car because I fully paid for it, but she keeps saying mine and yours) I am so disappointed and sad, I am trying my best to stay nice because she is pregnant, but I can't hold my nerves anymore, I have been doing everything for her, but I get no appreciation at all, I paid like almost $1000 for her cats to travel with us so she would be happy and I get nothing back, just attitude and mean wife...

what should I do, I am really so mad and upset

thanks for your advise people

[MickAmy 26]

Hi there!

It is hard to judge on what exactly is going on as I only know what you wrote. What I would say is compare how she is acting now to before she was pregnant. Hormones can do some crazy things to women (I know! I have three children). I would get her to sit down and talk to her about what is going on while you are in private. Try to keep it calm and relaxed and make sure she doesn't know you are attacking. I would definitely take a step back and assess things. You just got here not long ago so maybe it's a readjustment thing? This whole thing can cause a lot of stress on people and when the stress of it isn't there anymore, it can really be hard to adjust to it. I would definitely talk to her about how you are feeling but remember she is likely to be super sensitive being pregnant as well. Try to work it out and don't give up yet. I am by no means defending her or using her pregnancy as an excuse, so please don't think that. The only one who knows if she has changed since getting pregnant is you. Good luck!

[Penguin_ie 5,984]

**** Moving from CR-1 to Effects of Major Changes as the most suitable forum *****

Op, it sounds like you two have some serious communication issues. For example, why do you feel the need to lecture her on how to park, and to lock the car? I admit locking the car is such an obvious thing that if my husband felt the need to remind me, I may get annoyed too. Also, why did you not tell her that you had a headache? Not telling doesn't excuse her language, but to me it is odd that not feeling well is not communicated between spouses. Thirdly, you talk a lot about money- how it is really your car because you paid for it, how you spent a lot of money on the cats. In my case, I am the one who paid for almost everything as I made far more money, but I didn't see it like that, to me that was joint money, and joint posessions. If you keep reminding her that you are the one with the financial power, she may feel cornered.

[kkk1 42]

Hi everyone,

I just want some advise on what to do, cause I am really helpless.

My wife is pregnant and shes in her 6th month, she is the USCIS citizen. I came to the US on Aug 10th. since I came we booked a hotel and stayed together and now we are staying in an AirBnb booked studio until we find a permanent house. My wife is being super mean to me, she treats me like im her kid or something.

examples:

today we were going to a restaurant, she is driving as I do not have my US driving license yet, the car she is driving is completely paid from me, I told her when she was parking the sidewalk is so high, please be careful and leave some space, she kept moving forward until she hit the front bumper on a nice 2014 chevy car, I was mad, and told her to back a bit to look at it, I went out and looked at it and smiled and told her she scratched the bumper, and told her lets go, then she started being super mean to me, I told her I forgot the phone in the car while walking, she unlocked the car via the remote and I got my phone, I told her to lock the car when I came back and she was like no, walk to the car and lock it yourself :S imagine!! I am so pissed I swear!

then after we ate, we went to the mall, we were sitting somewhere, I had a headache and put my sunglasses on because of the lighting, she said you look like a huge douche bag putting sunglasses on inside the mall, she didnt even ask me why... she kept on having an attitude...

on the way home from the mall, she was being super mean so I like put my shoulder on hers and moved her a bit like maybe 1 inch, and she was like why are you pushing me, bla bla you are so mean, I was like im not pushing you, im just messing with you, she told me ok i dont want to be with you now, go by urself, I told her give me the car keys so I can sit inside, shes like no you can go sit on the floor (even tho its technically my car because I fully paid for it, but she keeps saying mine and yours) I am so disappointed and sad, I am trying my best to stay nice because she is pregnant, but I can't hold my nerves anymore, I have been doing everything for her, but I get no appreciation at all, I paid like almost $1000 for her cats to travel with us so she would be happy and I get nothing back, just attitude and mean wife...

what should I do, I am really so mad and upset

thanks for your advise people

First of all like other vj adviced you forget about the favours you do on her. She is your wife obviously you like to see her happy that's why you are doing the things for her. It is like if somebody teach you how to tie a shoe less how would you feel. Try to make her feel special and important. For a short time forget about what you spent on her or what you are doing for her. Car is not more important than her. Isn't it. I agree sometimes she might be quite rude to you and you don't like it. Try the policy to be polite and be a gentleman to her. Life is very short communicate with your spouse and try to solve the differences. Everything will be fine. Best wishes.

[Jawaree 717]

Dude she is pregnant....All this sounds like high school kids just not

communicating well and needle-ing each other...Are there other

underlying issues...do you act like the macho man or state what you

paid for, is she acting like only she run things because you are not yet

assimilated ?

Pregnancy I suspect (from my own wife) brings dis-comfort, weight, hormone

changes, being anxious to drop the load etc So treat her with care & respect,

things was nice you got a baby I there, she is still the same woman, rub her

back, stomach & feet.

Not judging or blaming you, but its a fact some men don't have patience of

dealing with a pregnant female , especially the first time, have you lost interest

and she picked up on that? most pregnant female are highly ^^^^^ well you know

need attention in that dept to feel beautiful still and cared for, You nudging her

should be done in a loving way with a smile, being always serious & nudging will

come off as just shoving.

Have you pastor or family member mediate. try to understand you are both new

to it, and I wish you both a bouncing baby and that you go on to a long & happy

married life

[nane1104 146]

was your wife by herself in the US before you arrived a few weeks ago? If so, she was able to take care of things by herself, right? So, now you are here, telling her how to park, to lock the car,... My husband does these things sometimes and it drives me insane and believe me, when I was pregnant, I could go off from 0 to 130 in no time! If she is forgetful or you really feel like she is endangering herself or you by driving careless, yes, speak up, but you need to watch your tone. And I'm not saying you are wrong and I'm not saying pregnant women should get away with everything, specially a bad attitude. Just try a different approach. Don't "mess" with her, it seems like that makes matters even worse.

You both are going through major changes in your life right now, be patient with one another and communicate!!!

[Carla V 43]

It sounds like an adjustment issue, plus the pregnancy hormones... But for real, those were silly arguments... you might talk with her to see what she is feeling and tell her what you feel... I'm sure is just adjusting to the change... a few weeks is nothing if you think it as the giant change it was for you to arrive...

[Umka36 781]

How old are the both of you?

[Ryan H 3,790]

***Post contributing nothing to the discussion removed; either post constructively or do not post. Thread bans plus other actions as warranted will be imposed for any additional non-constructive posts.***

[Shauna&Wael 211]

Well, I'll be the odd one out here. It seems like she's really controlling and has basically no respect for you.

He's not telling her how to park, he was concerned that something might happen to the vehicle, WHICH IT DID. She didn't even bother to ask him simply why the sunglasses? Just went straight to oh you're a d-bag. Seriously???

I think it's funny how everyone is quick to pull the "but she's pregnant!!!" card. It's not a free pass to act like a total *****.

[luviscoming1 14]

Lol...try to understand that itz her hormones. We become very irritable because we are uncomfortable in our own skin. Try to be patient. I remember those days lol

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

It sounds like two high school kids. Look, suck it up and be kind and don't make an issue out of every little thing. Marriage is not a cake walk but

hard work, some days more and some days less.

Add the adjustment and pregnancy and you have a cocktail of real stress.

Instead of re hashing what happened put some energy into communicating and calmly tell her you feel a bit disrespected and would like her

to be more considerate. The issues you fight over don't amount to a hill of beans and if you can't overcome this with love then I don't see you both

lasting. Surely you can find a way to overcome these very minor issues.

Take the lead and be kind and be there for her and the baby ...... you think this is hard, wait until you have a screaming newborn in the mix.

Create a soothing and calm environment and don't count every little offense.

Some counseling may help.

[Ontarkie 13,904]

~~One post removed for not contributing to the topic. If you do not like what is being discussed do not post.~~

[hir0 49]

You arrived here 2 weeks ago and I believe that with the relocation, the housing-transition, the pregnancy, .. it can get pretty stressful.

Do you regret relocation in order to be reunited with your wife and your unborn baby?

If so, please talk with your wife, explain her how you are feeling, without mentioning that you have regrets.

Let her know that you love her and everything will be okay. Reassure her, comfort her but let her know that you also need her to have your back. This transition is not easy for any of you, you would like it all to go as smoothly as possible.

Please, stop mentioning to her that you paid for this or that... she is your wife, it shouldn't be a problem for you to pay for things. I am sorry to say this but the car you paid for is legally hers; her name is on the title.

Sei nicht so geizig... Ich hoffe alles wird gut gehen!

Edited August 27, 2015 by hir0

[lala64 93]

Hi everyone,

I just want some advise on what to do, cause I am really helpless.

My wife is pregnant and shes in her 6th month, she is the USCIS citizen. I came to the US on Aug 10th. since I came we booked a hotel and stayed together and now we are staying in an AirBnb booked studio until we find a permanent house. My wife is being super mean to me, she treats me like im her kid or something.

examples:

today we were going to a restaurant, she is driving as I do not have my US driving license yet, the car she is driving is completely paid from me, I told her when she was parking the sidewalk is so high, please be careful and leave some space, she kept moving forward until she hit the front bumper on a nice 2014 chevy car, I was mad, and told her to back a bit to look at it, I went out and looked at it and smiled and told her she scratched the bumper, and told her lets go, then she started being super mean to me, I told her I forgot the phone in the car while walking, she unlocked the car via the remote and I got my phone, I told her to lock the car when I came back and she was like no, walk to the car and lock it yourself :S imagine!! I am so pissed I swear!

then after we ate, we went to the mall, we were sitting somewhere, I had a headache and put my sunglasses on because of the lighting, she said you look like a huge douche bag putting sunglasses on inside the mall, she didnt even ask me why... she kept on having an attitude...

on the way home from the mall, she was being super mean so I like put my shoulder on hers and moved her a bit like maybe 1 inch, and she was like why are you pushing me, bla bla you are so mean, I was like im not pushing you, im just messing with you, she told me ok i dont want to be with you now, go by urself, I told her give me the car keys so I can sit inside, shes like no you can go sit on the floor (even tho its technically my car because I fully paid for it, but she keeps saying mine and yours) I am so disappointed and sad, I am trying my best to stay nice because she is pregnant, but I can't hold my nerves anymore, I have been doing everything for her, but I get no appreciation at all, I paid like almost $1000 for her cats to travel with us so she would be happy and I get nothing back, just attitude and mean wife...

what should I do, I am really so mad and upset

thanks for your advise people

Umm 6 months pregnant. HORMONES. sorry just try to talk to her and tell her that it makes you feel like a child when she does XYZ and how much you love and support her and the baby but that you need support too:)