Visa interviewer totally humiliated and insulted my wife. What to do?

[dakelei 3]

My wife had her interview today in Guangzhou. I decided to wait for her at the Starbucks around the corner from the consulate in order to keep an eye on our things, as we had already checked out of our hotel and planned to head right back to our city when she was done. When my wife met me after the interview she was acting strangely. She told me that the interviewer told her she had "passed" the interview and would be getting her visa, green card and whatever. However, she was oddly subdued and didn't seem nearly as happy about this as I expected. I mean, this has been sort of a tortuous process and I expected more obvious signs of joy out of her. However, within 10 minutes she was a sobbing mess. When she told me what the young man who'd interviewed her said I was shocked and angry, not only as a husband but as an American. No one who is acting as a representative of the USA should speak to anyone the way he did. He made a very inappropriate comment about the age difference between my wife and I and told her she was going to be poor and miserable in America. She was so distraught over this treatment that she never thought to get the guy's name. I went back with her to the consulate to try to talk with someone there and security would not let me in.

I'm torn about what to do about this. This person made my wife an emotional wreck and she says she has never been so hurt in her life. She has been crying on and off all day. She is not the drama-queen type at all and I know her pain is genuine. This young man absolutely should NOT have job he has. He basically called my wife a gold-digging ####### to her face and said she should be ashamed of herself. I can't just let this go. Does anyone have any advice as to what action I can take?

[marriott574 13]

I understand you most be upset, and want action and i completely agree that people should not treat others that way. But think about the possible repercussions is it really worth creating a fuss. Just celebrate your approval and move on. Pick the battles worth winning.

[JohnR! 5,495]

You can - and should - file a complaint with the Dept of State. You can remain anonymous if you so wish.

Check out the link below: http://oig.state.gov/hotline/130564.htm

[dakelei 3]

Celebrate? Seriously? Don't think so. It's hard to do that when my wife can't stop crying. I'm not letting this go.I'm not 100% sure what I'm going to do but I am not going to "move on."

You can - and should - file a complaint with the Dept of State. You can remain anonymous if you so wish.

Check out the link below: http://oig.state.gov/hotline/130564.htm

Thanks. I will definitely do this.

[bpierce 24]

I feel for you,Soon we will be dealing with them and my Wife is fully aware of the way they treat people,so she is prepareing

[Merrytooth 5,748]

Did the CO really in actual words called your wife a gold-digging #######? Or you are just implying he is doing that?

The CO is trained to ask harsh questions, sometimes meant to provoke a reaction to see how the person will react, and to detect inconsistency in answers. Cruel, inapropriate? Yes, but it could help to weed out scammers.

Your age difference is probably a red flag for the CO. Hence all the harsh grilling to see if it is really bona fide relationship.

Obviously, your wife did well and got the visa approved.

File the complaint if you want.

[dakelei 3]

I understand the tough questions but the dude had not done his homework. He started berating my wife before he had even looked at the extensive evidence of our relationship that I'd submitted. My wife said his tone changed dramatically only AFTER he took out the 70 or so pictures of us together and looked through them. My wife and I have been together for four years. This is what my wife says happened:The guy asked her something she didn't quite understand and her answer was hesitant. She admitted to being "nervous" and he came back with, "You SHOULD be nervous. You married a guy old enough to be your father." He wasn't joking. She was horrified and had no idea what to say. I did not know anyone at the consulate would talk like that or I would have prepared her for it. I prepared her for age difference questions but not to be scolded and lectured. We even practiced her response to questions about our age difference but I assumed the questions would at least be asked in a civil tone.

[JohnR! 5,495]

I understand the tough questions but the dude had not done his homework. He started berating my wife before he had even looked at the extensive evidence of our relationship that I'd submitted. My wife said his tone changed dramatically only AFTER he took out the 70 or so pictures of us together and looked through them. My wife and I have been together for four years. This is what my wife says happened:The guy asked her something she didn't quite understand and her answer was hesitant. She admitted to being "nervous" and he came back with, "You SHOULD be nervous. You married a guy old enough to be your father." He wasn't joking. She was horrified and had no idea what to say. I did not know anyone at the consulate would talk like that or I would have prepared her for it. I prepared her for age difference questions but not to be scolded and lectured. We even practiced her response to questions about our age difference but I assumed the questions would at least be asked in a civil tone.

She should have replied: True, but he is hung like a horse. (Just kidding... The devil made me do it)

Edited March 6, 2014 by Gegel

[marriott574 13]

Celebrate? Seriously? Don't think so. It's hard to do that when my wife can't stop crying. I'm not letting this go.I'm not 100% sure what I'm going to do but I am not going to "move on."

Thanks. I will definitely do this.

By all means file a complaint, that is your right. I tend to ignore comments more then most, but the "You married a guy old enough to be your father" comment, now there may be more to the story but single comment hardly infers or implies that your wife is a Golddiging wh***. Obviously the CO needs some additional customer service training, I just don't see what complaining achieves, apart from a sense of satisfaction and the possibility of it preventing others from the same scolding remarks. But this is just my personal opinion, which you can by all means ignore I am not trying to pick a fight.

[DJ&L 83]

I'm with Marriott. Move on. You'll never get the satisfaction you're looking for even if you file a complaint. Your visa was approved and your soon to be wife will be with you very shortly....be happy.

Don't let some insensitive, @-hole ruin what's a happy day for you both.

Edited March 6, 2014 by DJ&L

[LibCampFireClub 635]

You're going to be facing a lot more hurdles and stress and if you allow this to be your benchmark for tolerance, then it will be counter-productive to your relationship. Get a grip, and be strong. This is what the Chinese woman expects from the man. The macho response is only going to bring her more stress, so take a pause, relax, and realize you're just dealing with a putz.

[Pitaya 2,576]

Did the CO really in actual words called your wife a gold-digging #######? Or you are just implying he is doing that?

The CO is trained to ask harsh questions, sometimes meant to provoke a reaction to see how the person will react, and to detect inconsistency in answers. Cruel, inapropriate? Yes, but it could help to weed out scammers.

Your age difference is probably a red flag for the CO. Hence all the harsh grilling to see if it is really bona fide relationship.

Obviously, your wife did well and got the visa approved.

File the complaint if you want.

Agree with Merrytooth.

Do I agree with or condone the actions of the Consulate Officer - NO!

As you found out, the Guangzhou consulate is not a walk in the park. I was at the old consulate location for my wife and stepson's K1/K2 interviews, so I cannot speak about the new location. However, at the old location, there were throngs of people daily queuing up attempting to immigrate to the US. It was such a mass of people there was also a portable police station and a visible police presence to help keep order. At the time, I thought what a rabble and how many scammers are in that crowd?....

Congratulations!!! You and your wife successfully ran the gauntlet of the Guangzhou US consulate. Both of you will soon be together in the US. File a complaint if you want...

[roxer 3]

Congradulations on your wife passing and getting her visa. That is awesome news!! Really sorry to hear how she was treated though. You are an American and you DO HAVE A SENATOR OR TWO in your state... Just sayin. Maybe wait until you two are in the states and her paperwork is done with green card in hand before you make that call though. Trust me, they do like to pick on State if they can.

Edited March 6, 2014 by roxer

[dakelei 3]

What disturbs me more than anything else: On every scrap of paperwork and email I submitted there was MY phone number and MY contact information. I am right here in the country. It would have taken 3 minutes to pick up a damn phone and call me. NO ONE DID. If there was suspicion, and I understand why there might be, why not contact me, tell me my wife's application is suspect and ask ME the tough questions? From the very beginning of this process I checked email constantly just freakin WAITING for someone to contact me with questions. My wife was worried literally sick about this interview. She threw up a few times. When she got to the consulate she was operating on maybe 5 hours sleep in 3 days. She was worried about missing a day of work.

To the guy lecturing me about what Chinese women "expect" shut your pie hole. I've lived in China for 12 years and have been with my wife for 4 years now. Don't be such a know-it-all and don't lump 700 million or so "Chinese women" into one massive category. You're just as annoying as the guy at the consulate with your assumptions. It annoys me that some folks here quickly declare themselves experts on everything Chinese. You don't know me, my wife or my situation.

When my wife expressed concerns about the interview, I suppose my reaction was naive. I said, "If they suspected something was amiss they would have asked me about it." And I genuinely believed that. They had something like 75 pictures of my wife and I together. They had the narrative about our relationship that I wrote. They had letters from friends and colleagues and even my mother. I assumed that was enough and if after all that they still had doubts they would have asked ME. Not my poor, stressed-out, sleep-deprived wife. No one from any government agency asked me anything. Do they suspect I'm some sort of "victim" of my evil, conniving wife? We have been together for 4 years. My American neighbor has lived across the hall from us since September, 2010 and she wrote a letter attesting to this. Was SHE also so blind she didn't see my obviously evil wife was just pretending to be a good woman who gets up and goes to work every day?

I'm sorry if I expect a bit more from my government. I assured my wife the consulate staff would be "nice" to her because the USA is a "nice" country. When I met her after the interview for around a minute I was so happy everything had gone "OK."

My wife has had a night to sleep all of this off and she feels a lot better today. I'm going to file a letter at least expressing my concerns with this entire process. Maybe it will do some good, maybe it won't. But to those suggesting I just "move on" and do nothing, well, you're an embarrassment. We're Americans. We don't allow our loved ones to be kicked around by people who are paid by taxes that regular Americans pay. I'm not acting "macho." I'm behaving the way a person who truly believes in "democracy" should behave. Maybe in this country the government can treat people like ####### but, damn it, I will not stand idly by while my country does it. We're supposed to be different. That's why Chinese queue for hours to get a visa to leave here and go to the USA. Know what I mean?

[Merrytooth 5,748]

It is your wife's visa interview not yours, so the CO won't call you up, 'Hey ,could please answer this question blah blah..."

If they suspect something, they would have arranged 2nd interview which is normally the Stoke interview (the marriage fraud interview) whereby the US citizen and foreign spouse are interviewed separately, asking very personal and invasive questions.

I guess you and your wife are not well-prepared for the visa interview after all.